Picky Kids

[Stitchfans]

Rule at our house is eat what is put on your plate, or fend for yourself. I work to hard and don't have the energy or time to cook a seperate meal for someone else.

 

[DaisyD]

I don't use dessert as a weapon either. Dessert is given whether they want to eat what we eat or not. DD generally doesn't eats what we eat because she has different tastes. I'm not going to punish her by not giving her dessert simply because she doesn't like what I like. Mealtime is meant to be pleasant so I keep it that way.

 

[mickeyboat]

I don't use dessert as a weapon either. Dessert is given whether they want to eat what we eat or not. DD generally doesn't eats what we eat because she has different tastes. I'm not going to punish her by not giving her dessert simply because she doesn't like what I like. Mealtime is meant to be pleasant so I keep it that way.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I don't make them eat things I know they don't like to. I will modify meals slightly - like no sauce on the pasta, etc. to suit their tastes. And if I know they despise something, they can make themselves a sandwich. I guess I see dessert as more of a reward than a weapon, and I don't want them to substitute healthy foods for dessert, hence the rule.

Denae

 

[meandtheguys2]

I don't use dessert as a weapon either. Dessert is given whether they want to eat what we eat or not. DD generally doesn't eats what we eat because she has different tastes. I'm not going to punish her by not giving her dessert simply because she doesn't like what I like. Mealtime is meant to be pleasant so I keep it that way.

Not a weapon at all. I am just not going to fill my children's bellies with less nutritionally dense food. It isn't fair to them. Kids need vitamins, fibre, high quality protein, minerals, etc., to grow to be healthy. While dessert might provide some of those things, I have found it hard to find one that is equal to savory foods. So dessert is "fluff" not filler, pure and simple.

I stated earlier that due to husband's diabetes, the kids eat different meals on occasion. They are still expected to eat what is served to them, and it has never been an issue.

That said, i know that some children do have issues with textures, allergies, etc. And that parents of these kids must do what is right for their individual circumstances!

Other children have just not been taught to eat healthy foods. They think that chicken nuggets, and french fries are a norm and not a treat.

 

[1of6]

I can't imagine bringing a kid to tears just because they don't want to try something that you want them to.

The tears are because DS knows the rule, is making his choice, and is unhappy with it... but not enough to try a bite. Now I am not asking for him to try anything way out there. One bite of ham- and he LIKES ham! I make it the same way every time and every time he states that he doesn't like it. We are now to 3/4 of time he will take a bite of ham and say "oh yeah, I like ham." He loves buttered bowties, will tolerate buttered angelhair or spaghetti but will not take a bite of any other type of buttered pasta. "It looks different!"

He did not eat anything for Christmas Eve dinner. The turkey and ham looked different (we were at my mom's), he doesn't eat veggies- including any type of potato, not a fruit, the mac & cheese (made for him) looked different, the rolls were a different brand (he tried a bite of one and had to spit it out).

I cater to DS and his special needs but I do not expect anyone else to do the same.

 

[Beca]

But so what if they are? The way my anyone else's children eat have no effect on your life whatsoever.

My kids are picky eaters, and if it's a problem, it's my problem, isn't it? My extended family and in-laws are obsessed with what my children eat or how much they eat. Despite my repeated assurance that they see the dr. regularly and are perfectly healthy, they insist on nagging and griping and pestering them about what they eat. Makes mealtimes so pleasant.

My theory has always been that children have such little control over their lives that they invest a great deal in exercising it in one of the few areas where they do have control - what they put in their mouths. Because bribing and threatening aside, you really can't force a child to eat unless you hold him down and pry his mouth open.

My kids are picky eaters, and if it doesn't bother me, it shouldn't bother anyone else.

I really have to agree with you on this one. I'm not sure if people think it is bad for society because it will raise "selfish, self-centered children" or what? But, if my dd keeps me running ragged...well, that's my choice.

But, I totally agree....eating is one way children try to gain control over their lives. I control it to some extent, in that I am in total control of what I put in the house (candy only for special occasions, organic foods, etc.), and if I keep good choices in our house, I do give her quite a bit of control over what she eats. I do think, with children, you have to pick your battles. I just try to stay at least one step ahead of her.

To each his/her own.

 

[va32h]

I guess I see dessert as more of a reward than a weapon

My feeling is that food shouldn't be a reward or a punishment or a weapon. Food is fuel for our bodies. All the emotional attachments we give to food are what cause so many problems.

After the way I was brought up, I swore to myself that I would never fight with my children over food. I want my kids to eat because they know they need good healthy food for their bodies, and because they are hungry, not because they want to please mommmy, or keep mommy from getting angry, or get a cookie, or stop mommy from nagging them.

 

[clutter]

Just be persistant. Be prepared for tears. No bite= no dessert. We can't get one bite out of DS at every dinner but at least half now.

Aha! But what if the kid won't take a bite of dessert, either?

Seriously, my dd simply didn't put ANYTHING in her mouth. No fingers, no dirt, no things lying around the house, and especially no food, with a few exceptions (generally tan in color and dry visual texture). Dinner, dessert, didn't matter. Do you withhold food they will eat unless they take the bite they don't want to eat?

 

[1of6]

No, never.

That said, I never make a dessert. But my kids can have a sweet treat in the evening as long as they have had something for dinner. It is not okay to sit at the table and not eat a thing (when I have prepared one of the 10 things that DS will eat) and then have ice cream later.

 

[lbgraves]

Well, they thought that I was a picky eater but I ate alot more things than DS will eat. The difference is how it was handled. I was force fed until I was 10 or 11. I remember gagging at the table as more lima beans were being put into my mouth. Dinner time was dreaded by me and in the end I ended up with an eating disorder, though there were not any names for them back then. I talk to the doctor about DS and he keeps an eye on his iron levels & health. DS wont eat bread & stopped eating cheese a couple years ago. I refuse to make an issue about it so it doesn't harm him like it did me.

 

[lbgraves]

My theory has always been that children have such little control over their lives that they invest a great deal in exercising it in one of the few areas where they do have control - what they put in their mouths.

Thank you for posting this. Reading it made a lightbulb go on for me. This makes total sense for DS & him having such a hard time dealing with daddy being gone so much for work.

 

[arminnie]

I grew up in the "olden days". A typical dinner at our house included salad, starch, 2 vegetables, meat, and dessert (no bread). Even when I went to college we had "family" style dinners that were similar.

My mother was the picky eater - she had very little appetite and was always underweight. So she NEVER forced us to eat anything we didn't want to.

The only rule was that we couldn't skip dinner and go straight to dessert. We didn't have to take everything, and we certainly didn't have to finish it. I don't remember ever doing this, but I guess we could have gotten away with putting some on our plate and pushing it around. No one really paid attention.

Several years ago when my mother had cancer, I was doing the cooking. As I was planning the meals I mentioned liver. She told me that she hated it. I laughed and said, "But you cooked it all of the time." She said that yeah she thought that's what a good mother was supposed to do so she just did it even though it repulsed her.

I remember when I was about 4 years old that I hated anything that was white and had a certain texture - like macaroni, egg whites, or custard. I'm still not real fond of plain egg whites.

 

[va32h]

Thank you for posting this. Reading it made a lightbulb go on for me. This makes total sense for DS & him having such a hard time dealing with daddy being gone so much for work.

My son's eating issues began at a time when we had a move, a new baby in the house, and his daddy being deployed to Iraq. He was only four, and I'm sure he thought the whole world was being turned upside down!

 

[clutter]

No, never.

That said, I never make a dessert. But my kids can have a sweet treat in the evening as long as they have had something for dinner. It is not okay to sit at the table and not eat a thing (when I have prepared one of the 10 things that DS will eat) and then have ice cream later.

But that still assumes that a child WILL eat a sweet treat. If you have a truly picky eater, they don't differentiate between sweets and 'real' food. If it ain't going in their mouth, it ain't going in their mouth. By the time my dd was maybe 5 or so, I don't think there were many, if any, sweets she'd tried. And those that she might have eaten, she didn't like enough to use them as a 'reward'.

 

[1of6]

But that still assumes that a child WILL eat a sweet treat. If you have a truly picky eater, they don't differentiate between sweets and 'real' food. If it ain't going in their mouth, it ain't going in their mouth. By the time my dd was maybe 5 or so, I don't think there were many, if any, sweets she'd tried. And those that she might have eaten, she didn't like enough to use them as a 'reward'.

I wish I could offer something that could help you. All I can say is that this year was better than last year. Last year DS just would not eat. I am afraid for next year. He will eat lunch at school. Buttered bowties will not keep well until lunch and that is what he eats every day now.

 

[fabshelly]

Yes it's for real.

Just kind of weird how kids never seemed to have it until after the invention of chicken nuggets and mac and cheese in a box.

 

[MareQ]

Just kind of weird how kids never seemed to have it until after the invention of chicken nuggets and mac and cheese in a box.

Is it that kids never had it or it wasn't identified or discussed????? Just remember - 50 years ago people that were different were feared, hidden in basement classrooms, anybody different wasn't spoken about for fear that they and their families would be shunned. Children with disabilities were institutionalized instead of being loved and protected within their families.

Trust me - Macaroni and Cheese in a box hasn't brought difficulties to the limelight - common sense has.

I can also assure you that my child's oral sensitivity issues have absolutely NOTHING to do with the invention of chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese. SID is VERY real.

 

[mickeyboat]

My theory has always been that children have such little control over their lives that they invest a great deal in exercising it in one of the few areas where they do have control - what they put in their mouths. Because bribing and threatening aside, you really can't force a child to eat unless you hold him down and pry his mouth open.

My kids are picky eaters, and if it doesn't bother me, it shouldn't bother anyone else.

But children do not have the judgement required to make healthy choices. If my kids had the choice, they would eat nothing but sweets and junk food. It is my job to teach them healthy eating. In order to teach them, I have rules - just like in many other areas of my parenting strategy. The rule is if you choose not to eat (or eat enough) dinner, you get no dessert or junk food. Yes, I have the option of not bringing sweets and junk food into my home, but I want them to also learn that those things can be part of a healthy diet, if enjoyed in moderation, after basic nutritional needs are met.

BTW - it does not bother me that someone's child is a pciky eater. Whatever works in your house and doesn't affect me, is fine with me. I do give my children some choices in what they eat, after all, we all have different likes and dislikes.

Denae

 

[fabshelly]

Sorry, I just find it hard to believe. I think certain people are making a lot of money from these so-called "sensitivity issues". Genuine physical problems and food allergies are one thing, but this reeks of pseudoscience for the purpose of assuaging the guilt of the McMoms.

I was forced to eat stuff when I was a kid, and I like most of it now. I have no lingering emotional damage over being told that if I didn't eat all my meat I wouldn't get my pudding.

It's a miracle that the children of my generation survived having to eat a varied and nutritious diet, when after all, we were all apparently abused by not being allowed to fill our little stomachs with bland, overly-processed crap.

Your brain and body develop based, on a large part, by what you fuel its growth with.

Do we really want McKids running the world when we're old?

 

[MareQ]

Sorry, I just find it hard to believe. I think certain people are making a lot of money from these so-called "sensitivity issues". Genuine physical problems and food allergies are one thing, but this reeks of pseudoscience for the purpose of assuaging the guilt of the McMoms.

I was forced to eat stuff when I was a kid, and I like most of it now. I have no lingering emotional damage over being told that if I didn't eat all my meat I wouldn't get my pudding.

It's a miracle that the children of my generation survived having to eat a varied and nutritious diet, when after all, we were all apparently abused by not being allowed to fill our little stomachs with bland, overly-processed crap.

Your brain and body develop based, on a large part, by what you fuel its growth with.

Do we really want McKids running the world when we're old?

You have no idea what you're talking about obviously My child CANNOT eat certain foods. The SIGHT of peas makes him gag and vomit.. This is not him just not wanting to eat or not liking certain foods.

Do you have ANY clue what I have been through as a mother?? My child cannot eat certain textures- like BABY FOOD! Do you have any concept of how difficult my life was when my 6 MONTH OLD BABY would vomit when I tried to feed him - would gag and REFUSE foods - flat out REFUSE to eat??? Trust me - it had NOTHING to do with macaroni and cheese and McDonalds as I wasn't trying to fed him fast food as an infant @@

Do you have any clue what it's like to be completely lost and FRANTIC because your child just keep on losing weight no matter what you did???? Any clue what it's like to hear garbage from people that have no clue? People that don't believe in SID and tell you it's all baloney that your child doesn't eat because you didn't make him eat??

Trust me - SID is without a doubt real, you feel free to go on believing it's just a crock of baloney though.