Pre-teens Dating?

[wenmc]

Deleted

 

[Rora]

You're going to find lots of mixed answers..

In my opinion, I think this is pretty much okay. It sounds very similar to my experience as a pre-teen/teen and I think I turned out fine.

 

[claudia]

interesting first post.....

 

[Rora]

interesting first post.....

MTE. But, chose to respond.. hoping maybe I'm not feeding the troll. Guess we'll see!

 

[Halloweenqueen]

MTE. But, chose to respond.. hoping maybe I'm not feeding the troll. Guess we'll see!

Ditto. lol

 

[PrincessBelle09]

As long the "dating" is supervised or done in groups in a public setting (i.e., going to the movies) until they're 15/16, I don't see anything wrong with it. My parents let me have boyfriends when I younger even thought I technically wasn't allowed to date until I was 16. I ended up marrying my first boyfriend. =)

 

[Magpie]

Has someone criticized you for letting them go on supervised "dates" at 11?

Honestly, it's your choice. Different parents make different choices. On the one extreme you'll have parents who say no dating whatsoever, at any age. Some of these parents opt for "courtship" instead.

On the other extreme end, you've got parents who are paying so little attention, their 12yos are getting knocked up.

I think most people are somewhere in the middle. You should have confidence that you did the right thing for YOUR children.

 

[JessicaR]

interesting first post.....

Agree!

 

[PlainJane]

interesting first post.....

My first thought was that it was regular poster who didn't want to use their username because of the possibility that others might criticize their parenting.

I could be wrong of course.

 

[luvmy3]

Well I'll be the first to say that I think 11 is too young to "date" however I don't see anything wrong with an 11 year old girl being friends with an 11 year old boy and doing things together that they would do with their same gender friends.

 

[RitaE]

I think my Mother would tell you that she didn't let me date until I was a Sophomore in High School.

So mostly, I just didn't tell her.

 

[wenmc]

Thanks for everyone's advice. Yes, I was being criticized by another mother who's daughters are much older, in their 30s and 40s. She told me I was setting a bad example. But I have seen all extremes of what parents will allow in my girls' school.

Yes, this is my first post. I know seems a little strange but I have been to this site hundreds of times. I am a lover of Disney and visiting the Resort. I first found out about this site on one of our last trips when I was doing research. I fell in love with reading people's trip reports, then stubbled upon the budget boards and then the community boards. It is a great place to seek advice from other parents and what not. I'm sure I will be back again and again!

 

[Tiger926]

It's too young, IMHO. Dating is not for young children, and 11 is too young. Not sure why parents allow young children to date - why do children need to have boyfriends/girlfriends? Why be attached to one person at that age?

Hate to think what they will be asking for if they are allowed to date at 11 years old? When children are thrust into older situations that are not age appropriate, they have more chance of having problems, whether it be self-esteem issues, spending too much time with boy/girlfriend or pressure to have sex.

I absolutely wouldn't let children that young date, Tiger

 

[Tink888]

I'm in my early forties and I can remember having my first boyfriend in 6th grade......talking on the phone, went to the skating rink together, all innocent enough. By fifteen I had a boyfriend that I dated until I was twenty.

I agree with the other posters in that you are the best judge of what your kids should and shouldn't do.

With my sons, however, I have discouraged it. DS(almost 15) just went to the movies for the first time with a girl he liked. They text each other and talk but between their schedules there hasn't been much opportunity to see each other often (and I'm secretly kind of happy about that). DS13 is still immature in many ways and girls (other than purely friends) aren't even on his radar yet.

I've seen through some of their friends (and those friend's FB pages) that by about 7th grade the whole dating game becomes this big deal. And it just seems like the kids are in such a hurry to be grown-up, doing grown-up things (we're so in love). I'm in no hurry for that and won't encourage it. One of DS13's friends just broke up with his girlfriend of 8 months and I'm currently watching all of that drama unfold via FB and I can't stop thinking that these are 12/13 year old kids trying to replay the adult break-ups they see on tv.

To each their own, I just know for myself, I'm not really looking forward to all of the drama that goes along with it, and as the kids get older, a whole new set of issues presents itself. I encourage them to have friends, male and female, and just have fun and live in the moment of being kids. They've got their entire lives for dating and relationships.

 

[kellydizfan]

Well I am in the same boat as you. My DD 16, will be 17 in December was asked out in January. My DH said no, I said o.k. but with stipulations. It didn't last long as he stated he loved her - I think he has liked her since they met in 7th grade. She thought he was crazy so she broke it off. Well a couple months later, she was asked out again. She has a bunch of friends who have movie nights. She will go with him - we take her to these movie nights at the friends house. We have hosted one so far. Well my DD who is 12 will be 13 in a couple of weeks, stated back in end of May that she was asked out by a friend. I thought it was cute (they actually look alike) as they only see each other at school and at the field when her sister plays softball. They chat online and by phone and haven't been anywhere with friends yet. I am wondering how the summer will turn out. We keep track of what goes on and where they go. Right now I know they have good values and I trust them. It all depends - when they were younger I said they were not dating till they were 35. LOL!

 

[sunnyday123]

If it were my DD, I would think 11 was too young. It just makes me think of little kids trying to act older than they are, and then progressing in the relationship....


That being said, my DD will be 13 in November. Today she was at the pool with my Mom, who said two boys, one about 12 and the other ( obviously a brother ) about 15 walked up, and the older one pushed the younger one towards my Mom and said, "He wants to ask you something!" My mom said he got all purple and then said, "Can I talk to your Granddaughter?"


I am really, really not ready for that.

 

[NikitaZee]

ToC, is that you????


If it's not, then IMO that is too young to date. They have their whole dating lives ahead of them - why start at 11?

 

[punkin]

DD11 has some friends who have "boyfriends" and "girlfriends". What this actually means is that they sit together at lunch in school. It is nothing to be upset about. Nothing actually happens at that age. I don't even think they hold hands, let alone anything else. Nevertheless, I am relieved that she doesn't have a "boyfriend".

Sometime about the age of 14 these relationships morph into something more adult with "expectations". That's when I would worry.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

I am a 38 year old mother of 4 who was raised by liberal, hippy parents, but I think it's ridiculous to even say that 11, 12 and 13 year olds are "dating." We know people who let their 10, 11, 12 year olds have Facebook pages and put on their "open" page for the world to see that they are looking for a relationship or are dating someone. Ridiculous! I know I keep saying that, but it is - ridiculous! They are children, period. Having friends of the opposite sex and hanging out in supervised situations is fine, as this is the bridge to one-on-one dating, but I don't think it shoud be referred to as dating or supported as dating at such a young age. It's just one more example of the oversexualization of children in American Society. Along with all the sixth graders wearing their full face of make-up and carrying their coach bags to school. Get a grip people, childhood is fleeting! All of the teenage angst and turmoil that go along with growing up and becoming an adult will happen in it's own sweet time, there's no need to rush it. Or for that matter add to the astounding teenage pregnancy rate we have in the U.S.

 

[Planogirl]

I had a "boyfriend" when I was 9 and he was 10 but I really didn't have a clue what that meant. We just rode bikes and played and did so with lots of other kids.

I actually didn't date until I was much, much older but it was fun to have crushes.