question for Catholics re: marriage

[*JoGo*]

Not a debate, we just don't know how this works?
my brother (Christian) is engaged to a Catholic girl. we don't really know much about the religion. they've talked about maybe an outdoor wedding. and she's also mentioned a catholic service. will a catholic priest do an outdoor wedding? or marry them at all since my brother is not catholic?

 

[mvazul]

Not a debate, we just don't know how this works?
my brother (Christian) is engaged to a Catholic girl. we don't really know much about the religion. they've talked about maybe an outdoor wedding. and she's also mentioned a catholic service. will a catholic priest do an outdoor wedding? or marry them at all since my brother is not catholic?

It really depends on the priest. Most usually won't do an outside wedding, because it's not in the church and therefore not recognized by the church. Not sure why. I have been Catholic my entire life and this has never made sense to me. The only way they can have a full Catholic mass is for your brother to join the church and become Catholic. A priest will marry them in the church if your brother does not want to become Catholic, but it will be a generic ceremony and not a full mass. Hope this helps! Michelle PS - Catholics are Christians, too. Sorry - this just really annoys me!!

 

[*JoGo*]

Thanks Michelle.
Also, thanks for the PS. i should've clarified, my brother is pentecostal, non denomination.... i just meant he has a faith. i'm sorry.

 

[lemondog]

Like the PP said, depends on the diocese, and the priest. Our diocese GREATLY frowns upon them. The wedding can be in ANY religious space (temple, church, whatever faith) but it must be religious. Because the diocese frowns upon it, there is only 1 priest in the entire city who will do it. And he does ALL the outdoor Catholic weddings, lol. As a result one friend was able to get married on her family farm...another at a historic plantation.

ETA: Because these weddings are officiated by a priest, they are recognized as valid Catholic weddings. Neither was a full Mass because neither of the grooms are Catholic - I am not sure they would do a full Mass wedding in a non-religious space.

 

[mvazul]

Thanks Michelle.
Also, thanks for the PS. i should've clarified, my brother is pentecostal, non denomination.... i just meant he has a faith. i'm sorry.

That's okay. There were supposed to be spaces in my paragraph and also have smilies. Apparently, something isn't working tonight. My husband and I are both Catholic and got married outside. My priest wouldn't do it, so we had a friend of mine officiate. I really wanted a full Catholic mass, but in the end, it wasn't as important as my marriage. They should ask around and see who can help them out.

 

[FireDancer]

One of my best friends is Lutheran and married a catholic girl. Not only did the priest do the wedding at a Catholic church but my friend's Lutheran priest (or pastor, not sure what they call them) was invited to partake in the festivities up on the alter.

In another wedding I went to the bride was Catholic and the groom was not but I am not sure what his religion was. Again, the wedding happened in the church (a different church) and the only difference is that the groom was not allowed to take communion.

I have lots of friends that had outdoor weddings but either none of them were Catholic or it wasn't obvious enough for me to notice so I can't help you there.

I do imagine there are some churches and some diocese that are more open to this kind of thing than others. If she has a specific church in mind it might be a problem. If she is willing to shop around for a church that fits her faith while also accommodating the groom and their wishes I'm sure she can find one if she looks around enough.

 

[SouthernExplorer]

my brother (Christian) is engaged to a Catholic girl. we don't really know much about the religion. they've talked about maybe an outdoor wedding. and she's also mentioned a catholic service. will a catholic priest do an outdoor wedding? or marry them at all since my brother is not catholic?

I would suggest you direct your questions about Roman Catholicism to an apostolate such as Catholic Answers (they are of the conservative bent):

http://forums.catholic.com/

Another good resource is EWTN (this is also on the conservative side).

They will be able to help answer any question you may have.

Congrats to your brother

 

[MnMomtoboys]

We had a full mass at our wedding and I wasn't Catholic at the time. The non Catholics could not take communion but others did.

Your brother will have to take marriage classes. And if the Priest doesn't feel they are ready for marriage can refuse to marry them.

 

[Soarin08]

We had a full mass at our wedding and I wasn't Catholic at the time. The non Catholics could not take communion but others did.

Your brother will have to take marriage classes. And if the Priest doesn't feel they are ready for marriage can refuse to marry them.

Sounds like how it is in my church (Mormon). Only thing is non-Mormons aren't allowed in the temple (my parents are going to love that when I get married).

OP, congrats to your brother! I'm sure whatever they do for a wedding will be lovely! My best friend is Catholic so I would be more than happy to direct some questions to her for you.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Not a debate, we just don't know how this works?
my brother (Christian) is engaged to a Catholic girl. we don't really know much about the religion. they've talked about maybe an outdoor wedding. and she's also mentioned a catholic service. will a catholic priest do an outdoor wedding? or marry them at all since my brother is not catholic?

Most priests will not do an outdoor ceremony. It is against the tenets of the religion.

He will have to do 6 months of marriage classes.

She can have a mass with her wedding or not have a mass.

 

[johnsontrio]

Like the PP said, depends on the diocese, and the priest. Our diocese GREATLY frowns upon them. The wedding can be in ANY religious space (temple, church, whatever faith) but it must be religious. Because the diocese frowns upon it, there is only 1 priest in the entire city who will do it. And he does ALL the outdoor Catholic weddings, lol. As a result one friend was able to get married on her family farm...another at a historic plantation.

ETA: Because these weddings are officiated by a priest, they are recognized as valid Catholic weddings. Neither was a full Mass because neither of the grooms are Catholic - I am not sure they would do a full Mass wedding in a non-religious space.

Just to clarify what lemondog is saying. You must have prior written approval for what the Catholic Church calls Absence of Form for the marriage to be considered valid in the Church. This is needed when a Catholic is marrying a non-Catholic and/or when a Catholic(s) marries outside of a Catholic Church, i.e. other denomination church, beach, cruise ship, backyard, etc.. These forms are filled out in advance by the deacon or priest at your Parish and sent down to be authorized by the Tribunal at your Archdioceses. Without this prior approval, even if a priest were to perform the ceremony, it would not be considered a valid marriage within the Church.

Google Absence of Form in marriage in the Catholic Church for more information then you probably need.

In truth, a Catholic is free to marry anywhere they desire, but if they are concerned that the marriage be recognized by the Catholic Church as valid, then these procedures must be followed. I have never seen a full Catholic Mass with the Sacrament of Marriage anywhere but inside a Catholic Church.

 

[golfgal]

Most priests will not do an outdoor ceremony. It is against the tenets of the religion.

He will have to do 6 months of marriage classes.

She can have a mass with her wedding or not have a mass.

This is a perfect example of how different parishes operate. There are priests around here that will do an outside service, heck, we have outside church services a couple times/year too.

NO ONE here has to take 6 months of marriage classes, most go to a day or two long retreat and have a couple meetings with the priest.

You can have a full Mass even if the groom is not Catholic (or the bride for that matter), the non-Catholic just won't be allowed to take Communion.

OP, for your family the only thing you really need to worry about is that in the Catholic Church you typically cannot receive Communion if you are not Catholic and have not gone through the Sacrament of First Communion. You can go up during Communion, cross your arms over your chest and the priest will give you a blessing if you want. Otherwise you can just remain seated in the pew during Communion-not a big deal.

 

[ferrytale]

I agree - it is up to the priest or archdioceses, but most will not do them. However, to the PP, I do not believe both bride & groom need to be catholic in order to have a full mass. It was offered to us, but DH is not catholic - Father said that they usually just recommend a short service if one part of the family is not catholic so that they do not feel left out not knowing how the masses usually work or getting communion, etc.

 

[mlynn]

One of my best friends is Lutheran and married a catholic girl. Not only did the priest do the wedding at a Catholic church but my friend's Lutheran priest (or pastor, not sure what they call them) was invited to partake in the festivities up on the alter.

In another wedding I went to the bride was Catholic and the groom was not but I am not sure what his religion was. Again, the wedding happened in the church (a different church) and the only difference is that the groom was not allowed to take communion.I have lots of friends that had outdoor weddings but either none of them were Catholic or it wasn't obvious enough for me to notice so I can't help you there.

I do imagine there are some churches and some diocese that are more open to this kind of thing than others. If she has a specific church in mind it might be a problem. If she is willing to shop around for a church that fits her faith while also accommodating the groom and their wishes I'm sure she can find one if she looks around enough.

this is what i was going to stay.My husband isn't Catholic but we were still married in my church he just didn't take communion. I had the full mass.

 

[jaminmd]

I was born/raised Catholic but DH was not. We were married in the church (to make my mother happy). In they eyes of the church it was considered a "joined union" instead of a sacrament because DH is not Catholic.

If your future SIL doesn't care about that, there are many priests that would perform the ceremony elsewhere.

 

[KAMLEM]

Sounds like how it is in my church (Mormon). Only thing is non-Mormons aren't allowed in the temple (my parents are going to love that when I get married).

Sorry that this is OT, but it interests me. Does this mean that your wedding guests cannot attend the service if they are not Mormon? Am I understanding that correctly?

 

[keetmommy]

It really depends on the priest. Most usually won't do an outside wedding, because it's not in the church and therefore not recognized by the church. Not sure why. I have been Catholic my entire life and this has never made sense to me. The only way they can have a full Catholic mass is for your brother to join the church and become Catholic. A priest will marry them in the church if your brother does not want to become Catholic, but it will be a generic ceremony and not a full mass. Hope this helps! Michelle PS - Catholics are Christians, too. Sorry - this just really annoys me!!

This isn't true he doesn't have to become Catholic, I am Catholic, my DH Lutheran and we had a Catholic Mass and our kids are Catholic.

 

[luvmy3]

Just to clarify what lemondog is saying. You must have prior written approval for what the Catholic Church calls Absence of Form for the marriage to be considered valid in the Church. This is needed when a Catholic is marrying a non-Catholic and/or when a Catholic(s) marries outside of a Catholic Church, i.e. other denomination church, beach, cruise ship, backyard, etc.. These forms are filled out in advance by the deacon or priest at your Parish and sent down to be authorized by the Tribunal at your Archdioceses. Without this prior approval, even if a priest were to perform the ceremony, it would not be considered a valid marriage within the Church.

Google Absence of Form in marriage in the Catholic Church for more information then you probably need.

In truth, a Catholic is free to marry anywhere they desire, but if they are concerned that the marriage be recognized by the Catholic Church as valid, then these procedures must be followed. I have never seen a full Catholic Mass with the Sacrament of Marriage anywhere but inside a Catholic Church.

I was Catholic when I married dh who was not. We had a full Catholic mass wedding in my Chrurch. I can't answer you about the wedding not being held in a Chruch because I have never been to a Catholic ceremony outside of one. Being that dh was not Catholic we did need "permission" to be married (which I assume is what johnsontrio is talking about). Dh had to prove that he was baptized in his faith in order to get it. At least that is what my priest had told us and I was young and naive enough to not question it.
We were alos required to do a pre-cana class, but that is required for any Catholic wedding not just ones where one person is non Catholic.
The couple just needs to meet with the priest they are considering for the ceremony and find out what can be done, I believe they are much more accomodating to dual faith couples than they were in the past.

 

[dawson5]

You can be married outside of the church and still have it recognized.

http://www.catholic.com/thisrock/1995/9504qq.asp

http://www.archdiocese.la/prayer/sacraments/tribunal/canonical/sanatio.html

I thought there were limited circumstances where non-Catholics could partake in the Eucharist. I know I read something about it in the missalette during mass, it's been a few years though. It was something to do with visiting. I would speak with the priest specifically about this if it is important.

Our church encourages you to take the marriage classes. They do last for a few months. Our pediatrician lost his wife, both were Catholic. He remarried. To be married in the church, they both had to attend the classes and I believe they even saw a therapist.

 

[okeydokey]

Depends on the priest and parish. Also I have never heard of a 6 month marriage class. My family is catholic and my SIL was methodist when they married. They married in the Methodist church and a priest was also present. It was a lovely ceremony. She later did convert to but that was because they were having children and she wanted them to all attend the same church as the kids were growing up.