Party favors for 9-year-old boys (and you can steal my ideas from previous years)

[SEA333]

I respectfully disagree. I didn't buy shirts for myself, I bought the NON PERSONALIZED shirts for my son's friends who attended his party and he was the one that looked at the styles and picked out what he liked best. We did not plan a "wear the shirt day" later on. We didn't intentionally buy them to make anyone feel left out who didn't attend. We bought them simply because we thought they would be well received, which they were. If anyone didn't want it, they didn't have to wear it again. What about the other compounded number of friends who saw my Facebook and Instagram photos of the party and all of their friends and friends of friends whose parents took photos and tagged their kids in the photos wearing the shirts. As I said before, someone somewhere will always feel left out no matter what your good intentions have been. My son has earned championship wrestling shirts and all star baseball shirts. Is he not to wear those at school so he doesn't disappoint the kids he beats in wrestling and those that didn't make the all star team? Are they not allowed to wear their football jerseys and cheerleading shirts for pep rallies because other kids cannot or do not play? Where do you draw the line? Even if we invited the entire class and gave everyone shirts--there's 10 other classes in the grade and 4 grades in their school. We could never invite them all. Someone somewhere will say they didn't get one. We teach our kids to be happy for their friends and like things even when they aren't included. I guess I'm extremely fortunate that my children have never been emotionally devastated by not being invited to something or given something another group has been given. I am a twin and there were times in our life one was invited to something and the other wasn't. Sure we may have been a little sad---but we also got over it and it wasn't made into a big deal by my parents or us. Many times it's the parents that make a big deal out of nothing because they are hurt for their children when their children do not think twice or aren't as bothered by it as their parents believe.

I also have an advanced degree in Psychology and would never do anything intentional to hurt a budding psyche. I now work in human resources and have seen employee issues in recent college grads who had helicopter parents that never taught them it was ok to fail, to be told they are doing something wrong, to not get promoted, or not be included in something. They didn't learn how to move on and cope without their parents involvement. Always trying to rescue children from getting hurt or failing will cause them long term issues in adulthood and in employment. I'm sorry for anyone anywhere that has ever felt excluded or hurt. Kids can be cruel and many parents can also be cruel. I polled coworkers about this topic and they all agreed with me and the general consensus was that the world needs to stop the "give everyone a trophy" mentality and learn real life situations in childhood. Not one person had ever been invited to every party they knew about and given party favors by everyone they ever met or knew. In fact no one could even remember a single party favor they ever received or didn't receive. You have a party to celebrate something. You shouldn't have any party ever if you more worried about hurting everyone's feelings that aren't invited.

I will let this thread move back to it's original purpose and that's for great ideas for party favors. Personally the shirts were a hit and I'd recommend them. If you think your child's friends or classmates will be hurt, simply do not give out any goodie gifts of any kind, and swear all the party attendees to secrecy about attending the party.

Omg...obviously what I am saying is not getting through to you. You are repeatedly expounding on things I have not said, or things i have already agreed with you on as we talked about the issue. My point is clear: As a Parent and adult, I refuse to play into the establishment of exclusion among kids. They are good at doing that on their own. Agreed to disagree - and I will not report your sarcastic attitude. Have a nice day.

 

[jrmasm]

Omg...obviously what I am saying is not getting through to you. You are repeatedly expounding on things I have not said, or things i have already agreed with you on as we talked about the issue. My point is clear: As a Parent and adult, I refuse to play into the establishment of exclusion among kids. They are good at doing that on their own. Agreed to disagree - and I will not report your sarcastic attitude. Have a nice day.

As a parent and an adult it's my job to acknowledge that life isn't fair.

 

[SEA333]

As a parent and an adult it's my job to acknowledge that life isn't fair.

Agreed. Have you not read my posts? I believe I have stated that more than once.

But that doesn't mean I have to choose to be the one to shove it in the faces of those kids not invited by putting it on a tshirt. We have one basic rule in our house: "don't be a jerk." It pretty much covers it all.

Thanks for your input.

 

[jrmasm]

Agreed. Have you not read my posts? I believe I have stated that more than once. But that doesn't mean I have to choose to be the one to shove it in the faces of those kids not invited by putting it on a tshirt. We have one basic rule in our house: "don't be a jerk." It pretty much covers it all. Thanks for your input.

Giving a t shirt as party favor is not being a jerk. Not even close.

 

[SEA333]

Giving a t shirt as party favor is not being a jerk. Not even close.

Giving a tshirt to a select few with info about the party (ie bday girls name, date of party, etc) when there are girls who are friends with the bday girl and travel in the same social circle who will very likely see it the monday after, is a jerk move on the part of a parent and adult who should have more sense than that, and THAT is what I am talking about here, nothing else.

The pp's tshirt decision does NOT apply as a jerk move for many reason, and I have made that clear - I hope.

 

[jrmasm]

Giving a tshirt to a select few with info about the party (ie bday girls name, date of party, etc) when there are girls who are friends with the bday girl and travel in the same social circle who will very likely see it the monday after, is a jerk move on the part of a parent and adult who should have more sense than that, and THAT is what I am talking about here, nothing else. The pp's tshirt decision does NOT apply as a jerk move for many reason, and I have made that clear - I hope.

And I still don't think it's a big deal. Every kid is excluded from something at some point in their life. It's only a big deal if we as adults make it a big deal.

 

[SEA333]

And I still don't think it's a big deal. Every kid is excluded from something at some point in their life. It's only a big deal if we as adults make it a big deal.

Sigh. Not trying to change your mind. This is my opinion. Based on my many years of expereince with tween girls. Its real to them. And that's enough for me to not want to be a jerk about it.

 

[sam_gordon]

Giving a tshirt to a select few with info about the party (ie bday girls name, date of party, etc) when there are girls who are friends with the bday girl and travel in the same social circle who will very likely see it the monday after, is a jerk move on the part of a parent and adult who should have more sense than that, and THAT is what I am talking about here, nothing else.

The pp's tshirt decision does NOT apply as a jerk move for many reason, and I have made that clear - I hope.

So where does this stop? I understand the point you're trying to make, but I disagree with it.

My kids play sports. They've all been selected to travel teams in their age group. When we go to tournaments, we get a tournament shirt for them. They wear the shirt the next day school is open (and later in the school year). Couldn't that shirt cause someone to go into a tail spin because they weren't selected to that team?

What if friends go to Disney together and they come home with matching shirts? Should they not wear them because other kids may be upset THEY didn't go to Disney?

I guess the kids who graduate "with honors" or any other distinction shouldn't wear the cords (or whatever) because someone who didn't get that distinction might be upset.

Your reasoning that other kids might be upset is the same reason "everyone gets a trophy" (personally, I think you give all participants a t-shirt and give the champions the trophy). Sorry, I'll stay on my soapbox fighting that also.

 

[SEA333]

So where does this stop? I understand the point you're trying to make, but I disagree with it.

My kids play sports. They've all been selected to travel teams in their age group. When we go to tournaments, we get a tournament shirt for them. They wear the shirt the next day school is open (and later in the school year). Couldn't that shirt cause someone to go into a tail spin because they weren't selected to that team?

What if friends go to Disney together and they come home with matching shirts? Should they not wear them because other kids may be upset THEY didn't go to Disney?

I guess the kids who graduate "with honors" or any other distinction shouldn't wear the cords (or whatever) because someone who didn't get that distinction might be upset.

Your reasoning that other kids might be upset is the same reason "everyone gets a trophy" (personally, I think you give all participants a t-shirt and give the champions the trophy). Sorry, I'll stay on my soapbox fighting that also.[/QUO


I've made it quite clear that with me, it stops with the non-essential, exclusionary birthday girl t-shirts . I'm not sure why everyone keeps insisting on adding every other situation and scenario . I don't know how many more times I need to say this?

 

[SEA333]

Sorry, see the above. Not sure why my response added to yours like that.

But for goodness sake , you quoted me, so why would you ask all the rest of the questions? Obviously I'm not talking about any of that and I've already said that I agree with you on the everyone gets a trophy mentality. Can we be done with that part already ?

 

[sam_gordon]

I've made it quite clear that with me, it stops with the non-essential, exclusionary birthday girl t-shirts . I'm not sure why everyone keeps insisting on adding every other situation and scenario . I don't know how many more times I need to say this?

So what's "essential" about what I listed? And there's PLENTY of "exclusionary" items that you apparently don't have a problem with... how about members of a team (football, basketball, cheerleading, whatever) wearing their game jerseys to school? Won't kids who didn't make the team feel bad when they see them? That's not essential either.

We keep adding other situations because they could cause the same feelings of being "left out" that you're trying to avoid.

 

[mjkacmom]

So where does this stop? I understand the point you're trying to make, but I disagree with it.

My kids play sports. They've all been selected to travel teams in their age group. When we go to tournaments, we get a tournament shirt for them. They wear the shirt the next day school is open (and later in the school year). Couldn't that shirt cause someone to go into a tail spin because they weren't selected to that team?

What if friends go to Disney together and they come home with matching shirts? Should they not wear them because other kids may be upset THEY didn't go to Disney?

I guess the kids who graduate "with honors" or any other distinction shouldn't wear the cords (or whatever) because someone who didn't get that distinction might be upset.

Your reasoning that other kids might be upset is the same reason "everyone gets a trophy" (personally, I think you give all participants a t-shirt and give the champions the trophy). Sorry, I'll stay on my soapbox fighting that also.

You earn a spot on the team by playing well - dd11 and her travel soccer team will wear their shirts to school. You earn your cords by working hard in school - dd18 wore them proudly. Ds16 wore a shirt and tie to school today, because the varsity soccer team had a game - you work hard to make varsity. However, to have it rubbed in your face that you were not invited to someone you considered a friend's birthday party, when all of the other girls were invited, is just mean.

I have 3 daughters, rarely on the receiving end of meanness, but the stuff that goes on?! Exclusion is a big power play in 6th grade! I've even caught dd11 doing it, even though she denied it (pictures at a dance, with 5 of 6 girls wearing exactly the same thing, just a coincidence...)

 

[SEA333]

So what's "essential" about what I listed? And there's PLENTY of "exclusionary" items that you apparently don't have a problem with... how about members of a team (football, basketball, cheerleading, whatever) wearing their game jerseys to school? Won't kids who didn't make the team feel bad when they see them? That's not essential either.

We keep adding other situations because they could cause the same feelings of being "left out" that you're trying to avoid.

Not the same thing for reasons I've already said. How mNy more times do I have to say this?

 

[Eastern]

Books?

I'd go with the carabiners + add a mini flashlight or a laser pointer.

My kids started using carabiners around 10yo for camping type activities and now they are in college they are perfect for room/car keys. There are lots of different colors and you can get them a couple of different sizes if you want to spend a certain amount. Useful and fun. Carabiners are cool.

Don't do tshirts. My kids would never wear tshirts that advertised anything.

 

[jrmasm]

Sigh. Not trying to change your mind. This is my opinion. Based on my many years of expereince with tween girls. Its real to them. And that's enough for me to not want to be a jerk about it.

I have daughters so I have some experiences with Tweens too. If there's a party, those that weren't invited are going to find out about it. Pleasant or not, that's life. Maybe kids shouldn't have parties because that's really what causes the angst.

 

[Planogirl]

Kids discuss parties with each other. Someone is going to feel left out and it won't be because of a t-shirt.

I was going to suggest books but maybe a gift card for a bookstore? The movie ticket idea is fun too.

 

[SaraMc]

We did GC for Dairy Queen. DS was told several times how awesome that was.

 

[MnMomtoboys]

I am sick to death about people complaining about kids getting left out of things. Personally I think the ones being jerks are the ones complaining.

 

[Eastern]

My reason for being against tshirts is that it's goofy.

 

[okeydokey]

I am sick to death about people complaining about kids getting left out of things. Personally I think the ones being jerks are the ones complaining.

I agree. It's amazing that parents have to make everything all about their kid even when it has nothing to do with their kid.

I'm sure every parent who has planned a party has NoT rubbed their hands together chucking about how to best exclude other kids and make them feel bad.

It's a t-shirt, not an act of exclusion.