Question for Married, Engaged, or other DISer's with SOs.

If he seems to be so right for you then give it time- get to know him- and see what happens. You never know what might develop if given time.
 
Work on the friendship first, don't go into the relationship thinking "This might be the one!" Let things develop naturally.

And yes, I was not physically attracted to my DH when we first met. We were friends for 3 years before we started dating- there were no sparks when we first met, but there sure were 3 years later!
 

When I met my now wife it was a physical attraction that led me to her and we found we had other interests later on but the physical thig was a big part of it for me. I can live with not having lots in common with someone if the physical thing is ther but I could only really be friends with somone if there was no physical attraction.
 
When I was dating, I had a "three date" rule. No matter what I thought of him physically, I dated him three times to see how it would work out. It worked for DH and me. Date him and see....not everybody falls in love at first sight.
 
Physical attraction is really such a small part of a relationship. If you can't be friends and share things then the rest of the relationship is not going to work. Stick it out for a while and see if you can build on the friendship you have started.
 
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I find it interesting that the one guy who responded puts much more emphasis on a physical attraction than on having anything in common.

Anyway, when I first met my husband I was dating someone else and never ever thought of him "like that." We became very good friends and it wasn't until my previous bf and I broke up that I even considered dating him. At first I protested that he wasn't "my type" until I grew up and realized "how could someone who made me feel so good to just be alive not be 'my type'"?

Now at this phase of my life I am personally never attracted to someone based on looks alone anymore. It's kind of strange. Friends will drool at pretty boy models and actors and they just do absolutely nothing for me unless they are in the role of a character with a personality that I can find sexy. I also find that I am really only attracted to people like my husband ;-).

It's good that you have an open mind and an open heart, but I agree that starting slow as friends and letting whatever happen from there (while keeping open to the possibility of something more) would be the way to go.
 
I remember my SIL way back when talking about this guy at work that she talked to all the time. They seemed to get along so good and when he asked her out she said no. (he wasn't her type...tall great bod and great looks) Since the guys that she dated who fit her ideal of the perfect man never panned out I told her over and over to go out with him a few times and see what happens. She went out with him and now they have been married for 18 years and have 2 children. They are perfectly suited to each other.
 
Originally posted by Lisa F
I find it interesting that the one guy who responded puts much more emphasis on a physical attraction than on having anything in common.

I was thinking the same thing lol :scratchin
 
I was friends first with my dh as well. He wasn't "my type" either. Actually, pretty much the opposite! Not that I found him repulsive or anything but it wasn't instant attraction. I guess since he is now my dh you can tell how it all worked out :D . Funny, I am now more attracted to guys that are like my dh just like Lisa F.

Give him a chance and see where it leads. You have nothing to lose ::yes:: .
 
When I "met" my future spouse, I didn't find him "physically attractive." And I'd have laughed had anyone told me at the time that I'd be married to him within 5 years.

As I was develo0ing a friendship with my future spouse, I still didn't find him physically attractive. Indeed, the thought didn't enter my mind. If someone would have asked me, I'd have had to think about it, and would have said I didn't find him "physically attractive."

In time, eventually, I came to find him quite attractive, including physically. One day...nope, nuthin'. Next day...yikes, sure didn't see that comin'!

In fifteen years of marriage physical (and other) attractiveness has "waxed and waned," but at the end of the day, there's still no one else real or imaginary that I'd have rather shared it with. And that includes the days I don't like him.

My spouse and I share the same worldview, which is of utmost importance to us. We are both committed to lifelong marriage. We have much in common, but are also different in many ways. Our individual weaknesses and strengths offset and compliment one another, as well as drive us batty at times. We believe grace, humility and sacrificial love are necessary in our marriage, and although we can be oh-so-imperfect at it, we keep on keepin' on.

Sorry for the ramble... :o
 
I wasn't physically attracted to DH at all! Not my type, even remotely. In fact, I wanted to date his roommate (a hottie!) instead. :o Said roommate ended up being our best man.
 
I'll go middle of the road, guy here. I do think, at least for a guy, there 'usually' is some sort of physical attraction at first, to get the ball rolling, assuming it is the guy asking the girl/lady out. She looks good, has a nice smile, a nice figure, pretty hair, or just a nice 'way about herself' (guy wants to know her better) not knowing her any better beyond a casual observer. Once the first dates are history, a meaningful relationship, for most, goes well beyond physical. My best, Goofymum
 
When I first met DH I thought he was cute and nice enough but I certainly did not think that he was "the one" right away. I figured we would go out on a few dates and maybe in the end just be good friends. Well almost 11 years later and he really was "the one". :)
 
18 years later, and we are Still 'physically' un-attractive---to each other.:p His Ex was tall and Blonde, very "High Maintenance" I am short, brown hair and "Low Maitenance".:teeth:
 
Ok the hubby again why is it strange that the physical thing is still important? If you are just good friends then why get married I have lots of good friends but I do not want to spend the rest of my life with them. I mean if there is no physical attraction all it ever really is is a friendship not much romance there IMHO but that is just my view on it. I am still very attracted to my wife physically and that is very important for our healthy relationship in our minds we do have lots of things in common and share alot of the same interests and so forth but it truly was a physical attraction that led us to meet and not just on my behalf I know I asked her last night. For us personally we need the physical spark to keep it interesting I guess but whatever works for other couples that is great I am not saying it has to be physical for everyone but as long as whatever it is that keeps you going is there the better it is for everyone.
 
Originally posted by Boston Tea Party
Friends first. :)

Physical attraction is a manifestation of inner feelings.

Unless you're a perv. ;)

I agree that friends first is a good approach. I must be a perv, because I had a physical attraction to DH right off the bat, but I do have to say he was not BUFF guy, I was attracted to his voice and mannerisms first.
 
I have to be physically attracted to someone first (was with DH). Otherwise, it won't go any further than friendship.

BUT there must be much more than just physical attraction. I dated many an attractive man who did not have the same sense of humor, things in common and worldview as me. That quickly made them seem unappealing in my eyes, no matter how cute I thought they were at first.

I think you should give this guy a chance, though, because you seem quite enthusiastic about him even if you are not yet quite sure about the physical part.
 

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