Pros for letting a 12 year old have a cell phone?

[Pigeon]

I have no idea why people on the dis boards have to come on here and talk about how right they are. Who cares what you think.

So, are you closing your user account?

 

[pigletto]

LOL....I give my child things he wants....and things he needs. I was given many "wants" in my life and I enjoyed every single perk I had. I will always provide perks in my son's life...and when I don't think of it my husband does.

I don't care if it's a want or a need. I want to give him gifts that he loves, enjoys, and uses. A cell phone meets all the above. He's not spoiled...he's a great kid who appreciates being treasured...and spoiled.

He's used a cell phone since he turned 10. It's given me peace of mind and it's given him pleasure. He doesn't mooch off of anyone else to borrow one (shame on the poster who suggested it....it's fine to use if you're not paying for it....). I don't care if you consider it a want and I consider it a need. All I care about is providing my son with a service that is useful and one that he wants. I love that the two concepts dovetail.

Bravo. Want/Need.. who cares? I will decide what my children get and don't get, based on our ethics, values and household standards and whether they meet our parental requirements for being decent, loving, and productive individuals. It boggles my mind how easily the line of opinion is crossed here into judging other peoples parenting.

 

[timzagain]

I was one of the holdout parents who refuse to give DD#1 a cell phone. She hardly used public transportation, didn't go out without adults, etc. Our schools here have very strict cell phone rules - no cell phones at school, period. automatic suspension if you're caught with one.

But then a few things happened to change my mind:-

School policy - contact the school office if you need to get a message to your child. That doesn't work so well in a school with a roll of 800 on a sprawling campus as I discovered when I tried to get an urgent message to DD about a change of after-school pick-up arrangements. Did I mention there was ONE pay phone for use by 800 students???

DH used to drop of DSD at the traffic lights 5 minutes away from school, to avoid a traffic nightmare. One morning, she was chased by a crazy, scary man and ran to school hysterical...she and DD were both 11 at the time. It was very close to Christmas, so guess what they got for Christmas that year.

A "little" earthquake shook us up (a very rare event in my part of the world). Happened during school hours...couldn't even drive to the school because traffic was gridlocked. It took me 2 hours to confirm that my child was safe!

Youngest DD got one for her 10th birthday - partly because it was financially convenient (almost free with reward points earned on our plan). She also spent a lot of time at her best friend's house where there was no landline. She was happy with her "way cool" gift and I was very happy with the peace of mind I got in the process. She's now 13 and is not allowed to take her phone to school unless she's going to be attending an after-school activity that is likely to finish after the school's offices are closed.

She's upgraded to a Blackberry - bought secondhand (very cheaply) from a trustworthy source, with money she earned. We pay for the plan which has actually worked out cheaper than the pay-as-you-go plan she had before. Since switching to the Blackberry, she's a lot more reliable about actually walking with the phone when she's supposed to.

It's also turned out to be an extremely effective reward/ punishment system! We have confiscated the BB as needed - much more impactful than grounding her or taking away TV priveleges!

 

[bigmama67]

My son (3rd grader, almost 9) is begging for one already! DH just got his first smartphone, and I don't even have a smartphone yet (though I can go online with mine). We don't do texting. Mostly DS wants to be able to play Angry Birds.

We were just out in Arizona for my nephew's Bar Mitzvah, and DS actually threw a mini-fit because DN has an iPhone...well, DN just turned 13 (obviously!) and he only got it two months ago, and only because my brother got a new one. He DID have his first phone at 9 but that's because they judged it necessary.

In our circumstances, DS is never on his own anyway. I'm unemployed at the moment and I take him to school and pick him up. Next year hopefully I'll be teaching and then we might consider a basic one. If that goes well we can discuss an upgrade in two or three years (sixth grade at this school when DD starts K there; or maybe not till middle school which is 7th grade here).

 

[bigmama67]

Bottom line is it is your household, your parenting decision, and you know your child best. It's a cell phone..not black tar heroin.

 

[bigmama67]

Tracfone also does not offer the plan you claim, the cheapest is $10 dollars a month and that does not include the taxes and fees.

* * *

BUT the reality is neither you or the poster claiming they had a 5 dollar cell phone have been able to direct anyone to such a plan. The only such plan I am aware of that is that cheap are the ones that are government subsidized only available to the poor. And yes I have a big problem with that because I would rather have the money go where I want it to go not to support the poor people having cell phones... I know people claim it is cheaper for those people to have a cell phone than a land line, but that would only be true if a poor family only had 1 cell phone. The reality is a poor family is going to have 2 cell phones versus having one 1 land line. Also not allowing subsidized cell phones would give poor people an incentive to work harder to earn the luxuries in life and not just get them for free.

1. I had a Tracfone until a couple of years ago. I bought the phone for $14.99 and added minutes when I needed them. Came out to about 25 cents per minute for the basic cards; went down as I bought more minutes. NO monthly charges and the minutes were there as long as I added some every 3 months.

2. My SIL has a subsidized phone. They have no landline. Don't know if her daughter's dad has a cellphone, but he is on disability and gets Medicare. He's currently in the hospital with diabetes-related and kidney issues. SIL works F/T at a car dealership. Last spring she was diagnosed with breast cancer (Stage 1) and underwent a double mastectomy. She's about to undergo her last reconstructive surgery and then is having a hysterectomy. My niece is 10 and in 4th grade. SIL gets a subsidized phone, but she can't put her daughter on the state care because she "makes too much money."

There is no love lost between my SIL and myself, but she is NOT lazy. I suppose you would have objections to abused women getting the cellphones so they can have help and support in escaping from their abusers. After all, they put themselves in that situation, right?

 

[donalduck]

So, are you closing your user account?

Nope why would I.

 

[Pigeon]

Nope why would I.

Because you don't understand why people want to come here and talk about how right they are, yet you seem to think you are always right.

 

[mrodgers]

I have a cat outside my door every morning and every evening wanting fed. It's not my cat, it is the neighbor's cat. Problem is, my wife felt bad when she first saw him and fed him. Now he is there 24 hours a day laying on the porch swing waiting to see one of us by the door. My wife continues to feed him. I can't get him to leave. He is there non-stop and wants fed.

The cat's name is not Thomas or Donald Duck, but I think the story fits....

 

[tlbwriter]

I have a cat outside my door every morning and every evening wanting fed. It's not my cat, it is the neighbor's cat. Problem is, my wife felt bad when she first saw him and fed him. Now he is there 24 hours a day laying on the porch swing waiting to see one of us by the door. My wife continues to feed him. I can't get him to leave. He is there non-stop and wants fed.

The cat's name is not Thomas or Donald Duck, but I think the story fits....

On a related note, sometimes I WANT to put people on my ignore list, and sometimes I NEED to put them there...

 

[Magpie]

Just popping in late to say we got our kids cellphones in middle school and haven't regretted a moment of it. We don't use our phones to talk, we use them for texting.

Beyond the normal daily texting that goes back and forth ("Why aren't you home from school yet?" "Don't forget to stop by your grandma's on the way home." "Mom, which bus do I take to the orthodontist's again?" etc...), there was ONE time when my daughter's cellphone may have saved her from serious harm.

It was right after the time change. All of a sudden, coming home from the bus stop at 5pm meant coming home in the dark. My 15yo daughter got off the bus and texted me, "It's awfully dark for 5!"

I texted her back, "Cross the road and walk on the house side. Don't take the pedestrian path."

She texted me, "Because it's dark?"

And I said, "Yes."

Not two days later, there was an article in the paper saying that police were looking for a man who'd raped a teenage girl along that very same path. I am SO glad my daughter and I were in communication that night, and that I could offer her advice on a safer way to walk home. Without a cellphone, she would have taken her usual route home - along the pedestrian pathway.

Cellphones have given us freedom and security and peace of mind.

Not to mention - does anyone remember the old days of messing around with walkie-talkies in theme parks? And how they never really worked? Cellphones have made all of that obsolete.

 

[MickeyManiac]

I have a cat outside my door every morning and every evening wanting fed. It's not my cat, it is the neighbor's cat. Problem is, my wife felt bad when she first saw him and fed him. Now he is there 24 hours a day laying on the porch swing waiting to see one of us by the door. My wife continues to feed him. I can't get him to leave. He is there non-stop and wants fed.

The cat's name is not Thomas or Donald Duck, but I think the story fits....

 

[donalduck]

Because you don't understand why people want to come here and talk about how right they are, yet you seem to think you are always right.

Actually I never said I was right did I. I said it's my opinion. Learn how to read.

 

[donalduck]

i have a cat outside my door every morning and every evening wanting fed. It's not my cat, it is the neighbor's cat. Problem is, my wife felt bad when she first saw him and fed him. Now he is there 24 hours a day laying on the porch swing waiting to see one of us by the door. My wife continues to feed him. I can't get him to leave. He is there non-stop and wants fed.

The cat's name is not thomas or donald duck, but i think the story fits....

omfg you are so funny

 

[thomas998]

There is no love lost between my SIL and myself, but she is NOT lazy. I suppose you would have objections to abused women getting the cellphones so they can have help and support in escaping from their abusers. After all, they put themselves in that situation, right?

Actually a lot of the women in those abusive relationships have put themselves there. Last time I checked you didn't have abuser forcing themselves into relationships so they could beat the women... In a very large number of those cases there are all sorts of warning signs that the women ignore. Not always, but most abuse doesn't start at level 10, it normally progresses and I can't feel a lot of sympathy for someone that lets it go on and on for years before saying I should leave.... for gods sake they should leave the first time anything happens.

 

[donalduck]

Actually a lot of the women in those abusive relationships have put themselves there. Last time I checked you didn't have abuser forcing themselves into relationships so they could beat the women... In a very large number of those cases there are all sorts of warning signs that the women ignore. Not always, but most abuse doesn't start at level 10, it normally progresses and I can't feel a lot of sympathy for someone that lets it go on and on for years before saying I should leave.... for gods sake they should leave the first time anything happens.

I agree

 

[BrerMom]

I have been holding off getting one for my daughter but have decided to get her one for Chistmas. Unfortunately,(or fortunately delepending on how you look at it), my husband and I both have company phones so do not have a cell plan to add her to. We have been researching plans over the last few weeks. I THINK we are going to go with republic wireless, they rely on wifi instead of cellular when possible. The plan is unlimited everything, on a smartphone for $20 a month and no contract. You do have to buy the phone. Our other possibility is Boost.

I see the need with after school activities and coming home to an empty house on occassion.

Check into adding her to a family member or friend's family plan - aunt, cousin, best friend, etc. For example, Verizon's family plan will let you have five lines. If they are only using four, maybe they would let you pay the difference for the 5th line.

Did your parents use a computer when they were your age? If not, what makes you think you need one?

Darned if I know why I'm feeding a troll, but ...

I know why I feel like a troll - I am one! (People that live in the Upper Peninsula refer to people that live in the Lower Peninsula "trolls" because they live under the bridge.)


I didn't quote the "rules" post, but our mealtime texting expectation is a little unorthodox. If you receive a text and you want to read it, we don't care, but the phone is now part of the dinner conversation. If you want to read the text, it is expected that you will share the contents. If you don't want to share, don't read it until after the meal. If you want to respond, share what you are typing. It actually has worked out very well and we've had some good conversations because of it.

DS12 would love to have a phone, but, like everybody else has been saying, he doesn't really "need" one. Two things are making me reconsider (sh!!!): First, we have been seriously considering ditching our landline. It is to the point where only telemarketers use it. If that happens, I do NOT want him home alone without a way to call me for whatever reason or to not be able to call for help in an emergency. Second, I've realized that it really annoys me when he interrupts a meeting or a conversation with a phone call to ask me a question. I would much prefer receiving a text like I do from the rest of the family that I can answer when I have a break. But that's really not his fault, because he doesn't have access to texting. Just another example of making my life easier "for a mere $10 a month, no shipping or handling charges added!"

 

[Planogirl]

What is the point of arguing about what other people do?

 

[bluesaturn]

There really aren't any good reasons to get her one... unless you are trying to boost the share price of a wireless carrier.

The more connected your child is through cell phones and the internet the less connected they will be to actual human beings.

The reality is that on the rare occasion that a kid needs to have a cell phone with them because of where they are going, most parents can easily lend them their phone for that time. But most parents don't, I don't know if its because they are always trying to keep up with the Jones, or they are simply overly paranoid and afraid little John or Jill will be kidnapped the moment they step outside their yard... Frankly there are too many bad things that can happen when kids get cell phones to convince me that they are really worth it for a 12 year old. Think of how easy it is for one 12 year old to snap a quick nude picture of another kid, pass it along and before you know it everyone in that kids grade with a cell phone has looked at it and passed it about making them all guilty of a sex crime that can brand them for life if the prosecutor so desires... and that's only one downside.

Actually that is not entirely true. Recent studies have provided evidence that communication through technology might actually improve the quality of relationships, if a teenager is communicating with people they already know. The nature of technology is that you aren't speaking to someone face to face, and that might make it easier to disclose and share personal thoughts. This increased disclosure might increase the intimacy of the relationship (not romantic intimacy, just trust and relatedness) and therefore improve the quality. Reliable, strong, trustworthy friendship relationships are incredibly important for adolescent development.

Early studies on the influence of the internet on social interactions showed a negative influence. Of course back in the 90s fewer people had the internet and adolescents were frequently communicating with strangers through chat rooms. Now teens are communicating with current friends and it might be improving their relationships. Recent studies show more positive influences of technology.

 

[Bob NC]

What is the point of arguing about what other people do?

It's the DIS