In a hurry said:
Awww, OK. Thanks for not taking offense. I miss things sometimes, and have a difficult time keeping track of people! It would be the Catholic viewpoint that is different than what I experienced, I expect. The church I attended was more of a fundamental one, and I have to say that to hear some of them speak, it was my fault that drunk driver killed my sons. That there was a "lesson" for me in it.
Take care...and keep praying for Sylvester!
I've read your posts before read about your sons it literally took my breath away. Not even being able to see your face, but just knowing you are a mom I felt a literal ache for you and that loss.
I know the people who spoke to you about *purpose* meant well. It does sound ridiculous at the time, but even now are you able to see where you have been an incredible source of strength for someone else who has gone through agonizing loss? Not so that your pain was caused for that purpose, but out of your pain there can be purpose? If I knew someone like you and I was grieving I would feel like I could come to you with my fear, anger, sadness, etc.
I think that's what some people try to say. I have lost two babies through miscarriage and I often heard people use the *God's will* speech with me. I even had people suggest that it was God's way of telling me to not have anymore children. People are at such a loss and totally ignorant of what to say.
They say all kinds of weird stuff when people die. When my mother passed away (and I've heard this countless times) people would say, "well, I guess God just needed her more in heaven than we did down here". I suppose that must give them comfort some how, but it never made sense to me, as a child to think that God cared more about *his* needs than mine. I couldn't figure out how in world the Almighty God needed my mother who was the best at puttin' hot rollers in my hair and telling me that "if a person treats you like that, then they ain't your friend anyway". I thought, what a selfish God! He doesn't wear hot rollers and for goodness sakes he doesn't need a boost in his self-esteem!
While I do believe there can be a *lesson* in every single event in our life it is just plain wrong to tell someone that who is hurting. Sounds like salt in a wound to me. Loss just plain stinks and there is absolute mystery in it that I won't resolve this side of heaven.
I agree with eadbride about church and how you were treated, but I can tell you there are some stray loonies everywhere you go and church is no exception.
Wow... I am so sad to hear people imply that your sons' death was somehow your fault. I guess the problem is that even though people are well-intentioned they (including me 
) sometimes feel like they need to say something, but don't know what to say. The reslut is something ignorant and insensitive flies out of their mouth. (All who have been there, done that, and got the t-shirt say "Amen")
