Parents of College Freshman who are now Sophomores... UpDate 7/28/09

[mickeysgal]

OK - I just got home from work and had to talk to DS again about why everything isn't packed. He admits he's very nervous (not scared) about going. What it boils down to is leaving home (even though all last year he had the *I can't wait to get out of here* attitude) and leaving the new girlfriend.

I sure hope he doesn't get cold, no, frozen feet and at the last minute refuse to go.

I'm not paying the tuition until the very last second.

I told him he can come home to visit, I told him the faster he meets people, the more comfortable he'll feel, and I told him that as far as his girlfriend, there are no guarantees that even if he stayed home and went to college, that they would stay together.

Help! Any other advice from the pros out there? What do you do when the child is getting major cold feet???

 

[dzneelvr]

Mickeygal: although I'm no expert, I do have a DS and DD happily enscounced at college. ALL freshman are in the same boat as far as emotions, so they are NOT ALONE. The colleges DS and DD go to have 2-3 days set aside for freshman only orientation activities--DS even had a "lunch buddy" for the first week of school so he would not have to eat alone all colleges differ, but check out the schedule and make sure your freshman attends and participates in any and all activities. I remember how scared I was, but that can certainly be an ice-breaker and knowing that other person would like some company just as much as you would is empowering.

 

[jen0610]

No college aged kids yet, but one of the co-works just left to take her DD and get settled in to her apartment.

Her DD is going to IUPUI, which a 2 hourish drive from here. She isn't in dorms, but sharing an apartment with 2 other girls. Don't know all the who's and why's of the off campus living, but that's where she's at.

DD shows up here at work, so they can drive down. Her car is packed full, mom's car is packed full, they have a 2 hr drive and they were both sitting in her mom's office crying. Felt so bad for them. The DD is just nervous and mom it's her only girl leaving. They haven't even left "home" yet and they are in tears. Hopefully once they got out to their cars, they pulled it together enough to drive. Mom is spending the night down there and said she hopes to be here at work tomorrow by 10:00.

Same mom sent her DS off last year. Her hubby went with her and the son to move in and she cried all the way home then. He is less than an hour from home.

 

[aprilvaca04]

good luck, Amy!! it's our turn next week - DS has his move in day on Thursday!

DS had a little bit of awkwardness this week with the roommate - it was DS (and my) understanding that most of the kids at the school work it out where one brings the fridge, one brings the microwave, etc. DS met his roommate last month at a retreat and they agreed that DS would bring the fridge and roommate would bring the microwave. My DS gets a random email last night from the roommate telling DS that his parents are insisting the roommate has his own fridge. So, he'll be bringing one of his own. (there was also wording about he didn't know why his mom was doing that) Now DS feels a little funny about not having his own microwave, and I think he's embarrassed because all the kids we know at that school share stuff like that in their rooms. Weird.

Maybe they are having him bring his own fridge because at the school my DD attends they have a policy that if alcohol is found in the fridge no matter who it belongs to both roommates get written up. But if they each have their own, only the owner is held responsible. Just a thought as to why it might be happening.

 

[Green Tea]

Maybe they are having him bring his own fridge because at the school my DD attends they have a policy that if alcohol is found in the fridge no matter who it belongs to both roommates get written up. But if they each have their own, only the owner is held responsible. Just a thought as to why it might be happening.

I know where I'd be storing my beer.

 

[DMickey28]

i just wanted to wish all the new college freshman luck as well as hugs and luck for the parents.

My DS is 16.75 years away from this so hopefully this board will be around then still!!!! I can't even handle thinking about kindergarten in a 4 years!!

 

[RitaE]

I know where I'd be storing my beer.

I really wouldn't worry about it too much until it becomes an actual problem. That kid probably just has a Mom that is overly freaking out about her son not having enough fridge space to store his water bottles, becoming dehydrated, and dying.

Most kids are completely different beings when they get away from Mom.

 

[Val]

Well, the college kids (at least the frosh) are back in my town...and I will be facing their bright and shining faces first thing Monday morning (they have a weekend orientation).....I hate the traffic, the increased noise, the long lines everywhere on campus- and then I see the anticipation, the fear, and the excitement. Almost makes me ready for Monday!

What will the first assignment be for my frosh? Find my office and talk in class. We have small groups of about 30 we teach in a majors-only intro section.....each faculty member becomes a resource member, and I try and treat each student as I would want my own child treated. Most of us faculty members do that, if it is any reassurance to all you new college parents.

Only real surprise- how young they are getting! I didn't know they let toddlers go to college! (okay, my 30th HS reunion is this weekend- will miss it because classes start, so I am REALLY old).

Keep your chins up and just keep moving one foot in front of the other. Everything will work out- college typicaly isn't a fatal experience!

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

2nd DD goes to college next week. First DD roomed with a friend, and they shopped together and planned everything out between them. My DD who goes next week can't, at her college, room with someone she knows, and she's happy about that...she wants to meet new people. Only one other HS grad is going there, and she's known her since nursery school, so she'll have someone she knows nearby.

DD will be in a triple...just found out last week, and who her roommates will be. Her first contact with one roommate, the roommate immediately expressed concern that DD will be arriving a day early, since DD's doing the very last orientation they offer (the others were in May/June, and I do NOT recommend waiting till the very last one!! It's been a PITA)...the roommate doesn't think it's fair that DD will get there before the other two get there so that they can work everything out, like who gets which bed. So DD (who's pretty easy going) told her that they could just work everything out ahead of time. Next contact from the roommate is telling my DD the bed that she wants. It's the bed I think most people would find preferable, but DD's fine with that...SOMEONE has to get it, it might as well be that roommate. I just don't like that roommate's attitude, and hope they hit it off. (DD has had very positive contact with the 3rd roommate.)

Also, the roommate I don't particularly like said that she doesn't want to work out who brings what ahead of time...they'll all just go shopping when they get there, for things like an iron/ironing board, curtains, rug, etc. Freshmen can't have cars on campus, and I won't be there the day the other two move in, and I don't want the 3 of them splitting the cost of those things when ONE of them will be taking each item home at the end of the year. And now, when we have the time and the stores that we know is when we want to shop sales and coupons, etc.

My DD is bringing a refrigerator/microwave combo, and that roommate said that she'll probably get her own fridge because she doesn't like to eat weird stuff, whatever the heck that means. I'm glad, because when it comes to the fridge, I want DD to have room for her stuff. I'll buy everything if I have to for DD and the girls to share...iron, ironing board, blow dryer, etc...but if I'm putting out for a fridge, I want DD to have the room that she needs, particularly because she's a picky eater and can stock up on stuff whenever she can get to a store (again...no car...but there are a couple of Juniors from our town there, with cars). But to be honest, I've never seen it, so maybe it's plenty big enough...DNiece works for the company and ordered it, and it will be delivered to the dorm. (Oldest DD and her friend shared one easily, and I know that DD had a lot of food on hand too in her dorm...not so sure how 3 would manage) Now the microwave part...it's not something that's going to be tied up, like a fridge is...so I have no problem with both roommates using DD's microwave. And, I think if she shares the fridge with just one roommate, it should be fine. So, if that other roommate wants to get her own fridge and keep her non-weird food in it, that's fine by me.

I saw some cute curtains online that I'm going to pick up, and DD told me to get "pink" because it will match whatsername's stuff. But, it won't match my DD's, and if I'm buying it, and DD will be using it next year (and the year after, etc), then I'm going to get what matches HER stuff. If it turns out to be a problem when they all move in, I'll return them or hang onto them for next year, or use them in her room at home. But I'll be damned if I'm going to cater to that little princess roommate.

 

[Green Tea]

DS and roommate seem to have worked out the logistics of who will supply what just fine on their own. Roommate is an international student who will fly in and have to buy everything when he arrives. DS will supply some things. I think splitting costs would be a bad idea unless it is something disposable that runs out, like food. Someone needs to "own" the durable goods to take them at the end of they year.

I will be leasing a bulldozer when I return from college drop off. That will be the only way to get into ds's room. If it didn't make the trip, the kid doesn't need it when he comes home for Thanksgiving.

 

[Galahad]

I saw some cute curtains online that I'm going to pick up, and DD told me to get "pink" because it will match whatsername's stuff.

Wow. Now back in the 70's I was in as many girls' dorm rooms as I could manage, but I don't remember any of them bringing curtains. Things sure have changed........

 

[mamacatnv]

good luck, Amy!! it's our turn next week - DS has his move in day on Thursday!

DS had a little bit of awkwardness this week with the roommate - it was DS (and my) understanding that most of the kids at the school work it out where one brings the fridge, one brings the microwave, etc. DS met his roommate last month at a retreat and they agreed that DS would bring the fridge and roommate would bring the microwave. My DS gets a random email last night from the roommate telling DS that his parents are insisting the roommate has his own fridge. So, he'll be bringing one of his own. (there was also wording about he didn't know why his mom was doing that) Now DS feels a little funny about not having his own microwave, and I think he's embarrassed because all the kids we know at that school share stuff like that in their rooms. Weird.

DS's college does not allow 2 fridges or 2 micro's they must share. They can have individual everything else just not those 2 appliances.

7 days and counting..........

Update: The roommate has surfaced but now the boys are playing phone tag. I have a feeling this weekend is going to be the mad dash to get everything done.

 

[Green Tea]

things are coming along here. I never realized how shorts and shirts ds has. He only wears what is on the top of the floor. When we started digging I realized I really shouldn't have picked up a new pair for him every time I went to American Eagle.

 

[Patricia]

My daughter leaves next Thursday. I am pretty much all done with the big things she needs. Note that I said I... she is involved in the picking of the items at the strore but not the discussion of what is needed or what to do with it once it's in the house. She has dropped the ball on the rest of the college situation and is saying that she does not want to go. I know it will be fine once she gets there, but I have to say that looking at her face is painful. She is trying hard to be brave, but there is genuine pain there. My older daughter didn't want to go either and was happy as a clam after the first weeks . The key is the after the first weeks part. We have a long road yet to travel.

 

[bluesaturn]

So as I said before I'm a college senior, and I just wanted to weigh in about the money question. As someone else mentioned, you really need to take your child's lifestyle into account. In general living in the dorms does not come with a lot of daily expenses, because you pay everything ahead of time. But if your child likes to get their nails done, go shopping, buy music online, etc. that will add up.

In general I ate out two times a week, usually just fast food or ordering something. My dining hall closed early on the weekends and I never made it in time for dinner. I also bought random drinks and snacks throughout campus between classes. There were trips to the mall, and movies, and Target, but those didn't happen every week. I would say I spent about $35-40 a week.

One thing to take into consideration is how often your child will be coming home. If they are coming home often, they can get their hair cut, buy new socks, buy water etc. with you. If they are not coming home to do this then I would add these expenses to the money you give them.

 

[ColoradoBuffaloMom]

We took our daughter to college yesterday. It was not nearly as sad as I thought it would be. The anticipation was certainly worse than the actual event.

We made a Target run once we got her settled although I though we had already bought everything. Boy was I wrong. Today she and her roommate are making another Target run so they can decorate their room.

The girls on her floor seem really nice and the RA and other upperclass girls seem really helpful. She said a bunch of the girls just hung out last night and chatted. Isn't that what college is all about?

I miss her a lot and it was strange going to bed last night knowing she won't be home for awhile. I keep repeating to myself, she'll be ok and I'll be ok.

Good luck to all as our children start this exciting, scary time of their lives.

 

[Green Tea]

I added a roll of duct tape. I have no idea why, but I think everyone should have access to duct tape.

 

[RitaE]

We're leaving later this afternoon.

I was told this week "Mom, boys really don't decorate."

 

[mamacatnv]

We're leaving later this afternoon.

I was told this week "Mom, boys really don't decorate."

Rita, my DS said something very similar - heck saves me a few bucks! He's not packed, his room is a mess and if I know him he will throw some clothes in his backpack the night before and consider himself done - he is trying to get in as much girlyfriend time as he can, since once school starts they hopefully will not have as much free time on their hands.

DH and I are off to meet DS in town to pick up the last minute items - cables for the laptop & printer, a shower caddy, a locking trunk of some sort, office supplies and stock for the mini firstaide station.

Who said Duct Tape???? Great idea, adding to my list

 

[madge]

DS's college does not allow 2 fridges or 2 micro's they must share. They can have individual everything else just not those 2 appliances.

7 days and counting...........

I looked at the housing section of the website and didn't see anything.

We're bringing a fridge and decided against the microwave. For now, anyway. LOL. I assume roommate is bringing a fridge and microwave. Not sure what will happen when we all get there Thursday.

DS discovered something on his account page - he has a parking ticket. From September 2007. When he was still in high school and it was a day he was home sick from school. Seriously sick, too ... I was the one cleaning up the bathroom after him. It was impossible for him to be where they say he was with the car. LOLOL.