Party vent

[disneyjunkie]

I believe this is my first DIS vent.

Feel free to post your honest opinions. I won't get upset if you don't agree with me. Of course I think I'm right.

I teach kindergarten in a city funded day care center. Last August when I wrote my welcome letter I informed parents how I wanted to handle birthday parties. Only 1 one hour, only parents and siblings could attend. (If the child has cousins in the center, then they can also attend) Aunts, uncles, neighborhood friends.. may not attended.

Well today one of the children had a party. When I got in, my assistant told the mother had invited a "few people" to attend and she told me about the menu. I called the mom and found out she had invited "just 7 adults". I told her sorry but the guest can't come. Of course this upset her. She then tells me it's not fair because I've known since Monday she wanted to have a party. At this point I reminded her about the welcome letter she received in August.

THE MENU

I always assume (I know, I know) that a school party for a 6 year old will include cake, ice cream, chips, punch, candy, maybe pizza or hot dogs. Boy was I wrong.

This party included cake, ice cream, chips, soda, juice, candy, baked chicken, rice and black beans, yellow rice with chicken and sausage, and potato salad. (They couldn't carry the baked macaroni and cheese)

When I spoke with the mom this morning I asked her not to bring all of that because I knew the kids would not eat it. She told she made it for the adults. Since I would not allow all of the guests to attend the party, I assumed that meant she wouldn't bring that much food.

To make a long story short, I was upset when I saw the amount/type of food that was there. NONE of the kids wanted it, and most of it ended up in the trash.

In the end the mom and my assistant were upset because I would not allow her to have the type of party she wanted.

I don't think it was wrong to expect her to adhere to the rules that everyone else had to follow all year.

So, what do you think?

OH, when I write my welcome letter next month, I'll be sure to include a list of acceptable party food.

 

[doxdogy]

You sent a letter out at the beginning of the year explaining the rules. She decided not to follow them. Then figured you would just forget the rules for her. Your assistant and the parent had no reason to be upset. Can't bend the rules for just one person. How are the kids in the class suppose to learn to follow the rules? Plus if any of the other parents found out, you would lose control of parties.

 

[taximomfor4]

Here are my thoughts, for what they're worth (probably not much, lol)

I think the mom bringing all that "party" food isn't a big deal. So it ended up in the trash. Her $ wasted.


As for sticking to your guns, not letting the extra adult guests come, GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have personally never heard of having actual birthday parties at Kindergarten???? Every Kindergarten I know MAY allow a snack be sent in (but not one containing peanuts or peanut products in case of allergic kids). They really want the snack to be something the kid can bring in themselves. Parents can drop the snack off, but would have to drop it off in the office to be delivered to the Kindergarten room. I think it got this way to minimize distraction time, and also to prevent sadness in the kids whose parents would not host a party in the classroom...also so kids don't feel left out if their religion prohibits the celebration of birthdays.

 

[bbangel]

I think you are generous to allow any sort of party at all.
Good for you for sticking with (or at least trying) the rules.
Don't let them get you down!

 

[TurboKitty]

I don't think you did anything wrong.

But, out of curiousity, if the mother wanted a different kind of party, would it have been allowed for her to invite all the children somewhere else?

My kids are only allowed to bring in clearly labeled, already prepared treats. Store bought stuff. Nothing home-made to ensure no food allergies or mishandling occurs. I don't mind the rule.

 

[lsyorke]

I've never heard of "inviting" from outside to a party in a day care.. that's NUTS!!! You are absolutely right with how you handled it.

 

[diznygirl]

If she wanted that kind of party, she could have it at her own house on her own time. The rules for your parties were clearly spelled out, and they are very reasonable.

 

[dcgrumpy]

That's just weird. When my kids had a birthday party at their daycare center I would send in cupcakes for all the kids. Even we didn't attend, no less all those people. We had our own party for relatives and friends.

 

[phorsenuf]

If she wanted that kind of party, she could have it at her own house on her own time.

Yeah, but then you have to go through the hassle of cleaning before guests come. This way you don't!

 

[disneyjunkie]

But, out of curiousity, if the mother wanted a different kind of party, would it have been allowed for her to invite all the children somewhere else?

She would have had to arrange that with the other parents.

I understand that she wanted to have a big party. It's easier to have a party at the center than at home. However, they tend to get out of hand.

I'd love to just have one group party each month. I would even be willing to provide the cake and ice cream. If the parents want an individual party, they can have it at home.

I just want to end the circus that these parties are becoming.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

I don't think that having a party at the school would be appropriate during school hours. When my daughter was in Kindergarten we could send in cupcakes or something like that and the kids would acknowledge that it was a child's birthday and that's what they could have for a snack if they wanted. I would have never expected to go in the classroom, never mind invite my family too! That is so inappropriate. She clearly stepped over the line. A birthday party should be celebrated outside the classroom. Sure invite the whole school if she wanted to, but do it outsdie the classroom. As for the mom bringing the food, i would have to say that it's not a big deal to throw it away, it's not you paying for it.
IN the next newletter, to avoid confusion maybe you should just get rid of the word party and tell the paretns that they could send in a treat. Then you could always sing Happy Birthday to the child and then maybe make a special crown or hat for them to wear for the day. I think that would avoid any confusion or confrontation with any parents.

 

[momof2inPA]

New Profession-- Kindergarten teacher/ Party planner

Stop having parties at Daycare. The parents need to have the kid parties at home or Chuckie Cheese or the local pizza place. Make a new rule and start it the upcoming year, no birthday parties. Either let them bring in a small cupcake or cookie for the class on their birthday, or just give the kids something special and sing happy birthday. You could even designate the last day of the month to celebrate everyone who had their birthday that month.

 

[momof2inPA]

IN the next newletter, to avoid confusion maybe you should just get rid of the word party and tell the paretns that they could send in a treat. Then you could always sing Happy Birthday to the child and then maybe make a special crown or hat for them to wear for the day. I think that would avoid any confusion or confrontation with any parents.

That is such a good post. I didn't even think that the word party might be confusing some people.

 

[MrsPete]

I don't think that having a party at the school would be appropriate during school hours.

I agree. I send my daughters to school to learn, not to attend parties. Harsh? Maybe, but if they're not engaged in learning activities, I'd just as soon have them home with me. You're free to agree or disagree.

If the kindie-kids are used to having a snack break during the day, I'd have no problem with that day's snack being birthday cupcakes -- that's just fitting a little recognition into the regular school day.

The birthday celebration thing can be problematic in a couple ways: Kids with summer birthdays often feel left out when other kids are celebrating their school year birthdays (Don't believe it? Ask my June-bug.) You said your school's a city-funded day care -- this could easily lead to some families feeling pushed to provide a party they may not be able to afford. The school-party thing can also lead to one-upmanship among the students (or parents): your mom only brought in homemade cupcakes, mine brought in store-bought with fancy designs.

However, since you DO allow parties and you DID set limits, you were absolutely correct to enforce those limits.

 

[paigevz]

I think if they wanted to have a party for the kid and 7 adults with a buffet-type dinner, they could do it at home. The point of the kid having treats at school is to celebrate with his classmates.

Now, August was a long time ago, but it was her responsibility to be sure of the restrictions. Many places won't allow home-made food these days.

As a comparison, at our school, parties aren't allowed. Treats are, but can only be given to the children after their lunch, and must be store bought. I tend to cover the table with colored paper and have the kids dump their trays before passing out the treats, to make for better pics for mom..........but most teachers just put the cupcake on the trays. Most parents don't even stay, they just drop the stuff before lunch, and sometimes leave a disposable camera for us to snap pics for them.

 

[Daxx]

Kdg. teacher here. I am finding your story totally unusual! Parents don't come to the classroom bday party! That's just crazy and takes up too much teaching time!

In my classroom, I send home a monthly snack calendar. Each child has their name to bring in snack. If a child has a bday that month, then it's noted on the calendar (ie: John B-day). The parents can send in cookies or cupcakes or whatever snack they want to. If they want to send it juice boxes, that is fine. Snack is eaten before going home (usually, the last 20 mins. of class).

There's no time to invite family members or siblings/cousins from the other grades. It's just not done.

I'd make it clear that bdays are celebrated w/students and teacher only parents can drop off a snack when they bring the child in or at the office if it's later in the day.

You def. handled the "no additional adults" thing properly and snaps to you for not breaking the rules for this woman!!!!

 

[cats mom]

Wow, I've never heard of parents coming in and throwing an actual party at day care or school.

Policy at our school is that you may send in treats, as of last year they must be store-bought and sealed, that's it. No party, no goodie bags, etc.

Sometimes I take the treats in at the time the teacher has requested so I'm there when they are handed out, other times I drop them off before school and am not even there when they are passed out.

Depends on the teacher, but I've seen more and more at our school who just have the kids pass out their goodies outside at the end of the school day. They just dismiss the kids an extra 5 or 10 minutes before the bell.
Big Celebration

Never even occured to me to bring along a whole entourage and put on a big bash at school.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

If she wanted that kind of party, she could have it at her own house on her own time. The rules for your parties were clearly spelled out, and they are very reasonable.

I think you hit the nail on the head.She didn't want to have to have a party at home--she was going to invite all the guests to school instead!

Very wierd. I think your rules are very reasonable but I agree with another poster about the word "party." Apparently this word give the mom the wrong idea!

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

ummmm...i can't believe they have PARTIES at your school. i think you handled the situation well, but maybe you should just say no to parties next time.

 

[CEDmom]

If the mom wanted that type of party she should have had it at her own home. Honestly the kids just want a cupcake and a goodie bag. You're much more accomodating than most daycare directors..

BTW, when my DD was in daycare DH and I went to all her birthday parties. Many parents did it really wasn't unusual.