Problems with Family and DVC

[slimplaw]

Way to go Trudy Z! Your solution sounds great. I do think Figaro is already being generous by offering a choice of 6 months. BIL should see how he can take the trip during this time or graciously bow out and say thank you for the chance, we'll try again later.

 

[Jeanne]

At the beginning of this thread you said that you and your husband wanted to experience your nephews first WDW trip with them. I love taking people to WDW for the first time, it always renews the magic for me. Because I figure that I am getting this bonus out of the trip, I can be more flexible about when I go. If you really don't think you are getting the advantage of the joy of family with you, then take the hard line and make them go when you want or stay home. As a jr. high teacher in an affluent area, many of my students are taken out of school each year to travel, sometimes up to 4 weeks at a time. Parents do need to realize that when children are taken out of school, they do miss out in one area, but gain in another. When my students go to WDW, I always give them assignments that focus their learning on the topic we are studying in science and have them learn where they are. What parents forget to realize often is that when you make this choice, usually your childs grades will suffer. While you understand this while you are excited about your trip, this understanding is lost when the report card is issued and your child misses the honor roll.

 

[wdwnut]

hi: not much advice; lots of sympathy though. we hardly ever let the guests choose when we are going. work schedules for all the adults involved tend to take priority. it is harder for the kids as they get older, and the schools are not as lenient as they used to be as well. in september of 2000 and may of 2001 we took some teenagers with us (friends of our youngest). parents and kids agreed to the missed school. in both instances, i caught a bit of **** after we'd returned about the school absences from their parents. AND i'd even made sure their homework was done! we've been taking newbies with us to wdw since 93, and this was the first time i've ever caught a lot of flak about it. we're taking another newbie teen with us in november, and i'm almost cringing about it. his folks are fairly down to earth though. your bil may not know about the differences in point schedules for the spring break. the suggestion about letting him rent points or pay cash for the difference may be the way to go.

 

[Granny]

TrudyZ....I think you've got it!

Much better advice than I gave. The in-laws would still get an inexpensive vacation but would have to make up the difference by renting points....brilliant!

If they turn that down, I think one would have the right to call the in-laws free loaders. Hopefully, someone with more tact than me would handle that part.

Figaro30....if your DH doesn't go for this, I can't think of what else. To me, it's a perfect compromise.

Good luck....let us know how it works out!

 

[TrudyZ]

Granny:

It was your post that got me thinking that maybe it wouldn't be best for long term relations to tell the BIL "my way or the highway". There is some wisdom in trying to keep some civility in the family--but not at the cost of your own misery.

But, it wouldn't be me with the tact . I work as a sr. project engineer/project manager for major construction projects--it is on rare occasions that I must resort to diplomacy----tact just isn't in my job description! (I spend enough time trying to unwrap the candy coating off of what other people are telling me...)

If it was my BIL (who is a real piece of work), my response would have been limited to just a few choice words--none of which can be posted here .

Hope it all goes well for Figaro..I'll be looking for an update.

Trudy

 

[prplcrzy]

Figaro,

Sounds like the beef is with your husband and not your BIL. I realize he may want to go when you don't, but since you and your husband own the piece of magic that will let his family and your enjoy the happiest place on earth, how much enjoyment are you going to get out of it if it causes a brawl in you rmarraige. The issue isn't when to travel or when people can travel, the issue is that you and your husband need to sit down and make rules about how you rDVC membership will be used for the next 40 years. Then you can plan trips with no issues because the ground rules are set and just stick to them.

You should be enjoying your membership, don't let it make you miserable. I have taken people with us and we tell them we are going this week, and then let them decide if they want to go or not. Sometimes I give a timeframe of two or three weeks, not months. If you give a mouse a cookie, he will come back for a glass of milk. Set the rules and live by them, no exceptions. This will simplify your life and help you enjoy your membership.

Good luck!!!

 

[Figaro30]

My husband spoke to Chris last night and explained to him that we want to take an extra trip in between. With that in mind we needed to know exactly what time of year they wanted to go.

He claimed it was really hard for him to figure this out because he wouldn't know they the kids were having "tests" or such. It would be easier for him to go when they were off from school. In the same thought he said he didn't want to hold us back from doing anything. My DH told him that we were going to go ahead and plan our Poly Concierge trip for next year and whatever points we have leftover for 2003 we would use towards going in March. But he needs to know that there will most likely not be enough points and that he will probably need to move from OKW to All Stars resort mid-trip and pay cash for the rest of the duration.

I also made a point to tell my husband that it was fine to do this, HOWEVER, we won't be paying cash for our room. We will continue to stay at OKW the whole time on our points. And when we eventually run out of points for his room (which we definitely will) he'll have to pay for himself!!! He'll probably only end up with 2-3 nights (maybe 4) at OKW and the rest will be paid at All Stars.

I think that is fair. Even though I end up having to go in March.


BUT I DO GET MY POLY TRIP!!!! Yeah!!! I'm so excited about
that.


PS....I wasn't about to suggest renting points because it will just be me who ends up dealing with that whole issue and honestly I don't feel like bending that far over backwards for them. Let them just pay cash and rent a room.

 

[prplcrzy]

Sounds like you have it under control, good for you!

 

[DVCajun]

Well, sounds like this particular problem has been resolved, but I couldn't resist adding my two cents.

Most people really don't understand how the points system works. They think we get "free" accommodations, period, and sharing doesn't cost us anything. As you all know, that's simply not the case. Example: when we first got our points we were childless and so were our best friends (a couple our age). We tried a couple of times to get them to join us for a vacation but it never worked out schedule wise. Now, they have two children and we have one. A studio is no longer an option! That being the case, it really WILL cost us a lot more to have them join us, but they don't seem to realize that and have hinted a time or two that they'd love to join us at WDW some day.

I don't really know how to break it to them, but I will!! Oh well..... times change.

 

[MarshallMoore6]

You gave a gift to your BIL that he cannot use. You gave him a conditional gift. School is very important. You may have caused a real problem for your BIL. Should he do the right thing or skip school and go to WDW? What kind of example would that be? Maybe you should just offer gifts to people who don't have kids.
Sorry to disagree.

 

[GoldenPrincess]

And since it was a gift (conditional or not) BIL should have had the good manners to gracefully and politely decline the offer.

Heck, my son did that the first time we wanted everyone to go together. They simply weren't in a position to join us and he very politely declined--and he was only 22 at the time! We agreed to go another time. Three years later, we're finally able to coordinate everyone's schedule (so far anyway!) and are going later this month.

 

[Lil]

My hubby and I are both teachers, kdg. & high school. We are taking my son and family (1 yr. old, and 2nd grader). I plan to take all 3 of my personal business days to go over fall break. I spent about $800 of my money attending conferences and fell I can go to WDW over my two professional days. That gives us a week. The second grader will have to miss 3 days of school. His school district is very strict, and his grade may reflect this absence. My daughter - in - law feels it will not hurt a second grader......and weighs the absence against a totally paid for trip (lodging, food, tickets and spending money).

We are going during our fall break as it is the least crowded time for us. My hubby and I go 4 times a year....but don't go into the parks every time we go.

 

[DVCajun]

I usually don't enter into debates, but for heavens sake. Her BIL was offered what they could AFFORD. Would it have been better for them to not offer at all? In this particular situation, what they could afford was directly determined by when they went. We've all heard the expression "don't look a gift horse in the mouth" -- If he couldn't go during the times offered he should have said, "Wow, how great of you to offer, but I can't accept." The recipient of the gift is NOT the one who determines how much, how often and when a gift is given.

 

[Dean]

If you don't set the rules now, this will not be the last problem you have. From now on just tell them when you plan to go and invite them to come if they want. If you give them choices, you will always get negotiation and end up in a similar situation more often than not.

 

[prplcrzy]

Good point Dean!!!

 

[MiknMinMouse]

I think Dean had about the most sensible advice for all of us faced with the family dillema. While flexibility is nice, it's not always something we can do. We can usually be flexible within a few weeks. Thankfully my son is in year round school so that helps. But we make the offer, get the best week, if people can't go at that time, they can catch up with us later. Like he said if you make allowances now, you'll be setting the standard forever. Then one will say, you changed dates for so and so why not for us. Much less stressful not to get into that whole thing. . Besides, being a DVC owner is supposed to mean LESS stress

 

[Figaro30]

I know I have to agree with that. I'm very afraid that people will start saying those things. The only good thing I have on my side is that my DH does not have a clue about the DVC. I do all the work with it. If I were to tell everybody that we only had 14 pts as opposed to 49...nobody would know not even my DH. (he he)

If it gets to the point that they are going to be pains in the tushes....well then that action might come into play. Basically to give them the "you need to do it this way...OR NOT AT ALL" idea.
Because I can see my sister coming back and saying....well you were able to switch things for them....why not for us. That will definitely start a problem.

Unfortunately, we'll have to wait until late 2003 or 2004 to see what actually ends up happening with this. Which is a little too long for me but, I guess I don't have a choice with this.

I am determined to make it work out okay though.

 

[raidermatt]

Whether taking kids out of school is a big deal or not is completely up to the parents and the school. There are points for both sides, but its the parents decision and they should not be ridiculed for it (finger painting and story telling?).

That said, it is your right (you and your husband) to determine the timing. What you have to ask yourself is would you rather go with your extended family in the peak seasons, or without them in the off peak. What is more important to you? It sounds as though you have made your decision, though you and your DH may disagree.

Either way, you will live with the choice. Should you decide to stick to your off-peak times, the BIL should politely thank you and forget about the whole thing. But of course, that's probably not the reality.

As MarshallMoore6 said, you are offering a gift that cannot be used. While your BIL will hopefully act in a mature manner, you cannot expect any real gratitude either.

 

[Disney Doll]

If BIL "Chris" can't find a convenient time in a 6 month time period, the heck with him!!! But don't ever say you'll sell the DVC!!!!Either keep it for just you guys to go, or invite people who will appreciate the gift of a free week's stay on property at WDW.

 

[sumessefui]

You are not being selfish with the attitude that the DVC is mine. You are paying to buy it, and you are pay the yearly cost to keep it. We too like to take other people with us, even though it uses points that we could have for ourselves. To solve this we did 2 addons. However, as Dean stated, when we do take others, we set the dates and then ask them. If they can go,fine, if not, too bad. It is a case of it belongs to us and we want you along, but we go at a time that is good for us. Jerry.