Playing Favorites?

[froglady]

This is inspired by Marseeya's family dinner post.

Do any of you play favorites with one side of your family versus another? I know I do.

DM often gets upset because I seem to favor DH's family over my own, and quite frankly, it's true. With the exception of one SIL (my brother's wife) my SILs and their spouses, children, cousins, and even my SILs inlaws treat me better than my own family. They're fun to be around, don't get drunk or smoke, don't make inflammatory statements about politics (or at least they make them with a wink) don't make racist statements, etc.

They ALWAYS acknowledge gifts or any favors I've done for them, and so do their children. We exchange e-mails back and forth at least weekly, and have a yearly reunion at a resort where we get together and DO things. When my nephew was married, my SIL went out of her way to reserve a block of rooms for everyone, kept us appraised of dinner plans, made arrangements for activities and brunch on the day we were leaving, etc. They provided transportation from church (walking distance to our hotel) to the reception and then back to the hotel.

My niece is getting married, and my brother wants DM (84 yo and uses a walker) to come. (DM & my family live in FL, the wedding is on Cape Cod on Labor Day weekend) When I mentioned that we would need a HC room close to the church and reception, he said, "OH, there are lots of hotels and Inns in town. Maybe you could call AAA." When I mentioned it to a different brother who lives outside of Providence, he said "You're right. We need one too. When you book yours, could you reserve one for us, too?"

 

[Marseeya]

We tend to prefer my family even though they're pretty bad. My mom's extremely abusive, but she's toned it down over the years. The thing is, she's so good to the kids. My in-laws couldn't care less about them. If it weren't for that, we'd probably move to Siberia just to get away from the lot of them.

 

[ahutton]

DH is much closer to my family that he is his own, and that is great with me! We travel together (have for YEARS!), Dad and DH race together, we have a great time with them. The Inlaws are just very different. We have small kids, our house is hectic and not perfectly clean and that is a problem for them. He was his Dad's only child, and Stepmom didn't come into the house until DH was a freshman in high school so she's never had to deal with small kids. My parents celebrate the chaos and are here at least monthly, his are visiting for the second time in 5 years this weekend!

 

[Stitchfans]

DH also is much closer to my family than his, which is understandable considering how cold, and hateful they can be. I just posted a long vent on another thread about my SIL (my brother's wife). Won't go into great details here, but she goes to the extreme. Her family takes preference always, even when she promises first to come to a family event on our side. She has on many occasions bowed out with us at the last minute cause someone on her side asked them to come over.

I even told my brother in a long heart to heart conversation that I don't feel like an aunt to his four kids. I told him since I seldom get to see them they most likely know me as that nice fat lady who gives them presents sometimes and hugs and kisses them. He agreed it was all wrong, and claims he would change it but not so cause this Christmas again we won't be seeing them since all of her family is in town for Christmas since one of her nieces is getting married the day after Christmas. Should be used to it after all these years, but it still hurts.

 

[eeyore kelly]

We are much closer to my family than his. His family hates me. My family likes us both.

 

[KathyFP]

Absolutely!! We do not inteart at all with Dh's family. We have not spoke with MIL for four years. No connect with his 4 brothers. We do talk with FIL (he and MIL have been seperated for over 25 years) and FIL's mother. Actually DH's grandmother is living in our house that we just moved out of. No contact at all with any extended DH family.

My family is different. We are very very close. DH is much closer to my family.

 

[Chris2597]

I dont exchange gifts with my sibs, neices/nephews but I do with dh's side....Reason is...I got sick of being the only one doing it....I gave graduation, wedding gifts, even for 2nd weddings to my sibs kids and to their grandkidss...spent $$ and went to weddings (in another state).... but when my children graduated hs and college they sent nothing, not even a card, nothing when my dd got married, had her first child.....I decided enough.....We wish each other a Merry Christmas, Happy B day, ect....with their obligatory call to our mom
Now dh family....we happily exchange with the kids and grandkids, keep in touch constantly...It is a mutual thing and no one feels like they are the only ones doing.