Poorly Written Obituaries

[badblackpug]

I always feel sad when I read the ones that are so brief. Like for instance:



Always makes me wonder ... did they have family? Why no funeral - is there no-one to celebrate their life or mourn their passing?

We didn't have a funeral service for my father. He didn't want one. It didn't mean that no one celebrated his life or mourned his death, it's just that everyone does things differently.

My father died suddenly. We were at a loss on the obit, too. The funeral director wrote it. We gave him the info we wanted included and he put it together. No one was thinking clearly at that point. The obit was included in the price of the funeral home's services.

This may sound mean but we laugh at the overly wordy obits.

Pearl loved the color pink and gerbera daisies.... sometimes there is just too much detail given.

 

[Squirlz]

I JUST read one that said so-and-so "died at age 77 of natural causes that she battled for many years." Huh?

 

[Lovin' Disney]

I agree with those who like the longer obits that tell a story about the deceased's life. That's what I want when I die.

I live in an area filled with elderly people and the ones that I find kind of weird are ones where the person who has died is 87 years old and it says he/she died unexpectedly. I know that if a person is in good health and suddenly dies, it may seem unexpected. However, when you're in your 80s/90s, I think you have to expect that the person could concieveably die any day just from old age.

 

[MNdisneymom]

This may sound mean but we laugh at the overly wordy obits.

Pearl loved the color pink and gerbera daisies.... sometimes there is just too much detail given.

Thanks for helping me to clarify my thoughts--I agree with you! The long ones with all the flowery phrases sort of make me giggle in a really inappropriate manner...

But I guess what it boils down to, is who is the obit written for? Not the dead person certainly--if it makes the family feel better to write that Uncle Jim (or whomever!) loved to go gambling at the casino and for long rides on his Harley, that's certainly none of *my* business.

Tar Heel, I *do* understand the value of the obit as a historical record...Thanks for making me consider that. ( It sounds like your family has a very interesting past!)

 

[avgeek81]

Whe nmy dad died my aunt wrote the obit. She put in who he had left behind and such and she put how he was a scoutmaster and coached little league for many years and other organizations he was a part of. Many people who he knew from these organizations came to his wake even tho it had been years since they had seen him

My other aunts obit made it seem like she was rich, i dont think this was done on purpose. It said she liked to travel and shop and enjoyed summers at her 2nd home in the Pennsylvania, which is really a trailer. I was like i hope you have someone watch the house during the wake and funeral because someone might try to break in

 

[NotUrsula]

Yes, most papers do have obit writers on staff, and they tweak what they get from funeral homes and the relatives of the deceased.

There is a nice little article up on the Washington Post site that talks about writing obituaries for a living, I especially love the anecdote about the CIA member: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A41579-2005Jan1.html (There is an ad at the top of each page, you have to scroll down to read the article.)

I recall shaking my head a few months ago over the obit of a young man who was quite clearly a gang-banger of some sort. I don't remember exactly how the wording went, but it was something like, "He will be defended in death by his homeboys John "Shorty" Smith, Bill "Gangsta" Jones, Steve "Bullets" Walker, etc. (Not their names, but it was like that, with the nicknames that identified them as gang members, and the real list had about 12 names on it.) It sounded as though they were inviting a rival gang to "just TRY" to attack the funeral.

 

[usd2bmd]

I've had recent experience with obituaries...as my 83 year old father died in late October. Dad's death was very sudden--he was in good health until he wasn't. He and my mom hadn't done any pre-planning, but had had general discussions about how things were to be handled. We were at the funeral home and they handled the obituary there. By mutual agreement between my mom, sister and I, we didn't put anything but basic information--predeceased by, survived by, etc. This is strictly personal opinion, but I don't like long obituaries...do we really need to know all the things that the dead person has done in life? The people that matter will already know.

I completely agree. After having to help write one for both my DF and then again my DM after their sudden passing it is an extremely personal thing to me as it was to the rest of my family.

Not to mention that in todays age of "cash is king" Death notices and obituaries cost you to publish. to the tune of $ 400 for a basic death notice.

 

[teller80]

(unless it is something horribly embarrassing like "gunned down by a pimp" or something).

Oh, I don't know, I think this would be fun to have in my obit!

 

[AntePrincess]

There is a nice little article up on the Washington Post site that talks about writing obituaries for a living, I especially love the anecdote about the CIA member: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A41579-2005Jan1.html (There is an ad at the top of each page, you have to scroll down to read the article.)

That was a wonderful link! I think I'd have liked his job, writing people stories (apparently often while the people were alive), with genealogical relevance.

 

[Hrhpd]

... really make you appreciate the well-written ones!

There's so much we can know - or not know - about a person's life based upon these relatively few words.

Is this something anyone has given any thought to? (I'm guessing probably not as our own deaths, and those of our loved ones, are not something we ever really want to think about.)

So if you were writing your own, what would you want it to say?

When my father died, both the funeral home director and our pastor advised us to not write an obituary. You are just advertising that there is now a widow living alone and with the visitation and funeral info, you are also advertising when the house will be empty.

You can honor the person and let others know what a wonderful person they were at the service. If no service, you can have a written summary at the funeral home, otherwise, as others have said, those who loved the person will already know. Hopefully discussion will happen in a family so that close relatives don't learn about the person in the obit.

 

[BearcatsFan]

We didn't have a funeral service for my father. He didn't want one. It didn't mean that no one celebrated his life or mourned his death, it's just that everyone does things differently.

Thank you for sharing this - it made me think. I hadn't considered those who don't want funerals held by their families.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

otherwise, as others have said, those who loved the person will already know. Hopefully discussion will happen in a family so that close relatives don't learn about the person in the obit.

Well of course. And hopefully not.

But what about the people who aren't close relatives, and who don't know?

Many who attend services go out of respect for their loved ones who are living. They may not know the deceased at all. Isn't it nice for them to know a bit about the person who has passed?

Obviously this is very subjective, which is fine. I will make my own wishes known and be sure we set aside enough money to publish fitting obituaries for our loved ones who pass.

Seeing as so many have their own opinions about it, I'll also be asking people in my family (that I'll be responsible for planning services for) what they would like said.

Good discussion.

Oh, and I have had to do this before as well, for my own father. But I was barely an adult myself at the time and I don't remember a lot of details. I know the funeral staff were helpful and guided me on what needed to be done. I probably could have been done better, in retrospect. It is definitely a stressful time. All the more reason to think about this ahead of time, as uncomfortable as it may be.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

What drives me nuts about obituaries is when the information is just wrong and I am trying to use it for family genealogy research. I've been driven down the wrong bath twice now because of bad information in obits.