Question for Stay at Home Moms

[Nancyg56]

I'm not worried if it is helpful or not, I'm just responding. Her kids are in school and she has no desire to get up and clean. If I was honest, I would tell her to just quit being lazy, jmo.

Nasty much? I encountered women like you when my kids were little. I was home with them so I did "not work". Yeah right! Iwas the Mom who went on all those class trips, volunteered in the classroom, baked for all the functions and ran all the errands for friends and family. I also found the time to feed and care for my neighbors children while they were working. You know, because I had nothing else to do . I loved it but I was always shocked that "working women" could be so snippy to those of us who chose to stay at home. Women should try to support each other, and help during transitions because you never know when you are going to need one of us slackers.

I love Flylady .

I found the the adjustment to having so much time was more difficult than I thought that it would be. Someone on the DIS suggested Flylady which really helped me to get organized. I don't use her much anymore but I do keep the "program".

1) Invite someone over. Tried and true method for quickly cleaning.

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Works for me every time!

OP- don't be too hard on yourself. You will find a way to provide structure to your day and that is really all you are looking for. When you aare working there is always timeframes that you need to function with so managing your time is easier. WHen you are home with one big open block of time it becomes more difficult until you structure your day.

I got more accomplished when I was working 40 hours and then still had to mange my home. When I stayed home it was different and it took a while to get used to it. Keep a loose schedule, give yourself permission to take breaks, just as you would if you were in an office and make a list of those things that you absolutely want to do and put them on that schedule. Check those chores off so that you see your progress. it is hard to remember that you have accomplished something if it gets undone soon after you did it.

Also, being home is a lot of work, it is just different work. WHen my Mom was ill and I was practically living there my home was not up to speed. It was not in a shambles but it was not running smoothly either. My DH finally told me that he had no idea what I did at home he just knew that he did not want to do it.

 

[formill]

I honestly dont understand the SAHM concept-when your kids are in school

I was a SAHM-but worked out of an office in my home. When the kids went to school-I went to the office a couple days a week. But I always worked.

I cant imagine being home-without kids-and doing nothing but housework all day. Isnt it boring?

You are KIDDING .........right??????? You must be a very special mom.

I find if I even just make a mental list of things I want to do the next day it helps. I had dreams of long winters of sorting pictures, painting those baseboards but each day goes by so fast!

 

[clarabelle]

I have a couple of little part time jobs that I can do around the kids schedules.
But at times I haven't worked at all.

My husband makes more money than I ever could. He cannot miss work for kids illnesses ect and he cannot leave the office early to take kids to appointments and activities.
It all falls on me. It just didn't make sense for me to work.

Sometimes it is boring -but there are things to do besides housework.
Go to the gym, volunteer at the kids school, church work.

 

[Mimi1965]

You are KIDDING .........right??????? You must be a very special mom.

!

I just dont find Housework enough to fill my days.

The beauty of being my own self-contractor when my kids were younger in school-is I determined my work day-it ended at 3-to get the kids-drive to practices etc.So I was still mentally stimulated & had the freedom of a SAHM.

edited-I now work with a 60 yr old SAHM-who never worked. 5 years ago her DH left her, She insisted on keeping the house-somost of the extra $$ she was owed went to pay off herDH's half. She now answers the phone where i work and really is struggling. Thats the reason SAHM need to get back in the work force when their kids go to school-IMO

 

[mjkacmom]

I've been a SAHM for 15 years, and find it much harder to get things done with the kids in school (when they were home, I had to fit in housework around them). Make lists, and follow them. Being a SAHM was much harder but way more enjoyable with little ones home - I had a lot more social interaction (classes, playgroups). At times, it was REALLY hard (I had 5 under 7), but I do miss it sometimes.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I have a couple of little part time jobs that I can do around the kids schedules.
But at times I haven't worked at all.

My husband makes more money than I ever could. He cannot miss work for kids illnesses ect and he cannot leave the office early to take kids to appointments and activities.
It all falls on me. It just didn't make sense for me to work.
Sometimes it is boring -but there are things to do besides housework.
Go to the gym, volunteer at the kids school, church work.

That is the same for us. After being home since we got married I took a part time job last year. I thought it was perfect, I was a preschool aid so I didn't work summers or school vacations. What I didn't think about was what would happen if someone got sick. Sure enough, one day DD8 got sick and I couldn't find anyone to sub for me. DH finally told his boss and asked his boss if he could have a half day of vacation time and was told no. I had to call my oldest DD home from high school to take care of her sick sister. After that day my DH said it just wasn't worth the little bit of money I was making. I worried about quitting I felt bad since I just took the job. Well they called a couple weeks ago and said attendance was down and I was being let go. So I guess it was meant to be.

I too like to blast the music (Bon Jovi for me!) and get all I can done so when the family gets home we can enjoy each other and no worry about stuff. It is amazing though haw fast the day goes. Do what yo ucan and don't worry about what you didn't get done, there is always tomorrow. And every once in a while give yourself a day to do absolutely nothing, it is WELL DESERVED!!!

 

[Nancyg56]

I have a couple of little part time jobs that I can do around the kids schedules.
But at times I haven't worked at all.

My husband makes more money than I ever could. He cannot miss work for kids illnesses ect and he cannot leave the office early to take kids to appointments and activities.
It all falls on me. It just didn't make sense for me to work.

Sometimes it is boring -but there are things to do besides housework.
Go to the gym, volunteer at the kids school, church work.

I did that too. The work I did allowed me to be home when the kids were sick or when there activities in school that I wanted to help with. My DH was very supportive. He was comfortable knowing that I was supporting him by caring for the children, our home and everything else that needed to be done. His quality of life was drastically improved when I handled everything.

I believe that there really is a personal sacrifice when a woman or a man decides to leave a paid job and stay home and manage the children and home. For me it was fulfilling but when I entered the job market after a many years it was rough. I had to take an entry level position and work up from there because I had no work experience that was recent. When DH and I decided that I would leave my job and stay home to care for my DGD and handle all of the details for our home renovation and my DH farm it was really a difficult decision for me. Staying home is really an act of trust, you can be at a disadvantage financially and there is always the chance that a woman is going to be treated as a second class person because the job she does is not generating a paycheck. That was clearly demonstrated by the poster who chastized the OP. SHe is not a rarity, believe me!

Try explaining how a 53 YO woman justifies staying home! I care for my DGD in teh simmer and have a little part time work but with no one home but DH and I there are some comments that are fresh. I keep busy but have days when i cannot get out of my own way but I find ways to keep busy. My DH would not have it any other way, when he hears how some of our aquaintances husbands are critical of their wives he is . That stint of trying to step in and do the chores that I was not able to while my Mom was sick was more than enough time for DH to understand that it only looks easy.

 

[TLuvsD]

OP Give yourself some time to adjust, and get the new school schedules. Take a week or so to just unwind.
After that, don't turn on/pick up distractions (computer/tv or books) . I do a chore or room a day, laundry a certain day, etc. Of course, those days may flex depending on what volunteer stuff I'm doing, but a couple of weeks into the new school year and I usually have a plan. You need all the schedules (sports, scouts, whatever) before you can be consistent.

 

[pixiemel]

Being a SAHM is a HUGE job, and THE BEST for your children, so don't ever let others say anything to take away from that! You are raising your child, with your values and NOT a day care worker-your children will love and appreciate all you do for them and not some stranger. All that being said, school just started and I find that adjustment period where things are out of sorts a bit-you miss them, you worry about their days, and look forward to that carpool line! So, give yourself a break to adjust to the new school beginning.
Someone else suggested a list- and that is SUCH a good idea! I make a list of things I must get done each day, put on my IPOD and get to it. And soon as your children are home, you are done with chores, errands, dinner, etc. and can devote ALL your time to them-what a gift it is!

 

[GJM]

Being a SAHM is a HUGE job, and THE BEST for your children, so don't ever let others say anything to take away from that! You are raising your child, with your values and NOT a day care worker-your children will love and appreciate all you do for them and not some stranger.

My DS who is going into 5th. grade is very well adjusted. When my DS was in daycare my DH & I were the one raising him with our values - not some stranger as you say. He also loves us and does appreciate what we do for him.

Why do some people talk about daycare as a negative thing. Most parents that put their children in daycare take the time to find one they like. My DS did a ton of cool fun things while attending plus learning and making friends. Do you think we run to the lst. place and just drop them there and that is it?!

When he was in daycare he loved it! The teachers were not strangers to him, he went to the same daycare until K -

When you child starts elementary school does that mean someone else is raising them and they are a stranger and teaching them their values?

I worked 26 years before becoming a SAHM, after I dropped my DS at school I was bored, there was only so much cleaning to do, I did volunteer at his school, but I just felt lazy. I now work while he is in school and I actually feel more motivated to get things done around the house - most times!

 

[monkeybug]

When I first quit my job to stay home I was HORRIBLE at getting the things done that needed to be. We ate out, boxes went unpacked, the laundry pile was taller than any member of my family, and I think I spent an entire months budget in a week. It was sooooo nice to finally have time to do the things I wanted! I agree with the posters who say give yourself a few weeks, a little staycation! As moms we spend so much of our time doing things for everyone else, allow yourself a little time to be selfish and do the things you would like, even if that's watching TV and buying new clothes instead of washing dirty ones.

What works for me now (that my staycation is looong past) is making lists, and having a routine. I also don't allow myself to do the things I want to do (sewing projects, cooking projects, shows on DVR, that sort of thing) until the things on my list for the day are completed.
I also have this crazy (it probably does border on crazy) binder that helps me stay organized. Just scroll to where it shows the video.
http://preparednotscared.blogspot.c...-max=2010-07-01T08:02:00-07:00&max-results=20
(I don't use ALL the pages in that binder...only the ones that apply to us)

I think one of the best things about being a SAHM is that there is enough time for me to do the things I need to do AND I want to do (not that you can't do that when you work, but for me personally it's much easier now that I don't work). The last thing I want my kids to do is grow up thinking that all I was capable of was taking care of others, or that being a parent means you stop doing the things you enjoy. Life should be a balance between the want to's and the have to's right? I hope my kids always make time nurture the things that make them happy, so I like to think that when I shirk a little responsibiltiy in favor of a good book, I'm teaching by example.

 

[Nik's Mom]

I am a new SAHM. I have worked for the past 23 years and now find myself at home.

My question is... how do you motivate yourself to work around the house?? My kids went back to school on Wed. (8-11) and for the past 3 days I have had the best plans to get SOOO much done... nothing has gotten done except all of the laundry is caught up on (which has NEVER happened)... I guess that is good, but I had planned on my house sparkling by today and I just have no eumf to get off my butt. HELP!!

I worked full time and had a pretty demanding career, then suddenly became a SAHM, so I feel your pain. DH was given a wonderful opportunity by his job to relocate to another state. We knew going in to this that I would have to stop working for a few years. We have no famiy here and dh has a pretty demanding job. So any time the kids are sick, or have appointments, it falls on my shoulders. There is no way I could keep a job with their schedules.

For the first year of being a SAHM, I think I went through a depression. It was very hard for me. I was bored and lonely. I'm sure it was worse for me because we were in a new state and I knew no one. Plus, one of my sons suffered from severe anxiety when we moved.

Eventually, I shook off the depression and put myself on a schedule. I do laundry on certain days, clean the floors on certain days, clean the bathrooms on certain days, etc. It's very important to stick to schedules. But there are still moments when I get so bored I could cry. When those moments hit, I just try to tell myself that I am doing this for the kids. One day, I'll be able to go back to work. For now, I just have to do what is best for my family. Even dh has commented at how much happier we are as a family now that I am home full time. Meals are better, the house is cleaner, we do more things as a family, and dh can just focus on being a good dad when he gets home from work.

I hope this helps, op. Just remember you are doing what is best for YOUR family. Just like parents who both work are doing what is best for their family.

 

[ang]

Thank you sooo much to everyone with the kind replies!! I am getting some GREAT ideas... I will rock this house shortly!!

I honestly do not think I am lazy... getting up a 4am to work a full time job for the past 9 years and working "normal" hours the other 14 years plus keeping a household with two busy kids in every sport and a hubby with a crazy schedule... to me proves I'm not lazy... I just need to learn the ropes of my new position... SAHM.

THANK YOU!!

I agree, turn off the tv. I listen to books while I clean or music.

First, don't try to clean your whole house everyday. Pick a job for everyday.
Like one day, I clean the bathrooms and wash the floors. The next day I dust the frontroom, dining room, and kitchen and run the sweeper. Then next day, the bedrooms. you get what i'm saying. Then on other days, i might clean the basement or the closets. I also, do the lawn..lol..so one day or two I'm outside triming, planting or shoveling the snow.

I try to do one load of laundry everyday so I won't end up with piles.

In my opinion, its seems doesn't matter how much I clean and ends up dirty again.

 

[monkeybug]

My DS who is going into 5th. grade is very well adjusted. When my DS was in daycare my DH & I were the one raising him with our values - not some stranger as you say. He also loves us and does appreciate what we do for him.

Why do some people talk about daycare as a negative thing. Most parents that put their children in daycare take the time to find one they like. My DS did a ton of cool fun things while attending plus learning and making friends. Do you think we run to the lst. place and just drop them there and that is it?!

When he was in daycare he loved it! The teachers were not strangers to him, he went to the same daycare until K -

When you child starts elementary school does that mean someone else is raising them and they are a stranger and teaching them their values?

I worked 26 years before becoming a SAHM, after I dropped my DS at school I was bored, there was only so much cleaning to do, I did volunteer at his school, but I just felt lazy. I now work while he is in school and I actually feel more motivated to get things done around the house - most times!

There is actually lot's of research that supports daycare for children once they are past infancy. There are a lot of benefits to having your child in daycare!

 

[DisneyBabies]

I give myself a free week where I do nothing but the required (dishes, laundry, etc). Then I set up my schedule and stick to it . . . in sickness and in health! If I give myself even one unscheduled day off, I'll fall off the motivational wagon.

All these ideas are great especially turn off the TV, turn up the music and make a schedule!

Once you get into a routine, it'll be easy peasy.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Whatever you do, remember you are not a maid. He family--kids
especially should share in the chores.

That is part of grooming them for adulthood.

I myself am a flylady drop out. And that explains all the dusty junk we just moved. 15,000+ pounds of it. But flylady can work very well.
It is too disconnected for my ADHD brain. I prefer an entire room
clean at one time vs dusting one day and vacuuming the next.

Basically--you are in a period of change...and I am blanking on the word. You are in transition.

Embrace it and then develop a plan on how to get through you transition.

Maybe do a version of spring cleaning for a week---plan your activities...get the detail cleaning done and then develop a maintenance routine.

Don't forget chores for the rest of the family. Just because you stay home doesn't mean they suddenly have a live in maid.

Include things to do for you..exercise, book clubs, hobbies,
etc.

And no--you aren't being lazy. You are going from
one extreme to the other and your body and mind are
detoxing...that is the word. It takes time.

Good luck.

 

[Nancyg56]

Why do some people talk about daycare as a negative thing. Most parents that put their children in daycare take the time to find one they like. !

For the same reasons that some people assume that a woman who stays at home is lazy. I don't get it, both decisions are made with respect for what is best for each faily. One woman's decision to stay home should not be judged negatively any more that another's decision to leave a child with a daycare provider. But the heat! I don't get it.

 

[MELSMICE]

I have no idea what could help you. I work for a living and still find the time to come home and do what needs to be done. I don't know what to tell you.

The OP works for a living also, she works from home. She is a day care provider, house cleaner, laundress, cook/chef, etc. Unfortunately, she doesn't collect a paycheck for it.

 

[pyrxtc]

I think you still have some time to relax and enjoy the peace and quiet. It takes me about 2 weeks before I'm motivated into anything while they are gone. I usually find myself going back to sleep for a little while and catching up on getting up so early. Then I find myself getting things done. It's so much easier with a kid free house. And yes, music on very loud helps !

 

[DisneyBabies]

My husband makes more money than I ever could. He cannot miss work for kids illnesses ect and he cannot leave the office early to take kids to appointments and activities.
It all falls on me. It just didn't make sense for me to work.

Sometimes it is boring -but there are things to do besides housework.
Go to the gym, volunteer at the kids school, church work.

This is me as well. Yes, I could get a part time job, but when I am the one who has to stay home when the kids are sick or leave work to pick them up early, that will put my employer in a bad spot. Every employer deserves employees who can put 100% into their job and I can't do that. If my DH didn't make enough money and I had to work, that would be a different story. But since I don't need to work outside of the home, I think those people who do would make better employees than me. And why waste my time (or theirs) if I can't put 100% into it?

Despite what a lot of people think, being a SAHM is more than cleaning.