Random Thread & The Interchangeable Inside Joke

[AmandaSparks730]

Hercules: Uh, so how'd you get stuck with the...
Meg: Pinhead with hooves? Well, you know how men are. They think "No" means "Yes" and "Get lost" means "Take me, I'm yours."
[Hercules doesn't understand]
Meg: Don't worry, maybe Shorty here can explain it to ya.

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Panic: "Hercules." Why does that name ring a bell?
Pain: I don't know. Um, maybe we owe him money?
Hades: What-was-that-name-again?
Meg: Hercules.
Panic: Wait, wasn't Hercules the name of that kid we were supposed to...?
Pain, Panic: Oh, my Gods!
[they run, Hades seizes them]
Hades: So you took care of him, huh? "Dead as a doornail." Weren't those your *exact* words?
Pain: This might be a different Hercules.
Panic: Yeah. I mean, Hercules is a very popular name nowadays.
Pain: Remember, like, a few years ago, every other boy was named Jason, and the girls were all named Brittany?

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Hercules: Aren't you... a damsel in distress?
Meg: I'm a damsel, I'm in distress, I can handle this. Have a nice day.

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Meg: I'm a big tough girl. I tie my own sandals and everything.

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Meg: Megara. My friends call me Meg. At least they would if I had any friends. So did they give you a name along with all those rippling pectorals?

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Zeus: So, Hades, you finally made it. How are things in the underworld?
Hades: Well, they're just fine. You know, a little dark, a little gloomy. And, as always, hey, full of dead people. What are you gonna do?

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Hades: Pain!
Pain: Coming, your most lugubriousness.
Hades: Panic!
Panic: Oh, sorry. I can handle it.
[Runs down the stairs; trips and crashes into Pain; they tumble down the stairs; Pain is now stuck to Panic's horns]
Pain: Pain - Ow!
Panic: And Panic - eechk!
Pain, Panic: ...reporting for duty!
Hades: Fine, fine, fine. Just inform me the minute the Fates arrive.
Panic: Oh, they're here!
Hades: [shouting] What! The Fates were here and you didn't tell me?
Pain, Panic: Ohh... We are worms!
[as they grovel, they turn into worms]
Pain, Panic: Worthless worms!
Hades: Memo to me... Memo to me: Maim you after my meeting.

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Phil: Careful, that's part of the mast of the Argo.
Young Hercules: *The* Argo?
Phil: Ya. Who do you think taught Jason how to sail? Cleopatra?

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Tour Guide: To your left is Hercules' villa. Next stop, the Pecs and Flex gift shop, where you can buy the great hero's new 30-minute workout scroll, "Buns of Bronze."

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Hercules: [as she lies dying] Meg, why did you... You didn't have to...
Meg: People do crazy things... when they're in love.

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Meg: [after Hercules accidentally breaks the arms off a statue of Venus] It looks better that way. No, it really does.

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Hades: I'm sorry. You mind runnin' that by me again? I must have had a chunk of brimstone wedged in my ear or something...
Meg: Then read my lips - forget it!
Hades: Meg, Meg, Meg, my sweet deluded little minion. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy, but ever so crucial little, tiny detail?
[Hades explodes into flames]
Hades: [shouts] I own you!

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Hades: He's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness. I mean, for what? Pandora, it was the box thing. For the Trojans, hey, they bet on the wrong horse, okay?

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Hermes: Fabulous party. You know, I haven't seen this much love in a room since Narcissus discovered himself.

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Hades: Ladies. Hah. I am so sorry that I'm...
The Fates, The Fates, The Fates: Late.
The Fates: We knew you would be.
The Fates: We know everything.
The Fates: Past.
The Fates: Present.
The Fates: And future.
The Fates: [aside, to Pain] Indoor plumbing. It's gonna be big.

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Hercules: Uh, uh, uh, I'm, um, uh, uh, uh...
Meg: Are you always this articulate?
Hercules: Hercules. My... my name is Hercules.
Meg: Herc... huh. I think I prefer Wonderboy.

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Heavyset Woman: It was tragic. We lost everything in the fire.
Burnt Man: Everything except old Snowball here.
Tall Thebian: Now were the fires before or after the earthquake?
Earthquake Lady: They were after the earthquake. I remember.
Heavyset Woman: But before the flood.
Elderly Thebian: Don't even get me started on the crime rate.
Heavyset Woman: Thebes has certainly gone downhill in a hurry.
Elderly Thebian: Tell me about it. It seems like every time I turn around, there's some new monster wreakin' havoc and I...
Burnt Man: All we need now is a plague of locusts.
[a locust jumps on and chirps, everyone screams]
Elderly Thebian: That's it. I'm movin' to Sparta.

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Meg: I've done my part. Get your little imps...
Hades: They couldn't handle him as a baby. I need somebody who can... handle him as a man.
Meg: Hey, I've sworn off manhandling.
Hades: Well, you know, that's good because that's what got you into this jam in the first place, isn't it? You sold your soul to me to save your boyfriend's life. And how does this creep thank you? By running off with some babe. He hurt you real bad, didn't he, Meg? Huh?
Meg: Look, I learned my lesson, okay?
Hades: Which is exactly why I got a feelin' you're gonna leap at my new offer. You give me the key to bringing down Wonder Breath, and I give you the thing that you crave most in the entire cosmos: your freedom.

 

[AmandaSparks730]

[after Hercules is mobbed by fan girls]
Meg: It's all right. The sea of raging hormones has ebbed.

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Pain, Panic: [disguised as kids trapped in a rockslide] Somebody call IX-I-I.