Parents of College Freshman who are now Sophomores... UpDate 7/28/09

[mickeysgal]

I asked my soon to be freshman how he felt about going. We talked at dinner last night. Ambivalent was the word he came out with. I thought he would have said excited. A surprising conversation. He is dreading the trip, which is 3 days driving. That may be what is making him less than excited. I asked if he is sorry he picked someplace so far away. He said once he gets there it will be worth it, but there is nothing fun about a long road trip.

I am kind of excited about the trip actually. I figure I will have the chance to tell him any advice that I've forgotten over the last 18 years.

He isn't being much of a participant in the packing/planning phase. He did promise me 2 days before he leaves he will pull the clothes he wants off his floor to pack.

Green Tea, each word of this post could have been written by me. Except our drive is "only" 4 hours, so I better talk fast.

Reality is definitely sinking in with him. Two weeks ago, college seemed like such a thing in the future to him. I could tell he wasn't wrapping his head around the whole thing. Since then, he's been getting more and more quiet, yet putting up a strong front about it. I hope he toughens up just a bit more and gets through it without a whole lot of homesickness, apprehension, fear, etc., etc.

 

[winniedapooh]

I have read this thread off and on for several days...thanks so much to all who have made me feel not so alone as a mom dropping her daughter off in 21 days, but who is counting! (dreading is more like it) I like all of the advice students have given as well as what others who have done this before have given. It has been really helpful.

 

[mickeysgal]

I like all of the advice students have given as well as what others who have done this before have given. It has been really helpful.

The students who have posted here have not only been very helpful, but very respectful to the emotions us moms are going through right now. They have helped diffuse some of the concerns that I've had.

 

[My sister's princess]

Just to let you ladies know.....
The residential assistants go into training at my school starting next week. This is very common, and most schools have a two week training program. I say this to let you know there are people watching out for your student when they go. I am not checking to make sure suzy is showering, but if I don't see her out and about for a while, or I hear from someone else she is having a hard time, I will be there. Most RAs really take the job seriously, and are excited to help students get involved in the school. As for the students who are not so excited to be going, have they looked into clubs or sports, they are instant friend makers, and give you something to do!!!

On a side not...... Care packages are amazing. I don't care what is in it, I don't care if it is from my mom, my grandma, my cat. They make you feel like someone cares, and when you are broke, the candy in the bottom of the box is very welcome, and again, they help make friends!

 

[Blueeyes101817]

i have to ditto that care packages were awesome!
I only stayed at the college for 1 semester (after i was there, there were alot of things that came up and i knew i wouldnt be staying). december seemed so far away when i knew i was coming home and going to a different college--i LOVED going to the mailbox and having a letter or card or care package..

I remember i was PETRIFIED about leaving, but tried not to let my parents, brother, or friends know..i figured everyone was scared of leaving! I think a big problem with my campus was that EVERYONE went home on the weekends, which was not the case when we asked on our tours!

good luck getting ready the next couple of weeks!

 

[MerryPoppins]

Just a note. I was very shy when I was a freshman...many moons ago. My parents insisted, rightly so, that I move into the dorms. But the first few weeks I really needed to escape and come home for a few hours. It didn't keep me from making friends and getting VERY involved in my door floor. Before long I didn't need the crutch of going home to familiar surroundings. I think I'd have been hurt if my parents had said I couldn't come home for a while.

I guess what I'm saying is, encourage them to hang around, meet people and get involved. But don't force it down their throats. If your kid feels a need to make a visit home, don't fight them.

 

[Green Tea]

My current question is back to the money. I will continue to keep him on my payroll but I also want him to learn about saving and spending and all that. I just don't have a clue about how much is the norm for a kid in college now. All his meals, as well as snacks, sodas, gatorade, pizza are covered in his meal plan. I just don't know about the other stuff college kids do.

He will have our credit card as well, so if the car breaks, he needs to bu an airline ticket-all that is covered. I want him to earn to swim, but I want him to enjoy the swimming, and not sink. I have no idea how much he needs.

 

[madge]

My current question is back to the money. I will continue to keep him on my payroll but I also want him to learn about saving and spending and all that. I just don't have a clue about how much is the norm for a kid in college now. All his meals, as well as snacks, sodas, gatorade, pizza are covered in his meal plan. I just don't know about the other stuff college kids do.

He will have our credit card as well, so if the car breaks, he needs to bu an airline ticket-all that is covered. I want him to earn to swim, but I want him to enjoy the swimming, and not sink. I have no idea how much he needs.

OMG. I was just coming to post the same question!

my DS will have a work study job. $120/month. His meal plan covers 19 meals/week, plus $65 (I think?) that can be used for other snacks, etc.

I want him to have enough. But not too much. I just don't know what that number is.

 

[Green Tea]

The number that comes into my head repeatedly is $100, but maybe because I think that is what I got 20 years ago! But realistically he isn't a shopper. He has his own money for stuff too, and we pay for gas and stuff. Laundry is swiped on a card that we have funded with campus dollars. He can use our credit card for books. That gives him $25 a week to go out for pizza, a movie.

Current college kids....We are old and need your help! How much do you need?

 

[RitaE]

I haven't decided yet on money. My son is still 17years old and he won't be able to work until soccer is over for the season. I'm not sending a credit card. He has several Aunts, Uncles, and Grandparents very close so I'm not that worried. I've really discouraged him from applying for cards as soon as he turns 18 also. Most financial experts now are recommending no credit cards until age 20 or 21 at the earliest.

He has his own savings account with about $1k in it from his jobs. That's at ING though so he won't have quick access to it.

We still need to work out the specifics on what Mom and Dad will pay vs what he pays. He really isn't a huge spender so I'm not that worried. He will need access to some money for when they travel to Soccer games.

His school Business Office offers a Student Bank where parents can deposit money and then restrict how much a week or month they're allowed - ie an allowance.

They can withdraw cash or charge at the bookstore and snack places. We'll probably use that for at least the first couple of months until I get a better handle on how he's spending.

 

[madge]

He has his own savings account with about $1k in it from his jobs. That's at ING though so he won't have quick access to it.

DS has his money in an ING Account. I opened an Electric Orange (checking account) and DS is the joint holder. That seemed to be the best option for us.

 

[MerryPoppins]

Maybe we're tough, but DS works for his spending money. They say kids actually do better in college if they have a part-time job.

He has all his meals paid except for weekends and Sunday night his church supplies a meal for students who come to services. Meals when the cook is off, he uses leftovers in the frat refrigerator that are up for grabs, fixes something in the microwave or goes out to get a burger. I keep him supplied with ramen noodles, instant microwave meals, oatmeal, etc. He just keeps me posted when he's running low.

We fill his gas tank a couple of times a month and pay his fraternity dues, room, board, books and tuition. Grandma and Grandpa send him a check once a month, for maybe $50 and I'm sure that's a big help. Other than his girlfriend, he doesn't have a lot of expenditures. He works hard all summer and saves his money. He works part time during the school year and seems to plenty of spending money. And he knows he can always come to us if he has an unexpected expense.

 

[madge]

Maybe we're tough, but DS works for his spending money. They say kids actually do better in college if they have a part-time job.

I absolutely agree - we really encouraged (ok, strongly suggested ) DS to take a work study job. Spending money was only part of it.

I was just reading an idea on another message board that I think might work for DS. He will earn $120/month from his job.... which should be enough for incidentals. At the beginning of the semester, I'll deposit a set amount (not sure how much?) in his account and unless there's a major expense we didn't plan on, it really should be more than enough. In addition to the lump deposit, I'll probably fund his G-card for laundry and other campus incidentals once a month or so. Like $25-30/month or something.

DS goes through money, if he has it in his hand. But it's usually on crap food or going to the movies. LOL

 

[xCourxCorex]

I'm a college freshman!
Just thought I'd chime in about money. I have worked all summer to give myself roughly $50/week for the first semester, and have around $350 to start me on spring semester. I figure that's enough for entertainment, extra food and gas money for my friends that take me out on weekends (no car!)

During the school year, I will only work at my current part-time job at home every 3 weeks. It's not a lot, but it keeps the job around. I have a 4 week Xmas break to earn more, plus my 1 week of spring break, which will give me plenty of spending money.

 

[FINFAN]

DD set 1200 aside from her pay this summer...she will be gone 8 1/2 months, which is basically $140 a month. That does not leave a lot of wiggle room as it breaks down to just under $35 a week/$5 a day. She will have to force herself to eat those 19 meals on the plan each week. Sounds like not enough, but it will have to do. She will earn a few more dollars over Christmas break, but that will go toward DBF gift I am sure. She has a "reserve" of $200 that she is hoping to not touch, and has it in an account that she can't access from school, will have to call me to get it out...not sure abut a job..she is going to art school and the classes are 3 hours long each, and she was told to expect 1 hour homework per each hour class time , so she will be swamped. However, perhaps that will keep her from being bored and looking for ways to spend. She already decided on not bringing a tv...no time for it and pretty much looks up whatever on Youtube...so no cable bill to worry about...yay!

 

[Green Tea]

I hoped DS would apply for jobs on campus once he arrives, but he says he doesn't want one, at least initially. I looked at the Electric Orange but the places he could withdraw money with no ATM fee were about the same distance and places he could use his current debit card and get cash back. The ATM on campus is BOA and we don't have accounts there. Our bank doesn't have branches in his new state.

I guess my $100 doesn't seem too far off from what others are expecting their kids to have access to. When I got that amount back in the dinosaur age my gas and actual expenses came out of that. Same amount but different uses I guess.

On the cable TV thing-it is provided at no charge to the students in their dorm rooms, along with HBO!

 

[RitaE]

look at Schwab Bank Investment Checking account. It comes with a Visa Debit Card and it reimburses all foreign ATM fees at the end of the month, so you can use any ATM.

http://www.schwab.com/public/schwab/banking_lending/checking

 

[horseshowmom]

My daughter lives in an apartment and said that she gets by on $50 a week (that's grocery money, utilities, gas, and incidentals - not rent, of course). She is pretty conservative with her money and comes home on weekends (50 miles). She comes home on weekends, so if she and her fiance go out, he generally pays for it (most of the time they stay home with us and watch a movie - he just signed up for Netflix). She usually saves a little bit out of the $50.

 

[Lynn CC]

Every student is different when it comes to spending money. My son spends all of his time in classes or studying or at the Library or exercising with his weights or jogging around The Boston Common. He's going into his Senior year of college. When he was a freshman he opened up a BOA checking that has a ATM card with it to be used for "fun money". We gave him $1200 to start and he still has $239 left out of the original amount. We can't believe it. In 3 years he went to the movies twice, out for group dinner once a month at obviously very affordable places. He goes to a lot of lectures and luncheons hosted by the colleges, State House and clubs he's involved in which are free. His professors have taken him to lunch several times to discuss whatever it is they need to with him.
So he busies himself with things that don't really cost a lot

But if you young students like to party, go clubbing, shop a lot, get their nails done etc. which is probably the more typical college student then your in for a couple to three hundred a month minimum.
I see a lot of college students in the liquor store, beauty salon and at Faneuil Hall with a lot of shopping bags constantly in the Boston area. They are always wearing high heals and dressed in the latest fashion. Guys are mostly more casual, although DS has about 4 dress outfits for his lectures and fancy dinners.

You'll get a sense of what's right after they get settled in. I don't think I'd be too happy to dish out money for frivolous spending, we are more frugal with our money, I'm glad our DS is too.

 

[Lynn CC]

look at Schwab Bank Investment Checking account. It comes with a Visa Debit Card and it reimburses all foreign ATM fees at the end of the month, so you can use any ATM.

http://www.schwab.com/public/schwab/banking_lending/checking

Wow that is amazing, I'm going to check into it to see if it will work for DS who is going to Japan for a year! Thanks