One of my biggest pet peeves on this planet are the "you'll regret not having babies!" people. We are childfree (not "childless") and there is a very good chance we will remain so.
I am not selfish or self absorbed for choosing not to have children. I have yet to see anyone have a child for a non selfish reason. They certainly aren't doing it for the betterment of society, they have them them because they
want them. That's great, just don't tell me it's a selfless act. And I strongly feel there are more and better ways to help the planet than by populating it.
I am not somehow diminished in my capacity to love. You hear over and over again things like, "I never knew what love was until I had a baby!" Well I do know what love is. It's in caring for my mother for the last year as cancer ravaged her body and soul. It's in my husband climbing fully clothed into the shower to hold me when I am laying broken crying in the bathtub. It's in friends who have been there for decades who you know will always be there. It's in joy and laughter and moments of pure happiness. And it's in acts of giving to others and living a life where this Earth will be better for my having been a part of it, rather than just consuming it.
I am not less of a woman or broken. What I am is self aware.
As a teacher my opinions have firmed up very strongly on this topic. I think a lot of people have children because it's what you do. You get married and you make babies. Or one person wants them and their partner gives in. (Which I think is responsible for the fact that marriage is more likely to end in divorce when children are in the picture.) It's a blind path and people walk it without thinking. I am in a very well to do area so I don't see a fraction of what those working in other areas see with regards to unwanted children. But what I see is enough. There are a great many kids out there whose parents clearly don't want them, or resent having them in their lives, or who think kids are an accessory ready to be molded into their idea of perfect. My heart breaks for these kids.
OP, there is nothing wrong with really thinking this through. There is nothing wrong with toying with the idea to see how your heart reacts. There is nothing wrong with changing your mind. But there is also nothing wrong with being childfree. What ever you decided and where ever your heart leads is just fine.
And to all the great parents out there, who I also see a lot of: Thanks for what you do, too. Teachers definitely notice you, we just don't say it as often.
People experience love in different ways. Do you think that because you experienced love through your experience of your mother's death that those of us who haven't had that experience are somehow diminished in our capacity to love?
I just never thought I would be a good parent and I had no desire ever to have children. I am, however, an awesome doggy mom!
