PSA: Declutter your house

[Praying Colonel]

My parents have passed. I just spent 3 full days working with my siblings pulling truckload after truckload of stuff (junk, really) from my parents' stifling, dusty, cruddy, hot attic and dirty, slimy crawl space. At least 90% of it was junk that my parents couldn't bear to part with for some reason, or had sat there for so long that it had deteriorated and had to be thrown away.

The thing I came away with (other than truckload after truckload of junk) is that DW and I can't do this to our kids! No one likes to declutter, but man is it tough on those you leave behind.

 

[Meriweather]

I went through that and learned from it. I try to have everything boxed, marked and they know what I have.
My PSA is mark all photos with names and dates. I had a time going through those and not knowing who they were or when the pictures were taken. I now mark all my photos

 

[Sadeesmom]

Swedish Death Cleaning. It became my obsession after clearing a loved one's home. I also flirted with the idea of becoming a true minimalist, but settled on minimal-ish.
It wasn't just the physical toll it took to move stuff, it was the emotional exhaustion of dealing with stuff I know they cherished but was just plain junk.
All I have left are essentials and those I truly cherish.

mark all photos with names and dates. I had a time going through those and not knowing who they were or when the pictures were taken. I now mark all my photos

I second this. One of the best things I think I did was go through all paperwork & photos with my parents & had them write on the back the who, when, where. This not only allows me to know the data, but also reminisce when seeing their handwriting.

I don't want my offspring to deal with a mess of unanswered questions and JUNK.

 

[mumto3girls]

My parents have passed. I just spent 3 full days working with my siblings to pull truckload after truckload of stuff (junk, really) from my parents' stifling, dusty, cruddy, hot attic and dirty, slimy crawl space. At least 90% of it was junk that my parents couldn't bear to part with for some reason, or had sat there for so long that it had deteriorated and had to be thrown away.

The thing I came away with (other than truckload after truckload of junk) is that DW and I can't do this to our kids! No one likes to declutter, but man is it tough on those you leave behind.

This is the task in life I am dreading the most. My mom died a few years ago, but my dad is in the same house they bought when they got married and then raised 4 kids. My mom didn’t like to get rid of anything. My dad has definitely stepped up to try to get a handle on the stuff, but I know it is going to be an enormous job.

My DH is a bit of a pack rat. I keep telling him we are not burdening our kids with all of this junk.

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

Meh. My parents have inherited each of their parents house with everything in them plus they have the house I grew up in and their current residence.
We used to encourage them to start clearing things out but now they are getting to the point that they are too old to do it themselves and we know if we do it they will have something to say with us getting rid of xyz so we have basically decided we'll be waiting until they have passed because it won't be as hard to get rid of things.
People think my family is nuts... and we probably are lol. but at this point I think this is what will work best.

 

[gmi3804]

My parents apparently had a fear of running out of deli containers. When they sold their house to move to their condo, I cleared out a cabinet and filled THREE hefty bags with empty deli containers, with their lids. Multiply that with the entire house, and you'll get the idea of the task we faced.

 

[kdonnel]

Sorry to hear about your parents passing.

I feel like throwing out life's crap is something I plan to do before I am unable so as not to burden my children.

My in laws moved into our basement several years ago. They were going from roughly 2500 sqft finished with 2500 sqft of additional unfinished, all filled to the brim with crap, to 1200 sqft.

We got a 20 yard dumpster delivered to their house and had them go through their stuff separating into junk, donation, keep piles. On the day of the great purge my wife's brother came up to help.

He instead freaked out that so much stuff was in the dumpster. He was upset that we were making them throw it all away when it was the in laws who had created the dumpster pile. He jumped in the dumpster and started pulling stuff out. He tried taking much of what he pulled from the dumpster to goodwill when he realized the in laws didn't want it, and good will refused most of it as well.

It was several weeks later when he called to apologize to my wife. We feel like he was far away and had not had the time to emotionally deal with the fact that the parents could no longer live on their own. Seeing the dumpster fill up was more than he could take in the moment.

All I was seeing was another 1200 sqft of crap I will have to get rid of when they pass.

 

[Smugpugmug]

I dealt with this early this year. My aunt passed away from Parkinson's in January and my family and I spent a day cleaning out all of the stuff she left behind at the assisted living community she was living in before she went into hospice care. She never threw out anything so we pretty much went through her entire life via her belongings. She had Christmas tree ornaments from the 80s that were so moldy and gross that we had to trash them.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I know what you're going through and it's very hard.

When we were done, I went through my closet and tossed out stuff I haven't thought about in years. I can't believe the stuff I still had and even brought with me from NJ to different homes in MD.

 

[thanxfornoticin]

We've experienced this twice in the past few years, and it's not fun, especially for how long they lived in the homes. In the long run, what we saw as junk or unimportant, they viewed as something they wished to keep or have in the house. No matter the reason, we knew it was important to not force a clean-up while they were living in the place - in their place. They certainly didn't view it as clutter!

 

[HopperFan]

I went through that and learned from it. I try to have everything boxed, marked and they know what I have.
My PSA is mark all photos with names and dates. I had a time going through those and not knowing who they were or when the pictures were taken. I now mark all my photos

When I was younger I hated the older folks who wrote right on the front ... now I'll take that over nothing. I have inherited the old photos from both sides of both my DH & I family. I do ancestry, am public and willing to share all photographs. The oldest I have is from mid 1800's and so happy they wrote down names etc. This is your history, your family, write down (on back) who they are, dates etc. It makes decisions to keep, toss or pass on much easier if you know who they are.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

After my uncle passed we had to rent a dumpster to throw out all the stuff he'd accumulated in his workroom and the garage. It ripped my aunt's heart because practically everything she threw away was his or something he'd kept for whatever reason. He never threw anything away. We found three boxes full of coffee pots from drip coffeemakers that had been thrown away. In his mind, the pots were still 'good' and could be used if another one was broken. It was difficult for my aunt to get rid of all the stuff, but she didn't want her kids to have to do it after she was gone.

 

[sarahann77]

Yea trying to go through mom's stuff now and all the things my dad put in the basement. Right now I'm mostly going through the things that mice or mold has gotten to which is the easiest decision. Mom threats she wants to see but hasn't come through yet. Most hasn't been touched since we moved into the house 30 years ago. Very overwhelming for sure.

 

[gmi3804]

Two of us built a 4BR/4.5BA house in 1999. By the time we downsized in 2021, we discovered that instead of donating/throwing things away, we simply moved them to closets in other rooms. What a job clearing all that sh, er, stuff out! now I have a rule which says, buy/keep only what I'm using NOW. No more six pairs of jeans. Two pairs, tops. 9 pairs of underwear. One pair of gym shoes. You get the idea. When something new is bought, something old is purged.

And no more "collecting" things. All DVDs and 99.9% of CDs, gone. 90% of books, gone.

Now we spend money on experiences (we've gotten into luxury cruising these days), not things. The rule is if it's not food, drink, or toilet paper, we don't need it.

 

[StarCruzer]

And no more "collecting" things. All DVDs and 99.9% of CDs, gone. 90% of books, gone.

Now we spend money on experiences (we've gotten into luxury cruising these days), not things. The rule is if it's not food, drink, or toilet paper, we don't need it.

As a military family, we're working on this. We have to moved every few years and the number of boxes that have traveled through multiple states without ever being opened is, frankly, embarrassing.

 

[jo-jo]

Some of it, I think, is control. I can't control getting old, not being able to do this or that, I go to the drs more than out to dinner, etc. But it's MY choice of keeping or tossing.

I had my grand daughter here for a few days. We have a corner cabinet called the great abyss. No idea what's in it waaayyyyy in the back. We took everything out and tossed a few things, gave some stuff away. Found parts of items that broke years ago.

We have tossed or given a few things away, but I have an issue of "is this any good to anybody else". I have a sewing machine about 60 years old. No cabinet. My mom gave it to me, That was her spare. I never used it. Do I toss or donate? 10 gallon fish tank...toss or donate, etc. I don't want to give trash to thrift store.

 

[gmi3804]

As a military family, we're working on this. We have to moved every few years and the number of boxes that have traveled through multiple states without ever being opened is, frankly, embarrassing.

We realized that when we were going through boxes in 2021 that were packed in 1998. Those are mostly gone now. I took photos of lots of things before they got pitched. I still haven't looked at the photos. AND I'M STILL ALIVE! Who knew?!

 

[gmi3804]

10 gallon fish tank...toss or donate, etc.

Better hold on to that. You never know when you're going to need a 10-gallon fish tank.

Sarcastic, of course, but that's the thought process I went through when purging. Yes, there were a couple of things I have to purchase again (I went overboard with purging extension cords), but still not that many things. And buying one was a much better feeling than lugging 20 around that I was never going to use.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My mom is very much on this mentality. It started before my grandmother passed but she kept up on it. Her thoughts are she doesn't want me to have to deal with all the stuff so over the years she's been going through stuff most recently purging a lot of her old Christmas decor (giving me the opportunity to get any stuff I wanted).

My husband's mother and her husband on the other hand keep getting junk. (and are older and more medically frail than my mother or my father-in-law). We cleaned (as in actually cleaned by dusting, spot cleaning, vacuuming and going through pantry and garage fridge) as well as started to go through boxes and the copious amount of stuff in the garage and some rooms in the basement to separate out to get rid of last year and are about to do it this year. They say they will have a garage sale and then an antique sale but we'll see. Instead of downsizing they upsized both in house size and property lot size as well as getting an above ground pool adding more responsibilities in upkeep late in life.

There are some things my husband and I need to go through as well in our house mostly related to obtaining items from our parents from our childhood or accumulated prior to us moving into/getting married but we've done a decent job of going through stuff over time but need to do it again soon.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Sorry to hear about your parents. It's hard.
Yes we have been taking stuff out of the family home now for couple years since they started letting us.

My house is not cluttered. I hate clutter. I say once the kids move out and take their stuff we will have an almost empty house.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Meh. My parents have inherited each of their parents house with everything in them plus they have the house I grew up in and their current residence.
We used to encourage them to start clearing things out but now they are getting to the point that they are too old to do it themselves and we know if we do it they will have something to say with us getting rid of xyz so we have basically decided we'll be waiting until they have passed because it won't be as hard to get rid of things.
People think my family is nuts... and we probably are lol. but at this point I think this is what will work best.

There is a delicate way of going about encouraging getting rid of stuff when someone is emotionally attached to things. On the other hand don't assume it won't be as hard to get rid of things after the fact especially if they keep getting stuff. Emotional attachment may not be there for you but there's the physical and logistical tasks that usually end up being the main frustration points for those leftover. From needing to rent dumpsters to considering what things are environmental risks (like paint and certain batteries) to looking at if something can be salvaged to be donated (and if there are places left to donate) or needs to be thrown away and more.

Most threads on this topic the central theme from people is exhaustion brought on by going through things, figuring out what to do with things and the time and money spent to do so. With my in-laws we needed to offer to help them physically in order for them to really get to it, that and some health scares with hospital stays helped out on that thought process.