Question about a baby shower for a 4th child

[Claudia1]

One of my friends in her late 30's just found out she was pregnant with her 4th child after her husbands vasectomy healed itself. They have a teenage son and 2 tween girls. Great family and this is a real bombshell. They had not planned on having any more children and thought they took care of it but sometimes this happens.

All they have left of their baby things is a bed. They are generous people and had given everything away to needy young families when they were positive they would not need them anymore. So, they are starting all over again.

I have 2 questions:
1) Do you think it would be strange to have a baby shower for them?
2) With her advanced age, birth defects are a concern. How far into the pregnancy can you test for defects? I am asking because I don't want to plan a shower until that threshold has been passed. With their active family and her personality, she is one that will want to start planning now, so an early shower would fit her best. I course, I could be over-thinking this. (This is not an abortion issue for them but I want to be sensitive to the timing.)

Thanks.

 

[HamTown]

This is a situation where I think it is appropriate to have a shower. It's not like this is her 4th child in 5 years.

I'd wait until she is at least half way through the pregnancy. All genetic testing can be done by that time and if they choose to find out the sex of the child, it would be known by 21 weeks at the latest.

Have fun planning!

 

[Bluestars]

1. I think throwing a baby shower for her would be a nice surprise.

2. I don't remember anything about the testing, but my mother had my youngest sister when she around 41 and everything turned out fine.

You are so thoughtful to want to do something nice for the family.
They sound like wonderful people. What a shocker though after his vasectomy.

 

[kwelch10377]

I do not think that it would strange to have a baby shower for them, although I would think about maybe doing something a little different than a traditional shower, maybe something that includes the husband and all of their friends, not just female friends.

I can't really answer the question about the timing of testing, but I will say I would not factor that into your planning at all. Even if it turns out that there is something wrong with the baby, they are still having one and I would need baby items.

 

[pearlieq]

Normally showers for subsequent babies aren't acceptable, but this is one of those exception cases. Only the most die-hard sticklers would really object.

As for the testing issue, I wouldn't worry about it. She should be done with all of the major ones before her 3rd trimester. She probably wouldn't want the shower before that anyway. It's no fun without the big belly!

 

[ilovejack02]

I say throw them a great shower!

 

[luvmy3]

I do not think that it would strange to have a baby shower for them, although I would think about maybe doing something a little different than a traditional shower, maybe something that includes the husband and all of their friends, not just female friends.

I can't really answer the question about the timing of testing, but I will say I would not factor that into your planning at all. Even if it turns out that there is something wrong with the baby, they are still having one and I would need baby items.

That sounds like a great idea.

 

[4nana]

Congrats to them on their unexpected blessing . Yes, a baby shower is a wonderful idea ! I also like the idea of a couples shower.
DD had one for her DSis & DH and it was really a lot of fun!! The men were even included in some the games and had a ball!
You're a thoughtful friend and this will be a great pick-me up they'll really appreciate!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

A shower would be a nice idea.

I'd wait unitl her final trimester to plan it.

Usually the tests that would be performed to check for defects, if she opts to do them, are early in the 2nd trimester. She also likely will have multiple ultrasounds. I am AMA (advanced maternal age at the ripe old age of 35 ) and I had all my U/S's at a perinatologist. I think I had about 3 or 4...I cannot remember. The perinatologist keeps on top of things.

 

[kehlyrsmom]

My aunt had two children in high school and had a surprise just after she turned 40. Of course she no longer had any of her baby items so my mom had a shower for her. I think in cases such as these it is appropriate and would not hesitate to throw my friend a shower. Like someone else said not appropriate when it is the 4th on in 5 years.

 

[Aisling]

In my area, women get baby showers whether it's their 1st or 6th baby. It's just how we do things here. Even if the pregnancies are close together, the mom can always use new baby items, and it gives us a chance to celebrate together. At one shower, we found out what color they wanted to paint the nursery, so someone gave her a $100 gift certificate to Home Depot. Someone gave me a TV/DVD combo with a bunch of Little Einstein DVDs wrapped in diapers. It was always a women's party, no men invited, so we could freely talk girl talk. Even if the pregnant woman has lots of clothes and furniture from her other children, there are a ton of other things they could use, like gift certificates for a professional family photo session when the new baby arrives. I go to a baby shower on average once a month, mostly of mothers on their 2nd, 3rd, or more babies. It's a happy time!

 

[Mrs. Charming]

Oh absolutely she should have a shower! (I think every baby should be celebrated, but this mom has nothing 'baby' left!)

Usually the testing is done around 13-15 weeks. By 20 weeks she should know if the baby is OK, and she'd probably be finding out the gender then too. I'd say hold the shower between 28 and 31 weeks, just in case the baby wants to come early. (A friend of a friend just had her twins at 32 weeks!)

 

[FoundMyPrince]

Throw a shower and let her know how excited you are for the arrival of the baby! Celebrate!

 

[Evi]

I'd throw a shower for her. We don't usually throw a birthday shower until the 8th month of pregnancy its just something I've never seen before. I honestly think its a wonderful idea. I don't have issue with people having a shower for their 4th 5th kid. So long as their not throwing it for themselves then thats weird lol. I think of a shower as a time for everyone to wish the baby a nice big welcome into the world and to let the mom know how much people care about her.

 

[NMAmy]

My mother had a friend who was in a very similar situation back in the early 1980's--she had 4 kids, the youngest of whom was in high school, and it was a seeming medical miracle that she was pregnant.

My mom and her group of friends threw her the biggest shower ever and spent a fortune on gifts. At the end of the shower, the friend stood up and said, "I really appreciate everything you've done but you can't fool me. I know EXACTLY why you did it. Every single one of you is just grateful this isn't happening to you!" And she was right.

 

[Took]

I agree, too, that this is the exception to the "rule" (if there is one) about subsequent showers. I also agree that some time after the 20th week would be best. She'll be showing by then (a belly makes it fun ) and the testing will probably be over.

She'll probably be fine. My grandmother's last baby came at 45, and my neighbors at 41. Happens a lot nowadays.

 

[mjkacmom]

Late 30's and birth defects?! Around here, people don't even start their families until they are in their 30's (I was early at 29). Many have children up until and after 40. I know the risks are slightly bigger, but not enough to delay a shower (although I still think it should be closer to her due date, like any other mom).

We're having a shower for my friend/neighbor next Friday (she's 36, BTW), for her oops (she has a child in kindergarten and first grade, which is also a gap here). It's not called a shower, it's called a celebration, no mention was made of a registry, and she is going to be shocked (since we only do showeres for #1 here).

OP, I don't know where you are from (the deep south, 1960...), but I'm sure your friend's pregnancy will be fine.

 

[shortbun]

Definitely plan a shower but it's a ways away. Don't showers usually happen about a month prior to delivery/birth.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

Late 30's and birth defects?! Around here, people don't even start their families until they are in their 30's (I was early at 29). Many have children up until and after 40. I know the risks are slightly bigger, but not enough to delay a shower (although I still think it should be closer to her due date, like any other mom).

We're having a shower for my friend/neighbor next Friday (she's 36, BTW), for her oops (she has a child in kindergarten and first grade, which is also a gap here). It's not called a shower, it's called a celebration, no mention was made of a registry, and she is going to be shocked (since we only do showeres for #1 here).

OP, I don't know where you are from (the deep south, 1960...), but I'm sure your friend's pregnancy will be fine.

Most families don't start here until the parents are late into their 30's here. I'm 29 and I feel like I need my own episode of 'Teen Mom'!!

 

[HelenePA]

I wouldn't have a shower until she was 30+wks pregnant not because of the baby not being okay or anything but who needs all that cluttering up their house for weeks and weeks before the baby comes anyway!