Question re: discipline/ parenting at WDW

[fabulousfive]

I don't want to judge because truly, we have no idea of that particular family's situation. However I will say that I strongly encourage you to reconsider not bringing a little one to Disney World. Kids grow so fast and if you wait until 5, that may be your only magical trip where it's truly magical. My 4 year old always talks about everything we did at Disney when she was 3. And if you have more than one child, you can't wait until each one is 5 if you continue to go. And even at 5 I'd say you need a stroller for Disney. Just wait and see. Don't get too firm a plan just yet as I can pretty much guarantee it will all change as every child is different and you will adapt as that happens. In the meantime, go enjoy Disney without kids!!!!

 

[Nancyg56]

Thanks everyone for your honest input. I am not judging how the man parents his child, as I said, we were on a bus-what could he REALLY do?

My mom was is, and I will be, the parent who will immediately remove my kid from the situation if they act up. However, on my last trip I saw a lot of children being disrespectful to parents, hitting siblings,etc that I was jut wondering if the general consensus is to give them a break.

I can see I'll be in good company if I ever have to remove one of my kids if they misbehave

Great technique....if you can remove the child. When you are stuck on a bus there is nowhere to go. The Dad may have been doing just what you would do...removing a tired kid from the parks but is not in the middle of a parent's nightmare. Screaming kid, crowded bus, tired strangers all around, and no escape in sight.

I was that parent who planned for the worst and hoped for the best, but oh my word! When it explodes....My DGD was 4 and I had taken her on a trip. She was taking medication for terrible reflux, as well as a new medication that was supposed to stimulate her appetite. Anyway, she was a high anxiety kid to begin with, but by the day we were leaving, her OCD was to the moon, and she had a meltdown that frightened her even more than it did me. Turns out the medication had a rare side effect that ramped up anxiety. Now she was generally the best behaved little girl but anyone watching the last snapshot of our trip would have seen a little monster who was giving her Nana a run for the money. Truth is that you just don't know.

 

[jtowntoflorida]

OP, you didn't have to mention not having children yet--your post has so many dead giveaways that you're not a parent.

For your original question...as others have mentioned, we parent the same way at Disney as we do at home. And ya know what? Not all techniques work all the time on all kids. It may be a minor miracle that the mom was able to calm the child down in this case...it's just as likely that she wouldn't have been able to, or that her intervention would make the child even more upset. The only guarantee in parenting is that no matter what you do, you'll be judged for it. Just a few weeks ago, on this board, my parenting was brought into question because I dared to admit that I wouldn't let myself be manipulated by my then 3 year old at Disney. I was told that my parenting was likely to blame for my 3 year old crying at Disney, or ever, really. So that was awesome and also a reminder that every time you take your child out in public, there is going to be some know-it-all out there who will be judging you, your child, and your entire family based on a few minutes' observation.

Everybody has a bad day. Everybody gets crabby. Three year olds are unpredictable at best, and unfortunately, they don't come with an owner's manual. There is added pressure at Disney, because you're in a public place, everyone has paid a lot to be there, and nobody wants their vacation infringed on by a misbehaving child. So, you do the best you can.

Our kids are currently (almost) 5 and 8. We are finally to the point where they are both mostly rational and well-behaved most of the time. I really can't imagine a time at Disney where we'd have to really discipline our kids at the ages they are now. They're both pretty good, agreeable kids, they're especially well-behaved at Disney because we're having so much fun, and we've learned to keep a constant supply of snacks with us when we're in the parks, because for our kids, any general crabbiness really seems to stem from being hungry. At Disney, having them eat something pretty much every 60 to 90 minutes is really key to keeping them happy.

 

[AJ1983]

OP, you didn't have to mention not having children yet--your post has so many dead giveaways that you're not a parent.

For your original question...as others have mentioned, we parent the same way at Disney as we do at home. And ya know what? Not all techniques work all the time on all kids. It may be a minor miracle that the mom was able to calm the child down in this case...it's just as likely that she wouldn't have been able to, or that her intervention would make the child even more upset. The only guarantee in parenting is that no matter what you do, you'll be judged for it. Just a few weeks ago, on this board, my parenting was brought into question because I dared to admit that I wouldn't let myself be manipulated by my then 3 year old at Disney. I was told that my parenting was likely to blame for my 3 year old crying at Disney, or ever, really. So that was awesome and also a reminder that every time you take your child out in public, there is going to be some know-it-all out there who will be judging you, your child, and your entire family based on a few minutes' observation.

Everybody has a bad day. Everybody gets crabby. Three year olds are unpredictable at best, and unfortunately, they don't come with an owner's manual. There is added pressure at Disney, because you're in a public place, everyone has paid a lot to be there, and nobody wants their vacation infringed on by a misbehaving child. So, you do the best you can.

Our kids are currently (almost) 5 and 8. We are finally to the point where they are both mostly rational and well-behaved most of the time. I really can't imagine a time at Disney where we'd have to really discipline our kids at the ages they are now. They're both pretty good, agreeable kids, they're especially well-behaved at Disney because we're having so much fun, and we've learned to keep a constant supply of snacks with us when we're in the parks, because for our kids, any general crabbiness really seems to stem from being hungry. At Disney, having them eat something pretty much every 60 to 90 minutes is really key to keeping them happy.

Couldn't agree more! That's another reason we have decided to wait until the future kids are older, because its generally much easier to reason with a 6 year old than a 3 year old who can be unpredictable. We first went at age 6 and 8...old enough to know that if we misbehaved, the day at the World was over. At 3, if we were hungry, that threat probably would not have had much effect

I didn't mean to single out the parent on the bus situation, as I said that was a "What can you do" situation, but it just triggered my thoughts as to whether removing the child from the situation (not a moving bus or airplane lol) was too harsh, given that its DisneyWorld.

I have nothing but respect for parents out there, its the hardest job in the world.

 

[Lavitz]

Ya it's rough in that situation. On a bus, you don't have much options. Think dad did as best as he could and as others mentioned, when a small child like that is in a mood, it is just as likely the mother make things worse than make things better.

 

[marmalade]

We also don't know how long that kid had been acting up. The mother could have been dealing with it for a while before the bus and needed a break. I know when my kids were little there were times I to the point where if I didn't walk away, or let their father deal with them someone was going to get hurt.

Sometimes kids are little p-pots that way, and the best thing to do is take a breather and when your calm reenter the situation.

 

[kreckl]

While I think its great- and perfectly natural- to wonder about what type of parent you will be with your someday kid, I will just throw it out there that one of the best things you can do, as a parent or not, is to refrain from judging others. Another might be to keep an open mind and truly connect and respond to your child and what they are needing at any given moment- whether that be extra patience, a reminder, or anything else.

 

[maxiesmom]

Am I the only one who found that the younger the kids were, the easier they were to deal with in the parks? The smaller they are the less Gimmies they seem to have. Also, you would be surprised at how many kids need a stroller past age 5, unless you plan on a lot of stopping for breaks or down time at the resort.

I wouldn't make any hard and fast decisions before you have children.

 

[kkmcan]

Usually we remove the child from the situation and other people but being stuck on bus means there really isn't anywhere to go plus sometimes there just isn't anything you can do to get him/her to calm down other than letting them cry it out.


You can decide before kids how to handle discipline but that doesn't mean it will work with that peticular child. With parenting its kind of a learn as you go thing. Each child can be so different. Each age is different.

We have a 17 year old and a 14 year old and we've had some really great problem free years for a while now but we've had some issues to deal with lately- grades and boyfriends. Boyfriend was the 17 yr old and grades is the 14 year old. We are still trying to figure out how to properly deal with new issues every day. I do love having teens and they are good kids but its still not easy- just less tantrums (as least for us).

 

[akl2004]

Our last trip in October 2013 our kids were ds13 and ds6. The age difference is a challenge most of the time, but vacation is different. Ds6 is a challenge on a daily basis, he is an independent thinker and has a tendency to get mouthy. Before our trip, he was told the consequences of misbehaving, timeouts and/or going back to the resort(not the pool). His behavior was incredible, all we had to do was make sure he was fed and his thirst was quenched. But the biggest thing was listening to him. When he said he wanted to go to the resort we did. Not a big deal as we were pretty regular visitors before he came along. Down time made this trip for all of us. My advice is to be proactive in taking care of the childs needs and listen to them.

 

[akl2004]

As far as judging parents before you have parents, haven't we all done this. I can remember being totally put off when a kid would through a fit in a restaurant or even just be loud. I would let this affect my entire experience. Fast forward to me as a parent. My kids did, and still do, make a rucus sometimes when in public. Not talking about a complete meltdown, just the normal kid stuff. Because my feelings before kids, I think I am probably over sensitive to how we may affect those around us.

It also took me a while to get comfortable with disciplining in public because I used to judge parents and how they handled situations. I always felt that people around us were judging my parenting skills because thats what I used to do. Now, after 14 years experience, I don't care. They are my kids and I am comfortable with how we are raising them. Parenthood is the ultimate on the job training. But the benefits are incredible.

 

[mrsbicewdw]

Am I the only one who found that the younger the kids were, the easier they were to deal with in the parks? The smaller they are the less Gimmies they seem to have. Also, you would be surprised at how many kids need a stroller past age 5, unless you plan on a lot of stopping for breaks or down time at the resort. I wouldn't make any hard and fast decisions before you have children.

Ditto to younger ages being easier. I took my oldest several times as an infant - SO EASY. He was nursing, no food to worry about, diapers were easy, the baby carrier was perfect. It was lovely. Best trips we have taken. From about 12-18 months was hard to go anywhere...they are mobile but not listening well yet! Diaper changes are more wiggly at that age too. From 18months - about 3years we were pretty golden on travel too. Now that we are approaching 4yo, and have a 15 month old...I just never want to go out again. Lol. At least not for a few more months. Everyone is being Mr Independent right now...not in a good way.

And I agree on the stroller thing. We have taken nieces at ages 5 and 6. Still needed a stroller because their little legs tire fast after the first day. Can't blame them, mine do too! My SIL didn't believe me about bringing a stroller and was too stubborn to rent one, so we rented one for our niece after the first day or we were not going to get anywhere faster than a snails pace.

 

[AJ1983]

As far as judging parents before you have parents, haven't we all done this. I can remember being totally put off when a kid would through a fit in a restaurant or even just be loud. I would let this affect my entire experience. Fast forward to me as a parent. My kids did, and still do, make a rucus sometimes when in public. Not talking about a complete meltdown, just the normal kid stuff. Because my feelings before kids, I think I am probably over sensitive to how we may affect those around us.

It also took me a while to get comfortable with disciplining in public because I used to judge parents and how they handled situations. I always felt that people around us were judging my parenting skills because thats what I used to do. Now, after 14 years experience, I don't care. They are my kids and I am comfortable with how we are raising them. Parenthood is the ultimate on the job training. But the benefits are incredible.

I don't have children, but I DO have close nieces and other kids in my life who I have witnessed go through tantrums, etc, no big deal-kids will be kids. I certainly don't hate children nor do I presume mine will be angels. I should have omitted the part about the dad/child on the bus because it wasn't relevant to my question, and I think I left a bad impression. Wouldn't want to do that..I plan to be on this board in a few years time planning a trip WITH kids (exciting!).

I guess I am a "Expect for the best, prepare for the worst" kind of person...the absolute worst case scenario being have to remove a child because warnings or a time out didn't seem to get the message across. I was just wondering if it case to that, would parents use that (removal from the park) as a consequence,because you have to stick to your guns, no matter what or if that is too over the top because its not like sending them to their room on a random Saturday....they can't just wander back to the Magic Kingdom as easy as they can hop back on their bike and go back out with their friends when the time out is over. (I got my answer, just wanted to clarify the intent of my post).

 

[kreckl]

I for one wash't looking at what you said in a negative way- just that it seemed like by referring that family you were judging ( or maybe evaluating?) them and what they did or didn't do. Your kids will most likely make you proud AND bring you to tears at some point. Having a sense of humor and always trying to understand what your child is needing/able to tolerate will help a lot. AND SLEEP WHEN YOU CAN!

Personally I don't parent with time outs and have never had to do more than take an unruly boy to the door of a restaurant a couple of times, making the clear point that "Oh! Thats not allowed here! We will have to leave- they won't let us order if we are not sitting quietly...etc"
But I was always super careful not to do too much during the Witching Hour ( real thing) and made sure we were all well fed/hydrated rested....When we are on vacation we do not push limits. If we do less, that's fine. A balloon and a hot dog on Main St. can be a blast, too.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Am I the only one who found that the younger the kids were, the easier they were to deal with in the parks? The smaller they are the less Gimmies they seem to have. Also, you would be surprised at how many kids need a stroller past age 5, unless you plan on a lot of stopping for breaks or down time at the resort.

I wouldn't make any hard and fast decisions before you have children.

Ditto, I found trips with an infant/young toddler to be easy. The older he gets the more input he wants to have. You have to change diapers at home, I never understand why anyone thinks it's harder in Disney. I'd rather be in Disney.

Have your babies, then make your parenting plans. No need to have set in stone ideas beforehand.

 

[akl2004]

I certainly don't hate children nor do I presume mine will be angels. I should have omitted the part about the dad/child on the bus because it wasn't relevant to my question, and I think I left a bad impression. Wouldn't want to do that..I plan to be on this board in a few years time planning a trip WITH kids (exciting!).[/B]

No you didn't leave a bad impression and I certainly don't think you hate children. In fact, I was defending your observation on the bus saying that I have done the same thing. It is human nature to look at a situation you expect to be in someday and wonder about how it is being handled. I do not think you came across negatively at all.

I don't have children, but I DO have close nieces and other kids in my life who I have witnessed go through tantrums, etc, no big deal-kids will be kids.

I have the same thing. In fact, the oldest of them are surprisingly close to me in age (12 years younger). So I have been around kids for over thirty years, twenty before having my own. I saw the good and the bad, the VERY bad. Trust me, your exposure to these children will give you an advantage when you are blessed with your own. You, too, I'm sure have already seen how wonderful and how temporarily trying being a parent can be. Good luck, you have the right ideas, just don't commit to your parenting style until you need to, and remember that even then, you and your philosophy will constantly evolve and develop as your children do.

 

[Lincolnshire]

We are mid-trip right now with a 2 year old and infant, and thus far we have used the 1-2-3 Magic system with good success (basically two warnings and then a 2 min time out, which can happen almost anywhere). That said, the only time Ds2 screamed was on a bus home from a park yesterday. We did feel terrible but that is one situation where I don't think there is an effective discipline technique. We couldn't do a time out on a crowded bus, plus this was not screaming to be a brat but more like scream/sobbing because he had hit his limit (which was why we were leaving the park in the first place). Certainly there wasn't any way to remove him from the situation.

 

[ladyjubilee]

There is a lot of bad parenting, often poorly behaved kids cone from parents with no skills. But not always.

I was a foster parent, many times I've been that parent with the screaming kid.... ok really the kicking, hitting, spitting, scratching, biting, and occasionally homicidal psychosis, kid... especially since my son has autism ('severely impacted'). I'm often 'that' parent. I've had all kinds of comments. People who thought they knew how to 'handle' and wouldn't have that kind of behavior.... to the point we now tell folks that since they have those skills we can give them a social worker's phone number, who can help them put those skills to much needed use! And they are welcome to show me how its done. Seriously, there are plenty of kids that really need all those super parents.

But to answer your question, I continue the same rules, but applied with mercy. WDW is overwhelming, just processing the experience can be difficult. Outside of the normal routine kids have a hard time using their internal boundaries.

 

[Nancyg56]

I don't have children, but I DO have close nieces and other kids in my life who I have witnessed go through tantrums, etc, no big deal-kids will be kids. I certainly don't hate children nor do I presume mine will be angels. I should have omitted the part about the dad/child on the bus because it wasn't relevant to my question, and I think I left a bad impression. Wouldn't want to do that..I plan to be on this board in a few years time planning a trip WITH kids (exciting!). I guess I am a "Expect for the best, prepare for the worst" kind of person...the absolute worst case scenario being have to remove a child because warnings or a time out didn't seem to get the message across. I was just wondering if it case to that, would parents use that (removal from the park) as a consequence,because you have to stick to your guns, no matter what or if that is too over the top because its not like sending them to their room on a random Saturday....they can't just wander back to the Magic Kingdom as easy as they can hop back on their bike and go back out with their friends when the time out is over. (I got my answer, just wanted to clarify the intent of my post).

I think that actions deserve consequences, either positive or negative, and my now adult children knew that, as does my granddaughter. I never threatened my kids with a consequence that I could not live with, the punishment is also mine, you see. So to answer your question, when on vacation, they knew that if I said that enough was enough, they knew exactly what that meant....any more and the day was done. But that disciple was for them, their lifetime. I don't think parents can suddenly teach their kids to be patient, well mannered and self controlled in a week, so they will not magically turn into those model children that live on Leave It To beaver if they were not taught that from the start.

It is impossible to know what a family's background is from a ten minute encounter, but I will say that parents who simply must have that meal at 'Ohana, even if the ADR they scored is at 9:45 and their kids are used to dinner at 5 are setting themselves and everyone else up for disaster. The parents who just must experience fireworks at CG, and that does not take place until 10PM, but their dinner is at 7:30, so they drag it out....not going to end well. And please, if as a parent you never said "no" don't start now. Little Johnney is not going to understand that you have already spent his college money on your bucket list trip, and every attraction ends up in a gift shop that entices him. Buckle up...it is expensive.

My kids were not angels, and we did have that trip when the were tweens that put me over my edge, but I never set them up to fail, and I think that happens a lot. Not intentionally, but WDW is over stimulation, overwhelming, and exhausting.Under the best circumstances, meltdowns are going to happen, parent will either miss a signal or the child goes from 0 to 60 in 2.2 seconds with no warning...not for them or their parents. But those others.....Yikes!

 

[crisi]

As someone said upthread, kids are different. Some kids need to be left to tantrum. Trying to calm them down infuriates them more. Some don't respond to time outs. What do you do with a kid who doesn't sit quietly though a time out, but just gets up to start terrorizing the cat AGAIN?

Kids at Disney in particular can be tough. They are often tired and overstimulated. We had a tantrum when our five year old daughter had to go to the bathroom, but she didn't want to stop to go, so she ended up with a tummy ache - we were on the verge of leaving the park when we stopped at the bathroom and suddenly she was the sunny girl of before. If your kids are used to a quiet place for a timeout, it may not be easy to find quickly enough to work at Disney...and by the time you find it, the moment has passed (little kids are a little like dogs, immediate correction is far more effective).

You will learn your kids. You will know if in park quiet time is more useful for them than taking them back to the room - or if taking them back to the room is a MUST. You'll know if you need to keep snacks in your bag at all times, or if they are "sit down and eat" kids. Part of it will be the rules you choose early, some of it will be the rules you create in reaction to the individuals your kids are.

The thing to remember is that they say you can't spoil a baby - but they aren't babies that can't be spoiled long - they quickly become individuals who figure out pretty quickly how to get what they want when they don't even have language to work with. Parenting is a balance between setting and sticking to limits, and being flexible enough to react to the individual child and situation.