Proud Of My Daughter: Advocating At Gyno

[mylilnikita]

So my dd is 27 and has dgd9. She had her a couple weeks after turning 17( it was a crazy time).

Anyway: she had a dr visit for a consult for more permant birth control.

Well doctor was like are you sure because you are still young ?
Yes I’ve thought a lot a lot it.
Well if you get married he may want to have kids
Well I don’t want anymore .
That should have been the end of to I feel.
Then he is like well what does your mom think? ( I for the record is not on this equation become dd is a grown woman . )
Well dd tells him , my mom has nothing to do with this so maybe I should get another doctor because you aren’t listening to me.

I am crazy proud because she is usually quiet and not confrontational. However I may have rubbed off on her after my own having to advocate myself with dr who didn’t want to listen also gyno.

The doctor said he can schedule it but has to go to a different city not far because hospital close is catholic and won’t do it since it is elected.
She said he did apologize


Advocate for yourself not matter what is going on.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Good for her!

Women's reproduction issues are very odd. I knew a woman who had 6 kids, yep 6, and desperately wanted her ovaries out for migraines and the Dr refused because she might want more kids.... whatttt???? Came up with some nonsense about needing the estrogen for heart health... baloney reason to refuse. There are so many torturous things that come along with a working system like migraine, PMS, PMDD, then there are the different reproductive cancers, the high risk of death to some women (like me), the dangers to some with certain health complications for themselves or in their families, nevermind just wanting to make it all stop or just not wanting more humans to care for so many reasons.

I remember when I was literally lying there opened up on the table after my csection with my DD (born at 28 weeks so I was in a state) the Dr leaned over and said, "So you do want your tubes tied while I'm in here." I replied, "This is a really weird time to be bringing this up for the first time, dontcha think a heads up at an appointment would be a better idea so a person has time to think on it?" Now I'm Catholic so for me it would always have been a no for myself without a serious health issue (I did get ovaries out for BRCA2 recently) but regardless it's not only about me and I was deeply disturbed to think this is how other women are asked, what an awful way to pounce on the topic. Although thinking on it now, maybe it is done this way because the woman is alone and the Dr can help with spousal reproductive abuse, I have known women who are coerced into large families even when they are breaking down . Should be easier

 

[kdonnel]

I'm glad your daughter stood up for herself.

So many people are not willing/able to advocate for themselves when talking with medical health professionals.

I'm sure woman have it worse but it's not just woman who have to deal with medical insanity.

Twenty plus years ago, Kaiser initially required my wife's permission for me to get a vasectomy. While she was all for it as well, I thought it was insane they wanted her to sign a permission slip. So I refused to get permission and Kaiser caved and let me have the procedure without spousal permission.

I would have hoped things had changed in twenty plus years but that was just wishful thinking.

 

[clh2]

I'm glad your daughter stood up for herself.

So many people are not willing/able to advocate for themselves when talking with medical health professionals.

I'm sure woman have it worse but it's not just woman who have to deal with medical insanity.

Twenty plus years ago, Kaiser initially required my wife's permission for me to get a vasectomy. While she was all for it as well, I thought it was insane they wanted her to sign a permission slip. So I refused to get permission and Kaiser caved and let me have the procedure without spousal permission.

I would have hoped things had changed in twenty plus years but that was just wishful thinking.

I had my tubes tied about 25 years ago. Dr wanted my husband to sign off on this. I had a few things to say to this doctor, politely of course, and ultimately did not need To “get” DH’s permission. (DH was well aware and supportive of the procedure).

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

Because of Dr Fran on social media I looked up the list of gynos that listen to women when they want more permanent solutions.
I realized I had just started seeing one on the list so I asked her about a hysterectomy for several reasons one of which was knowing I don't want kids.
She gave me all the info and did not judge me.
FYI it was done at a Catholic hospital.
Honestly that surgery was the best thing that I've ever done!

 

[mylilnikita]

Because of Dr Fran on social media I looked up the list of gynos that listen to women when they want more permanent solutions.
I realized I had just started seeing one on the list so I asked her about a hysterectomy for several reasons one of which was knowing I don't want kids.
She gave me all the info and did not judge me.
FYI it was done at a Catholic hospital.
Honestly that surgery was the best thing that I've ever done!

I like Dr.Fran. I even told DD that if she couldn’t find one to do it I’d take a look at that list. I also warned her there may be some kick back and glad she was prepared. I didn’t think I’d be mentioned by the Dr. wow.

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

I like Dr.Fran. I even told DD that if she couldn’t find one to do it I’d take a look at that list. I also warned her there may be some kick back and glad she was prepared. I didn’t think I’d be mentioned by the Dr. wow.

I never dared ask my previous Dr because she probably would have laughed at me and asked about my mom as though a grown woman who is not married needs their parents permission???

 

[tvguy]

I had my tubes tied about 25 years ago. Dr wanted my husband to sign off on this. I had a few things to say to this doctor, politely of course, and ultimately did not need To “get” DH’s permission. (DH was well aware and supportive of the procedure).

I had the same situation before my vasectomy 30+ years ago. Doctor required a consultation with my wife and she had to sign a form acknowledging she knew this was a permanent procedure. No idea what he would have done if she or I had refused to do the consult and sign the form. Never gave it a second thought. In hindsight the process may have been to protect the Doctor in court if my wife ever did have an objection.

 

[scrump]

...

I am crazy proud because she is usually quiet and not confrontational. However I may have rubbed off on her after my own having to advocate myself with dr who didn’t want to listen also gyno.

...


Advocate for yourself not matter what is going on.

Way to go, bravo to you and your daughter! I am in the "usually quiet and not confrontational" camp as well - it takes a lot for me to get there sometimes, but it's usually because it really does strike a nerve. I will keep this post in mind next time I have to pipe up!!

 

[mjkacmom]

Good for her!

Women's reproduction issues are very odd. I knew a woman who had 6 kids, yep 6, and desperately wanted her ovaries out for migraines and the Dr refused because she might want more kids.... whatttt???? Came up with some nonsense about needing the estrogen for heart health... baloney reason to refuse. There are so many torturous things that come along with a working system like migraine, PMS, PMDD, then there are the different reproductive cancers, the high risk of death to some women (like me), the dangers to some with certain health complications for themselves or in their families, nevermind just wanting to make it all stop or just not wanting more humans to care for so many reasons.

I remember when I was literally lying there opened up on the table after my csection with my DD (born at 28 weeks so I was in a state) the Dr leaned over and said, "So you do want your tubes tied while I'm in here." I replied, "This is a really weird time to be bringing this up for the first time, dontcha think a heads up at an appointment would be a better idea so a person has time to think on it?" Now I'm Catholic so for me it would always have been a no for myself without a serious health issue (I did get ovaries out for BRCA2 recently) but regardless it's not only about me and I was deeply disturbed to think this is how other women are asked, what an awful way to pounce on the topic. Although thinking on it now, maybe it is done this way because the woman is alone and the Dr can help with spousal reproductive abuse, I have known women who are coerced into large families even when they are breaking down . Should be easier

I was waiting for my c/s with my twins (4 and 5, my oldest was 6, youngest 1), I can’t tell you how many times I had to confirm I wanted a tubal, it was crazy.

 

[flyingdumbo127]

God Bless your daughter indeed! I am in a healthcare situation right now that has me doing my best to advocate for myself. Not easy but as a kind TMJ doctor once reminded me, I am the person placing my trust and money in the person I hired. Should I not feel heard or seen as a real person, I need to take charge and speak up. It's more than okay to seek out other care. I am not just another patient or statistic.Hug to all and good health prayers as well.

 

[Grand Koalafornian]

Very proud of your daughter! A friend of mine had to shop around for a new gyno a few years ago when her original wouldn't perform a hysterectomy despite her high risk of uterine cancer. She has no kids, but was already over 40, and her husband had a vasectomy before they even met. Neither wanted kids. Instead, they subjected her to a biopsy every six months until she found someone willing to perform the surgery.

 

[VandVsmama]

Your daughter is awesome.

 

[leebee]

@mylilnikita Three cheers for your daughter for being pro-active in her own healthcare! Please make sure she knows how many of us are proud of her for advocating for herself!!

 

[barkley]

when I had my youngest in '97 most if not all California doctors were defaulting for all patients (private insured and cash pay included) to federal Medicaid laws that required a minimum of 30 advance written request which included aknowledging you had been counseled about alternatives/your rights...if one of our Medicaid clients so much as whispered to one of us case workers that they were interested in having one done when they gave birth we did'nt provide counseling except to caution them to make sure they had the paperwork on file with their doctor AHEAD of the 30 day cut-off. when dh and I decided (well, he decided-he felt it was a minor procedure for him vs. major surgery for me) for him to get a vasectomy I was not required to give any consent let alone be at any appointment discussing it. flip side-when I was in my early 20's I had a male friend (also in his early 20's) who absolutely did not want children. he could not find a single doctor in the region we lived that would perform one on anyone under the age of 30 UNLESS they already had at least child (I did go with him to some kind of 'so you don't want to be a dad' group presentation that all the doctors made anyone inquiring about a vasectomy attend-it was ridiculous).

 

[LuvOrlando]

I had no idea there was so much institutional pushback against not wanting kids, what on earth is all that about?

People having children and not wanting them or not being able to care for them is a monumental problem, it has always been a big social problem so why not be supportive of prevention? Just mind boggling

 

[Darcy03231]

Oldest DS and DIL have been together since their first year of college and neither one of them ever wanted children. DS went to have a vasectomy and no one would do it until he turned 30!

 

[RedAngie]

I had the same situation before my vasectomy 30+ years ago. Doctor required a consultation with my wife and she had to sign a form acknowledging she knew this was a permanent procedure. No idea what he would have done if she or I had refused to do the consult and sign the form. Never gave it a second thought. In hindsight the process may have been to protect the Doctor in court if my wife ever did have an objection.

I had younger DD via C-section and had my tubes tied right afterwards. The surgeon also wanted my husband’s consent and said it was required by his own and the hospital’s liability/malpractice insurance. The same applied when he had a vasectomy a few months later. This was 32 years ago.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I had younger DD via C-section and had my tubes tied right afterwards. The surgeon also wanted my husband’s consent and said it was required by his own and the hospital’s liability/malpractice insurance. The same applied when he had a vasectomy a few months later. This was 32 years ago.

My impression is wondering if the law treats spouses as pets where our owners can sue because we can't decide for ourselves.

 

[Dan Murphy]

That's great, @mylilnikita.. Wonderful!!