Jason,
I personally think "feeling it" is overrated. (Now, keep in mind, this is coming from a person who feels emotions at a high range, so much so that it becomes a physical thing sometimes) However, I grew up in a church that put a high value on "feeling it". I was constantly seeking this elusive "thing" I was supposed to be feeling. It turned me into a roller coaster Christian, since I would go to an emotional service, be moved and give my life to Christ...again. So, I guess you could say, I've been saved about 236 times, lol
From 19 to about 23 years of age, I pretty much did what I wanted, with no regard for what God wanted for my life. However, I was dealing with the Holy Spirit's conviction of my sins. I knew that living for Jesus was my only hope for real peace and eternal salvation, but I would always think "I'll just wait until later". Then one ordinary night, I thought "You know, later is never going to happen. Satan is never just going to say, 'OK, Lori this is your moment'. I CHOOSE now" That was the first time, I had ever decided with my will and not my emotions.
I got to my knees and told God that if he still wanted me, I was his. No fireworks, no fuzzy warm feeling, but I did feel relief that I had drawn my line. In my head, regardless of proof, regardless of how I felt, I knew I would live for the Lord for the rest of my life, even on those days when I didn't feel saved.
I have had doubts, and sometimes I don't feel close to God at all, but usually that is b/c I have stopped working on our relationship (I guess the same thing would happen if I stopped talking to my DH) I still envy the people who all seem so sure that God speaks to them or that they know what their mission in life is, b/c I feel like a failure in those departments, but you know what, it doesn't matter, because, I cast my lot back in 1991 to make Jesus the Lord of my life and no feelings, or lack thereof, can change that.
God doesn't ask us to come to him in a perfect condition. He justs asks us to come. Once, we've made the decision to live for him, THEN he can begin to work on our hearts, attitudes, etc. If we could become perfect on our own, then there would be no need for a Saviour.
I hope this made a little sense. When I talk from the heart, I may tend to ramble.
Lori P.
