Paying for BFF's trip. What are my obligations? Update Post #47

[afyoung]

I have read all of the comments, and know you have worked out a plan with your BFF. That is great. But I read your post and realized you were me about 15 years ago. I was single, good job, no kids, plenty of money to burn so to speak. My dear friend had a baby and a boyfriend (baby's father). We never really had the chance to go anywhere or do anything, so I offered to pay for a long weekend girl's getaway. The plan was the baby would stay home with her dad, and we would be gone for 3 nights. The day before we were supposed to leave, my friend's boyfriend decided he wanted to go and basically told her his mom would watch the baby so that they could both get away (he had never thought to ask for this type of babysitting for them to get away as a couple). This was of course awkward because I didn't mind paying for my friend, but I wasn't trying to give this guy a free vacation. I truly felt like he only wanted to go because it was "free". When I brought up that he would need to fend for himself as far as food and entertainment was concerned, he got upset and said he just wouldn't go if it "was such a big deal". He ended up staying home and called her repeatedly pointing out to her that he was "stuck" at home with the baby while she was "living the high life". His attitude and what it did to her practically ruined our trip. This was just a little beach condo trip, not a big memorable Disney vacation. I hope you are able to have a good conversation with her about this if her husband ends up doing the same thing to her that happened to my friend. It will make everyone's trip miserable instead of memorable in the end if it does.

 

[loveshak22]

I have read all of the comments, and know you have worked out a plan with your BFF. That is great. But I read your post and realized you were me about 15 years ago. I was single, good job, no kids, plenty of money to burn so to speak. My dear friend had a baby and a boyfriend (baby's father). We never really had the chance to go anywhere or do anything, so I offered to pay for a long weekend girl's getaway. The plan was the baby would stay home with her dad, and we would be gone for 3 nights. The day before we were supposed to leave, my friend's boyfriend decided he wanted to go and basically told her his mom would watch the baby so that they could both get away (he had never thought to ask for this type of babysitting for them to get away as a couple). This was of course awkward because I didn't mind paying for my friend, but I wasn't trying to give this guy a free vacation. I truly felt like he only wanted to go because it was "free". When I brought up that he would need to fend for himself as far as food and entertainment was concerned, he got upset and said he just wouldn't go if it "was such a big deal". He ended up staying home and called her repeatedly pointing out to her that he was "stuck" at home with the baby while she was "living the high life". His attitude and what it did to her practically ruined our trip. This was just a little beach condo trip, not a big memorable Disney vacation. I hope you are able to have a good conversation with her about this if her husband ends up doing the same thing to her that happened to my friend. It will make everyone's trip miserable instead of memorable in the end if it does.

ugh! that is so annoying!

 

[bethy]

Hee Hee, good job OP you called his bluff! I was naïve to think at first that if you bowed out that they would end up going as a family on their own. Not so it seems - he did indeed want to go since it was partially paid for. It sounds like the flying thing was a factor too and I just have to roll my eyes at that. I know husbands like him and that is just so very lame. ugh.

 

[brazzledazzler]

Great to hear that this resolved OP and you now get a plan a fantastic Disney World Vacation with your BFF! Happily Ever After...

 

[Elevationist]

Personally using money that you inherited for a vacation is very dumb let alone for other people.

Yes vacations are fun but if you have any debt it's un responsible to blow that on fun.

I know it's not the most popular way to think but being an adult isn't always fun.

why would you take money that could be used to be closer to debt free and instead waste it on a vacation.

But I guess there is a reason this country is in trillions of dollars in debt because of your thinking.

Are you the the OPs accountant? Do you otherwise have knowledge of her personal finances?

No? Then have a seat, son. You don't know her life.

 

[califlorican]

Well you did post this in a budget/financial part of the board so I will put my 2 cents in.

Personally using money that you inherited for a vacation is very dumb let alone for other people.

Yes vacations are fun but if you have any debt it's un responsible to blow that on fun.

I know it's not the most popular way to think but being an adult isn't always fun.

She put it on the budget board because it concerned money, and this is the right place for that. You don't need to give her advice on something that wasn't asked.
Anyway, using ANY money for Disney or other trips could be seen as "irresponsible" (not unresponsible) to other people- you clearly spend your money in a way you enjoy, so why can't other people?

 

[ConnecticutNonna]

Is it possible her husband is pressuring her to come along, and she is asking just to please him but hoping you say no? I think that's the best possible scenario. Otherwise your friend isn't much of a friend, to ask you to pay for her DH too after such a generous offer.

Just tell her you haven't budgeted for him or the additional room needed (I would not sleep in the same room with my friend's dh). It's true, since you only budgeted to bring her and her son. I think once her DH realizes he'll have to pay for his own room/tickets/plane ticket he'll change his mind.

I'd not bring up the grumpy husband, as that could drive a wedge between you.

Sorry, that stinks.

I kind of disagree here... What if she says "ok , we'll spring for his part"? Then you are stuck going, and it sounds like that was never the intent. No, this was a (VERY) generous offer to host bff and son... No husbands!
SORRY, my bad. Just also saw update! Glad it worked out. Maybe she NEEDS to get away... To recognize she can (and perhaps should) have a life without him. But that's another thread on another day, lol!

 

[ConnecticutNonna]

Well you did post this in a budget/financial part of the board so I will put my 2 cents in.

Personally using money that you inherited for a vacation is very dumb let alone for other people.

Yes vacations are fun but if you have any debt it's un responsible to blow that on fun.

I know it's not the most popular way to think but being an adult isn't always fun.

Are you trolling? OP can and should spend her money however she likes...
The question was not "How should I spend this unexpected, joyfull windfall?" Hop off the bus, Gus.

 

[ConnecticutNonna]

Dear @2kidsForMe... Sparkle on! You are a kind and generous woman! We would all be blessed to have a friend like you, and not just because you're treating someone. But because your unselfishness and empathy shines through even in your posts on this forum! Again sparkle on