Planning with first timer friends--FRUSTRATED!

[quandrea]

You hadn't expected any stumbles in planning with a friend like that? Ok...

Well, I hope everything turns out for you.

In light of everything you've said, I'd probably make her responsible for all the planning. Then she can't blame anything on you, and she'll get the only thing that will make her happy- complete control. You'd probably have a better trip that way and you can always do it your way next time you use your points. I thought initially you were each responsible for your separate expenses. But given that you've offered the villa, and she took you up on it, on a trip that she asked you along on "for security"...its got disaster written all over it. It isn't about money (Not really) it's about friendship and being an adult. I've had to learn that the hard way.

This is a really interesting twist. I think you might have something...

Anyway, it's been an interesting discussion on how travelling with friends can run amok.

You are right that I was naive to think planning would be easy given my friend's personality. I figured she is so organised, focused on detail that it would be easy.

 

[Nancyg56]

This is a really interesting twist. I think you might have something...

Anyway, it's been an interesting discussion on how travelling with friends can run amok.

You are right that I was naive to think planning would be easy given my friend's personality. I figured she is so organised, focused on detail that it would be easy.

You have time to adjust to the quirks. I know that we did not let the complications we had ruin our friendship, but we did know that traveling together was not going to be happening any time again soon. Like you, we kept the best interests of the children in mind and that alone made all the concerns worth it.

It is funny how traveling with friends can go up in flames or be just fine. Twice I met a DIS friend in Disney and we vacationed together. Both times were a blast! You woudl have thought that if a disaster was going to occur it woudl be with long distance friends, and not those who you interact with daily.

 

[tlmadden73]

I have struggled getting people together to make group plans. It was a struggle just to get them to link up MDE accounts so everyone was on it.

What I ended up doing is just making a lot of plans myself and just including them and cancelling things later as the dates got closer.

That is the good/bad about the ADR system. You can make a ton of ADRs and bank them until a day before. (The problem is that everyone else who gets frustrated because there are no openings). I made ADRs for almost every meal in a week long trip .. but in the end, only used a small fraction of them as the dates got closer and plans solidified more. Lunch at Sci-Fi? Cancelled day of .. Had two dinner reservations at Ohana, we kept the one on Friday once. We had a large reservation for Garden Grille, but shrunk it down when we knew who was coming to Epcot that day.

 

[Nancyg56]

I have struggled getting people together to make group plans. It was a struggle just to get them to link up MDE accounts so everyone was on it.

What I ended up doing is just making a lot of plans myself and just including them and cancelling things later as the dates got closer.

That is the good/bad about the ADR system. You can make a ton of ADRs and bank them until a day before. (The problem is that everyone else who gets frustrated because there are no openings). I made ADRs for almost every meal in a week long trip .. but in the end, only used a small fraction of them as the dates got closer and plans solidified more. Lunch at Sci-Fi? Cancelled day of .. Had two dinner reservations at Ohana, we kept the one on Friday once. We had a large reservation for Garden Grille, but shrunk it down when we knew who was coming to Epcot that day.

With respect, I think that this is overkill. I understand planning ADR's in a little excess until you firm up plans, but to hang onto ADR's in the way that you describe is kind of selfish. I will often book a breakfast in three of the parks, but as soon as I firm our plan for either an early day or a later arrival, the extra is canceled.

 

[Auntie_Maim]

This has all been a very interesting read. I have friends who I'd vacation with at DIS in a heartbeat and other friends whom I love to pieces but would never, ever vacation with.

I'm also thankful that my upcoming family reunion trip to WDW has changed since it was first proposed. In the beginning there were a lot more people involved and many of them thought we should all do everything in one big group. Ugh. Since then, thanks mostly to the, er, larger events in our country, there's been a big falling out and now the trip will just be my parents, my sister and her kids, my brother and his wife, and me with DH and DS. Everyone's arriving from different places at different days depending on schedules and travel windows; two groups are at POFQ, one's at AoA, another at YC. We'll all be at Epcot one day and AK the last day, which will also involve a dinner for all of us. Other than that, everyone's doing their own thing, and we're all happy about it (though I am asking brother and sister to send me as many photos and videos as they can as I'm going to put together a movie for mom and dad as the trip is to celebrate a milestone anniversary and it will probably be their last WDW trip). If we all had to be in one big group I think we'd drive each other mad.

 

[quandrea]

This has all been a very interesting read. I have friends who I'd vacation with at DIS in a heartbeat and other friends whom I love to pieces but would never, ever vacation with.

I'm also thankful that my upcoming family reunion trip to WDW has changed since it was first proposed. In the beginning there were a lot more people involved and many of them thought we should all do everything in one big group. Ugh. Since then, thanks mostly to the, er, larger events in our country, there's been a big falling out and now the trip will just be my parents, my sister and her kids, my brother and his wife, and me with DH and DS. Everyone's arriving from different places at different days depending on schedules and travel windows; two groups are at POFQ, one's at AoA, another at YC. We'll all be at Epcot one day and AK the last day, which will also involve a dinner for all of us. Other than that, everyone's doing their own thing, and we're all happy about it (though I am asking brother and sister to send me as many photos and videos as they can as I'm going to put together a movie for mom and dad as the trip is to celebrate a milestone anniversary and it will probably be their last WDW trip). If we all had to be in one big group I think we'd drive each other mad.

This sounds like a great trip. Five years ago dh and I had a vow renewal. My sisters and parents joined us. We all had our own accommodation; my parents even stayed at a different resort. We spent pool time together, toured a bit together, had a few keys meals together and of course, had the vow renewal together. It was a perfect balance and we made some wonderful memories.

 

[Nancyg56]

This has all been a very interesting read. I have friends who I'd vacation with at DIS in a heartbeat and other friends whom I love to pieces but would never, ever vacation with.

I'm also thankful that my upcoming family reunion trip to WDW has changed since it was first proposed. In the beginning there were a lot more people involved and many of them thought we should all do everything in one big group. Ugh. Since then, thanks mostly to the, er, larger events in our country, there's been a big falling out and now the trip will just be my parents, my sister and her kids, my brother and his wife, and me with DH and DS. Everyone's arriving from different places at different days depending on schedules and travel windows; two groups are at POFQ, one's at AoA, another at YC. We'll all be at Epcot one day and AK the last day, which will also involve a dinner for all of us. Other than that, everyone's doing their own thing, and we're all happy about it (though I am asking brother and sister to send me as many photos and videos as they can as I'm going to put together a movie for mom and dad as the trip is to celebrate a milestone anniversary and it will probably be their last WDW trip). If we all had to be in one big group I think we'd drive each other mad.

One of my favorite trips was one that began with a huge bunch of us, all family but ended up just me and a friend from NOLA> WE had a blast.

 

[Auntie_Maim]

We're going into it with the understanding that different people want different things. While my sister and her kids are going to MK, I can give MK a miss because I live near DL and don't care for MK very much. Dad likes shows and parades while me and DH don't. But we'll all meet up during F&W (trip is in the fall) and at AK (even then I'm sure we'll split up as I think Mom and Dad are interested in Pandora while some others aren't).

 

[Auntie_Maim]

This sounds like a great trip. Five years ago dh and I had a vow renewal. My sisters and parents joined us. We all had our own accommodation; my parents even stayed at a different resort. We spent pool time together, toured a bit together, had a few keys meals together and of course, had the vow renewal together. It was a perfect balance and we made some wonderful memories.

That sounds lovely!

 

[DaisyJ]

I don't think finances will be an issue. They are staying in the villa as my guests. We are booked on dvc points. I know air is done. I know passes are done. I will not book any ADR that requires prepayment, as I'm not taking on that cost. I wouldn't presume to spend her money without her Express say so.

Just be aware, almost all ADR's require a credit card guarantee, due to the cancellation penalty.

 

[Roxyfire]

We paid resort rooms all of us, the ddp for all, park tickets, and for most of us air. My son paid for their own air and dining and ticket, but we paid all upgrades. She was responsible for her own alcohol and tips. That's it. She is still whining that she paid 700 on tips. No. She paid that for her share of tips, shopping and alcohol because my dd put her foot down and made her pay that as we got our bill.

This was club level at the Grand for all of us. We were not mad that we chose to just pick up her bill, even though she committed to a share that changed as time went on. We were upset that she could not focus long enough for us to at least discuss what obligations she would encounter upon arrival.


You friend may have the money, but if she cannot take time to discuss planning, you may find that you are in the same boat we found ourselves in and that is not a great way to vacation. When my daughter told me the mom had $300 for the week I almost fainted. I guess she had a paycheck deposited while we were there, but there had been no attempt to plan, prepare or save.

We did not let this impact our friendship because we saw it coming, but my son and daughter were not happy.

This sounds awful. Your family seems really generous, I hope the children in that family had a great time, at least. I can't imagine how someone can let this happen, and you're neighbors right? Not as if it's family and you agreed to loan the money. I understand when people want to travel together but stories like this remind me it's always good to keep certain things separate unless it's a gifted vacation.

 

[Catvondita]

I had a similar issue with my friends because they waited until the last moment to book. I had to stress to them that they needed the hotel by the 60 day window mark so we can make the fastpasses. hey thought I was being anal and I really had to pester them not knowing if they were serious about the trip or not. I'm always the planner so I planned everything to make sure they see all the best highlights and new things. I had to ask them to meet up for drinks so I could go over a list of what I was planning and then they approved it. Took a while but were here. I would give your friend a date and say if we dont meet up and talk by this date I'm going to plan so and so and we can change it up after if you don't like it.

 

[SimonSez]

I feel your pain! We took another couple with us a few years back, who were first timers. We had the opposite problem. I wanted their input, so I would be sure that they got the best of THEIR vacation. We are Dvc owners, and go often. I couldn't even get them to look at a menu to help pick restaurants. My girlfriend kept saying, "you guys are the experts, we trust your decisions ". Ugh, that was a lot of pressure on me! So, looking at the calendar, I figure you are going in November. If you waited until her daughter is done with school, you'd still be at 5 months out. I don't think you will have trouble booking anything at that point, unless you have a very coveted adr. That being said, I would make a date with your friend NOW, for July 1st, to sit down and take care of this. If she refuses to make a date for that time, I would just make the plans myself now, and let her deal with it. It's your vacation Too!

This! We made several ADRs around 3 months out and got decent times. Places like BOG may be tough to land an ideal time of day, but I believe there will be plenty of restaurant options at even 5 months out. Good luck!

 

[Accident]

I'm sticking with my original advice...

She has a situation that I'm accustomed to because of my daughter. She's going to seem irrational, have strange demands and it'll happen well past this trip.. You know what needs to happen. You gave her an opportunity to get involved. It's time to ignore her completely unless she comes to you, plan out your trip and include them in adrs and such. When you have fastpasses and think the itinerary is complete, give her a copy and let her know you'll be more than happy to remove her from anything she doesn't want to do and she can make her own alternative plans with her daughter for those parts of the trip.. Make it sound like a good thing, "I want to make sure you have that mother/daughter opportunity for your own memories and chance to discover things like everyone does on their first trip. We're ok with you wanting to do different things without us.".

 

[Amelia :)]

Hey OP, I do stand by what I first said, and I agree with others that and in your shoes I would re-think the whole thing. However, you sound like a really kind patient person, and you're genuinely trying to make the best of it. So let's move away from cancelling. You are going with first timers and you do have limited time, have you considered going relatively ADR-less? It might get rid of some of the stress.

 

[quandrea]

Hey OP, I do stand by what I first said, and I agree with others that and in your shoes I would re-think the whole thing. However, you sound like a really kind patient person, and you're genuinely trying to make the best of it. So let's move away from cancelling. You are going with first timers and you do have limited time, have you considered going relatively ADR-less? It might get rid of some of the stress.

My daughter has life threatening allergies and it's much easier to speak with a chef for her meals. I've told my friend that as well as that I'm okay splitting up for meals. No ADRs is not an option for us. Whether she joins us will be up to her. I also do breakfast and a few meals in the villa.

 

[Verstehen]

My daughter has life threatening allergies and it's much easier to speak with a chef for her meals. I've told my friend that as well as that I'm okay splitting up for meals. No ADRs is not an option for us. Whether she joins us will be up to her. I also do breakfast and a few meals in the villa.

I think of your needs vs. other mom's needs, life threatening allergies takes precedence over being germaphobic, so I'm going to be the devil on your shoulder saying, "Do what you want/need to do and let her suffer if she won't cooperate."

 

[KimBean]

Yes she really wants to go. I think that the whole thing stresses her out. She is a very anxious person in all aspects of life and any of the planning sends her into a tailspin. She asked me to come on this trip. Her daughter is an only child and it affords her daughter the opportunity to experience the parks with friends. Truthfully, I think she's going to be stressed throughout the process and trip. It's just her nature.

I think the stress about school year end is largely her own stress and not the daughter's.

Odd though. Most of the time us anxious-stressed people like to plan. Planning helps alleviate the stress of things potentially going wrong. Sounds like you have more of an indecisive procrastinator. Also, that she is being passive aggressive.

 

[KimBean]

I asked my brother if he wanted to join us (my DH and I) for part of our trip in the fall. My brother all too enthusiastically agreed that he wanted to go. But I told him up front before he booked, we are not changing any plans for you. Where we want to eat, we will eat. What we want to ride, we will ride. If you want to do something else, you are more than welcome, but we are not deviating. And he said he agreed to this. The main thing is that my brother and I have both been before, and my husband hasn't. So I want it to be special for him. I'm sure it's different because we're all family, though.

We have a friend meeting us down there for 2 days. I'm a 100% okay with it because of his personality. He is the type to just do whatever, but if he really doesn't want to do something then he will just go off and do what he wants to do and it is no issue. We have two days at AK so I was trying to see if he wanted to see ROL or Pandora at night, and he was like whatever, doesn't matter. Whatever I don't see I'll see next time. He does go down there every year. He is more of a go down to Orlando and go to parks 1 or 2 days. lol.

 

[quandrea]

We have a friend meeting us down there for 2 days. I'm a 100% okay with it because of his personality. He is the type to just do whatever, but if he really doesn't want to do something then he will just go off and do what he wants to do and it is no issue. We have two days at AK so I was trying to see if he wanted to see ROL or Pandora at night, and he was like whatever, doesn't matter. Whatever I don't see I'll see next time. He does go down there every year. He is more of a go down to Orlando and go to parks 1 or 2 days. lol.

Sounds like my friend of 45 years joining us in October. She is like, "You plan for us, I'll do whatever you guys are doing and I'll probably close the parks on my own. " She is very go with the flow. I have no doubt we will have a blast. We are doing the VIP day of Thrills tour, just her and I on one day. She'll do her own thing at night, I suppose, and tour with us during the days. We have some meals planned. She doesn't care where. I'll be with dh and the kids too. We usually tour in the mornings, go back to swim, might return for dinner and an attraction or two. Very low key. She is a first timer, down for four days. I'm assuming she will want to do it all. Difference with this friend is that she will be happy to explore on her own, keep her own schedule. We will just enjoy each other. I'm very excited to show her Disney.