RANT: I don't care if you want to sit next to your kids on the airplane

[DizneyMommy]

You don't have to like my opinion it's fine.

Chances are the PP wouldn't even know any of the details of the other 4 traveling party if they had been the one moved instead of them..but you never know what their story/situation would have been...well we already know where you stand on grace and compassion.

BTW saying things like terrified, crying half the time.. *sigh*

And sorry I don't think it's a mistake on the airline to switch planes. What mistake was it? That they likely randomly (or selected the last row of Business Class from the original plane) and it just happened to be the PP who had children? It could have someone else. Is there no thought to how another traveling party would have felt? I guess not since you framed your comments so much on 'poor mom and her kids' It's just raw unluckiness that it was the PP. Does it suck that they were so young? Of course it does. It's part of the unluckiness. The alternative that I suppose you're thinking is to have the FAs force someone else to give up their seat.

Completely different if 4 random adults are moved to seats apart from each other vs 3 year old children. I’m sorry that is not even a comparison. Yes, they should have looked at the ages of the kids and moved someone else. Unless those adults all need to be taken to the bathroom by their Mom.

And yes, a 3 year old could very easily be terrified sitting on an airplane surrounded by strangers and not be able to see his parents. Especially if he is not used to flying. Have you ever had a toddler? Would you park your 3 year old in a row on a long distance flight with strangers and hope for the best?

 

[mnrose]

Your comment should cut both ways, but seems to only take into account compassion for a parent. I’ve been shamed for not giving up my seat by a mom who was trying to sit with her kids. I pay for as much extra room as I can. Sometimes that’s first class, sometimes economy plus and sometimes just a window or aisle seat. I get very anxious when I don’t have my minimum viable space bubble as I call it.

I was traveling by myself and there was a middle seat open next to me so the woman wanted me and the other person to take their middle seats so they could sit together. I declined. Yes, I paid for my seat, but it wasn’t because I couldn’t see beyond what I paid, it was because we were all going to be miserable when the plane had to land over the Midwest because a crazy woman was screaming and trying to escape the plane. It didn’t stop the mother from screaming to the whole plane that it was my fault we couldn’t take off.

I need a certain amount of personal space. Sitting in a middle seat is not an option for me. I research flights on SW to make sure I get one that starts in my airport, I buy my seats or business select A1-15 on SW, and I’m prepared to get a hotel room or delay to make sure I don’t leave it up to others. I have been in situations where things have gone wrong and had to decide if I could get through or needed to delay.

Sometimes things absolutely happen outside of our plans or control and it never hurts to ask (I’ll trade a like for like seat or even swap window or aisle most of the time in the same section), but everybody needs to be active in problem solving their family needs.

I think most people are reasonable humans. I think most can understand extreme circumstances, but everybody has their own reasons, not just those with kids.

I think too, there are a lot of people who don’t read or plan. They want to fly cheap and then plan to make people switch seats by threatening a motion sick or hyperactive child on somebody. If you read enough travel boards, this comes up. Most people have a good sense for when somebody is being entitled.

Clap. Clap. This is me. I am very tall, and now that I'm a certain age, my knees start to give me big problems if I can't stretch out my legs. So, I either upgrade to first class, or the "extra space" seats in economy. Barring that, I get an aisle seat where I can at least stretch a bit. Sorry, but if that's where I am, I can't switch with you for a middle or window seat. I will quite happily switch to another aisle seat, even one farther back (although it seems to me that common courtesy would ALWAYS be to offer the person you are asking to switch your "better" seat rather than asking the switchee to switch to one of your "worse" seats). But, giving up the space to stretch is just not something I can do and still walk off the plane. Grace goes both ways, and I shouldn't have to "explain" to anyone what my reasons are for wanting my seat. Ask nice, give me a "fair" trade, and I'll consider it. Act entitled and "demand" that I switch, and you're likely to get a "hell no." And, yes, we all know that there are BOTH kinds of people out there.

 

[DizneyMommy]

Clap. Clap. This is me. I am very tall, and now that I'm a certain age, my knees start to give me big problems if I can't stretch out my legs. So, I either upgrade to first class, or the "extra space" seats in economy. Barring that, I get an aisle seat where I can at least stretch a bit. Sorry, but if that's where I am, I can't switch with you for a middle or window seat. I will quite happily switch to another aisle seat, even one farther back (although it seems to me that common courtesy would ALWAYS be to offer the person you are asking to switch your "better" seat rather than asking the switchee to switch to one of your "worse" seats). But, giving up the space to stretch is just not something I can do and still walk off the plane. Grace goes both ways, and I shouldn't have to "explain" to anyone what my reasons are for wanting my seat. Ask nice, give me a "fair" trade, and I'll consider it. Act entitled and "demand" that I switch, and you're likely to get a "hell no." And, yes, we all know that there are BOTH kinds of people out there.

I never said anyone should have to give up their seat regardless of their situation. I know other people have special needs too. I have a 2 year old and could not give up my seat unless she went with me. We all have our issues. I specifically said that it is not what I said. My comments were about the assumption that the mom was trying to get away with something when we had zero info about her situation. And the gang up on her from commenters who have zero info about her situation. It is the attitude toward the mom that is ugly.

I. Never. Said. Everyone. Should. Have. To. Give. Up. Their. Seat.

I hope that is crystal clear now.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

So you're saying your kindness comes with conditions. Got it!

Well - yes! If you are acting like a horse's behind, I probably will not want to help you - if you are pleasant and ask nicely I am much more likely to assist.
You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Completely different if 4 random adults are moved to seats apart from each other vs 3 year old children. I’m sorry that is not even a comparison. Yes, they should have looked at the ages of the kids and moved someone else. Unless those adults all need to be taken to the bathroom by their Mom.

And yes, a 3 year old could very easily be terrified sitting on an airplane surrounded by strangers and not be able to see his parents. Especially if he is not used to flying. Have you ever had a toddler? Would you park your 3 year old in a row on a long distance flight with strangers and hope for the best?

The bolded goes back to that previous conversation where myself and other posters pointed out. You personally pick and choose who gets grace and who gets your compassion.

My comment pertaining to the crying and terrified is because you're using emotional descriptors to elicit a reaction. You have no idea how someone else's kids would react generally speaking but you go straight to certain key words.

It's a mistake when it's the PP with kids but not a mistake when it's 4 adults?

You missed my ETA-

ETA: FWIW I used to fly standby a lot because my stepmom was a travel agent. It happened where we were separated on the plane (one of the ones I remember I was 11) and there was a time too where my step mom and I flew on one flight and my dad and my sister flew on a flight about an hour after ours had left.

 

[DizneyMommy]

The bolded goes back to that previous conversation where myself and other posters pointed out. You personally pick and choose who gets grace and who gets your compassion.

My comment pertaining to the crying and terrified is because you're using emotional descriptors to elicit a reaction. You have no idea how someone else's kids would react generally speaking but you go straight to certain key words.

It's a mistake when it's the PP with kids but not a mistake when it's 4 adults?

If those 4 adults need their mom to cut their food and wipe their noses and behinds, then sure. It’s the same thing.

Whatever. I give up. When you have your own 3 year old and they get stuck in a far away seat from you, come back and tell me how you’re totally fine with it.

 

[mnrose]

I never said anyone should have to give up their seat regardless of their situation. I know other people have special needs too. I have a 2 year old and could not give up my seat unless she went with me. We all have our issues. I specifically said that it is not what I said. My comments were about the assumption that the mom was trying to get away with something when we had zero info about her situation. And the gang up on her from commenters who have zero info about her situation. It is the attitude toward the mom that is ugly.

I. Never. Said. Everyone. Should. Have. To. Give. Up. Their. Seat.

I hope that is crystal clear now.

See, here's the thing. All we have is the OP's version of events, and THAT's what we are commenting on. So, we have to assume (since there are NO other facts to go on), that the mom in her story was "demanding" (i.e., not asking nicely at all) that OP switch seats. If the story was "a harried mother asked me nicely to switch seats and I flat out said "no.", that would be a different story and might well have elicited DIFFERENT responses. You are posting about a scenario that was NOT presented.

Also please note that this "mom" (whoever she was ) is completely anonymous. We have no idea who she is. Heck, since this is the Dis, it could even be entirely made up. LOL.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

If those 4 adults need their mom to cut their food and wipe their noses and behinds, then sure. It’s the same thing.

Whatever. I give up. When you have your own 3 year old and they get stuck in a far away seat from you, come back and tell me how you’re totally fine with it.

Again you missed my previous edit.

And the old tried and true way of ending a debate "come back and tell me". Please spare me. You assume I would be exactly as you and the PP. Please don't assume something you don't have any knowledge of.

 

[DizneyMommy]

Again you missed my previous edit.

And the old tried and true way of ending a debate "come back and tell me". Please spare me. You assume I would be exactly as you and the PP. Please don't assume something you don't have any knowledge of.

Well, I HAVE an almost 3 year old myself and 2 other kids who have flown since they were 2. I would never allow them to be stuck in a seat and aisle apart from me. They cannot take care of themselves. What I do have knowledge of is 3 different kids of my own, and several others I’ve traveled with, and what their natural behavior is. And I don’t know another mother on this planet that would be fine with it either.

Adults may not WANT to be moved, but if they can physically take care of themselves then that is a non-comparison. Want and need are two different things.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Well, I HAVE an almost 3 year old myself and 2 other kids who have flown since they were 2. I would never allow them to be stuck in a seat and aisle apart from me. They cannot take care of themselves. What I do have knowledge of is 3 different kids of my own, and several others I’ve traveled with, and what their natural behavior is. And I don’t know another mother on this planet that would be fine with it either.

Adults may not WANT to be moved, but if they can physically take care of themselves then that is a non-comparison. Want and need are two different things.

Good lord...I said no knowledge of what I would do. I already know what you would do and you assumed I would act and have the exact same thoughts as you and the other poster. Thus my comment don't assume something you don't have any knowledge of (meaning of what I would do) not whether you're a parent or not..geez.

 

[EveDallas]

I never said anyone should have to give up their seat regardless of their situation. I know other people have special needs too. I have a 2 year old and could not give up my seat unless she went with me. We all have our issues. I specifically said that it is not what I said. My comments were about the assumption that the mom was trying to get away with something when we had zero info about her situation. And the gang up on her from commenters who have zero info about her situation. It is the attitude toward the mom that is ugly.

I. Never. Said. Everyone. Should. Have. To. Give. Up. Their. Seat.

I hope that is crystal clear now.

No, you just basically said that people who don't are heartless and lack compassion.

 

[DizneyMommy]

No, you just basically said that people who don't are heartless and lack compassion.

No. I said I would give the person asking the benefit of the doubt and do what I could to help them. I also said “help” wasn’t necessarily giving up your seat.

 

[EveDallas]

I guess we just have a different perspective. I will still choose to give grace and compassion to others and give them the benefit of the doubt. Especially another mother in what could be a very stressful situation.

The bolded pretty strongly implies that you think people who would act differently than you are without compassion.

 

[DizneyMommy]

The bolded pretty strongly implies that you think people who would act differently than you are without compassion.

Yes. I will choose to give grace and compassion RATHER THAN ASSUMING THEY ARE TRYING TO GET AWAY WITH SOMETHING. You’re taking my words out of context and interpreting them the way that suits your point

 

[EveDallas]

Yes. I will choose to give grace and compassion RATHER THAN ASSUMING THEY ARE TRYING TO GET AWAY WITH SOMETHING. You’re taking my words out of context and interpreting them the way that suits your point

Spin it however you want. Apparently a lot of us took your words out of context.

 

[Skellingtonj]

See, here's the thing. All we have is the OP's version of events, and THAT's what we are commenting on. So, we have to assume (since there are NO other facts to go on), that the mom in her story was "demanding" (i.e., not asking nicely at all) that OP switch seats. If the story was "a harried mother asked me nicely to switch seats and I flat out said "no.", that would be a different story and might well have elicited DIFFERENT responses. You are posting about a scenario that was NOT presented.

Also please note that this "mom" (whoever she was ) is completely anonymous. We have no idea who she is. Heck, since this is the Dis, it could even be entirely made up. LOL.

Lol yes to all this!!!

 

[DizneyMommy]

My original post:
I’ll be honest, I did not even read the 53 pages of this zombie thread. But as a mom who flies with 3 kids, and as someone who would want any other parent to be as comfortable as I would want to be, the title of this post makes me sad.

We can all make the world a better place if we try to put ourselves in others’ shoes and have an ounce of compassion and kindness.

So someone on here confirmed for fact that the mom did not have an emergency, get bumped from her original flight, or otherwise something out of her control resulted in her being placed away from her child? Someone confirmed for a fact she was cheap and trying to cheat the system?

I don’t care how well behaved my kids are, the stranger next to them is not going to instinctively protect them and take care of them in the event of an in-flight emergency.

I guess I just don’t assume the worst in people until I see it. The OP did mention there was a major storm or something, that mom and her kid could have been with their whole family, got cancelled, slept in the airport, and had to take separate flights just to get home. Or their last flight was overbooked and they got bumped. That kiddo could have a major medical/mental health issue that Mom doesn’t want to tell the whole world about but needs to be there to tend to. You don’t know. As a special needs mom myself who meticulously plans our trips so that everything runs as smoothly as possible, crap happens and you can’t always control everything.

There is a quote that circulated quite a bit when Robin Williams passed away. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. We live this every day.

I guess we just have a different perspective. I will still choose to give grace and compassion to others and give them the benefit of the doubt. Especially another mother in what could be a very stressful situation.

That is not at all what I said. I think assuming people are being jerks for the sake of being jerks makes me sad. And I feel for that poor mom and whatever she was going through. Honestly I never travel alone so I wouldn't have been able to give my seat up because I'm with my own kids, but I would have done what I could to help her. Maybe that's flag down a FA and ask them what can be done to get this kiddo with his mom. Maybe thats talk to other passengers nearby and see if we can't all make it work together. Maybe she asked at the gate and they said too bad, tough, and she's frustrated and nervous and desperate. You just don't know.

Did the OP actually have a problem? I read that they paid for their seat and no way they are going to help this Mom because they did not like her tone.

Mom had a problem, and it seemed like a gang up on Mom based on the OP's very limited information given. Like I said, I couldn't have given my seat up either, but I would have helped her however I could. There are other ways to help besides giving up your seat. And besides going online to blast the poor woman without knowing what is going on in her situation.

You guys. For real. Read my original post. I said NOTHING about the person not giving up their seat. I said ZERO about them being a jerk or anything else. I was speaking to the internet shaming of the poor mom who is not here to tell her side and who we have like ZERO information about other than she was trying to sit with her child. That is sad. That the OP could not have thought outside of I paid for this seat and she is trying to steal it from me, is ugly. I'm sorry if you don't agree, or whatever. I said NOTHING about the OP should have given up their seat but I would not. And no, I - a parent traveling with a 2 year old - COULD NOT give up my seat but that doesn't mean I wouldn't try to help her in whatever way I could. And I CERTAINLY would not be on the internet shaming her over asking. No matter how frazzled she was.

Geez.

Spin it however you want. Apparently a lot of us took your words out of context.

Yes, actually. A lot of you did. It’s like a big game of telephone.

 

[piccolopat]

I guess I just don’t assume the worst in people until I see it. The OP did mention there was a major storm or something, that mom and her kid could have been with their whole family, got cancelled, slept in the airport, and had to take separate flights just to get home. Or their last flight was overbooked and they got bumped. That kiddo could have a major medical/mental health issue that Mom doesn’t want to tell the whole world about but needs to be there to tend to. You don’t know. As a special needs mom myself who meticulously plans our trips so that everything runs as smoothly as possible, crap happens and you can’t always control everything.

There is a quote that circulated quite a bit when Robin Williams passed away. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. We live this every day.

If I were in that situation, I would ask to be booked on the next flight where I could get seats together. There is no way I would make a scene and demand other people give up there seats for my family.

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

Well, I HAVE an almost 3 year old myself and 2 other kids who have flown since they were 2. I would never allow them to be stuck in a seat and aisle apart from me. They cannot take care of themselves. What I do have knowledge of is 3 different kids of my own, and several others I’ve traveled with, and what their natural behavior is. And I don’t know another mother on this planet that would be fine with it either.

Adults may not WANT to be moved, but if they can physically take care of themselves then that is a non-comparison. Want and need are two different things.

I completely understand what you're saying about 3 year olds in general not being capable of flying without a parent nearby. I have an almost 3 year old, as well as another who passed 3 several years ago, and there's no way I'd be comfortable with one of them at 3 on the other side of the plane.

Yes, there are circumstances where parents plan and pay in advance to sit with their kids, but planes or flights change due to maintenance, weather, etc, and their seats may change. I would not suck it up, but I also would not rely on asking other passengers myself to change seats to accommodate us sitting together. It is not their responsibility. Everybody has reasons for choosing to sit where they do and that doesn't make one family's needs more important than another's. If the airline bumps you, then they are responsible for doing what they can to accommodate your seating needs on that flight or helping you to find another flight. It's a crappy, sometimes unavoidable situation, but it's not the responsibility of other passengers to make it right. If someone is nice and moves to help out, then great, but even if an entire plane refuses to switch, that does not make them heartless.

 

[gwynne]

A number of years ago we were heading to Mexico for a family vacation. We had a connection in Atlanta. All our seats were picked out and we were sitting together. Our originating flight had a mechanical issue and ended up leaving over an hour late. Of course, we missed our connection in Atlanta. Delta automatically rebooked us, but didn't assign us seats. We went to the gate agent for the new flight asking for two seats together (we were a party of 5, and our youngest was 6 at that time). They put four of us into one row and a single (me) in the row just in front.

So yes, airlines will work with you. Of course, I wasn't demanding, and only asking for two seats together.

As in your example, it so helps to be reasonable. It might be that the airline can accommodate somewhat, and the passengers can make that work.
Another possibility would be to wait for a later flight. Or, if given the option, adjust your route as long as you eventually get to your destination.
On rare occasions (airport closing due to hurricane, etc) the best thing is to get on the plane and be understanding and kind. I think that approach is more likely to yield better results.