Realistically - how much help should I be expecting from DD, 16

[clh2]

I'm curious - how much help around the house do you expect from your high schoolers?

From a very logical perspective - I would love for my DD to help out around the house.

However - once she started her junior year - I'm getting no help from DD around the house. I'm just not sure she has the time to really give me some help.

Right now - she has 2 AP classes, in addition, Physics, PreCalc, Spanish 3, an English class, and Phy Ed. She is on the cross country team, and is also on a synchronized swimming team. She volunteers on a weekly basis at church (which was a 2- year program mentoring a small group of confirmation candidates.) Oh - and she started working at the beginning of the school year, as a lifeguard, for about 9-12 hours a week.

Her homework this year is making me go Yikes - she has had several very late nights with homework already.

She does her own laundry.

So - part of me is feeling that asking her to help out with household chores for this school year is going to cause really bad arguments. It isn't like she is "lounging around" and doing nothing. She always has a book open. With homecoming this upcoming weekend - this will be her first time doing anything social this school year.

So - would you be cutting your kids a break? I'm just conflicted...
thanks!

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

With everything she has on her plate, yes I would be cutting her slack. It doesn't sound like she has time to do any other chores.

 

[Tinkh]

Yes, I would cut her some slack and also try and be as supportive as possible if she is doing all these things. I would be offering to help her with her laundry too lol. That is a lot on her plate.

 

[jsmith]

her schedule looks much like my sons did when they were in high school-they continued to do their own laundry, be responsible for helping care for the pets -and in the case of my younger son-he cooked threee nights a week because hubby was deployed and i worked late-fast food wasnt in his atheletes diet-so it was cook or eat cold meals-he choose to cook.

 

[dislaney]

I think I'd cut her some slack. She has a pretty full plate already!

 

[phillmolly]

Wellllll,

thats a tough one, she sounds super busy with school, but sooner or later she will have to learn no matter how busy you are with school, work, ect, you still have to find to time to clean your living space. I know when I was in High School (a hundred years ago, LOL!) I still had chores to do. I did my own laundry, cleaned my own room and did dinner dishes most nights. I would also help my step mom clean the whole house on Saturday morning. She would usually reward me by taking me and my much younger brothers out for lunch and to the mall. As adults we still have to find time to fit in housework between all our other obligations.

Maybe if she just had one small chore to do, something that wouldn't really take much time, but enough that you both feel she is contributing to the household. Maybe cleaning up after dinner everynight or dusting and vacuuming once a week. But I also understand why you wouldn't want to make her do anything, so really you have to do what feels right for you.

 

[allison443]

With everything she has on her plate, yes I would be cutting her slack. It doesn't sound like she has time to do any other chores.

I agree with this!

 

[clh2]

Thanks all! I really do appreciate the comments.

To the person who suggested she help with dinner dishes - I can't even do that - she hasn't been home for dinner in the last week.

She will be home a little bit more when cross country is over, but for right now - I would prefer her main focus in all her spare time be grades.

 

[disykat]

I'm in the "cut her some slack" group. I expect my boys (both in high school) to pitch in and help. They both have things they are supposed to do around the house. However, I expect them to do more than their share when I'm super busy and I do the same for them when they are super busy. Right now, I feel like I'm in a pretty busy phase but both boys are honestly busier than me most days.

After marching band season is over, they'll be expected to pick up speed on the housework.

 

[daisyduck123]

I'd cut her some slack.

I have a DD16 with a lot on her plate (4 AP classes, part-time job, vice-president of Key Club, etc.).

She doesn't have any "regular chores". I just ask her to help out now & then when I see that she has the time. Her GPA is 4.75. If it were low, then I might feel differently...but she does spend a lot of time on schoolwork in the evenings.

 

[clh2]

I'd cut her some slack.

I have a DD16 with a lot on her plate (4 AP classes, part-time job, vice-president of Key Club, etc.).

She doesn't have any "regular chores". I just ask her to help out now & then when I see that she has the time. Her GPA is 4.75. If it were low, then I might feel differently...but she does spend a lot of time on schoolwork in the evenings.

Yikes...4 AP classes is a ton! I can't even imagine.

 

[daisyduck123]

Yikes...4 AP classes is a ton! I can't even imagine.

LOL ....she took 5 last year!

 

[JennaTX]

I have already seen the crazy homework starting with my DD in jr high, so I can't imagine high school!

It sounds like your DD is really busy with studies and everything else. So I would definately cut her some slack.

If you notice her laying around the house for hours everyday then you should change your mind, but it sounds like she doesn't have much free time.

 

[Hannathy]

Yes, I would cut her some slack and also try and be as supportive as possible if she is doing all these things. I would be offering to help her with her laundry too lol. That is a lot on her plate.

I agree with this. I would cut her all the slack I could! She sounds like my Dd and most times she didn't even have time for her laundry BUT that is OK I always told her her job in school is to get good grades. And remember everyone of those AP classes is saving you or her a lot of money!

And if she has a day or two of laying around the house that is OK to. they need to decompress sometimes and do absolutely nothing to get going again.

a child like your DD doesn't need to do chores to learn responsibility and maturity they are already there!!!!!!

Good job Mom!

 

[Hannathy]

Forgot to add I did insist my DD have a social life! I thought she needed to also experience that side of being a teen, even if it meant I couldn't see the floor of her room most days or I did her laundry. they do need to have fun since they are only kids once. But with her schedule even this was limited.

 

[supercarrie]

When I was a teenager, my schedule looked similar to your DD's. I was rarely home because I was always at an activity (not just "hanging out") and when I was home, I was studying.

I was so fortunate that my parents did cut me a lot of slack - I helped out whenever I had a spare 10 minutes but they did not expect me to do any chores other than keep my room clean.

I am now 24 and am married and own my own home, which does get cleaned. So not doing chores in high school didn't result in me not learning how to take care of my own home or balance conflicting priorities.

 

[njcarita]

my son 15....also has a similar schedule..... he is expected to do his own laundry....throw out garbage every other day ( shares job with 12 year old sister) and clean own room............ about once a week ...... I'll call a "ok everyone lets clean and straighten "...... depending on who is home their are 4or 5 of us running thru house straighting, dusting.vacumming....it takes less than 30 minutes to get everything into some kind of order.....and we are done....

 

[paintnolish]

I would also give her a break. If she was sitting around playing video games, that'd be another story, but she seems to be working hard and does her laundry. Is there a time when you clean or do you just clean all week long? I don't think it's too much to ask for her to pitch in an hour or so on the weekend, though- maybe clean a bathroom or something.

 

[bethbuchall]

That sounds a lot like my daughter's schedule last year when she was a junior (AP Chem, AP Physics, AP Composition, Math 12H, AP American History, AP Java, French 3, Orchestra, PhysEd), though she finally dropped synchronized swimming, too. There just were never enough hours in the week. Things did ease up for us when cross country season was over, but depending how much time your daughter will be in the pool, her schedule may just get worse. At the time my daughter decided that she could no longer keep up with synchro, they wanted her at the pool 5-6 days/week.

As long as she was able to keep her grades up and her room relatively neat, I did not require much extra. She had little time to relax and never went out with friends as it was.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

I have a 16 year old junior as well. Eight classes, all Pre-AP or AP, including a medical internship where she rotates at the VA. Volunteers at the library (2 hours a week), hospital (2 hours a week), and for the Mayor's Youth Advisory Council (once a month). She is in HOSA and is joining Spanish Honor Society as well.

I do her laundry, although she does know how, it is just easier to lump hers in with ours. I do ask that she unload the dishwasher when she gets home and take a weekly dog food/trash rotation alternating weeks with her brother.

For us, the things that last, like GPA, are more important than keeping up with June Cleaver, who, by the way, I was shocked to learn had a housekeeper!

She sounds like a great kid, really challenging herself.