Question for a widow(er) with grown children.

[Hillbeans]

I've been wanting to ask a question but i'm not really even quite sure how to phrase it.

My FIL passed away a few weeks ago and my MIL lives about 4 hours away. There is some family close by who she has been spending time with, but living so far away DH and I feel kind of bad that we're not there to spend more time with MIL. We're going to make an effort to drive out to see her and spend time with her one weekend a month.

If you're a widow/widower, how much time do you want to see your kids/grandkids? Do you want to travel with them if they ask you to come along with them on trips? Would you ever consider moving in with your grown child and family?

 

[mickeyboat]

Hillbeans - I am sorry for your loss.

Not a widow here, but I might be able to give a little insight.

MIL passed away almost 3 1/2 years ago, and FIL lives in our town. His three daughters live 3+ hours away. He is very lonely, and spends a lot of time with us. He picks up the kids at day care and eats dinner with us several days a week. He takes the kids to the dump with him and makes apple pies with them. He spends all the major holidays and birthdays with us. I think he might just wither away if we weren't here. I can't say I am thrilled to have him so involved in our lives, but it is really important to him, and the kids love him to death, so I cope.

Your MIL might have a different personality, so play it by ear by inviting her to your home sometimes and offering to visit her, too. Maybe it's time to make some new holiday traditions in your home, to help her move past her grief.

Denae

 

[luvwinnie]

Everyone is different, but my 71 yr old dad moved in with us after my mom passed away. He has no hobbies and after taking care of her for 4 years (she was on dialysis) he had just TOO much free time. He needed to feel needed. He cooks dinner for us and does some cleaning too. I'm still trying to get him to go to the senior center here though. He needs some friends his own age. Some people do ok alone (personally, I think my MOM would have fared better than him...women will reach out others more I think), some do not.

 

[Hillbeans]

That's just it. When my mom passed away in 2003, my now 72 yo dad went through a wild phase going out all the time, etc. He's busy with his PT job, and fills his time well. He's not overly anxious to spend time with the grandkids, but that's changed recently with his fiancee wanting to see the kids more.

My MIL is a completely different personality....she's quiet, more family oriented, and would spend most of her time alone i'm afraid.

 

[safetymom]

My husband died when I was 42. My kids were 15, 12, 9 when he died. I love to spend time with my kids. They are older now and we always have a great time. They were the best to hang with because when I went out to see other family members or friends they would hold on to their husbands like I was going to take them away.

Be there for your MIL but let her tell you what she is comfortable with. You always appreciate your family but sometimes you need time for yourself.