Please help, I need advice!!!

[Desnik]

Just wanted to add that they have gone to counseling for awhile. She does have a Dr she sees. My MIL has offered to stay with the baby while BIL works. He has no money. He basically has enough to get buy, no extra for daycare. I just found out she has a gambling problem and spends her day on the internet gambling. I had no idea. I do feel for her because I know she just can't be in the right state of mind right now and I think the baby has just put her over the edge. I know she feels love for the baby, but there is just no connection to her. She said it to me herself.

To the person who mentioned breast feeding, she doesn't breast feed.

All good points brought up about him. I can't explain it but I think he is overwhelmed. Maybe realized he shouldn't have had a baby and is convinced he can't do it. The first thing I said was he has to divorce her if that's what he wants, then fight for custody of his daughter. Try to get a raise to help pay for daycare or ask his mom for help a few days a week. You know, do what millions of single parents do! He just doesn't have it in him.

I just feel I need to be there for my niece. She is being neglected and in a bad situation and I'll do whatever it takes to help her. My MIL can help her son, my SIL can get help from her family, but there is no one for my niece and DH and I need to be there for her.

 

[Desnik]

So she has always been like that and still your brother pressured her into having a baby?
Poor child, it seems like both of her parents have serious problems.

YEP! Oh, and he's DH's brother, not mine.

 

[Desnik]

He's an idiot.

 

[disykat]

I think a good thing would be for that baby to enter some sort of daycare situation IMMEDIATELY where she at least is not being neglected during the day while her dad is at work. Find a babysitter, find SOMEBODY. He did want this child, IMO he should step up and take the baby's care out of her crazy mother's hands. And he should see a lawyer ASAP to figure out what his next step is. And have him document everything, tell his wife's doctor what's going on, etc.

I think this is excellent advice. He needs to start getting proof that she can't take care of the child. The first thing is to protect the child and get her appropriate care!

Right now he is overwhelmed and worried. He should work on getting the worry part taken care of (safety, health, etc) then he can work on whether being a single parent is going to be too overwhelming for him. He may find that without the constant worry, things get easier.

 

[bubie2.5]

YEP! Oh, and he's DH's brother, not mine.

Sorry, my bad. I'm so angry I can barely think straight, I've trying to have a child for two years now.

 

[Desnik]

Sorry, my bad. I'm so angry I can barely think straight, I've trying to have a child for two years now.

I can sympathize. I have 2 kids but have had 2 miscarriages. The last one was when I was in my 2nd trimester, that was almost 2 years ago, feels like it was yesterday. This hits me at a different level cause DH and I are good parents and really wanted another baby and here they are so ready to give her up.

I really wish you lots of luck trying. My friend and her DH tried for 3 years and now she has a beautiful baby boy.

 

[NotUrsula]

Counseling is one thing, but this is a crisis situation, and it demands a crisis response, from a psychiatrist. Not a psychologist, a PSYCHIATRIST who has the legal power to commit her to a residential program if that is called for.

Again, if money is an issue a physician can find a crisis nursery space to provide the daycare until more longer-term arrangements can be made.

If both parents agree and the courts approve, they can grant you temporary guardianship. That will get the baby out of immediate danger and allow the mother to properly seek treatment and get her situation stabilized. A third party's opinion (her parents) would probably not be considered if the guardianship was only temporary.

Your BIL probably *can* care for his child, but he needs time to learn how and to make proper arrangements. Perhaps he needs to relocate nearer to family. He really shouldn't make a permanent decision while under this much stress about the situation.

 

[C.Ann]

Of course you should go with whatever legal counsel you receive, but from where I'm sitting, I think the best thing right now would be for the dad to get full physical and legal custody of the baby.. Other decisions can be made after that - when the baby is somewhere safe and clean..