Question for divorced/separated parents

[SillyMe]

Do you take your children shopping for holidays and let them buy their father/mother a card and/or gift? My dd6 and I were in the store last week and she asked if she could buy her dad a Valentine's card. Well, I thought it was only right to let her get it for him. After all, it is my responsibility to make sure she gets him cards on holidays, is it not? Well I thought so. She gave him the card on Saturday and he told her he didn't know when Valentine's Day is because he doesn't care about it this year because he is alone. Anyway, he got ticked at me for it.

So yesterday he gave the girls their gifts. I did not get a card or anything from my children. Am I wrong in being upset about this? It hurt my feelings.

 

[Serena]

I'm sorry. I can understand how you feel.

Could you have your kids make you a valentine today? I doubt he would encourage them to make one themselves, but you can. And next time they aren't able to go shopping for one, they'll know what to do.

 

[ILUVMYBRIT]

I always make sure my kids do something for their dad. My ds is old enough to start doing things on his own for his dad but I take dd out for her dad.

Maybe your ex didnt think of it and said what he did to your dd because he was just feeling sorry for himself. My ex did the same thing our first Christmas apart. He has been much better about things like that now. It takes time.

 

[mudnuri]

yup, and to me it doesnt matter if he doesnt do it for me.

The point is to let the kids get their father something on the holidays- if he chooses not to do it, then so be it. I'm bigger than him.....

Brandy

 

[Disney Doll]

He's obviously bitter.

Congratulations for being the bigger person and having your children do the right thing for their father.

Perhaps in time it will settle down and he'll be normal.

 

[mickeyfan2]

You did the right thing. It is always best to let the kid show their other parent how they love them by getting them cards and small gifts on special days. He did not give you a card from the girls to hurt you, but he really hurt his relationship with them.

 

[tkd lisa]

Yes. I had my kids get their dad a card for Father's Day. And I made them write him a letter for Christmas, and send pictures. Frankly, my kids are all that my soon to be ex- has left. And I'll try to keep that relationship somewhat intacts while still protecting my kids.

I'm a big girl. I can handle no card or gift for a holiday.

 

[SillyMe]

You did the right thing. It is always best to let the kid show their other parent how they love them by getting them cards and small gifts on special days. He did not give you a card from the girls to hurt you, but he really hurt his relationship with them.

It's funny that you said that because DD6 told me that she didn't get me anything because no one took her to the store. I told her it's okay because as long as I had her and her sister, that was all I needed. So apparently it must bother her that he didn't take her to pick one out.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

i'm divorced and have 2 boys that my ex has custody of--we have been divorced for 7 years and I can honestly say that in all that time I have never once gotten a birthday card,mothers day card or a xmas card and I've only received 2 phone calls....And yes it hurts like hell... So for those of you who do have custody always remember to at least do a little something because I know when a special day rolls around I'm right at the mailbox 2 to 3 days before and after hoping against hope that something just once will be in there for me to know that I haven't been forgotten.

 

[Marseeya]

Always take the high road!

DH and I were only separated for less than a year, but I made sure the kids were able to get him Father's Day cards, and whatever they wanted. It really ate at me that I didn't get the same courtesy, but I would have continued doing that for the kids for as long as they wanted/needed me to.

 

[mickeyfan2]

When my GF got a divorce he ex punished her with the kids. A little before Christmas the little boy said his dad would not let him buy his mom a gift. I took him shopping to get her something. He was thrilled. I contiued to do that for Christmas, Birthday Mother's day until he could buy them himself.

 

[aprincessmom]

So yesterday he gave the girls their gifts. I did not get a card or anything from my children. Am I wrong in being upset about this? It hurt my feelings.

I always buy for DD's dad...give her a $$ limit and let her pick things out. Because that's between her and her dad, not between me and her dad. If he doesn't feel like reciprocating, no big deal. I can handle it.

 

[SillyMe]

I guess it just hit a sore spot because this is the first time I've had to deal with this. We haven't been separated long...and he didn't pull this crap for Christmas. Now all of a sudden he is. Oh well. It'll pass.

 

[jajuan]

I was first thinking...of course I would. But, I didn't do anything from the kids for Valentines. We are seperated, but he is still living at home. If the kids asked, I would definitely do something for him. They did things for me, but I think they feel like mommy is the one that would appreciate valentines. They are very thoughtful and I know that I will be getting him something for his birthday in April from the kids.

 

[FreshTressa]

Was he thoughtful when you were married?

Prolly not....so, it should not surprise you that you are the more thoughtful one. Take joy in the fact that you are a good person, and don't let his selfishness get you down.

 

[carolfoy]

I agree with the other posters, someday your kids will remember 'my mom let me give my dad special cards but he didn't do it back' That's HIM that looks a fool not you

 

[SleepyMom]

I don't think you are wrong in having hurt feelings. That was probably his intention all along, why else would he say those things to a child? He knew they would pass along his comments to you.

Take the high road and don't put your child in the middle the way he is. Continue to let them send him cards, notes, drawings, whatever their heart desires.

You are doing what is in the best interests of your child, and that is always the way to go. Good job Mom!!!