POLL is closed. Lets please let this sticky thread die.

[dimimi]

It stings more and it's more embarrassing, and therefore it's a better deterrent to the behavior one is trying to deter. I don't care if that's acceptable to anyone. If it's legal and it works well for my family, I do it. No consultation is needed.

So...can you give an example of when this type of discipline is used with the 13 year old? Just curious!

 

[DisneyMomx7]

I see why the debates can grow so heated. Peoples idea of "spanking" really run to the extremes. While I don't think a few swats on the butt of a small child to get the point across - especially for things like darting in the street- do any harm and actually do make an impression. I think those times should be far and few between to really make a lasting impression.

However, spanking the bare bottom of a 13 year old with a ping pong paddle. That really creeps me out. I don't think discipline is supposed to equal humiliation. It worries me that a parent finds humiliation a good way to deal with misbehavior.

 

[katerkat]

BTW, you appear to be a very pro spanking person - a decent percentage of your posts on the DIS are on spanking threads. That just strikes me as, well, odd.

And also bumping up old spanking threads that haven't been posted on for days or months...?

 

[backalleysally]

I had to take my oldest daughter, my middle child to the dr last week and she had to undress from the waist down, she was so mortified and I was for her that I just can't imagine putting her in that position as a punishment. My heart was litterally breaking for her and I held her hand the whole time.

I don't mean this to be offensive--I am only answering you at all because you are about the only one here who's been civil to me. But don't you think that degree of mortification is itself a tad excessive, bordering on neurotic? I understand that it's embarrassing, but for it to be so traumatic seems as weird to me as bare bottom spanking seems to most people on this board.

Again, I don't mean to offend you, but when I read things like this, it's no wonder why the rest of the world thinks Americans are a bit off.

 

[Bob Slydell]

I don't mean this to be offensive--I am only answering you at all because you are about the only one here who's been civil to me. But don't you think that degree of mortification is itself a tad excessive, bordering on neurotic? I understand that it's embarrassing, but for it to be so traumatic seems as weird to me as bare bottom spanking seems to most people on this board.

Again, I don't mean to offend you, but when I read things like this, it's no wonder why the rest of the world thinks Americans are a bit off.

You don't mean to be offensive, but then ask the poster if she's neurotic?

 

[backalleysally]

I don't think discipline is supposed to equal humiliation. It worries me that a parent finds humiliation a good way to deal with misbehavior.

Nobody ever said that discipline equals humiliation, and it's just silly or dishonest to put those words in my mouth. The particular aspect of discipline called punishment may at times involve embarrassment--and actually, it probably is invariably embarrassing to a small extent. The fact that you are subject to a punishment is embarrassing. Everything else is a matter of degree.

 

[backalleysally]

You don't mean to be offensive, but then ask the poster if she's neurotic?

I said one specific attitude seemed like it was bordering on neurotic. That's a term of description, not an insult. I didn't go Michael Richards on anyone, geez. And I tried to forestall any offense being taken, because that's the polite thing to do. On a scale of 1 to 10, it wasn't as offensive as being implicitly described as a pervert.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I don't usually debate on the message boards, but I can't understan how someone can spank a 13 year old on their bare bottom...with a ping pong paddle? I guess all of my training in discipline has helped me understand that discipline is to teach a child to behave and teach them logical consequences to their actions. I can't see a life lesson in decision making where doing something wrong would have them be spanked on their bare bottom! I can't imagine what a child would do at 13 to have a spanking? Wouldn't being grounded or having a few extra chores or loosing video games/tv be more appropriate? What will you do at 16? If they are late pull down their pants and spank them? I teach high school students. The students must learn to think for themselves and understand there are logical consequences. For example, if you are late to class you know that after 3 times you have a detention. Students know they can't leave the school grounds at lunch until they are a Junior. If they leave as a freshman they earn a 100 day detention. They learn there are consequences. Although we don't spank, I can't imagine spanking a 13 year old...let alone with a pingpong paddle with their pants down! I'm done, I promise I"ll keep my opinions to myself.

I'm not a spanker, but I have no problem with a swat on the bottom of a young child who cannot understand the consequences of his actions. But a 13yo can be disciplined in other ways, and the bare bottom aspect, IMO, is humiliating, not merely embarassing. It may not cause physical harm, but could very well be causing some lasting emotional harm.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

I said one specific attitude seemed like it was bordering on neurotic. That's a term of description, not an insult. I didn't go Michael Richards on anyone, geez. And I tried to forestall any offense being taken, because that's the polite thing to do. On a scale of 1 to 10, it wasn't as offensive as being implicitly described as a pervert.

I can't see how anyone could described your posts as "polite". I still can't understand how any parent could willfully cause "embarrassment" or "humiliation" to their child. This goes beyond a few spanks on the butt to a small child. Also, why do you have to use a ping pong paddle? Is that to inflict even more pain?

 

[dimimi]

I still find it interesting that although many posts were answered, "sally" hasn't given us one example of when spanking a bare bottomed 13 year old was used?

 

[stargrazer]

No needee for the spankee...

I honestly don't know what I would do if I had a child that needed to be spanked. We are fortunate that DD has ALWAYS responded to other methods of punishment; I think one of the reasons I never had another child is because I don't think I could hold up under the pressure of a kid that was a discipline problem.

 

[Pigeon]

Nope. Assault is assaut, whether you are doing it to a child or an adult.

 

[backalleysally]

I still find it interesting that although many posts were answered, "sally" hasn't given us one example of when spanking a bare bottomed 13 year old was used?

May I ask why that's important?

Presumably, we use spanking (and grounding) for basically the same things other parents use time out and grounding, or loss of privileges, or whatever other punishments they use, for.

Even if we didn't, what's that got to do with whether bare bottomed spanking is a good idea? I'm not seeing the connection. (I assume other people here with teenagers do punish those teenagers somehow when they misbehave, am I right?)

 

[Kath2003]

My opinion:

I can't imagine spanking a teenager. They're old enough to understand what they're doing is wrong.

I would use spanking only as a reaction for a younger child who has done something dangerous but is unable to understand the full impact/dangers of his/her action - there, spanking would be appropriate (if used calmly and appropriately) in associating that behavior with a short, sharp shock and pain - as a deterrent.

Once kids are old enough to understand what they are doing and why it is inappropriate or dangerous, they need to understand what the consequences of their actions are. For example, if a child wouldn't share his toys with his friend or sibling, he should not be allowed to play with that toy for a certain period of time because he doesn't know how to play with it without upsetting others.

If your teenager is disrespectful to you, they need to understand what the real-world consequences of that are. If you were disrespectful to someone as an adult, they wouldn't pull your pants down and spank you! They'd take away things you enjoyed - they'd quit inviting you to places, quit calling you, give you the worst jobs at work or in the worst case scenario arrest you.

A teenager is fully able to understand this. There I would use something like, taking away phone privileges. Limiting favorite activities. Adding additional chores. And in the worst case scenario, "parent watch" - i.e. you don't go anywhere or do anything without the parent being there. All of these teach that respect needs to be earned - and that if you don't respect people, they will not respect you and the privileges you receive from that relationship will be taken away.

I really can't imagine being spanked at 13.

 

[SelfEmployedDebtFree]

I started this thread. I put a 2 week limit in it.

WHY IS IT STILL OPEN???

The purpose (stated from the beginning) was just to see the statistics; not to cause a war. I would have PREFERRED this was poll ONLY, but didnt see a way to do so, or I would have. I was very surprised to see that the spankers won by a landslide, because you have to add up those who spank in different moderations together... they ALL spank, only different amounts.
As I suspected; those AGAINST it are the primary ones throwing out accusations and saying they only are right and accusing of child abuse to those who do. Were all entitled to our opinions. Lets let this matter rest please.
Its just like the stay at home mom vs soccer/career mom issue, and the refillable mugs issue... it will NEVER resolve.

Moderator; please shut this one down.

Thanks to all who participated.
No harm; no fowl. Just stopping it before harm occurs.
If it continues it could get messy, and Id prefer that don't happen.

 

[SelfEmployedDebtFree]

 

[chobie]

I started this thread. I put a 2 week limit in it.

WHY IS IT STILL OPEN???

The purpose (stated from the beginning) was just to see the statistics; not to cause a war. I would have PREFERRED this was poll ONLY, but didnt see a way to do so, or I would have. I was very surprised to see that the spankers won by a landslide, because you have to add up those who spank in different moderations together... they ALL spank, only different amounts.
As I suspected; those AGAINST it are the primary ones throwing out accusations and saying they only are right and accusing of child abuse to those who do. Were all entitled to our opinions. Lets let this matter rest please.
Its just like the stay at home mom vs soccer/career mom issue, and the refillable mugs issue... it will NEVER resolve.

Moderator; please shut this one down.

Thanks to all who participated.
No harm; no fowl. Just stopping it before harm occurs.
If it continues it could get messy, and Id prefer that don't happen.

First of all, you do not own the thread. Your time limit was on the poll. Second, now you are the one throwing out accusations and your so-called innocent poll, just to get an idea, now looks as if it was perhaps a manipulative way to justify what you see as proper discipline and paint those of us against it as being the "bad" ones. That is not what has come out on this thread, and I think most people are in agreement that sometimes spanking goes too far and does become abusive, even most of the people who spank agree with that.

Have a nice day.

 

[dimimi]

My opinion:


If your teenager is disrespectful to you, they need to understand what the real-world consequences of that are. If you were disrespectful to someone as an adult, they wouldn't pull your pants down and spank you! They'd take away things you enjoyed - they'd quit inviting you to places, quit calling you, give you the worst jobs at work or in the worst case scenario arrest you.

A teenager is fully able to understand this. There I would use something like, taking away phone privileges. Limiting favorite activities. Adding additional chores. And in the worst case scenario, "parent watch" - i.e. you don't go anywhere or do anything without the parent being there. All of these teach that respect needs to be earned - and that if you don't respect people, they will not respect you and the privileges you receive from that relationship will be taken away.

I really can't imagine being spanked at 13.

I agree! I asked what the 13 year old was spanked for because I thought maybe I was missing something. I wonder what age it will stop? I don't spank, but even my mother, who did, stopped by the time we were 10 because we could understand logical consequences. I read posts with an open mind and often times I learn things from other posters and may rethink my views. I will not do this in this situation and I guess this debate could go on forever, so I am done and moving on to a more positive thread!

Have a great day everyone.

 

[TupperMom7]

I think each one of my kids has gotten a swat or two as the years have gone by, but not a formal sit down, over the knee, full blown spanking.

Now as for me....

 

[02bBarbie]

I think each one of my kids has gotten a swat or two as the years have gone by, but not a formal sit down, over the knee, full blown spanking.

Now as for me....