Planning with first timer friends--FRUSTRATED!

[quandrea]

Odd though. Most of the time us anxious-stressed people like to plan. Planning helps alleviate the stress of things potentially going wrong. Sounds like you have more of an indecisive procrastinator. Also, that she is being passive aggressive.

That was my thought going in too. I figured she'd have spread sheets ready to go, a plan of attack, the whole nine yards. I think what is getting in the way of that is she is stressed so much by daily life. I'm discovering that she is a "one thing at a time" person.

 

[J-Dog]

I might get roasted for this on the DIS, but problems like this are exactly what I DON'T like about WDW.

If you were going to Universal or Seaworld or Busch or whatever, none of this would be a big deal. But anymore, you are punished at WDW for not planning everything out WAY ahead of time.

 

[Accident]

That was my thought going in too. I figured she'd have spread sheets ready to go, a plan of attack, the whole nine yards. I think what is getting in the way of that is she is stressed so much by daily life. I'm discovering that she is a "one thing at a time" person.

you just need to work with that. Get the stuff at 180 days you need to.. it's easy to cancel, it's hard to get late so get planning and get what you need or want without her.. you'll just iterate more as you get closer so don't get to final too early, just leave your options open.

 

[KimBean]

That was my thought going in too. I figured she'd have spread sheets ready to go, a plan of attack, the whole nine yards. I think what is getting in the way of that is she is stressed so much by daily life. I'm discovering that she is a "one thing at a time" person.

I've been stressed that I haven't had the time to do my usual obsessive planning yet (after spending months obsessively stalking FD) and my ADR day isn't for another 11 days. LOL! But, I spent some time this morning and it feels good to have the plan down!! Just make your plans, let her do what she wants. Disney is too expensive not to get to do what you wanted to do.

 

[Westcoastwild]

Odd though. Most of the time us anxious-stressed people like to plan. Planning helps alleviate the stress of things potentially going wrong. Sounds like you have more of an indecisive procrastinator. Also, that she is being passive aggressive.

Right? You put your finger on exactly what has been bothering me.

If I was in the OP's position, my control freak friends would have already had the whole trip planned down to the last hour and dollar. There would be spreadsheets and very possibly a PowerPoint And, hey, even if I roll my eyes, I'm good with that. It means the trip won't contain any surprises. And it means that they know what they're doing when we get there.

This friend is doing what my indecisive procrastinator friend does. Although in her case it's because the procrastination is rooted in the fact that she doesn't want to talk about about cost. The person in the thread that took their neighbors- those neighbors are this friend. Know about the trip for 6 months, show up with only their most recent paycheck. And I really hope for the OP's sake that's not the case. I've figured out the hard way that I've really got to stick to travelling with real adults who believe in communication.

 

[Westcoastwild]

I might get roasted for this on the DIS, but problems like this are exactly what I DON'T like about WDW.

If you were going to Universal or Seaworld or Busch or whatever, none of this would be a big deal. But anymore, you are punished at WDW for not planning everything out WAY ahead of time.

Well, not really. I don't get this argument. I've done Disney with a plan and without. Without means waiting in line and maybe not eating at your absolute favorite restaurants. But a lot of people don't care where they eat, and waiting in line is what I'd be doing at other theme parks anyway. People were moaning a lot about FEA fast pass availability- I got one, it broke down, I stood in standby the next day. 1 hour. Totally normal for a queue at my local coaster park.

Even WDW's planning isn't really worse than similar things in a large city. Don't buy entry tickets ahead of time? Be in line by 6 am to buy day of tickets. Don't make a reservation at a popular restaurant? You'll be eating at a tourist trap instead. Disney did fast pass as a crowd control method. Timed entry tickets at a museum or booking windows for popular restaurants are sort of thing.

 

[KimBean]

I might get roasted for this on the DIS, but problems like this are exactly what I DON'T like about WDW.

If you were going to Universal or Seaworld or Busch or whatever, none of this would be a big deal. But anymore, you are punished at WDW for not planning everything out WAY ahead of time.

Nah. You can do it, you just do it like we did Busch Gardens the first and only time we went in 2011. We didn't plan at all except to look up ticket prices. We grabbed a map when we got there. We waited an hour for a hamburger hot dog type meal. We went on what we could with wait times from 20-45 minutes. We waited about 2 hours for my DH and his friend to ride 2 coasters while the kids went around and around on a small kid coaster that looked like a country fair. (not insulting BG, just what it looked like.) We were tired of the heat (in Dec) but there is no shade and left about 5pm.

You are free to go to WDW and wait in 2 lines for 2 hours and eat QS with no planning at all. It will be exactly a BG experience.

 

[Skywise]

I might get roasted for this on the DIS, but problems like this are exactly what I DON'T like about WDW.

If you were going to Universal or Seaworld or Busch or whatever, none of this would be a big deal. But anymore, you are punished at WDW for not planning everything out WAY ahead of time.

To be fair I've gotten stuck at Universal without a place to eat aside from crowded quickservic or a 2 hour wait and would've preferred reservations.

Also you can easily do all of those parks within a day and that includes "park hopping" at Universal - that's not possible with DisneyWorld.

As much planning as I do I hate HATE having to do it 6 months in advance. I'd prefer 2 weeks in advance where I have a much better sense of weather, time availability and what not.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Also you can easily do all of those parks within a day and that includes "park hopping" at Universal - that's not possible with DisneyWorld.

Not really trying to go off on a tangent but that's really a very oversimplication broad blanket statement.

Things like park hours, crowd levels, weather, heck your own actual interests come into play plus more stuff.

 

[notrub98]

Back to OP.... I just went through something similar. It really is frustrating, even when you don't want to seem like an overplanning control freak! I decided to just book ADRs for all of us - and I made a bunch of "extras" just with the hope that we can find some compromise that we all like!

 

[Nancyg56]

This sounds awful. Your family seems really generous, I hope the children in that family had a great time, at least. I can't imagine how someone can let this happen, and you're neighbors right? Not as if it's family and you agreed to loan the money. I understand when people want to travel together but stories like this remind me it's always good to keep certain things separate unless it's a gifted vacation.

WE are close and the girls are like my own granddaughters, which is why we accepted what we saw coming. The kids had a tough year and my DH wanted to make sure they had a respite. I told her if we ever when again, she was going to be left at the resort to toast by the pool and we would take the girls with us. She told us not to threaten her with a good time! LOL!!!

 

[stink]

When I travel with extended family or friends on my DVC points, I let them know booking deadline dates and send them weblinks to Disney Restaurants or FP+ rides etc.

I let them know I will be booking our ADRs on date x and we need to collaborate on where we want to dine by date y. About a week prior to date y, (if I have not heard back from them on the topic), I make a phone call and send an email with what I am considering booking. If they do not collaborate I book what I want, when I want.

Either way, I send them what I was able to book and state we can try to change if needed but there are no guarantees of availability. I do the same for FP+ or any other reservation, plans for park days etc.

 

[mamamelody2]

Wow, I can see why you're frustrated! Like others have recommended, I would just make the ADRs you want when your window opens. It's easy to cancel. I hope she doesn't drive you nuts when you're there! It's your vacation, too!

 

[Roxyfire]

WE are close and the girls are like my own granddaughters, which is why we accepted what we saw coming. The kids had a tough year and my DH wanted to make sure they had a respite. I told her if we ever when again, she was going to be left at the resort to toast by the pool and we would take the girls with us. She told us not to threaten her with a good time! LOL!!!

I'm glad y'all are close then, otherwise it could really be upsetting.

 

[focusondisney]

Personally, I think you are going about this the wrong way OP. Friend asked to accompany you on one of your trips. If I was you, I'd plan my trip as I normally would & let her & her daughter join in. Sure, if she gets around to saying what she'd like to do or where she'd like to eat, I'd see if we could work it out. But I would just plan my trip as I normally would. She needs to fit in with you. You shouldn't be bending yourself into a pretzel trying to accommodate her. It is your vacation & she is lucky you are letting her join you. Your family should proceed as normal & let her join or not. I really wouldn't be giving someone who is joining me as my guest veto power over my plans.

 

[Nancyg56]

I'm glad y'all are close then, otherwise it could really be upsetting.

I know! If we were not close I would not have tolerated the entire leadup to the trip. It is why I cautioned the OP, you just do not know.
Her mom asked if I would go with her and a granddaughter. Turns out they pack sandwiches, do not dine out, stay offiste. They do not spend one dime extra. Nope.

Personally, I think you are going about this the wrong way OP. Friend asked to accompany you on one of your trips. If I was you, I'd plan my trip as I normally would & let her & her daughter join in. Sure, if she gets around to saying what she'd like to do or where she'd like to eat, I'd see if we could work it out. But I would just plan my trip as I normally would. She needs to fit in with you. You shouldn't be bending yourself into a pretzel trying to accommodate her. It is your vacation & she is lucky you are letting her join you. Your family should proceed as normal & let her join or not. I really wouldn't be giving someone who is joining me as my guest veto power over my plans.

I think this is the best way to start. Plan the trip and when the friend can focus on it, have the conversation. Compromise is easier when you at least know what you want to compromise. Right now the friend has no idea what she is saying no to.

 

[barbliny]

I can understand your frustration. However, we never plan our Disney vacations 180 days out or more - and sometimes it's less than 60 days and we have always gotten to do everything we wanted (even with a large group of 8 last summer).

I have been able to book hard-to-get ADRs with less than 60 days to go. It takes some stalking and extra time at the computer. Others have had success using a reservation finder. I would suggest that if there is any place you think you might want to eat that is difficult - just book the ADRs now and cancel or modify them later if your friend decides closer to the trip to ditch the meal.

I have traveled with others to Disney multiple times. I think the most important thing to keep in mind is that not everyone 'does' Disney the same way. You don't always have to be together. I'm sorry - I'm not going to go on Splash Mountain - I hate being wet in the parks. But, I will be more than happy to hang out while everyone else goes on. I love Peter Pan and would use a fastpass on it every time I visit MK - others, not so much. So, I get my fastpass for it and they get one at the same time for something else. I don't like SciFi, but my sister's family loves it. I got them and one of my daughters an ADR for it and took the opportunity to hang out by the pool while they ate and my husband and other daughter were visiting Harry Potter. Divide and Conquer.

Also, I didn't read all of the responses, so I hope I'm not repeating something. In terms of your friend not liking buffets, but wanting a character meal. Trattoria al Forno has a character breakfast that is plated individually other than a shared bowl of pastries. It's easy for everyone at the table to pick up a pastry without touching the others.

 

[Nancyg56]

I can understand your frustration. However, we never plan our Disney vacations 180 days out or more - and sometimes it's less than 60 days and we have always gotten to do everything we wanted (even with a large group of 8 last summer).

I have been able to book hard-to-get ADRs with less than 60 days to go. It takes some stalking and extra time at the computer. Others have had success using a reservation finder. I would suggest that if there is any place you think you might want to eat that is difficult - just book the ADRs now and cancel or modify them later if your friend decides closer to the trip to ditch the meal.

I have traveled with others to Disney multiple times. I think the most important thing to keep in mind is that not everyone 'does' Disney the same way. You don't always have to be together. I'm sorry - I'm not going to go on Splash Mountain - I hate being wet in the parks. But, I will be more than happy to hang out while everyone else goes on. I love Peter Pan and would use a fastpass on it every time I visit MK - others, not so much. So, I get my fastpass for it and they get one at the same time for something else. I don't like SciFi, but my sister's family loves it. I got them and one of my daughters an ADR for it and took the opportunity to hang out by the pool while they ate and my husband and other daughter were visiting Harry Potter. Divide and Conquer.

Also, I didn't read all of the responses, so I hope I'm not repeating something. In terms of your friend not liking buffets, but wanting a character meal. Trattoria al Forno has a character breakfast that is plated individually other than a shared bowl of pastries. It's easy for everyone at the table to pick up a pastry without touching the others.

I understand that we all Disney differently. The issue here I believe, is that the friend wants veto power and decison making authority over any decision, but will not dedicate any time into planning. This is where I would put my foot down. Get your carcass over here to help plan, or let me do it. When you have time to review what has been planned we will make adjustments.

I believe that folks cannot have it both ways. You cannot have control over decisions if you will not participate in planning

 

[quandrea]

I understand that we all Disney differently. The issue here I believe, is that the friend wants veto power and decison making authority over any decision, but will not dedicate any time into planning. This is where I would put my foot down. Get your carcass over here to help plan, or let me do it. When you have time to review what has been planned we will make adjustments.

I believe that folks cannot have it both ways. You cannot have control over decisions if you will not participate in planning

You've hit the nail on the head Nancy. Everyone says plan, which I can easily do. My friend however, wants control and input over every single minute detail. I am not exaggerating on this point. For example, in regards to the villa--she needed to know if her bedroom would have a hard chair, a desk on which to place her luggage (it cannot go on the floor), a tv, a private washroom, does the bed have a bedspread or triple sheeting. This is only one example. There are more in regards to air arrangements, our Universal arrangements, our driver from the airport, even the quality of Disney restrooms.

Planning everything without her will only result in eight million questions and as many changes.

When agreeing to this trip, I knew she was nervous. I had no idea the level of obsessive behaviour however. I've made my own bed....

 

[KimBean]

Personally, I think you are going about this the wrong way OP. Friend asked to accompany you on one of your trips. If I was you, I'd plan my trip as I normally would & let her & her daughter join in. Sure, if she gets around to saying what she'd like to do or where she'd like to eat, I'd see if we could work it out. But I would just plan my trip as I normally would. She needs to fit in with you. You shouldn't be bending yourself into a pretzel trying to accommodate her. It is your vacation & she is lucky you are letting her join you. Your family should proceed as normal & let her join or not. I really wouldn't be giving someone who is joining me as my guest veto power over my plans.

I still agree with you that this is what she should do, but I believe the friend asked her to come along, the friend didn't ask her if she could tag along on one of her trips. But, semantics really. Money spent, vacation time, not worth not enjoying yourself!