Parents picking child up from sleepover (long)

[HeyIt'sMe]

OK, I just want to see if I'm being wrong here.

My DD (10) has gotten to be good friends with a girl that was in her class last year. They call and IM each other alot. Last Monday the friend called and I heard DD say "I'll ask my Mom". What she asked was if it was OK if her friend rode the school bus home with her on Friday and spent the night. I told her that was fine. The friend's mom gets on the phone and confirmed that it was OK. She said she and her DH were going out on Friday and didn't think they'd be home in time for the friend's school bus and that she didn't have to spend the night if that was a problem-they just needed someone to watch her Friday afternoon. I told her it wasn't a problem and I was sure the girls would enjoy the sleepover.

The girls got home Friday afternoon. If it was my child getting off a different bus to a friend's house I would have called just to make sure the kids arrived home safely. The friend's mom never called but maybe I'm too protective?

Anyway - so it's going on noon Saturday and I haven't heard from or seen the parents. When are they coming to get their child?? DD wanted to take her friend to the basketball court here in our neighborhood but I said I didn't know when her parents were coming to get her and didn't want her not to be here when they arrived. So the friend calls her mom to see what time she's coming to get her. I tell her to tell her mom that she needs to come get her at 1:00pm.

I wonder how late they were going to let her stay? DD is having fun with her friend but I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. It will be interesting to hear what mom or dad say when they pick her up. I realize we never set a time for DD's friend to be picked up but don't you think the parents would call at some time Saturday morning to touch base? If it were me I would have called around 10:00am to check-in. Especially if my child had been at another person's house since 3:00pm the previous day!

Am I being crazy?

 

[Christine]

No, you're not crazy.

The only thing I would not have done was to call after school to make sure the kids got off the bus. If I were entrusting my child to stay at another child's house, had arranged it with the other parent, etc. I would not feel the need to check if they got off the bus.

But, I always get a time for pick up from sleepovers right from the beginning. If she had overlooked that for some reason, I would have definitely called that evening and asked you when I would need to be there in the A.M. Lots of people have early commitments on Saturday mornings so, yeah, I would have had that figured out the day before.

 

[beavismom]

This drives us crazy too. My DS and his best friend always arrange these vague sleepovers and we are constantly having to make them nail down the details of when it is going to start and when it is going to end. I don't mind helping a parent out if they have something to do and I have planned for it, but the "unknown ending" sleepover wrecks havoc on our weekend schedule.

 

[ksumn1]

I don't know if I would have called to check if she got off the bus OK, but I definately would have called sometime that evening. Usually around 8pm, after dinner but befor bed so I could say goodnight and at that point I would have confirmed the pick up time. If it were my DD, I would pick her up around 10-11:30. Definately by ;unch, but not too early in case ya'll sleep in on the weekends. I agree that the other Mom didn't communicate with you very well. Next time, just tell her when she confirms that the sleep overs OK "Can you pick up Jane by noon, we have plans Saturday?" That should take care of it.

 

[cccm]

I would have called two times and set up a time for pickup in initial discussion. You are not crazy or over anything.

1st Call - About 15 minutes after school bus arrives
2nd Call - About 9 PM to check in and see if all was ok

DH is no longer allowed to schedule such things as I've often been the one with a friend of DDs for 24 hours or more. He just doesn't get it....so I can understand that the mentality is out there.

 

[JR6ooo4]

How could they not call the first day??? Maybe not before dinner but defiately before dinner to make sure she made it.

I guess start drawing up the adoption papers...

Mikeeee

 

[DawnCt1]

If my child were to do the reverse, and stay at her house, I would now definately call, since the mother was so late in calling your house the next day. One wonders how diligent she is. I also always had a rule. If DSs asked me if someone could come over, sleep over, stay for dinner, etc, in front of them, the answer would always be NO. That way, no one gets put on the spot.

 

[disykat]

I would not have called the first day, but would have had a definate ending time. The only sleepovers my kids went on were at neighbor's homes or the homes of people I knew well, so trust that they were safe really wasn't an issue.

At 10, I still would have been pretty involved in the planning of the sleepover and would have spoken to the other mom personally to make arrangements.

I would not allow my dd to visit or sleep over there now if I felt the other parent was lax.

 

[Hannathy]

I wouldn't have called on Friday. If a definite time hasn't been set up I usually would call -if I hadn't heard from my DD first- about lunch time on Saturday.

 

[HeyIt'sMe]

Well, the dad just came and got DD's friend. He made a comment about the beautiful weather and how it was a good day to work on his heater. Sounds like they were taking the opportunity to get some work done around their house while I looked after their child.

Next time this girl stays over - which I'm sure she will because she and DD are getting to be good friends - I am going to set a firm pick-up time from the get-go.

 

[christineann]

When my daughter was in 4th grade, she asked a classmate to spend the night. The mom told me she would pick up her daughter Saturday morning after her 9:00 haircut appointment. My children and I had plans with friends at 1:30, and at noon I asked the child to call her mom and find out what time she was coming. No answer. I asked her to call her mom's cell phone - she didn't have one.

The mom never called and finally showed up at 4:00. I told her that I had expected her to be here by noon like she said, and she told me that she had decided to go out for lunch and shopping and then said, "Well, you never SAID you had PLANS." That was the first and last time I got suckered into that!

What if her child had a medical emergency? I just don't get it.

 

[Freyja]

I too would have called on the Friday. Just to hear if everything is o.k. I probably would have discussed pick-up time as well and if not I would have called around 11 am. the next morning and picked her up around noon.

 

[clh2]

I don't know - this one just sounded fishy from the get go.

If the parents had a conflict, THEY should have been the ones calling you, not their daughter calling your daughter. KWIM?

And, NEVER, NEVER have someone sleepover without knowing the end time. That is just plain disrespectful.

On the other hand, if my DD was going home on the bus with another friend, wouldn't have called the parents to see if she got there. And, depending on what type of event we were attending, would probably not have called either. That said, the times we have had to do this, I would have let the mom know that I would probably not be calling.

 

[ckay87]

If it were the first time my kid was sleeping over somewhere, I'd be very diligent about arranging times, etc.

But now we do so many sleepovers that we just know that someone will call when the kid needs to or wants to go home. If I am the host, I don't care how long the kid stays on a Sat because it's nice that they're having fun. And since we are all friends, I know that if I need to get rid of the kid, I can just ask him to call his parents and let them know to pick him up.

Because we're all familiar, it's just more relaxed with us. Maybe that is the mindset of this new friends' parents. But like I said, the first few times my kid sleeps over somewhere, I'm very careful not to impose.

 

[barkley]

i would have been wary as soon as i found out it was'nt the 2 girls that came up with the idea of the sleepover but the other girl's mom who put her up to asking about it because she needed free childcare.


op-have you ever actualy met the mom? reason i ask is-i have to wonder about any parent that would have their kids solicit their own childcare (my son's 10-no way would i be relying on him to arrange his own care)-gotta wonder, if you had said 'no' to the sleepover if mom would have gone ahead and let the kid come over for a 'play date' and just not informed you that in actuality you were providing childcare (i've known it to happen to others-did'nt find out till the kid got hurt and low and behold mom/dad were not home and unreachable ).

 

[kathie859]

I'm not sure that the friend's parents meant any disrespect. I would think that they were comfortable having their child play and stay at your home. You sound like a very caring, aware parent. I wouldn't have called to check up on my child under these circumstances.

In the future, be sure to say something like "Can you pick up Sally Sue by 11?" That way, you have the structure that you want conveyed in a friendly, up front way. That should make everyone happy.

 

[HeyIt'sMe]

i would have been wary as soon as i found out it was'nt the 2 girls that came up with the idea of the sleepover but the other girl's mom who put her up to asking about it because she needed free childcare.


op-have you ever actualy met the mom? reason i ask is-i have to wonder about any parent that would have their kids solicit their own childcare (my son's 10-no way would i be relying on him to arrange his own care)-gotta wonder, if you had said 'no' to the sleepover if mom would have gone ahead and let the kid come over for a 'play date' and just not informed you that in actuality you were providing childcare (i've known it to happen to others-did'nt find out till the kid got hurt and low and behold mom/dad were not home and unreachable ).

Yes, I have met her before. Severally times actually. My DD has gone to this friend's house for a b-day slumber party and to sleep over just on her own once. I've also talked to her at other friend's parties. I was so surprised at this situation. Believe me, I will handle things better next time!

And maybe it's something about me - about a year after we built our current house a family built a house next to us. They had 3 children; one was my DD's age. We had only known them a few months when one day as DD and this little girl (both in 1st grade) were playing outside I checked on them and the little girl asks "Do you have my Mommy's cell phone number?". No, I told her. When I asked her why she asked me that she said that her mother had taken her older sister to soccer practice. I looked over at their house and the garage door was open and there were no cars. Then I said "Where's your dad?" and she said "At work.". Then she said that his office number was in the house.

I could not believe it! Her mother never said a word to me when she left. Here her DD is outside playing and she must have assumed I'd watch her. What if something had happened?

There was one time the girl called my DD for one of her CDs but told her to call before she walked over because she was home alone and wasn't allowed to answer the door. This way she'd know it was DD ringing the bell. She was in 2nd grade at the time!

The family moved away last summer.

Some parents .....

 

[I'mNoPrince]

I'm not sure that the friend's parents meant any disrespect. I would think that they were comfortable having their child play and stay at your home. You sound like a very caring, aware parent. I wouldn't have called to check up on my child under these circumstances.

In the future, be sure to say something like "Can you pick up Sally Sue by 11?" That way, you have the structure that you want conveyed in a friendly, up front way. That should make everyone happy.

ITA As DD is a Only we always have had someone spending the night or going with us somewhere.

All the Parents know us well enough to not worry. We let them know upfront if we have something going on that would either require them to pick-up early or the kid would be going with us.

We have one over now from Last night and I think she is staying until Sun night. We may or may not here form her MOM at all but we all know we are just a call or Text message away.

I think the biggest thing is Just keep yuor plans and let them adjust to them

We have also had some that have sent their kids with no money when they knew we were going away to a carnival or movies or even to one of the Amusment parks close by.

 

[SharkyGoddess]

Join the "Taken Advantage" club. We have jackets

I had one kids mother let her little girl come home with my child on Friday (a couple years ago) and then no one could be reached until SUNDAY to come pick her up. Even then, I got called everything but a white woman (she thought I had sat the phone down and didn't hear her btw-big surprise for her) when I finally tracked her down at work to see when her daughter would be picked up. I called and warned every mother that very day and wasn't shocked to find out that it was not the first time this had happened, that it was common.

 

[CraftyMouse]

I'm not sure that the friend's parents meant any disrespect. I would think that they were comfortable having their child play and stay at your home. You sound like a very caring, aware parent. I wouldn't have called to check up on my child under these circumstances.

In the future, be sure to say something like "Can you pick up Sally Sue by 11?" That way, you have the structure that you want conveyed in a friendly, up front way. That should make everyone happy.

I agree with this. I would have either specified a pick-up time or had the child call home when the girls woke up to see what time her parents would be picking her up. We have had a lot of instances where DD"s friends have hung out here all day on Saturday after a Friday-night sleepover (and vice versa) so I don't think it's that unusual.

Also, as for calling on Friday...could the girl have called home to let her mom know she had arrived safely? Even if she didn't use your house phone she might have a cell phone. A lot of DD's friends do this when in a similar situation. Just a thought.