Parents... WWYD???

[The Mystery Machine]

I would not punish my 7yo for defending themselves against a 14yo bully. He's probably scared enough already. Tell him not to push and leave it at that.

 

[Mermaid02]

Huge difference between 14 and 7. I wouldn't have punished him- it was self defense, frankly maybe she'll think twice before messing with younger smaller kids again.

 

[golfgal]

I would not have punished either. I certainly would have talked to him about other ways to handle it, like walking over near a teacher and if the girl followed, getting help from the teacher.

There is a good chance that he will be the school hero if she is as nasty as you say. He just might have taught her a lesson. Hopefully her PARENTS are smart enough to punish HER and that the principal has a frank talk with them about what REALLY caused her accident.

 

[DeniseinNS]

I would not punish him for defending himself. If he just pushed a girl for no reason then yes, in this situation no. Maybe this will make the bully rethink her actions and how she treats younger kids.

 

[mhsjax]

With the way things are in the school world right now and the bullying, that schools just can't or won't, as far as I am concerned, take car of. I would actually be telling my kid that he did the right thing. I would explain that because the girl wouldn't leave him alone, he did the right thing.

 

[Wall-E1]

OP - I think you handled it perfectly. I just went through a similar situation with mine last week. Even though my kid was not the aggressor, I explained to him that there were other ways the situation could have been handled - telling a teacher, or me. So, I think grounding him is appropriate(even though we may be secretly proud of our kids standing up for themselves). By grounding our kids, it will give them pause next tine a similar situation arises, and maybe a better decision will be made.

 

[mdsoccermom]

No. I would not have have punished him. Not at all. Frankly, we probably would have said "good for you." We have taught our kids that while violence is not the answer, they have every right to get physical to defend themselves - I don't care if it's a boy or girl. And a kid twice their age and size getting "in their face", IMO, certainly warrants self-defense.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

OP - I would have done the same exact thing (though I would have been immensely [and extremely secretly] proud of my kiddo for giving the bully her just dessert...) he still would have to face a penalty that physical contact is NOT the right way to handle it.

It would be a minor punishment like no computer time or the loss of TV privileges or phone privileges, extras chores that week, etc.

Physical altercations are not the answer unless a person is attacked first. Period. But then again, I have never understood the need for a physical fight to begin with. Even less of those who want to "beat someone down" just because.

 

[luvmy3]

OP, I would have taken away something like Wii time, but thats because I believe in being consistent when punishing my child. My 7 year old has an issue with putting his hands on his brother when he gets mad (when bro is provoking). When he does this, he is punished (sit in a time out for a bit, nothing major). If he had done this to another person, he would have also been punished the same way. However, I would talk to him about what to do when he feels threatened, and that would be to get away and tell someone. If that person is physically holding you so you cannot, then you do what you need to to get away. We believe in defending yourself, but not because someone is using words you don't like. My ds has had to defend himself against another kid who went to punch him He blocked the punch and punched the kid instead, he was not punished for that. He takes martial arts, and they are taught to avoid a fight, but they also learn how to defend themselves if their attempts at avoidance don't work.

 

[bgirldeb]

I wouldn't have punished. It was defense, and he didn't punch (if I understand correctly) he pushed. He didn't intend to harm, just distance himself. And in future instances I wouldn't want my child to worry about getting in trouble with me vs defending himself.

I feel this way too, although I don't think the OP did the "wrong" thing either. I probably would have used it as an opportunity to talk to them about self-defense, and what to do in those sort of situations that may not have to be physical, but I wouldn't punish.

Gosh, a 7 year-old is so young for a 14 year-old to be messing with! Sounds like a good lesson on cause and effect to her!

 

[sbell111]

I would not have punished him. Obviously, I would have sat down with him to make it clear that he shouldn't try to solve all problems physically, but when it comes right down to it, it's like the philosopher said, "Sometimes you gotta fight when you're a man."

 

[mjkacmom]

My child would've gotten a mild punishment. For example, if this was dd14 (although can't imagine her even being bothered with ds8) and ds8, he would've had a time out in his room (because you need to keep your hands to yourself - either walk away, or come get me - actually, this is a frequent problem in our house with ds8, who's first instinct is to be physical).

 

[plutotek]

Given the particulars of this incident, I would say that your son's actions were justified, because he had asked the girl to stop and she continued, so he was clearing his personal space. As for the punishment, I think the numerous 'discussions' would have been sufficient. The fact that the bully was a female is irrelevant in these days of equality. If she wants to be a bully, she needs to live w/the consequences.

 

[ccgirl]

OP - I think you handled it correctly. Although, silently, I would have been proud of my DS for standing up for himself words are not a reason to lay hands on anyone ...ever. We teach our kids to walk away. Spoke to my family member that is a school resource officer and was told that your son could have actually been charged with battery and you could have legally been responsible for any medical bills. Had he been hit first that would have been self defense but pushing someone that did not physically touch you first would not have been considered self defense. As others, we teach our children to defend themselves, when appropriate. Although words are hurtful, we teach the turn the other cheek approach. If they are hit first, then than may hit back. Just another side of thought here.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I would 'NOT' have actually punished.
If this were some random situation, it would very different.
But, my child will always know that they have the right to defend themselves from a known, aggressive, bully. ALWAYS.

If that other kid was close up enough in your child's face, that he could push her away without actually getting up, stepping forward, etc... then this, IMHO, would constitute a 'threatening' situation. The other kid is a teenager who is twice his age and three times his size!!!! Yes, I would consider this as a very threatening situation.

Again, if it were any other random situation, just some kid acting up and causing trouble... yes, it would be very different, and punishment would be forthcoming.

 

[nmmom95]

Given the particulars of this incident, I would say that your son's actions were justified, because he had asked the girl to stop and she continued, so he was clearing his personal space. As for the punishment, I think the numerous 'discussions' would have been sufficient. The fact that the bully was a female is irrelevant in these days of equality. If she wants to be a bully, she needs to live w/the consequences.

I agree with this.

 

[Acklander]

If it was mine, I would have just talked to him about not touching others/personal space and so on. I wouldn't have punished unless it was an ongoing problem (which it doesn't sound like in your case). That being said,I may ask DH for advice if I'm stumped on a punishment, but once I do make a decision, and if I'm comfortable with it, I don't go out and poll family/friends/co-workers etc.... because you're ALWAYS going to find people who handle it differently. It's your family, not theirs, and everyone has different standards. Being grounded isn't the end of the world and it's not worth going around second guessing yourself over.

 

[FINFAN]

I would not have punished him if it was my son. Mixed signals here too since the school did not implement any punishment and verified he was being bullied. No offense, but I kinda think he was victimized twice. I get the hands off thing, the girl/guy thing..(because I think if it was a boy, you guys maybe would have looked at it more as self-defense)absolutley talking with him about using words, getting help, but you know, at that point it is his word against hers. At lest this way he HAS a witness. I have seen way too many cases where the bully is protected in our district becasue he/she has "issues" family stuff, whatever..and the kid getting picked on gets the dirty look for not understanding and dealing with it...baloney!
honestly, I bet he felt confused and bad enough about the whole thing. Sorry he had to endure the bullying, but good to know he stood up for himself! As far as being sued, well, it was an accident, there were adult witnesses and she started the incident verbally.

 

[A4Disney]

I would not have punished my 7 yo in any way. I don't condone getting physical, but someone is "up in his face", I think he had every right to push her away.
I want to teach my kids to stick up for them selves and not be bullied.
I would have handled it differently but like another poster said, we all have our own style, and you did nothing wrong, just different than what I would have done.

I agree with this . I can't believe you punished him!

 

[2binak]

I wouldn't have punished. It was defense, and he didn't punch (if I understand correctly) he pushed. He didn't intend to harm, just distance himself. And in future instances I wouldn't want my child to worry about getting in trouble with me vs defending himself.

I agree with this post. I'm sure that at 7 yrs old, having a much older person in his face made him feel defensive and scared and he reacted instinctively by trying to distance himself from his aggressor. He tried using words but she ignored them. I think he reacted as well as he could have so I would not have punished him. I would also be afraid that the next time he is bullied, he would submit to the bully because he'd be worried about being punished if he stood up for himself.

BTW - I'm very small and was in similar situations as a child where I've felt threatened enough to push or even hit people to get them to get away from me. Sometimes you can't just walk away (like when you're cornered).