Parents of College Freshman who are now Sophomores... UpDate 7/28/09

[mamacatnv]

I understand the worry and I am trying so hard to keep it to myself. I have all these doubts "is he ready" "will he do what he needs to do" etc....
I was talking with DH the other night about DS's lack of a sense of urgency. I have been riding his butt all summer to get his Grad thank you notes done, to "accept" his scholarships and student loans, to get himself organized and it is making me crazy. The boy has no sense of urgency whatsoever so then I worry, will he apply himself, will he keep up with his school work etc. or will he blow it. Makes me crazy!

 

[Amy]

Oh boy....DS18 is started to get nervous about going off to college. He was in the mood to talk last night after DH and I went to bed, and he said he's worried about making friends and being homesick. (DS is VERY shy and quiet, even when I've seen him with his high school friends, he tends to hang back rather than getting in the thick of things.) He even mentioned back when he was 14, he was a counselor-in-training at Boy Scout camp for 3 weeks, and he said he was so homesick then and he's afraid it'll be the same way once he's at college.

We did the best we could - reminded him that at scout camp he was only 14, that he's older now, so hopefully the homesickness won't be so bad, and reminded him that he'll only be 1.5 hours away, so it's not like he can't ever come home. We also told him that most of the freshmen at college won't know anyone either, and he's going to have to try his best to be more outgoing and just go up to people, stick out his hand and introduce himself.

He IS joining the college marching band, so we need to take him up to college a week earlier than the other freshmen. I'm hoping this will help - the band kids in high school seemed to be their own "family", so maybe college band will be the same way? At the very least, he'll start out with only the 130 or so band members before the big crush of freshmen arrive. And I figured he'll have a week's head start on learning his way around campus, so that should boost his confidence a little.

Any other tips from you more experienced moms?

 

[Patricia]

Hello all,

I am getting ready to send my younger daughter, 18 off to college having sent my older daughter, 22, off 4 years ago. For me, there was nothing fun about this time. When I was getting ready for my older daughter to go, I was all into the excitement and the idea of how great it was going to be. I ended up taking her to college and crying all the way home. The 4 years went incredibly fast and although the growing up is a necessary part of life, for me, as a mother, there wasn't too much about it that I liked. I miss having my girls around as young kids. I miss the Barbies and the mess of pretend and the shopping trips and the school events.. I could go on and on. Guess the bottom line is, I am just not ready. But she was very ready so my friends tell me I did my job. What kind of a job is it when the end result is that the product leaves???? LOL. Not the kind I want but the kind we all have.

Anyway... here I am getting my second daughter ready. I am all smiles, all excited, but my heart is breaking inside. I know how much they change and quickly the time goes and how nothing is ever the same again. I won't let her know that I am this melencholy, but it is the truth.

So, to all of you parents in the same boat, good luck. It is a wonderful time in their lives and it is a gift to know that you have given them the skills they need to be a productive adult. But at the same time, there are many little pangs that go with it. It's life, I know, just not a part that makes me too happy.

 

[Patricia]

Amy,

In response to your AP dilemna, I can only tell you that you are not alone in this quandry. Many of my older daughter's friends had the same issue with the AP credits not applying. Really AP classes were designed to do exactly what you said, give our kids a chance to take a college class in HS and get a leg up. With the number of students taking AP's, colleges have become much more selective about what they allow those credits to apply toward on the requirements. Most kids I know ended up being allowed to use them for electives, just like your son. My daughter was very unhappy about that because she looked forward to the electives as a chance to explore.

Also, she was a math major, and I can tell you that the HS calc classes were very different from the college calc classes according to her and her math major friends. I just came back from spending time with some of them and the converstation was about this very thing more than once. He might benefit fromt the audit, as you said.

With second daughter, the 5 AP's she took applied to some electives, but I told her not to worry about it.

Good luck to you and your son!!

 

[donac]

IN 3 weeks we drop off our 2nd son to college. I am really sorry to see him go. We have done a lot of things together over the last two years while his brother was at college. I know that dh and I will miss him.

But the worst part is that his older brother moved home from college in May after graduating. He is now living here. He is working at a part time job but has not looked for a full time job yet. I am not enjoying having him home because he is a slob compared to his brother. ANd to top it off he asked if he could bring a puppy into the house (we hadn't had one since 2005).

At least we have a week with the boys in DW before the younger one leaves for college.

 

[MerryPoppins]

He IS joining the college marching band, so we need to take him up to college a week earlier than the other freshmen. I'm hoping this will help - the band kids in high school seemed to be their own "family", so maybe college band will be the same way?

My son doesn't do band at college, but he did in high school and I know what you mean about "family". The boy he roomed with his freshman year was a member of band and at our school the band sticks together. It makes sense that they would bond since they spend so much time together. I got to know Tyson and he was always with a band buddy or his girlfriend (also a member of the band). So I think that may help. My DS moved into a fraternity the following year and Tyson started rooming with a band friend.

 

[Kath2003]

Any other tips from you more experienced moms?

Not a mom but I was also shy and quiet at 18, and I was very much a homebody (I honestly cannot belive how much I've changed in these last 5 years!). I was horribly homesick at university for the first year. I personally think the problem was that I didn't have enough to do - I had six hours of class per week and little else to do in the meantime. Sure I got involved with extra curricular stuff but that was all in the evenings so basically I woke up with virtually nothing to do all day, and I was bored out of my mind, so I missed home. In the second year I instantly remedied this by getting a job for 16 hours per week. It kept me busy and I didn't have the time to miss home.

Whether it's a job or something else, he needs to keep busy, IMO. That's the cure to homesickness - not having the time to realise you're homesick!

 

[Galahad]

He IS joining the college marching band, so we need to take him up to college a week earlier than the other freshmen. I'm hoping this will help - the band kids in high school seemed to be their own "family", so maybe college band will be the same way

It'll probably help, but band in college is very different than band in high school. There aren't compeitions and endless rehearsals. It's work, to be sure, but much more laid back and much less stressful. So the need to be "family" might be less.

 

[aprilvaca04]

Oh boy....DS18 is started to get nervous about going off to college. He was in the mood to talk last night after DH and I went to bed, and he said he's worried about making friends and being homesick. (DS is VERY shy and quiet, even when I've seen him with his high school friends, he tends to hang back rather than getting in the thick of things.) He even mentioned back when he was 14, he was a counselor-in-training at Boy Scout camp for 3 weeks, and he said he was so homesick then and he's afraid it'll be the same way once he's at college.

We did the best we could - reminded him that at scout camp he was only 14, that he's older now, so hopefully the homesickness won't be so bad, and reminded him that he'll only be 1.5 hours away, so it's not like he can't ever come home. We also told him that most of the freshmen at college won't know anyone either, and he's going to have to try his best to be more outgoing and just go up to people, stick out his hand and introduce himself.

He IS joining the college marching band, so we need to take him up to college a week earlier than the other freshmen. I'm hoping this will help - the band kids in high school seemed to be their own "family", so maybe college band will be the same way? At the very least, he'll start out with only the 130 or so band members before the big crush of freshmen arrive. And I figured he'll have a week's head start on learning his way around campus, so that should boost his confidence a little.

Any other tips from you more experienced moms?

We worried about this last year when DD started college. We found the best thing we could have done was (and it sounds mean) was to make sure she stayed on campus and not come home on weekends, she was close enough to, for atleast the first 4 or 5 weeks. At first she didn't think that was a good idea at all but then she was glad she did it as that was when friends were made, etc that she would have missed out on if she had been comin home all the time. We missed her terribly but knew that was part of the progress.

Hello all,

I am getting ready to send my younger daughter, 18 off to college having sent my older daughter, 22, off 4 years ago. For me, there was nothing fun about this time. When I was getting ready for my older daughter to go, I was all into the excitement and the idea of how great it was going to be. I ended up taking her to college and crying all the way home. The 4 years went incredibly fast and although the growing up is a necessary part of life, for me, as a mother, there wasn't too much about it that I liked. I miss having my girls around as young kids. I miss the Barbies and the mess of pretend and the shopping trips and the school events.. I could go on and on. Guess the bottom line is, I am just not ready. But she was very ready so my friends tell me I did my job. What kind of a job is it when the end result is that the product leaves???? LOL. Not the kind I want but the kind we all have.

Anyway... here I am getting my second daughter ready. I am all smiles, all excited, but my heart is breaking inside. I know how much they change and quickly the time goes and how nothing is ever the same again. I won't let her know that I am this melencholy, but it is the truth.

So, to all of you parents in the same boat, good luck. It is a wonderful time in their lives and it is a gift to know that you have given them the skills they need to be a productive adult. But at the same time, there are many little pangs that go with it. It's life, I know, just not a part that makes me too happy.

Your post really gets to me...even though I still have 2 years with our youngest DD I dread the day she goes....I so miss everything you said and then some Boy time truly does fly

Not a mom but I was also shy and quiet at 18, and I was very much a homebody (I honestly cannot belive how much I've changed in these last 5 years!). I was horribly homesick at university for the first year. I personally think the problem was that I didn't have enough to do - I had six hours of class per week and little else to do in the meantime. Sure I got involved with extra curricular stuff but that was all in the evenings so basically I woke up with virtually nothing to do all day, and I was bored out of my mind, so I missed home. In the second year I instantly remedied this by getting a job for 16 hours per week. It kept me busy and I didn't have the time to miss home.

Whether it's a job or something else, he needs to keep busy, IMO. That's the cure to homesickness - not having the time to realise you're homesick!

I couldn't agree more...too much down time is a bad thing!!!! My DD loved her classes and being busy with papers and such but give her a large block of time with not much going on and all she wanted to do was be home. She is starting her second year and will be looking for a partime job of some sort. Nothing to take away from her studies or anything but something that will fill some time and give her some extra money.

 

[madge]

buying textbooks ... anyone use half.com? Is there anyplace cheaper?

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

I actually found the cheapest so far to be the college bookstore. But I continue to compare prices at Amazon and just through google searches.

 

[madge]

I actually found the cheapest so far to be the college bookstore. But I continue to compare prices at Amazon and just through google searches.

the college bookstore is the higest for DS. And half.com prices are, well ... about half. LOLOL.

I need to check www.cheapesttextbooks.com - a friend told me about that one tonight.

 

[Green Tea]

I have started putting things into boxes. I think we don't have much small stuff. I guess we buy it when we get there. He is taking 2 pieces of furniture that have to fit in his car. I got one in today to test. It fit, but I am not pulling it back out. It is in there until move in day.

 

[madge]

my younger two children started school today, so I can finally start thinking about what needs to be done with the oldest and packing everything up. It's a little overwhelming, LOL ... although I did order text books earlier this week. Hopefully, they'll all get here in time!

 

[Green Tea]

We have ended up with too many towels. It just seemed overwhelming to take them back to the store, so I washed them and put them in the box. He will have a lot of towels.

 

[donac]

We don't have to buy towels for ds2. Ds1 was at college last year and the dryer in the apartment he was in was broken. So if he couldn't get home to do his laundry he just bought new towels since he works at JCPenneys and could get them at a good price with his discount. We have towels in every color that penney's makes.

 

[slk537]

Not to hi-jack-look into the prison system. My oldes dd-works at Union Grove Women's prison, and she says they are always looking for teachers. Pay and benefits are great-but environment is different.

Anyway, my youngest, my baby is leaving August 28th. I am looking at her bundle next to my computer. We got her dorm room assignment with her choice of roommate. I'm sure her tuition bill will be in the mail tomorrow.

See my ticker-we were suppose to leave on vacation the day she left. It was suppose to be our "Empty Nest Vacation", but my dh decided Florida was to hot in August. I'm sure I am going to cry all the way home from Green Bay. We even talked about checking her in at 8:30 a.m., move her things in and then letting her come back home till Labor Day, she starts school Sept. 1. She told me she doesn't want to do all the "Camp" College orientation rally's". She has an older sister and 2 older brothers in college and she knows the spiel. I almost fell for it, but I told her she has to participate in a few things.

OhMari - is your DD going to UWGB? I went to school in De Pere and loved the area so much!

 

[slk537]

I have read this whole thread - something about it compelled me and I have spent a lot of time remembering my first days of school. I stayed in the hotel with my parents the night before I moved in and I sobbed all night, positive I was going to die without my mom and dad. My mom kept it together and was super strong and happy about how wonderful it was going to be, how much fun I was going to have, etc. She said later that she knew I was going to be okay the next day when I hit it off with my roommate and a few other girls on my floor. So she then cried all the way home. I hear her in your voices. And the best thing I can remember from that day was something so true someone said - "as soon as your parents leave, you will be absolutely fine." So true! From the moment my parents drove off and I was alone, college became exciting and fun and wonderful.

Something my dad did for me that year that made such a huge sunshine for me that you may all want to think about: Right after I got back from Thanksgiving vacation, I received two packages. One was a 3 foot tall Christmas tree and the other included all the lights, ornaments, etc I needed to decorate it - right down to the star on top. But the best part? He sent me a Johnny Mathis Christmas Carols tape (yeah, tape not cd... ). It was a little bit of home in my dorm room and I kept it all with me for all four years. The best part? Dad did it all on his own - Mom didn't even know he sent it. I looked forward to every single letter and package - and even today when email makes communicating so easy, cards and packages should still be a huge deal.

Now I will send each and every one of you virtual hugs and stop feeling sorry for myself because in three weeks I have to send my DS off to 1st grade... You all sound like such wonderful parents!!!

 

[undercovermom]

mine is already showing signs of being afraid to leave the nest.


but I'm sure she'll be OK once she gets to school.

 

[Green Tea]

I have read this whole thread - something about it compelled me and I have spent a lot of time remembering my first days of school. I stayed in the hotel with my parents the night before I moved in and I sobbed all night, positive I was going to die without my mom and dad. My mom kept it together and was super strong and happy about how wonderful it was going to be, how much fun I was going to have, etc. She said later that she knew I was going to be okay the next day when I hit it off with my roommate and a few other girls on my floor. So she then cried all the way home. I hear her in your voices. And the best thing I can remember from that day was something so true someone said - "as soon as your parents leave, you will be absolutely fine." So true! From the moment my parents drove off and I was alone, college became exciting and fun and wonderful.

Something my dad did for me that year that made such a huge sunshine for me that you may all want to think about: Right after I got back from Thanksgiving vacation, I received two packages. One was a 3 foot tall Christmas tree and the other included all the lights, ornaments, etc I needed to decorate it - right down to the star on top. But the best part? He sent me a Johnny Mathis Christmas Carols tape (yeah, tape not cd... ). It was a little bit of home in my dorm room and I kept it all with me for all four years. The best part? Dad did it all on his own - Mom didn't even know he sent it. I looked forward to every single letter and package - and even today when email makes communicating so easy, cards and packages should still be a huge deal.

Now I will send each and every one of you virtual hugs and stop feeling sorry for myself because in three weeks I have to send my DS off to 1st grade... You all sound like such wonderful parents!!!

Thank you. Truly, thank you.