I think I need some advice and wisdom from the DIS.
Back in July a new woman started working with us and struck a quick friendship with me. I'm usually one who is wary of fast relationships so I was surprized by this one. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions ever since. There are times when she is very nice to me (asking me to lunch, planning a birthday outing for me) and then there are times when she has my head in a spin cycle.
She can never seem to make up her mind about something, always seeking help and then dismissing it. Everything makes her unhappy: her job, apartment, the USA, etc. She appears to make superficial judgements (good and bad) of people and things around her, then changes her mind. A few days ago she asked me if I wanted to go shopping this weekend, just the girls, and the day was up to me. Well, tonight I'm told she invited the guys to come along and she wanted to go Friday not Saturday. She wants her way. I didn't go shopping.
Then, there's her dealing with men. She's rather flirtatious and defers to men but her behavior has come to hurt me now. I should have seen it coming. Early on she invited a man to our group baseball game. At first she told us he was "married" and we thought that was a crazy thing to do, invite a married man to a baseball game with you. Turns out he was a steady boyfriend of a friend of hers. That night she asked me what I thought of him, etc. A few of us joked that one of the worst things a woman could do was go after her friend's BF or DH. The next week she told me she didn't want to invite him anywhere else because she didn't want to hurt her girlfriend.
She then told me she didn't want a boyfriend and wasn't interested in anyone at work. I was also told (by her) she only wanted an older guy, a certain ethnic group and at least 5 years older, if she did have a boyfriend. Well, that has turned around now. I had told her that I liked someone (younger and not her "type") we work with, a man I've been friends with and getting closer to for two years. You guessed it, she turned on the charm. She invited him out to lunch and then a coffeebreak that lasted an hour and a half. That last episode pissed a few people off since we were waiting for them to bring stuff back to us. When he brought me my coffee that night he looked like a puppy with his tail between his legs. It was rude behavior by both of them. He's been asking me to bring her along to certain places now too. I'm necessary because I have a car and she's new to the area (and USA in general). The past few months have strained my friendship with this man I truly have feelings for. He's on and off with his emotions and I can't help but feel like I'm being played by both of them right now.
Another woman at work got a bit upset by her actions too, apparently. Two co-workers recently started a relationship. Prior to that the new woman at work was flirtatious and asked for lots of help from the guy in this relationship. I was told by this woman that the new GF would ask her some personal questions and looked at her oddly, making her feel uncomfortable. She should feel uncomfortable.
Next Friday a bunch of people from work are going to a four day meeting out of State. Right now I'm on the fence about going since I would share a room and possibly transportation with this woman. I had actually told her a couple weeks ago that I didn't want to go for other reasons but she kept after me to go anyway. I really feel that I need to be away from some other people (and now her) for a few days. Just the thought of going to this meeting now doesn't thrill me at all. I already feel confused enough and don't need more trouble.
I know deep down I should step away from all of this but it's really difficult when you work with someone. The situation with the guy I care for is especially hurtful. I can be flirtatious myself but when I know a man is either a SO of someone else's or another woman is interested I keep my distance. Recently I suggested a few social clubs to her in order to expand her circle of friends outside of work. I don't know if she'll follow through but it would be one way to ease the tension possibly.
What else should I do?
Back in July a new woman started working with us and struck a quick friendship with me. I'm usually one who is wary of fast relationships so I was surprized by this one. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions ever since. There are times when she is very nice to me (asking me to lunch, planning a birthday outing for me) and then there are times when she has my head in a spin cycle.
She can never seem to make up her mind about something, always seeking help and then dismissing it. Everything makes her unhappy: her job, apartment, the USA, etc. She appears to make superficial judgements (good and bad) of people and things around her, then changes her mind. A few days ago she asked me if I wanted to go shopping this weekend, just the girls, and the day was up to me. Well, tonight I'm told she invited the guys to come along and she wanted to go Friday not Saturday. She wants her way. I didn't go shopping.
Then, there's her dealing with men. She's rather flirtatious and defers to men but her behavior has come to hurt me now. I should have seen it coming. Early on she invited a man to our group baseball game. At first she told us he was "married" and we thought that was a crazy thing to do, invite a married man to a baseball game with you. Turns out he was a steady boyfriend of a friend of hers. That night she asked me what I thought of him, etc. A few of us joked that one of the worst things a woman could do was go after her friend's BF or DH. The next week she told me she didn't want to invite him anywhere else because she didn't want to hurt her girlfriend.
She then told me she didn't want a boyfriend and wasn't interested in anyone at work. I was also told (by her) she only wanted an older guy, a certain ethnic group and at least 5 years older, if she did have a boyfriend. Well, that has turned around now. I had told her that I liked someone (younger and not her "type") we work with, a man I've been friends with and getting closer to for two years. You guessed it, she turned on the charm. She invited him out to lunch and then a coffeebreak that lasted an hour and a half. That last episode pissed a few people off since we were waiting for them to bring stuff back to us. When he brought me my coffee that night he looked like a puppy with his tail between his legs. It was rude behavior by both of them. He's been asking me to bring her along to certain places now too. I'm necessary because I have a car and she's new to the area (and USA in general). The past few months have strained my friendship with this man I truly have feelings for. He's on and off with his emotions and I can't help but feel like I'm being played by both of them right now.
Another woman at work got a bit upset by her actions too, apparently. Two co-workers recently started a relationship. Prior to that the new woman at work was flirtatious and asked for lots of help from the guy in this relationship. I was told by this woman that the new GF would ask her some personal questions and looked at her oddly, making her feel uncomfortable. She should feel uncomfortable.
Next Friday a bunch of people from work are going to a four day meeting out of State. Right now I'm on the fence about going since I would share a room and possibly transportation with this woman. I had actually told her a couple weeks ago that I didn't want to go for other reasons but she kept after me to go anyway. I really feel that I need to be away from some other people (and now her) for a few days. Just the thought of going to this meeting now doesn't thrill me at all. I already feel confused enough and don't need more trouble.
I know deep down I should step away from all of this but it's really difficult when you work with someone. The situation with the guy I care for is especially hurtful. I can be flirtatious myself but when I know a man is either a SO of someone else's or another woman is interested I keep my distance. Recently I suggested a few social clubs to her in order to expand her circle of friends outside of work. I don't know if she'll follow through but it would be one way to ease the tension possibly.
What else should I do?
Let him drive her if they're that interested in each other. And if that's the case with him, maybe he's not worth it.
