Phone Calls On a School Night

[PRmamiDEdos]

My DS is 10, one of his friends (who's a girl) has been calling him all weekend. They played together on Club Penguin for hours this morning, watched Harry Potter movies together (on the phone) and now she just called at 8:30. When is enough enough? DH said I got pissy with her, but I don't think kids should be calling a house past 8 on a school night. What do you think?

 

[luvmy3]

Well I don't think you need to get pissy with a 10 year old that calls at 8:30. A simple, nice "sorry XXX can't take phone calls after 8" would have been good.

(I know I don't know what you said to her, I'm just commenting because you said your dh said you got pissy with her and you didn't deny it)

ETA for my 10 year old, 8 on a school night is good. My 13 year old, it would be 9. She is allowed to txt her friends until 10.

 

[horseshowmom]

My DS is 10, one of his friends (who's a girl) has been calling him all weekend. They played together on Club Penguin for hours this morning, watched Harry Potter movies together (on the phone) and now she just called at 8:30. When is enough enough? DH said I got pissy with her, but I don't think kids should be calling a house past 8 on a school night. What do you think?

I suspect that I'm going to be the old fogie in this group, but I think the amount of time they spent on the phone was a little overboard personally - particularly for a 10 year old.

To answer your question, I agree about the time. I would have just told her nicely that we don't accept phone calls after X time on school nights. In my case, I would probably cut back on the length of phone calls as well. JMHO

 

[PRmamiDEdos]

Well I don't think you need to get pissy with a 10 year old that calls at 8:30. A simple, nice "sorry XXX can't take phone calls after 8" would have been good.

(I know I don't know what you said to her, I'm just commenting because you said your dh said you got pissy with her and you didn't deny it)

ETA for my 10 year old, 8 on a school night is good. My 13 year old, it would be 9.

I do have a tendency for my voice to go up an octave or two when I'm upset but I think I was nice. She asked to speak to him and I said "is this about homework because he can't get calls past 8 on a school night". She then said she neede to talk to him about Voldemort and I repeated myself. She then asked if she could just tell him something really quick. Out of frustration, I handed DS the phone and told him to make it quick. He kept telling her I have to go but I could hear her saying "but wait....did you see this part?". Finally I said loudly (so she could hear me) tell her you'll see her at school tomorrow!!! I honestly think her mom needs to teach her some manners.

 

[JVL1018]

My kids(9 and 11) don't go to bed until after 10 every night.
8pm we are still getting home from various activities much of the year(baseball and softball games, and DD has dance is until 8:30 once a week) so 8:30 doesn't seem too late to me.
After 9 is when I think the phone ringing is too late(that goes for everyone).

That said, on the phone back and forth all day I'd probably be like enough is enough-I'd give my child the phone, but tell them to wrap it up quickly and no more phone calls tonight.

 

[luvmy3]

I do have a tendency for my voice to go up an octave or two when I'm upset but I think I was nice. She asked to speak to him and I said "is this about homework because he can't get calls past 8 on a school night". She then said she neede to talk to him about Voldemort and I repeated myself. She then asked if she could just tell him something really quick. Out of frustration, I handed DS the phone and told him to make it quick. He kept telling her I have to go but I could hear her saying "but wait....did you see this part?". Finally I said loudly (so she could hear me) tell her you'll see her at school tomorrow!!! I honestly think her mom needs to teach her some manners.

Uh-oh, she's one of those kids. I have a friend who I can't get off the phone when she calls, thank goodness for caller ID becase sometimes I judt don't answer. You might want to start screening for her

 

[Agri]

I do have a tendency for my voice to go up an octave or two when I'm upset but I think I was nice. She asked to speak to him and I said "is this about homework because he can't get calls past 8 on a school night". She then said she neede to talk to him about Voldemort and I repeated myself. She then asked if she could just tell him something really quick. Out of frustration, I handed DS the phone and told him to make it quick. He kept telling her I have to go but I could hear her saying "but wait....did you see this part?". Finally I said loudly (so she could hear me) tell her you'll see her at school tomorrow!!! I honestly think her mom needs to teach her some manners.

My mom would always ask if it was about school and if it wasn't she'd say "I'm sorry, but you'll have to talk to XXXXX at school tomorrow because she can't take calls after whatever o'clock." If the person persisted, she'd repeat herself and then ask to speak to the parent...which usually solved things.

I agree with a PP about limiting phone time in general.

 

[Tim Riordan]

Our school night rule for our 10 year old is anytime before 8. I totally agree.;

 

[minkydog]

I do have a tendency for my voice to go up an octave or two when I'm upset but I think I was nice. She asked to speak to him and I said "is this about homework because he can't get calls past 8 on a school night". She then said she neede to talk to him about Voldemort and I repeated myself. She then asked if she could just tell him something really quick. Out of frustration, I handed DS the phone and told him to make it quick. He kept telling her I have to go but I could hear her saying "but wait....did you see this part?". Finally I said loudly (so she could hear me) tell her you'll see her at school tomorrow!!! I honestly think her mom needs to teach her some manners.

And right there is where you gave away your power. Rather than asking her repeatedly if this was about homework(when you knew darn well it was not) you just state your rule: No calls after 8pm or whatever you have decided on. Don't keep engaging.Say it twice, then hang up. The longer she talks the more likely she is to wear you down until you...TA-DA! Give the phone to your son. See how easy that was?

I agree that this girl needs some manners, but she can be taught that you have rules that must be obeyed and you don't need to be pissy about it. Just calmly state the rule, then follow through. Personally, I think you need to limit the time they're spending on the phone. Did you say they played Club Penguin for HOURS this morning? Really? I think that's a bit much for 10 year olds. Time to step up and enforce some limits.

 

[horseshowmom]

I do have a tendency for my voice to go up an octave or two when I'm upset but I think I was nice. She asked to speak to him and I said "is this about homework because he can't get calls past 8 on a school night". She then said she neede to talk to him about Voldemort and I repeated myself. She then asked if she could just tell him something really quick. Out of frustration, I handed DS the phone and told him to make it quick. He kept telling her I have to go but I could hear her saying "but wait....did you see this part?". Finally I said loudly (so she could hear me) tell her you'll see her at school tomorrow!!! I honestly think her mom needs to teach her some manners.

I would have been annoyed that I told her something, and she was pushy enough to keep on. I don't think she understands boundaries. I agree with another poster, if this continues to be a problem (and she keeps calling when she's been told not to), ask to speak to a parent.

 

[badblackpug]

Well I don't think you need to get pissy with a 10 year old that calls at 8:30. A simple, nice "sorry XXX can't take phone calls after 8" would have been good.

(I know I don't know what you said to her, I'm just commenting because you said your dh said you got pissy with her and you didn't deny it)

ETA for my 10 year old, 8 on a school night is good. My 13 year old, it would be 9. She is allowed to txt her friends until 10.

^^^^

This (almost) My 10 year old has no interest in the phone (a boy) so it's not an issue, but I think 8 is a good time. My 13 year old needs the phone surgically removed from her hands. It goes off at 9 on school nights, on non-school nights, I don't care.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Generally speaking I consider reasonable phoning hours (for all ages) to be 9-9. SO, 8:30 would not bother me (though we ARE often getting my son into bed by then, in which case we simply do not answer).
As others have said, many kids are not home from acitvities and able to call until 8:00ish these days.
That said, Ithink it is fine if you want to have an 8:00 rule at your home. You jsut have to be clear about it with kids who call later AND nice to them because how would they know you have different rules than they do if you have not told them

And right there is where you gave away your power. Rather than asking her repeatedly if this was about homework(when you knew darn well it was not) you just state your rule: No calls after 8pm or whatever you have decided on. Don't keep engaging.Say it twice, then hang up. The longer she talks the more likely she is to wear you down until you...TA-DA! Give the phone to your son. See how easy that was?

I agree that this girl needs some manners, but she can be taught that you have rules that must be obeyed and you don't need to be pissy about it. Just calmly state the rule, then follow through. Personally, I think you need to limit the time they're spending on the phone. Did you say they played Club Penguin for HOURS this morning? Really? I think that's a bit much for 10 year olds. Time to step up and enforce some limits.

I agree with minky. You made the problem worse the minute you kept talking to her instead of just telling her your son is not allowed calls after 8:00 pm and MUCH worse the minute you gave the phone to your son. You can expect her to be a bit persistent now, since you have essentially taught her that nagging you works. Prepare yourself for many nights of saying "I'm sorry, DS cannot tale phone calls after 8:00, you'll have to talk to him about it at school tomorrow, bye." IF she calls back again the same night, THEN I would ask to speak to her parent and explain the issue.

 

[shortbun]

I think you need to be super sweet to all your son's friends but firm. I have laced my dialogue with younger kids with 'darlin' and 'sweetheart' while I deliver the rules calmly and quietly. I do think you could have decided on the rule, allowed your son to tell his friend and then and only then, put your foot down kindly. Something like this would work,
'sweetheart(or use her name-always use their name) XXX can't talk to you now but he will see you at school tomorrow. I'm glad you are such good friends and I KNOW you will respect our rules. Goodnight now! ' and hang up. If she tries calling again, ask to speak to her parent and explain your rules with all the grace and love for their daughter you can muster.

 

[badblackpug]

My DS is 10, one of his friends (who's a girl) has been calling him all weekend. They played together on Club Penguin for hours this morning, watched Harry Potter movies together (on the phone) and now she just called at 8:30. When is enough enough? DH said I got pissy with her, but I don't think kids should be calling a house past 8 on a school night. What do you think?

I don't have an issue with the amount of time they are on the phone as long as chores and schoolwork are done, and there is nothing else that requires their attention at the time, but I do expect them to abide by certain hours. I have seen other posts where parents complain that friends call too early in the morning. Not an issue with my 13 year old, because she is not a morning person and her friends know it.

Just set up hours with which you are comfortable. tell your son that phone hours are between X and Y and that he needs to tell his friends that. Let him know that anyone who calls outside of those hours will be told that he cannot come to the phone, period. Then just very nicely say to the offender "I'm sorry, Billy cannot take calls after 8pm he will see you at school tomorrow." If the child persists, then maybe a discussion with her parent is in order.

 

[aprilgail2]

My 11 year old goes to bed around 10- I don't care when she gets any phone call as long as its before 10. After 10 the cell phone goes off anyway so it doesn't matter if someone calls- they don't get her. She very very rarely gets phone calls on the home phone.