Prayers Appreciated...

[teskak]

Chrystal

The things I found worked when I lost a parent was to find a time when I was quiet & alone and literally embrace the pain. Reminisce through all of the things which remind you of your father and really feel it until you can carry no more. Once you have finished with the moment you should be able to carry on for another day.


Get through the funeral then go away for a few days just to be on your own in the stillness you can do some more thinking and remembering.


If you have trouble sleeping because you are thinking, then I suggest listening to your ipod. Pick podcasts of topics you enjoy to listen to, but are not too stimulating, the DisUnplugged podcasts are good for that - your brain will be occupied listening to the podcast until you sleep and you are then not dwelling on other issues. The only side effect I have noticed of this is that I start to dream of Pete Werner

 

[D&DDisney]

The tears will just start to flow at the most unpredictable times. You are completely normal. I still have these moments even 2 years later. I'll go through months and months of being fine and then one day, for a moment or two, the tears just have to come out.

Its okay to feel numb or like you are dreaming right now. It will help you get through the funeral part. Its so hard to comprehend. Slowly your mind will work through it and (as a previous posted mentioned) don't be affraid of the quiet. Spend a few quiet moments every now and then and let your mind work through this. Its scary cause all the feelings come out, but that is good. Then, go on with your day or week. Revisit these moments as needed. That way you won't be running from them or let them take over your life.

The biggest misconception I had w/ death is that a few weeks or months after the funeral, I'd be kinda "done" mourning and then just have a few memories now and then. Turns out, that's when it all hit me. Long after people stopped asking how I was doing or if they could help, that's when I needed it most of all. I wasn't fine like I had been saying for weeks. When I mentioned this to others who had never lost a person very close to them, they were like "Okay..." Not quite understanding why weeks/months after the funeral I was the basket case I should have been then. You just never know when its going to hit and you have to learn how to work through it when it does creep up on you.

Things do get better each day but not until they get worse first (if that makes any sense) Kinda like a rollercoater at first. Then it does get better until the anniversary rolls around or holidays. Have a strong support network around during those times and you'll get through just fine.

And...not to sound all psychic or something, cause I'm really not into that, but be open to your dreams. I have found many wonderful moments where my Dad has come to me in dreams and told me everything is okay and that he loves me. Those few moments are so precious. The only bad part is you don't know when its going to happen and it doesn't always happen right away.

May God give you strength these next few days as you work through this.

 

[chell]

If you feel the need to talk to someone outside of your family and friends contact your local Hospice office to schedule an appointment for grief counseling. Their services are amazing. I've used their services before and I can't recommend them enough. Everyone I have talked with in their offices are amazing and their services are outstanding. They really know every feeling you have and how to help you cope.

I think it is great you are taking the roses home to your garden.

 

[snels]

I am sorry for your loss.

Your family will be in my prayers.

 

[ChrizJen]

I just wanted to come back and post a thank you to all of you who replied with your kind words and advice.
It's been so crazy and surreal. My dad's funeral was Wednesday. It was a beautiful service, and I was overwhelmed and touched by how many people showed up. I knew my dad was a wonderful person, but it was definitely affirming to see so many friends and co-workers there.
His co-workers had a memorial service for him on Thursday, and it was absolutely wonderful to see how much he meant to his co-workers. On the way out, they pointed out a little patch of flowers that my dad had planted out front of the building just 2 weeks ago. The first flower bloomed the very day of his memorial service. It was like my dad's way of telling all of us that he's OK.
I'm still having weak moments when it's all just too much. Tomorrow I will get back to the "routine". There are moments when I feel like I need to get back to work, and other times when I don't know if I'm ready.
Anyhow, thanks again for your thoughts and words of comfort and advice. They're very much appreciated.
-Christal

 

[catherine]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[Diva of Dragons]

So sorry to hear about your sudden loss! Hang in there!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Glad you found the reassurance from friends and family that your dad was truly a wonderful person and meant a lot to many, many people. Getting back into a routine will be hard, but take it as it comes. If you have your moments and weakness and cry, I'm sure others will be there to be your shoulder to lean on. And we're always here to provide support over the miles.

 

[ChrizJen]

I don't know if I've ever had more trouble getting out of bed than I did this morning. LOL
I think overall though, it's a good thing I came back to work. Everyone is being very understanding, and I'm actually finding it much easier to talk to people about it than I thought I was going to. That was the one thing I think that worried me the most, was having to tell the story over and over again to all of my co-workers. But so far I'm doing OK.

I hope you all don't mind that I use this thread as somewhat of a therapeutic outlet for the things I'm going through. It really helps to type my feelings from day to day. And your comments are very helpful as well. Thanks again!
-Christal

 

[ragdoll]

Type away Christal. Your dad sounds like he was very much loved. I am so sorry that you all had to go through this. In time the good memories will begin to replace some of the sadness.

 

[ols386]

So sorry ChrizJen, about your father.

Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

 

[S. C.]

 

[D&DDisney]

Hang in there! We're all here for ya!

 

[Liberty Belle]

Christal, I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking for you.

I'm glad, though, that you were able to be with your dad as he passed. I hope it will be a comfort to you. I was able to be with my Granny as she passed and it has been a big comfort to me. Her passing was peaceful like your dad's and it helped a lot that I was there.

 

[chell]

I don't know if I've ever had more trouble getting out of bed than I did this morning. LOL
I think overall though, it's a good thing I came back to work. Everyone is being very understanding, and I'm actually finding it much easier to talk to people about it than I thought I was going to. That was the one thing I think that worried me the most, was having to tell the story over and over again to all of my co-workers. But so far I'm doing OK.

I hope you all don't mind that I use this thread as somewhat of a therapeutic outlet for the things I'm going through. It really helps to type my feelings from day to day. And your comments are very helpful as well. Thanks again!
-Christal

Of course we don't mind!