Parents, Stop Giving In To 'Picky Eaters'!

[hrh_disney_queen]

This makes me think of the story of my DSIL when she was around 12(she is now 52). Her parents served their 7 children frogs legs for dinner, and they were required to try it. Everyone did except DSIL, who was forced to sit at the dinner table until she did.

After several hours of the stand off, she won, and they let her go to bed. This is a great story to share around the dinner table now.

My boys are difficult to cook for. Since they are underweight, I will let them have an alternative like canned soup if they try what's for dinner and don't like it. (They do have to try it, since I'm not adventurous like my DH's parents, I don't serve amphibians for dinner or anything strange like that.) It's not their fault if they don't like certain foods, and I don't expect them to like everything that I cook. On the other hand, I like to have certain things once in awhile that I know they don't like, so I will make them something different. That is so I can have foods that I like.

For the most part, they will eat what I make. They do great at buffets where they can help themselves and try different foods. They do not limit themselves to just a couple of foods, but they have strong aversions to some things that I like to make.

When they were little my ped also said that if they get stuck on one food, just keep giving it to them as long as they will eat it. I don't think he meant decades, more like through toddler age.

I knew exactly what kind of children I was going to have before I had them. I am still looking for those perfect children. I think I may have left them at the hospital.

 

[cheermom1]

this thread is so funny to me because i have a very picky eater... the only thing is he won't eat junk food at all!!! from the minute he went off formula, he always wanted lean meat and veggies, and wouldn't even snack on normal kid things like string cheese or yogurt. he's 13 now and healthy as a horse, except that he is a stringbean and terribly hard to buy pants for... try finding 29x32 pants when he is at friend's houses and they are all eating pizza, he always orders a chicken ceasar for himself. i know i'm lucky but i won't even tell you how enormous my grocery bill is to keep an active growing teen boy on his "meat and 3" diet!

Are we talking about the same kid??? My son is the same way but he has Aspergers and he ALWAYS wanted to eat salads!! I figured out when he was little that I could tell him that if he cleaned his room or whatever I'd make him a salad!

Plus I know how hard it is to find 28x34 is what he needs, he is so dang tall!! Of course now he eats a lot more than that b/c I always made a lot of good veggies and always baked or grilled the meat. I have a preference for nothing fried just can;t stand fried foods I even bake my fries.

 

[lizandjason]

OP, I was a fabulous parent before I had kids, too. I was thirty-three when the first was born and thirty-five with the second. When they went from being theoretical children to living, breathing human beings all hell broke loose. I dutifully nursed them, exposed them to vegetables, then fruits, then meats. I gave them whole milk until they were two and then 2%. As they grew older they became PEOPLE with opinions. Having a food battle with a child is ridiculous. It is a waste of time and energy. My girls are physically very healthy. They are happy kids and I absolutely cater to their tastes. They many not eat a wide variety of things but the bulk of what they eat is healthy. If you think I am doing them a huge disservice then you are fully entitled to your opinion. There are many other areas in parenting where I am completely uncompromising, but food is not going to be one of them. I recall having food battles with my mother and I will not do it to my kids. I expect them to try new things but I am happy to let them have a peanut butter sandwich (on whole wheat with lima beans) if they don't like it.

You are not the kind of parent I was referring to in my original post. You have done everything you can. It's the parents who don't even try...those are the ones I can't understand.

 

[Scurvy]

so I'm not expecting scurvy anytime soon.

Well you should have!


OP, your idea sounds great in theory. What you aren't considering is the unpredictability of children. I was sure my son would always eat a perfectly balanced diet, and he did - until one day he didn't. He stopped liking half his favorite foods (all the healthiest ones!) and didn't want to try anything new. We actually did force him to eat a bite of everything we put on his plate, and it was miserable. He gagged and cried, we stressed out . . . it was terrible. I even asked the doctor about it, and he laughed. He said most kids go through a picky phase and it isn't a big deal. We didn't coddle him - he didn't survive on a steady diet of McDonalds or anything like that, but we mostly let him stick to the fairly bland things that he did like. And after a while he was ready to start trying new things again. Now he's a very adventurous eater - I don't think there's anything he won't at least try! We were lucky, becaues even at his worst we could still find something he'd eat at any restaurant and I could slightly alter a portion of whatever I was cooking so he would eat it. (My mother in law, who taught kindergarten for 30+ years, had one studen who only ate canned pineapple and multi-vitamins for a whole school year, and another who lived on peanut butter sandwiches, so clearly it could have been worse! )

I'm not one of those who thinks people's opinions on parenting aren't valid if they don't have kids, but kids often go through a phase where they are unpredictable and stubborn. It's easy to underestimate how difficult something can be until you attempt it with an actual child. I admit, I sometimes roll my eyes when I read about the kids who only eat chicken nuggets. I wonder if their parents just aren't really trying very hard to get them to branch out. But then I remember that I don't know the kids or the parents, and I figure the parents know their kid. Sure, maybe they're lazy and just don't want to make the effort to fight with the kid. But maybe the child is even more stubborn about food than my son was. It isn't my place to judge them. It's between the parent, the child, and the child's doctor.

 

[turkeymama]

I'm going to go with the OP on this one. I wish my mom had at least made me try new foods. I'm almost 35 and I hate fruits and veggies. I force myself to eat some anyway, especially since I'm trying to be a better example for my kids.

I don't get too exotic with the kids, but they have to try whatever I'm cooking. From there, they're on their own if they don't like what we're having. They are welcome to eat a bowl of cereal or make themselves a sandwich, AFTER they have tried what I prepared. DD9 usually does because she's my good eater. She has food allergies, but she seems eager to eat anything that is actually safe for her. DS6 is autistic and has aversions to certain textures. With every passing day, he gets better, but only because I make him at least try things. If I didn't, he'd be perfectly willing to subsist on processed chicken nuggets and fishsticks. Those things are fine on occasion, but I refuse to let him eat it every night. He'll eat green beans and peas, and he likes apple sauce. We're working on other things, like corn, and broccoli (but I try to hide it in the rice to start with, baby steps). It takes time, but it's worth it in the long run.

Have I had a kid puke at the table with this approach? Absolutely, and when they finish cleaning it up, they get to try again. DS only tried that stunt once by the way. I know, I'm hard. They don't appear to be scarred yet.

 

[MinnieTink]

It's interesting to me that some of the picky eaters are like my son. He would eat anything and everything until he was about 3. Then some weird switch turned off and things he liked before are now deemed, "'scusting!". What? I'm still waiting out this phase...

 

[bumbershoot]

(Excuse me while I hoist myself on this soapbox...)
Parents who give in to their kids' 'picky' food habits are doing their kids an incredible disservice. Healthy eating habits are formed in the first few years of life, and when kids are only given 'kids foods' like fried chicken fingers and pizza, guess how they'll continue to eat as they age?

On the other hand....


I was the peacekeeper in the family, and ate whatever was given to me. I have allergies and sensitivities and problems.

My brother, 2 half brothers, and half sister made MY life a living Hades with all of their food aversions, and their ridiculously strong ability to sit there at the table for HOURS, refusing food.

NONE of them have allergies, sensitivities, or other problems.


They were a big pain, but I truly believe that they helped their bodies by not eating the foods that might make them ill.

Could my half sis eat better? Probably; last I noticed, she has a very small variety of foods she eats...then again, she's still in high school. The other siblings eat a wider variety, and as they have gotten older their food options have expanded.

I wish I'd been able to torment the family by refusing foods I didn't want to eat....I know I would be healthier today!



But some things have remained the same...my brother can still smell a peeled orange from *upstairs* inside a closed-door room. And it still makes him sneeze from that distance. His system just does not like oranges!

 

[turkeymama]

You are not the kind of parent I was referring to in my original post. You have done everything you can. It's the parents who don't even try...those are the ones I can't understand.

Exactly. This is my sister. My poor nephew can only eat pizza and cheeseburgers and fried cheese sticks. He is almost 13 years old. Did I forget to mention that he must have extra cheese on those burgers? Yep. And he's one of those that will gag and vomit if you make him try something "gross" like grilled chicken or rice.

 

[TwinsinCA]

Have I had a kid puke at the table with this approach? Absolutely, and when they finish cleaning it up, they get to try again. DS only tried that stunt once by the way. I know, I'm hard.

I am horrified by this. Truly.

 

[turkeymama]

I am horrified by this. Truly.

He only did it once which lets me know it was intentional. And he didn't truly vomit. He gagged one bite of corn up.

 

[TwinsinCA]

He only did it once which lets me know it was intentional. And he didn't truly vomit. He gagged one bite of corn up.

Still not how I would do things, but that doesn't sound nearly as bad as what I was picturing. I appreciate the clarification.

 

[georgina]

Scary post a while back about how the parent (not the child) needs to be in control of the food. Sounds like a potential eating disorder in the making.

I was a child who was made to sit at the table until I ate my vegetables - guess what, I didn't eat them! Someone claimed they knew someone who only ate peas and mashed potatoes because they weren't forced to eat other vegetables as a child - it doesn't work like that. I am 47 and still don't like vegetables. I like raw salads, but not most cooked veggies. I make myself eat some, but they don't taste good to me.

My kids are picky, and if they don't like what I make for dinner, there is cereal or PB sandwich. If they go through a phase where they only eat PB, fine. They'll survive. They are not overweight. My son takes the exact same lunch to school everyday (and he's 17!)

 

[turkeymama]

Still not how I would do things, but that doesn't sound nearly as bad as what I was picturing. I appreciate the clarification.

Would you believe my nephew can vomit on command when he doesn't want to do something? We have "gifted" children. What can I say.

 

[cheermom1]

He only did it once which lets me know it was intentional. And he didn't truly vomit. He gagged one bite of corn up.

I have done that too, you have to figure out if they are doing intentional or not. If they do it again than you know or if they are just pushing your buttons and it sounds like that is what yours was doing.

 

[jamimb]

I am horrified by this. Truly.

Are you kidding me I say go mom!!! I know for a fact some kids make themselves throw up to get out of eating something they don't want. Mother's know their children and if you think this is what they are doing I say make them clean it up and then eat!

 

[cbmstephanie]

I'm glad the OP isn't a picky eater because she may just have to eat some crow after she has kids.

 

[cheermom1]

I'm glad the OP isn't a picky eater because she may just have to eat some crow after she has kids.

Depends on how she handles the situation.

 

[Cornhusk]

I had a picky eater who wouldn't eat vegetables unless they were fried. So, instead of just giving in about not eating them and giving her some pedi-shake stuff, I made vegetable dip out of the vegetables she was so called "allergic" to (her words not mine) and served them with some crackers. She ate it up and loved it and the next day I served one of the vegetables she didn't like and she promptly threw a fit until i told her that the same vegetable in the dip is the same one on the plate. She gave me a dirty look and started eating it. I didn't give in because there is no way I am making two things for that kid. I think that if a kid has an allergy or something sensory, fine but I also think that a majority of the picky ones all too often get their way when the parents need to put their foot down.

 

[Nancy]

I agree w/ the Op.
I have three kids, one of whom is a picky eater.
While I don't cater to it I do try and make meals that the entire family will enjoy.

I roll my eyes every time I hear a parent say in a frustrated tone "Johnny will ONLY eat Kraft macaroni & cheese". My neighbor makes three dinners every night because her kids are picky....it's absurd.

That is crazy! When my kids were little we all ate the same thing. If you didn't like it oh well. I'm semi picky so I would never have forced them to eat something they didn't like but they did have to try it.

This topic always intrigues me. On many levels I completely agree with the OP. Oh- and I am a parent so I get the whole kid thing btw.
While I think that some kids do have issues with food (sensory etc.) I do not believe that any child can only eat chicken nuggets, hots dogs and pizza. Sorry but that is just catering to nonsense. That has nothing to do with being picky. Yes- there are foods that each of my children do not like. I never force them to eat things they do not like. They do however have to try everything. I don't allow them to just look at something and say "yuck."

Having a palate is one thing. Refusing to eat anything but junk is a preference. Sorry but you never hear people whining about their picky eater only wanting to eat apples, fresh veggies and lean meat. The alleged picky eater only wants fast food junk. That imo is what the OP was trying to say - although I could be wrong. On that level I do agree.

I agree too. I don't like certain foods, I've tried them, I don't like them. I do not like most seafood...but I have a 20 year old that LOVES lobster...the other 2 do not. All 3 of my kids actually eat more foods than I do. They'll eat mushrooms and peas...I won't. Didn't like them as a kid and still don't..and I keep trying them to be sure. I also have a soon to be 21 year old that at around 6 or 7 announced that she was no longer going to eat cow meat....and she still doesn't.

Maybe I got lucky but my kids are not picky. There are foods they won't eat..even when little...but they never would eat "only" certain foods.


Of course there was also that one stretch where ketchup was not a condiment it was a food. My youngest would eat ketchup sandwiches......thankfully she outgrew that one. She ate other things..but loved those sandwiches

 

[PixieDust32]

my parents raised me as "you'll eat what everyone else is eating, we're not making anything special for you" as long as i ate SOMETHING on the plate, they were fine with it.

i know someone who's child will only eat pizza rolls pratically everywhere. family events, she'll ONLY eat pizza rolls, and the mother just allows it. i don't get it. my parents would never let that fly....

OMG me too. My grandparents and my Mom used to tell us, "you eat everything on your plate and you don't get off the table until you're done". We had no soda or kool aid, only water, after we ate all the food we got to drink some lemonade or iced tea. We only had sodas when it was a party or special ocasions.

I do the same with my kids, if you don't like what I cooked then you go hungry, we ate what I cooked, that's it.

Pizza rolls aren't food.