With all my happy updates lately, I'm sorry to say I have a worrisome one. My grandmother (who is approaching 85 in April) has been very sick for just over a year. She has been living with Pulmonary Fibrosis for a few years now and Nov of 08 she had knee surgery that led to her getting pneumonia. She's been in and out of the hospital all year long and several times they thought it was the end. For the last 6 months or so she's been doing fairly well and we all got our hopes up that while it wasn't ideal, and it had many challenges, she might be able to live quite a bit longer in her current state. I've been getting sad, mad, bitter, etc at my aunts and uncles because my mom (her parents) and dad have been housing them, feeding them and providing 24/7 care for them since last Feb. I'm stressed for my parents because my mom basically quit her at-home job and gave up their current income to do it. I also lost my mom (usually a huge help to our family) for the last year because she has only been able to escape that house for a few days all year (Phoebe's bday last Sept). But that may be a moot point. My grandma is back in the hospital with pneumonia again. The last time she was admitted they said she wouldn't survive another illness.
My aunt gave an update tonight saying "she's doing well, talking about going home to die but not fighting being in the hospital". Between that and the last two visits I had with her, I got chills and just felt like, not fighting means letting go. You'd think I'd be prepared for this but it stinks. My grandfather (turns 88 in a couple weeks) has been forgetting things lately and falling. Somebody has to babysit him all the time. I know it would be nice to have the stress lifted from my mom, but I know she's not ready to let go yet. She's been fighting too hard this year to keep her here. I want my mom back but not at the expense of losing my grandma. My grandparents celebrated their 66th anniversary last week and I can't imagine my grandpa making it much longer if she left us. So I'm just trying to reconcile all those human emotions that I'm sure you guys all understand. Sorry for rambling. I needed a place to get it out.
So, part of my rambling brain worries about our trip. It's only Jan and we're three months away, but if she went in April I'd have to cancel. I could not miss the funeral. If she goes sooner, but my grandpa goes downhill....Ugh. I hate this. Oh well. All I can do is hope and pray that they are at peace and ready to go. Thanks again for listening...