Raising Teens

[MagicalMom]

My daughter is turning 16 this summer. She's growing up so fast & I'm trying to give her some freedoms, like catching a ride home from school or going out at night. My parents were so strict when I was younger & I couldn't wait to move out of the house. I don't want my daughter to feel that way, so I am trying not to be too strict on her. At the same time, everytime she walks out the door a flood of memories comes back of all the things I did at her age, nothing out of the ordinary but things I knew I shouldn't do. Then my next thought is "Dear Lord in a few years she will be an adult!!!!!" OMG! I don't even feel old enough to be the mother of an "almost adult!!!"

Anyone else feel this way?

Oh & my other problem, as long as I'm on the subject, I wonder what her most cherished childhood memories will be when she is an adult. Did I create enough memories?

Anyone else ever think of these things?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My dd turns 16 on April 19th! DH and I were your worst nightmares as teens but granted our parents sucked. However that is a whole other thread.

I live my life daily preparing her. Teach her as best you can, help her as best you can and then hope your best is good enough.

 

[Tiggeroo]

mom of two 19yo's and a 21yo. Yep to all of the above. If you are too strict you worry, if you are too lenient you worry. You can't win. One thing I feel about teens, if you are strict and they want to get in trouble they will. And unless they get hurt you won't know anything about it. They really are at a point where you can't protect them anymore. 'This doesn't mean let them run wild. Just know that you can't put up enough walls to keep them safe. And too much strictness leaves them ill prepared for thw world and college life. Fit time in as much as possible for those little moments. DH and I just came back from taking our boys to Hatteras over spring break. It was bad timing but it was when they could get away. And I don't know how many more trips like this we'll get. Make your home a hang-out. This way you will know her friends well and know which ones to be the most concerned about. Although the good ones often do the really stupid things too. Right now one son and a friend are jamming guitar in my family room.
In hs it seems so hard to get family time. Sports keep vacations to a minimum. So do things in little chunks. Take her out to lunch or to a movie, etc.

 

[FINFAN]

If it's any consolation, I bet your DD is running the gamut of emotions as well, worried she's not able to handle being an adult, yet it is soon to be expected of her. My DD is 2 months shy of 17...has had her lisence since October but rarely drives as she is terrified of the "crazies" as she calls the inconsiderate drivers, yet she is stressing that she is not handling it as well as her peers. I TRULY think our kids worry as much as we do, just not in the same way.
It is good that you have your memories, you turned out fine! I have to actually TELL my DD to let loose, that she is only this age for such a short time, and she will need the street smarts for college for sure. Has your DD gone on an overnight HS trip yet? Those will do wonders for the "growing up" process, they really do need to make the right choices on those trips since it IS school rules, yet they do have freedom and fun. Now I know some of the worst stuff can happen on those trips, but for the most part, not too many kids are willing to risk external over drinking etc.
This summer will be HUGE for her...16 is awesome!


Pam

 

[Sandy V.]

Mom of DD 19 and DS 17. I agree with the above advice. Several things I would add:

1) When in doubt, start with more restrictions rather than less; it's a lot easier to "ease up" as they earn your trust rather than have to rein them in when you realize you've given them too much freedom too soon.

2) If you're married, always present a united front when it comes to discipline, expectations, praise, telling her you're proud of her, etc.

3) "USUALLY" when you act like you trust them, they will behave in a trustful manner.

4) Say "I Love You" to them every day. Hugs too if they'll stand still long enough to receive them.

 

[Nickimouse]

My dd turns 16 on April 19th!

My DS turns 16 on April 18th.

OP, I know how you feel. Where did the time go. I also hope that when he's grown he has good memories!

 

[Dancind]

My DD turns 16 on April 11. She's an only, and it's kind of turned around here. She is a very busy girl, constantly doing shows either dance or acting, and she goes to a Performing Arts high school (where there are very few boys). She has good friends at school, at her studio, and has kept some from mid-school, and she makes new friends with every show. But I can count the number of times she has gone to a dance, spent the night somewhere, or just "hung out" in the last year on one hand.

I'm kind of ready for her to spread her wings a bit, and I feel like she needs to take on more responsibility. She does a lot of things to take care of herself, but I feel like she needs a bit more social experience to prepare her to go away to college!

Of course, when I mention going away to college, she kind of looks at me like I have two heads. Yes, she's got it good here, she's been on some really nice vacations! Does this mean she's never leaving?

 

[mamacatnv]

Mom of a 17 1/2 yr old here and I have all the same thoughts and fears. Driving was a huge issue for me because I am a worrywart extraordinare.

I try to make sure that DS and I have alone time, to talk, to say nothing, to just be together.

The thought of him going away to college terrifies me because I know I am going to miss my Buddy so much, but I need to continue to loosen the strings.

He has become a responsible, loving, well mannered young man and I need to respect that. I need to let him do things, make decisions and be there when he makes the wrong ones without being judgemental or saying "I told you so".

I had a terrible childhood and to this day an almost non existent relationship with both of my parents.

I want him to look back and think his childhood was great and I want him to take those memories and add to them as he grows and has his own family. I hope he incorporates some of our things and makes up some of his own.

My biggest fear is about girls - is there really one out there that is good enough for him? (this Mom thinks not, but I'm sure there is some girl out there who will win my heart as well as my Son's)
Will he hold out until he finds her or will he "settle". I hope and pray everyday that he holds out.

 

[MagicalMom]

Thanks guys. I was reading the For Better or For Worse comic strip yesterday & I think it just made me a little extra melancholy. Their little girl was turning 16 & I remember when she was pregnant. Yes,it's just a comic strip, but it seems like just yesterday, ya know?

 

[MUFFYCAT]

My DD will be 16 on August 24. I can relate with alot of what you all are saying.
The driving definetly has me nervous.


I always liked "For Better For Worse" with April being the same age.
So far April has been so much like my DD.

Remember when she was born and Micheal & Elizabeth were there watching it.

The years have gone by too fast.

 

[MagicalMom]

The years have gone by too fast.

I just can't believe it. I feel like I'm running out of time.

DD & Her friends were in a car accident last week. No one was hurt, but it scared her a bit. I wouldn't be surprised if she waited on her license though.

I have 2 sons, too, ages 11 & 5. It's so weird if we go out to dinner on a Friday night as a family of 4 & not a family of 5.

I'll be raising teens for the next 15 years, so hopefully by the time my last child is older it will be a lot easier.

 

[Christine]

I hear ya!! My DD will be 16 this July. I'm fairly strict on her in the area of who I let her get into a car with. I let her do most other things.

I think it is a recipe for disaster letting her get in cars with other teen drivers. There are just way too many tragic accidents around here because of our traffic and their inexperience. So this is my BIGGEST issue. I have to really, really, really know the person and the responsibility level before I will let her ride with them. Oh, and NEVER late at night.

 

[funhouse8]

I know where did the time go? Mine are 23,21,17 & 16, While planning my summer vacation I realized 1/2 my family can't come. We thought it was just going to us and the 16 year old. Boy was he crazed. Now my older DD can make it flying in a couple days after us. My family is changing and I want to keep it the same but alas, I can't. Enjoy, The teen years are tough but with lots of love & prayers we get though it.

Here is a funny story - Just the other night my DD 17 was giving me a hard time about calling up a Mom she didn't know to make sure it was OK for her to sleep over. Well my DD 21 turns to me and tells me that my friend (whose kids are away at private schools)has the right idea. When she has kids She is going to send her teens away as well!

 

[Steffi]

I just can't believe it. I feel like I'm running out of time.

Words can't say how much I empathize with this comment. My DD is only 12, but as I see her growing and maturing by the minute, I panic and wonder where the time went. I'm so proud to see DD turning into such a wonderful young lady, but it's just going too fast. 12 years have sped by like lightning, and I only have half that time left with DD before she goes to college. Sometimes I feel like I'd better not blink or sleep, because I'm going to open my eyes and see a grown woman in my little girl's place.