Potential problem behavior in kid's club??

[jdm]

Hi

I'm trying to find the right way to ask this question...... we are traveling with my DGD7 in March on the Magic. She has recently come to live with us and has been through a lot this last year. This trip was a Christmas surprise for her.

She is a very old beyond her years, active 7 year old. Recently, at her school conference the nurse sat in to tell me they thought she might be ADD with impulsitivity. Although she is not disrespectful, aggressive or disruptive she is having trouble making friends. Her teacher says she constantly interupts, needs to be the center of attention and is overwhelming to the other kids. I do see this at home although she doesn't remotely resemble the kids I saw on Dr. Phil's special on ADD the other day. She is not the yell, scream, out of control type of kid. We are in the process now of seeing a therapist and have an apt. with our GP.

My question is, how are they in the kids club with this type of thing? Although, she's never had problems at daycare, all these comments from the teacher have me a little concerned about the group setting on the cruise.

Has anyone's child ever been barred from the clubs for being annoying?! I have no concerns about any real problem behavior, but she does talk A LOT and likes to interupt etc.

Any thoughts?

Thanks,
Jenn

 

[jfis1020]

I am a teacher and a mother of an ADHD child. When we went on our first cruise, my DS7 (then 5) had recently been diagnosed. While we had begun medication, he still was having adjustments with the meds. The club was EXCELLENT! I explained his behaviors and strengths to them and they did a great job of redirecting him when needed. He loved the clubs and they really made him feel special.

You need to do some reading. Dr. Phil had some extreme cases. Listen to your educators as they probably have had a great deal of experience with this. After 21 years of teaching, it's pretty easy to pick out those who have ADD/ADHD. Your description of your GD sounds very much like my son. Seeing the GP did a world of good for him and our family.

 

[travel with kids]

I will second jfis1020 post. I am a Special Ed.Techer and I have a DD with ADHD (who was 7 on our first cruise). The clubs were awesome. They kept her grounded and (beleive it or not) did not over stimulate her. This was one of my fears going on the DCL for the first time. From my DD experience, your DGD will be pulled into the group as an egual player and any extreme behavior will be tackfully handled. Don't stress over it (the rest of have already done it--and found it to be fine ). I think your DGD would have to do something beyond what any of us have described in order to be asked to leave the clubs. I do not think you or you DD need to worry. However, I am sure if you need to understand the behavior requirements, you could ask DCL for a copy of the paperwork you are asked to signed when you sign your child up in the clubs (I can not think of the name of the contract...I am on vacation and I do not have to use my brain ).


Have a very fun, relaxing cruise

 

[DVCajun]

I'm concerned about this as well. Our oldest DS will be two months shy of his 4th birthday when we sail in February. He hasn't been diagnosed ADHD, but his preschool teachers (two mornings a week) tell me that they have never seen a more active child in all of their years of teaching. I haven't either.

I guess we'll have to play it by ear. If he gets in trouble we'll have consequences already in place (explained to him in advance) and we'll carry them out. I am careful to be very consistent with him so that he knows what to expect from me-- if I say "X" is going to happen, then he can count on "X" happening!

 

[goofyforlife]

The clubs are great...

My DD 11 yr old didn't get put out of the clubs...(and she's a real handfull)

She also sailed with us when she was 9 and 5.

She wasn't as social as some of the children but I think it helped us last cruise to meet up with fellow DIS'ers with kids of similar age.

 

[jdm]

Thanks so much for replies. It's good to know that DCL is good at handling these situations. I guess with so many children, they'd have to be.

I'd feel a little more confident if my DGD had a teacher with 20 plus years experience. She's a very young teacher reputed to be a little lazy (although I can't say that she is). My DGD has been through 3 years of preschool, kindergarten and first grade with 3 other teachers who said they didn't feel she was ADHD. I had always felt she was a little overly active. Her daycare also feels that while she tends to talk a lot, they don't see evidence of ADD / ADHD-like behavior.

My Dr. Phil analogy was a little silly, I guess. Just making a scale reference to the children who are on the extreme end. Of course, I'm doing lots of research and reading. Medication will only be used as an absolute last resort for us.

DGD has also come out of an extremely chaotic situation where Mom and Dad have had drug, jail and instability problems- so it's even more difficult to know what is biology and what is environment. In spite of all their problems, she knows them to be loving parents to her and it's another adjustment for her to not be living with them anymore. Although, she is very happy here with us :~)

Thanks for listening to my ramblings and the cruise info. It's nice to know I'm not the only one with these concerns.

Thanks again,
Jenn

 

[kikipug]

Jenn- Just want to applaud you for your devotion to your DGD, not just in terms of surprising her with the cruise, but for committing yourself to her everyday well being ... she has a very special GM! I am sure that you will all have a wonderful time! I pray the best for you! Enjoy!

 

[jdm]

Wow, thanks for the kind words. Our children are 26, 21, and our youngest just turned 12. We were finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak!! However, we cherish DGD and worrying about her constantly was never peaceful for us either. It's hard work and commitment, but very good to know we have the ability to make such a difference in her life. Not too mention we sleep better now, knowing she's in the next room:~)

Thanks again,
Jenn

 

[faireygod mother]

We sailed last month and with our DGD who is also ADHD like her father (my DS) We did not tell the oceaneers lab anything and she fit right in. Most children are so excited that she did not stand out. She had a wonderful time. In fact she wants to go again soon. Amagine at the age of 8 becoming so cruise savy. What a life and experience.

 

[inkkognito]

Interesting about the potentially lazy teacher. I am just finishing up my doctoral dissertation in psychology, and ADHD is an area of particular interest for me. Do a little Googling and you'll find that some areas are making it illegal for school personnel like teachers and administrators to tell parents they believe a child has ADHD because they are not qualified to make that judgement.
Sounds like you're a great grandma, and I'm sure DGD will do fine on the ship. Believe me, there will be plenty of stimulation and lots to keep her busy!
Barb

 

[jenpan]

I have to agree with Barb on schools not being able to mention they think a child might have ADD/ADHD. I have been teaching for 21 years and it has become easier to recognize these students over the years but a teacher's hands can be tied in these situations. In my local district we are not allowed to mention to parents we think their child has ADD, nor can we recommend they take them to see a physican, the system could potentially be liable for medical bills, or so they say. If the parents brings the subject up first, then we can discuss it and make a recommendation.

My previous experience with the club was GREAT!!! My daughter can't wait to return. Thanks DCL!!!!

 

[disneygatorfan]

I would not worry... the DCL staff handles so many children, they have lots of experience.

As far as the socialization, If you are concerned about her making friends I would highly reccommend her attending all the very first kids program activities, since from what I have gathered, that is when they do all the get to know you bonding.

And if, in the off chance your DGD did have a problem, or something came up the counselors in the kids club could not handle, they would just notify you via the paging system they have, and you could be there in a matter of minutes.

I would also maybe prep her, find out more about the club so you can let her know what to expect and what will be expected of her. For example,you could prepare her for the waiting she will have to do in between activities. DCL is big on the roll call and counting to make sure all the kids are around before the move around the ship. Also, maybe print out some of the kids navigators you can find on different web sites, so she gets a feel for what it will be like. She might feel more comfortable if she has a taste for what will happen... so she will be more relaxed to make friends.

And don't worry, if the clubs don't work out for her, there are plenty of family activities she can get involved with, and lots to do together during the day.. pool, movies, games, shuffle board, table tennis, family activities with the crusie staff... etc.

Have a great trip! She's a lucky girl to have a grandmother like you!

 

[CM_Mom]

Jenn, have you checked out the Cruise Meet thread for your cruise? Since she already knows about the cruise, you might find some kids for her to e-mail before the cruise so she has a few "ready made" friends to meet up with on the ship.

My DD was a counselor in the club before she accepted her current position and for your peace of mind, all the counselors have a college degree and at least two years experience working with kids in group situations such as schools and camps. I know one of the counselors on the Magic has a Master's in Education and has been working with kids since she was a kid herself.

Have a MAGICal time. She will do fine and you are a great GM to provide her a stable home life.

 

[CheapMom]

I have 2 kids with ADHD (7 & 9) They did fine in the clubs- they are not the extreme ADHD kids like we saw on Dr. Phil. They don't get in fights and they are respectful kids. My daughter just has trouble focussing (mainly a problem in the classroom) and my son can't sit still. That was fine in the clubs because there is plenty of freedom for them to move around.
As far as what teachers/nurses/administrators can and can't say about ADHD. It varies from state to state but most areas allow teachers to mention that a child exhibits symptoms of ADHD and they can suggest that you discuss it with the child's pediatrician. The ball usually starts rolling through a behavior checklist administered by the school and then that information is discussed with a doctor.
It sounds like your DGD has had a traumatic year. Keep in mind that stress or depression can cause mirror image symptoms of ADHD.
Wishing you and your DGD all the best. Have a great cruise!

 

[jfis1020]

I have 2 kids with ADHD (7 & 9) They did fine in the clubs- they are not the extreme ADHD kids like we saw on Dr. Phil. They don't get in fights and they are respectful kids. My daughter just has trouble focussing (mainly a problem in the classroom) and my son can't sit still. That was fine in the clubs because there is plenty of freedom for them to move around.
As far as what teachers/nurses/administrators can and can't say about ADHD. It varies from state to state but most areas allow teachers to mention that a child exhibits symptoms of ADHD and they can suggest that you discuss it with the child's pediatrician. The ball usually starts rolling through a behavior checklist administered by the school and then that information is discussed with a doctor.
It sounds like your DGD has had a traumatic year. Keep in mind that stress or depression can cause mirror image symptoms of ADHD.
Wishing you and your DGD all the best. Have a great cruise!

Impressive advice.............well put!!!

 

[njdrumrun]

I'd feel a little more confident if my DGD had a teacher with 20 plus years experience. My DGD has been through 3 years of preschool, kindergarten and first grade with 3 other teachers who said they didn't feel she was ADHD. I had always felt she was a little overly active. Her daycare also feels that while she tends to talk a lot, they don't see evidence of ADD / ADHD-like behavior.

jehn, this was my thought. can't help with the lab since i am going on my first Discruise in 26 days but...

my daughter sat out of two specials and was disruptive in class when school first started(interrupting at inappropriate times, starting her own little chat groups when she was done her work). she's in kindergarten. i have always worked so she is accustom to being in daycare and we had no problems with her in daycare. other than older kids picking on her and her defending herself on one occasion. the reports we got from them were that she was very helpful and always polite. same with the girl scout camp where she spent 10 weeks last summer. this is her second time in kindergarten(daycare had a certified program but she didn't make the district birthday cut). she's bored. she knows all her letters and can read(small stuff) but the class is tracing letters?? she's already done it.

is the teacher aware of her family situation? she should cut the kid some slack. i have a friend that has foster children. i've seen some of the affects that drug/alcohol abuse homes can have on kids. if no one else has complained..i wouldn't worry. she'll settle in with the consistant home life.

i think it is AWSOME that you are able to take her into your home!! some gparents can't help even when they want to. she is a very lucky little girl!!

teachers shouldn't be able to "diagnose" students in any way. a boy at swimming lessons was labeled as "emotionally disturbed" by his teahcers/school. turns out the poor child is slightly autistic. lucky for him his mom was not willing to accept the teachers diagnosis.

 

[jdm]

Thank you for your thoughts. I met with this teacher before school started, touched base with her on the first day and then had a lengthy conversation at conference. While I'm not exactly proud of my DD26 situation, I understand it is critical that all people involved in DGD daily routine be aware of her history.

I was very uncomfortable with what I perceived as the assummed attitude that if they gave me this information, I'd run off to my GP and get the medication. With Mom and Dad's drug history and DGDs exposure to it on occassion, I have BIG hesitation to "give her a pill to make her better" so to speak. On the other hand, if this is valid and she is way too busy in her brain, I'm not opposed to something that will make her more comfortable. We are now seeing a therapist and have an appt. with my GP to discuss an evaluation and options.

I do think DGD is a little bored and missing her old school where she seemed to get on very well with the staff. The teacher did say, she was extremely bright and seemed further along than the kids in every area.

She is extremely excited about this cruise and we can't wait to go. This whole school thing is kind of a dark cloud.

Also, thanks to the other posters who mentioned that in some states teachers cannot comment on potential ADHD / ADD. I found that extremely interesting. It's a tough call. You have the teachers who are spending a lot of time with a child on a daily basis who could probably provide some solid input. You also have teachers who are overworked, underpaid, exhausted and might want to have a quick fix for a challenging child......

Thanks again for all comments & have a great time on your very quickly upcoming cruise njdrumrun!!

Jenn

 

[musicgirl]

Jenn,

What a wonderful you have done. I do agree with cheapmom that you should not overlook the circumstances that she has been through. As a teacher, I see how even small changes can throw kids into behavior changes let alone something on a much greater scale.

And even though I'm not trained to diagnosis problems (although we are often expected to), it can be very obvious where there are problems with kids and sometimes it takes someone "outside" the normal home setting to help out.

I agree with going to the cruise meet board. You might even be able to link your dinner ressies with someone that is her age.

I hope you have a wonderful time. It sounds like you all deserve it.

 

[njdrumrun]

in defense of the teachers who diagnose or are expected to diagnose...it is also hard when parents say..not my kid especially when it is their kid.

my mom use to tell us "mrs. so-in-so told me what polite, respectful and helpful girls i have. i almost want to ask...do you know who i am? sure you have the right girls?" if we were on our best behavior outside of our home, she could handle us melting down while we were home. now that i am getting the same thing from people about my daughter. i really know what she meant.

our kids act differently when they are out of our view. hopefully it is their best 90% of the time.

 

[UGAFan0829]

Jenn- Just want to applaud you for your devotion to your DGD, not just in terms of surprising her with the cruise, but for committing yourself to her everyday well being ... she has a very special GM! I am sure that you will all have a wonderful time! I pray the best for you! Enjoy!

I have to ditto this post!