Parents - what's your "small stuff?"

[luvsJack]

It would be easier to tell you the "big" stuff: drugs, alcohol, minding their curfew, having manners at least around adults and always doing their best. Other than that its all pretty much small stuff.

Hair cuts are up to them as is color (blue, purple, green--all fine with me). Clothes only have to cover everything and be appropriate (uniforms for school, nothing with holes in it for church). Their rooms are/were their rooms and as long as they don't smell bad, they can/could keep them how they want to.

 

[TaraPA]

I'm glad to see so many similar replies on here!

Some days are so hectic even "clean" becomes the small stuff - the other day I noticed DS12 heading out the door in a hoodie that he'd had on at least 2-3 days in a row before that & I opened my mouth to tell him to go change, but I knew it was a losing battle, and we'd probably miss the bus if he was going to go upstairs & get another one. I shut my mouth & off he went in a Day Four Hoodie! The school never called so I guess it didn't smell that bad. I made a mental note to be sure I scooped that off his floor that night to wash. Legally I think I just have to clothe & feed him, no? I don't remember seeing anything that legally I had to present him as CLEAN!

 

[KadysMom]

I agree with clothes. DD is almost 10 and I let her wear what she likes as long as it is appropriate for the venue. She went to school in a rather interesting combination the other day and while I secretly raised my eyebrows, I didn't say anything. If it doesn't bother her, it shouldn't bother me. The other thing is socks, she hasn't worn matching socks since kindergarten! She has become something of a legend at school and now her friends even buy her crazy socks for presents!

DD8 doesnt wear matching socks either... I thought something was wrong one day and she said I like it this way!

I dont care about that, or much else with clothes. She can shave her head, have it bright orange or whatever. I know a lady who wont let her kids have nailpolish other than a light pink or tan color. Kady has had neon colors. I just dont care about those kinds of things.

I also cant tell her no on tatoos since her father and I both have them.

The big things for me are in her room. Bed being made and room being clean. Since she is mildly OCD, that is no issue for her either

 

[Acklander]

My final rules are get a college degree and no having children until you are married and are stable/can afford them.

How can you make a rule saying that they have to get a college degree and wait until they're married and stable before having children???? While it's something you may want for them, essentially you're telling them how to live their adult life. This is what I would consider a personal choice.

 

[mamacatnv]

Hair - DS had blue hair in middle school and I took him to get it done, then when it was not the color he really wanted (too light, rather Smurfish ) I went off to the beauty supply and helped him out!

Rooms/beds made - whatever, I close the door.

Clothes - as long as its not hoochie and is appropriate for the occassion, what do I care.

Curfews - DS never had them

Texting - as many as you want, just not at the table, in bed or when you are supposed to be doing chores, talking to me or at school. etc.

Eating - you don't like what I made, feel free to make yourself something else, just clean up the mess

 

[Colleen27]

Most appearance issues come under "small stuff" for me. Hair, clothes, shoes.... That's all up to them within some very lax boundaries that they've never bumped up against.

Clean rooms are "small stuff" too. They aren't allowed food/drinks upstairs other than water, so nothing can get really gross, and they go through and gather their laundry twice a week. Aside from that, I really don't push the room cleaning issue. DS naturally keeps his very clean. DD is a little more careless but occasionally gets annoyed with her own mess and does a big clean-and-organize. But they are expected to keep their mess contained in their rooms/playrooms - on the main floor, we clean up what we're doing before moving on to the next thing.

Actually, most things are small stuff for me. I'm pretty laid back by nature and it shows in my parenting. Unless it pertains to safety, education, or other areas that have a long term effect, I let the kids find their own way. I expect that they will be respectful and kind, and I don't compromise on things like homework, curfew, knowing where they are at all times. But as far as the day-to-day I really don't make a fuss over much, because in the long run it really doesn't matter how often you cleaned your room when you were 8 or if you had a mohawk at 12 or if your idea of fashion at 10 was mismatched socks and a million "jelly" bracelets.

 

[happygirl]

For the most part it all small trivia stuff with my kids.

 

[jamimb]

I have a very type A OCD personality so unfortunately I seriously have no small stuff. I am seeing a therapist and trying to let some stuff go!!!!
Ou family is somewhat balanced though I sweat everything and my DH sweats nothing at all. I mean at all! Unless it's life or death it's all small stuff to him. Last year he's in the hospital extremely sick. The DR told him he was pretty sure he had colon cancer (it wasn't after all just crohn's disease) Anyway Im sobbing and he just laughs and says "Well, that sucks!"

 

[NHdisneylover]

Most of everyday life is "the small stuff" in my book. But, I don't tolerate lying, deception, saying cruel things about others(no matter how justified!) and not trying your hardest, those are my biggies.

NOw I have the opposite issue with my oldest. She is a perfectionist and, if left to her own devices, tries her hardest at everything all the time. She will turn in a 12 page report with photos when a 2 paragraph summary was expected. So, we work and struggle to get her to let go and just do "mediocre" for most things (and to recognize when mediocre is appropriate vs. when all out makes sense).

 

[hereyago]

Hair - DS had blue hair in middle school and I took him to get it done, then when it was not the color he really wanted (too light, rather Smurfish ) I went off to the beauty supply and helped him out!

Rooms/beds made - whatever, I close the door.

Clothes - as long as its not hoochie and is appropriate for the occassion, what do I care.

Curfews - DS never had them

Texting - as many as you want, just not at the table, in bed or when you are supposed to be doing chores, talking to me or at school. etc.

Eating - you don't like what I made, feel free to make yourself something else, just clean up the mess

This is pretty much me as well. The curfew thing: school night, she has to be in before the street lights come on. And during the weekend or summer she can stay out until 9 or so-but it has to be on our cul de sac and usually she won't go out unless her friends are out and they do chalk driveway drawing on my driveway.

 

[jfoofj]

I'm pretty laid back too... there isn't too much that bothers me when it comes to clothing (I have boys, though, so it is pretty easy I think). They have a bedtime, but I let them have the tv on for a half hour if they want. They play video games and on the computer, sometimes for a long time, but they have great grades and are really good, well mannered kids. The flip side of that is that then they won't play the video games for a week.

I have a neighbor who is always sending her kids over to ask the boys to come out and play (nice kid, but this child can be a bit.... overbearing.... at times). Sometimes the kids just want to be inside.... reading, doing legos, drawing, playing video games, whatever. My neighbor always chastises me and says "Oh it is SUCH a nice day out, why aren't the boys out getting their exercise?" Ummmmmm, they don't feel like it? Neither kid is overweight at all (in fact, one is on the low end of the weight percentages despite eating like a horse), they are both healthy and DO enjoy playing outside, just not as much as her child, obviously.

The other issue I hate is when people say "Oh DS isn't playing baseball/soccer/doing scouts this year?" My DS has tried baseball and soccer (no scouts though, but that is another talkshow), and doesn't like them. He has swim once a week and takes golf lessons and just started tennis lessons. DSS LOVES baseball and soccer, so he plays them. I don't get why people think that DS "should" be playing little league too, if he doesn't want to?!?!?

 

[NHdisneylover]

In light of the tattoo thread I have to come back and post that I consider any permanent appearance choice (hair cut or color, clothing, etc) that is safe (ie--not tanning) to be small stuff--but permanent (tattoos and piercings) would be big issues. DD did get her ears pierced (and we decided then that if she could then so could DS if he ever wanted). She decided it was more hassle than it was worth (she has very thick earlobes and could only wear a few nicer styles that came with XXL long posts, so most of the fun stuff ended up being out for her) and let them grow over about 3 years ago.

I'm pretty laid back too... there isn't too much that bothers me when it comes to clothing (I have boys, though, so it is pretty easy I think). They have a bedtime, but I let them have the tv on for a half hour if they want. They play video games and on the computer, sometimes for a long time, but they have great grades and are really good, well mannered kids. The flip side of that is that then they won't play the video games for a week.

I have a neighbor who is always sending her kids over to ask the boys to come out and play (nice kid, but this child can be a bit.... overbearing.... at times). Sometimes the kids just want to be inside.... reading, doing legos, drawing, playing video games, whatever. My neighbor always chastises me and says "Oh it is SUCH a nice day out, why aren't the boys out getting their exercise?" Ummmmmm, they don't feel like it? Neither kid is overweight at all (in fact, one is on the low end of the weight percentages despite eating like a horse), they are both healthy and DO enjoy playing outside, just not as much as her child, obviously.

The other issue I hate is when people say "Oh DS isn't playing baseball/soccer/doing scouts this year?" My DS has tried baseball and soccer (no scouts though, but that is another talkshow), and doesn't like them. He has swim once a week and takes golf lessons and just started tennis lessons. DSS LOVES baseball and soccer, so he plays them. I don't get why people think that DS "should" be playing little league too, if he doesn't want to?!?!?

I get where you are comming from. DS does not care for most sports but has taken ballet for years. I got so many awful comments about that over the years--and one neighbor felt obligated to bring little league and soccer stuff over every year and try to coax Rio into playing a "man's sport"