Question about dating a non-Disney fan

[Mickey76]

Hey everyone, it's been a while since I have been here, but it's good to be back. However, I'm having a bit of a dilemma right now. I have been dating a woman now for about four months. We have a pretty good relationship, but there is something that has been bothering me, which she knows bothers me. She is not a Disney fanatic like me. That's not the problem. I don't expect many people to be as big as a fanatic as I am nor the rest of us here on the DisBoards. The problem I have is this, she steadfastly refuses to go to Disney World any time soon. She knows who I have been with to Disney World in the past with (for those of you who don't know, I was engaged to another member of the Dis and we got engaged in Disney World, but unfortunately, it just didn't work out for us). My current girlfriend insists that part of me wants to go back to Disney World to rehash old memories. I tell her that she couldn't be any farther from the truth. Disney has always meant a lot to me, long before I even started dating women.
I had always planned to visit Disney World every year for the rest of my life, and if I stay with my girlfriend, it looks as though it may be years from now that I get to go again. I could go with some buddies of mine, but I would like to bring my girlfriend, too. She also doesn't want to watch any Disney movies with me. I know making comprimises is a part of a relationship, but somehow I feel as though I making too much of a compromise. If any of you have any advice or suggestions, I'm all ears. Thanks.

 

[Lars624]

Is it possible that since the relationship is only 4 months old, she feels threatened by the memories she assumes visiting WDW will bring you of your former fiance? Maybe you should give her a little time to be more secure in your relationship. She really should be able to understand what Disney means to you & go with you because she cares about you. Who knows....maybe she'll like it

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Honestly given all that happened on your last Disney trip, which wasn't all that long ago, I can well understand how she feels about visiting WDW with you right now.

Next time just propose in a fancy restaurant. It's alot easier to avoid a single restaurant than it is to avoid the largest vacation destination in the United States.

 

[Mickey76]

Lars, I appreciate the response. Thanks.
We've talked about it a lot. I feel as though she is threatened but she also realizes that she does have some insecurities. I don't know what to tell her when she already realizes that she has an insecurity about this issue but refuses to understand where I'm coming from. I'd like to say that I will give her more time, but at the same time I want to be with someone that will want to go to some of the places that I like to go to, namely Disney World.

Mickey76

 

[Lars624]

Mickey-
Does she realize how important it is to you?
I can see why she feels insecure about it. Would you be okay about going to the place her last boyfrined had proposed to her?
What about going to DL instead the first trip? kind of ease into WDW slowly.

 

[Piglet]

Mickey76 - Maybe what you need to do is tell her that you want to make new memories there with her (I don't mean getting engaged again) and that because SHE is so important to you that you want to share that with her but will wait until SHE is ready.

It would be really hard for me to go there with someone I cared about after they had gotten engaged there to another woman.

You've got to convince her that she is the most important person to you and that SHE is the only woman you think of EVER!!!!

So you better get the charm and romance out and get started.

Edited to add - Check out my tag, that will get you started.

Melinda

 

[gepetto]

Sorry, I can understand where she's coming from. If you spent long vacations/proposed to someone else at WDW...that's pretty hard to get past. If she refuses to go, you need to make a decision rather than stringing her along.

 

[Grog]

What about going to DL instead the first trip? kind of ease into WDW slowly.

Good suggestion.

 

[Otimon]

The handwriting is on the wall, Mickey. Take a good look at it, come on down and enjoy yourself. There will be someone special again who will share your interests.

Best wishes.

 

[SuiteDisney]

Dump her before it's too late. She could ruin your life!

 

[mickeyfan1]

She may never "get it", or she may just feel uncomfortable about the ex-fiance. You can give her time, (4 months is not very long,) to get to know you better, and she may change her mind. She may never want to go, and then you have to decide if that is a relationship breaker or not. I have been with my husband 32 years, he is not a Disney fan, he has gone a couple of times, but more to humor me than to really get into it. But I would never have considered not being with him because of that. Of course, if he was a fan of any other amusement park, and not Disney, well that would be a problem, LOL.

Good luck, and give it time.

 

[Mickey76]

Hey everyone, I really love and appreciate all of the responses. This is something that I have been giving a lot of thought for a while now. When we first started dating, she didn't say what she says now. She seemed more than willing to go, but now all of the sudden she's very adamant. It raises my suspicions. She knew from the beginning how much Disney means to me. I have Mickey Mouse tattooed on my right arm, for crying out loud!

Someone mentioned this issue possibly being a relationship breaker. I'm not going to lie, it could be. Although I want to give as much time as possible to warm up to the idea of maybe going someday, there's the chance that she may never want to go. I look at it as a life is too short to sit idly, knowing that better times could be had. Call it selfish, but that's me and I have to be happy first before I can make anyone else happy. I have always wanted to marry someone that had some interest in Disney. Although we have not talked about marriage, it's something I think about and how much I'd be sacrificing in order to spend the rest of my life with someone that does not want to go to the one vacation spot that I actually care about. Sorry if I sound selfish, by the way. Thanks again for all of your great advice. I'm realizing why I love to be here so much.

Mickey76

 

[Serena]

Hey Mickey, I don't know what to say to help you. But give things a lot of thought. Disney is very important to you. Either you need to find someone who likes it too, or someone who is special enough that disney falls lower in the priority list.

 

[Luvinit]

Not to mention...if she cannot realize how important this is to you...what else down the line is she not going to care about??? I can honestly tell you I have done PLENTY of things that I was not passionate about...b/c it was important to my DH. (as he does for me).

And why in the world after just 4 mos. would you tell her the story of your breakup???

My advice...next girlfriend...really play down the whole "getting engaged and WDW thing". Us woman really don't want to here how bad things were. LOL

Best of Luck
Tracy

 

[jipsy]

Uhhh, if I am not mistaken, Dan Murphy loves Disney, his wife and family really don't care about it one way or the other and he seems to have a rock solid marriage. Maybe you should ask him. But then, I think they built their marriage on love for each other, not whether or not they could agree on a vacation spot.

I'll be blunt here - if you love a vacation spot so much that you are willing to give up a personal relationship with someone you care about for it, and she is so naive as to not understand that you were a Disney fanatic before your thing with Pigletwhoever, then the two of you need to get out of this relationship now so the two of you can do more growing up.

 

[Buckalew]

While I think Jipsy makes a good point, common interests are important. Dan's love for Disney can later in the marriage too. I married someone who doesn't like the beach. I have gone to the beach w/o him many times. I would love for him to share that interest with me but after 16 years, it ain't gonna happen!

Lucky for me he really enjoys a WDW vacation. He is by no means as big of a fan as I am but he goes because he knows I like it so much and he'd rather go there than go to the beach. There are so many other places to visit too but so far, he isn't interested in them either!

I'm wondering why she won't watch a Disney movie though? Sure, they are kids movies but I think most adults can enjoy kids movies too. Sounds like she could be "rebeling" against all things Disney.

I guess one of the things you'll need to think about/talk about is will she ever want to go? Will she not put up a stink if you wnat to go solo if she still isn't interested? If you marry and have kids, will she go as a family--or "allow" you to take the kids w/o her?
I know it seems like a small issue and it is just a vacation spot but if I ever was thinking about remarrying and the guy didn't want to go to WDW with me, well, I can say I'm shallow enough that I'd probably get out of the relationship. There are certain things to me that if they mean enough to you and you are both going into a relationship knowing this, extra thought should be given because love doesn't always conquer all.

Good luck. I think at some point you and this young lady need to sit down and have a heart to heart.

 

[snoopy]

My husband doesn't "get" WDW either, never has, and probably never will. He comes along on trips every couple years to amuse me.

Of course, we have many differences. He prefers the mountains, I prefer the beach. He'd rather tour Europe, I'd prefer to go to WDW, he's a history buff, I'm not.

He likes riding motorcycles, I prefer cars. He likes sports, I'm not a sports fan. I like my feet firmly planted on this Earth, he likes to skydive. He's very stoic, I tend to be more emotional. He likes steak, I like seafood.

The point being, most couples have differences, but I think you learn to compromise over time. I would give it a little while, but I think there would come a point if I were in your shoes that I would have to leave a relationship where my partner would not compromise about something as minor as a vacation destination. I also would have concerns about anyone who dwelled on my past relationships too much. Perhaps you might take her somewhere that she wants to go on vacation, to reassure her its her you want to be with, then suggest WDW on your next trip. Relationships and marriage is all about give and take, I have learned that from marrying someone quite the opposite of me both in temperment and common interests.

 

[DonnaS]

It sounds like it goes deeper than Disney. To me, it sounds like she is very jealous of your past relationship. I'm not saying this because she doesn't want to go to WDW, but because of her refusal to even watch a Disney movie with you.

When DH and I were first dating we took a trip to Disneyland about 3 months after we began to go out (we'd known each other a while). I told him it was a test to see if he had the Disney spirit and he passed. However, I had already fallen for him so it wouldn't have been a deal breaker anyway.

 

[Disney Dee]

I think she is insecure, give her time. I wouldn't have wanted to go where my SO spent his honeymoon the first time he asked me to go, but 2 yrs later, I would be more then willing. He had never been to DW and didn't seem real interested in going, but I talked him into it. He knew I had alot of memories being there with my Xx, but he was a more secure person then I was, so he went. last yr with me. now he wants to go back even more then I do!

Try getting her interested in a floida vacation, say to US or sea world, maybe once there, and you start making your own memories, she may go check out DW while you are in the area, but make it HER idea! good luck.

luvinit, whats wrong with telling his girlfriend about their breakup with his ex after just 4 months? My SO knew my whole life history before we even met in person. Unless you are ashamed of your past, why not tell?

 

[TRAPPED-PARENT]

Okay, here's my two cents worth.

I think it is time to say goodbye to her. This is not about Disney, it is about compromise and recognizing and acknowledging things that are important to you.

If she is not willing to consider your feelings at this early stage in your relationship, it will only get worse.

I don't think I would want to start a life with someone who is unwilling to acknowlege what is important to me. This is about a vacation destination, for heaven's sake ... you are not asking her to change her religion or place of residence!!!

Dump her and move on.