Except if the family is requesting a donation in lieu of flowers. There's a reason they're doing that. It's basically a family request to not spend the money on flowers, but donate that money in memory of the deceased. If they're not requesting donations, flowers are very appropriate. We prefer to meet the family wishes, not our own. And I'm sure many, many smaller donations to an organization does make a difference.
The family isn't the person being honored at a funeral. If you want to honor the deceased with flowers, that is both traditional and appropriate.
When a donation is requested it could often be attributed to something near and dear to the deceased. Maybe not always but it's quite often enough. If you believe that the person being honored is the deceased you'd want to keep that in mind. Some families set up a charity in the memory of the deceased and that too is often related to something near and dear to the deceased.
For me, respecting family requests or wishes is a way to care for the grieving.
I checked locally and it seems most flowers are really from places like a wedding or other event. Funerals are not as common although some mentioned they do get them from there. I think some of that honestly might be tied to what some flowers have come to represent as well as the actual arrangements. One of the organizations in my area would deconstruct the arrangements to make new ones though.
Funerals are for the living. Funerals are 100% for the family so friends & extended family can come pay their respects and condolences to the living family.
Heck yes, we were grown when my dad passed. My friends asked what they could do. They went out and bought 12 packs of drinks for the lunch after the funeral. They gave us the extra money on a Kroger gift card. Not that we needed the money but it was certainly appreciated, especially since it saved us having to go out and get them ourselves.
Several posters mentioned this but I only quoted one... donations to large national organizations often DO NOT get reported back to the deceased's family. Only if the family made effort to reach out and request a listing, and most families simply don't think to do that at the moment. Local charity organizations are quite likely to maintain a list, though if there is an online donation it sometimes doesn't get marked appropriately. We ran into this after my mom passed; 1 of 2 local charities only had partial list of donations because those made through the website may have inadvertently been attributed to an online donation collection they had going at the time. If I want a family to know I made a donation in memory of their loved one, I mention it in a card sent to the family (or dropped at the funeral home).
THIS. ^
not in all cultures. In some, flowers are seen as a sign of celebration and have no place at a funeral.
My Mom died last year and she did not want a lot of flowers. Other than the ones my Sister & I selected from the immediate family, there were only a few others from close friends or family. She wanted donations to a National charity that supported research/ support for the condition her older Sister suffered from ( she died as a child).
Good to know. I've made several donations to larger charities, but they were still local (but not small like a school). In most cases, there was an area for me to fill out something for a card that would be sent. Each time, I did get a thank you back from the family noting that they were aware of the donation, so I guess in my case it worked. But good suggesting on letting them know in a sympathy card!
Not for everyone. We requested donations in lieu of flowers for my mother's funeral. My mother would have hated having flowers (she also wouldn't have wanted donations to one of the main charities that people would have thought to donate to, given her cause of death, so we also wanted a chance to name specifics).
