Parents Do not have to attend soccer games!!! UPDATE

[sam_gordon]

Are you saying that parents of a group of 'better' players would get together and say "hey, let's all sign up for Tuesday at 4:00"? in order to create an 'elite' team? At the rec level?

ABSOLUTELY! It may not happen in U6, but by U10, this would definitely come into play.
I do like our rec soccer league... EVERY year, the teams are randomly drawn (except for coaches & assistant coaches kids).
Our rec softball league has teams keep whatever players they have (unless someone requests being taken off their team) and then supplements that with new arrivals. That's how "dynasties" are built... meaning the coaches are that good.

 

[Mkrop]

That was kind of my point, TEAM sports. BUT...that being said, I'm not exactly sure (talking about rec teams here) that it's completely true that it couldn't be done differently if so desired. Why can't they schedule practices for, let's say, Tuesday or Thursday at select times and allow parents to sign up for what works for them. When the roster is full, just like when you sign up for a dance studio class or a YMCA class, you pick another time that is in fact available. More kids are interested than anticipated? Create a waitlist for another team. Too few? Consolidate. You simply can't tell me they can't make an educated guess based on previous year's numbers.

I will say however that at least in your area parents can depend on Tuesday or Thursday....that's an improvement. Around here parents are often completely in the dark as to what days they are committing to.....often months and months in advance. I know for example they sign up and pay for spring Lacrosse in the Fall.....with no idea what the commitment will be. To me, that's just nuts. And while I'm sure there is an explanation (coaches not knowing their schedule perhaps?), it seems backwards to me.

I suppose if you only have one or two kids and you're all about the traditional team sports it's not going to be much of a problem. But if you have a number of kids who are interested in getting involved in a number of different things (music, art, clubs etc.) in addition to sports, it poses a problem.

That would not work around here, even at the rec level, most teams are a draft situation. Kids are placed on balanced teams. There is a evaluation and every child is then assigned a #. 1 being great, 5 being he needs a lot of help, may even be new to the game. I will use DS8 as an example, he has had some physical issues in the past...I would be surprised if he was not ranked a 5, maybe a 4 since he played some before. He just isnt that good right now but he has improved. So his buddy who is quick and can make every shot is chosen, the teams get so many #1, so many #2, so many #5s etc. So all are welcomed, all learn but no one team is stacked so deep that they can just blow the rest out of the water. This is how it is done in soccer, baseball and basketball around here.

Like I mentioned DS8's draft was held last night, I found out his team a few hours ago and he has practice tonight bc that is most likely when the gym is available.

The other things that hinder knowing all of this is knowing how many kids are signing up for each sport, and the limited availability of gym and field time.

Are you saying that parents of a group of 'better' players would get together and say "hey, let's all sign up for Tuesday at 4:00"? in order to create an 'elite' team? At the rec level?

Oh you have no idea what lengths some parents will go with youth sports

 

[declansdad]

While I agree with your first paragraph - my son's friends (twins) spent their first several years of soccer picking the grass and my own DD used to dance instead of run. (We dropped soccer for ballet, by the way.)

However, I disagree with the second. IME as a soccer coach of Little Ones (aged 4-6) I have found it far more effective to work with the child then the bring them to their parents. Most kids (mine included) behave worse for their parents than they do for anyone. I actually found it FAR MORE effective to have older kids assisst me than the parents.

Sorry i should have said that a coach will try to work with the child to get or keep them invovlved but as some point you walk them over to the sideline where the parents are sitting and telling them they will be sitting here with mom and dad until they are ready to actually participate.

 

[SmallWorld71]

That was kind of my point, TEAM sports. BUT...that being said, I'm not exactly sure (talking about rec teams here) that it's completely true that it couldn't be done differently if so desired. Why can't they schedule practices for, let's say, Tuesday or Thursday at select times and allow parents to sign up for what works for them. When the roster is full, just like when you sign up for a dance studio class or a YMCA class, you pick another time that is in fact available. More kids are interested than anticipated? Create a waitlist for another team. Too few? Consolidate. You simply can't tell me they can't make an educated guess based on previous year's numbers.

I can't speak for everywhere, but here, the coaches (until the High School level) are parent (very occasionally community) volunteers. While the games are on a set day/ time, the practices are at the discretion of the coaches. All the coaches also have jobs (and families, of course) and have to set practices when they are able to adequately carry them out. Coaches are very hard to come by (they are not paid), so it's not like they can just take the ones who have a lot of extra time. My DH works until 10pm on Mon. and Wed. so his practices would be on other days. Another coach may be available on Mon. and Wed.

DD's ballet, on the other hand, would be run VERY differently than DS's Little League. (As would other dance and/ or YMCA classes) She goes to a studio with PAID teachers. Of course, I pay $$$$ for her classes whereas Little League only costs me $90 + equipment - a MAJOR bargain in comparison.

 

[Crystal824]

That works if you have no other commitments. I would regularly drop off my daughter on my way to work, and my husband would pick her up on his way home from his work. With this new rule, she wouldn't be able to participate.

It's a rule targeted at the parents that punishes the children.

I agree. My dd is only 15 months old, but if her school has a rule such as this she will not be able to particpate in sports as both DH and I work full-time. It seems like a rule targeted at punishing working parents especially if practice is right after school.

 

[tink1969]

Better safe than sorry I say.

agreed

 

[cari12]

Just wanted to throw this into the mix:

Recently, in our area, there was a volunteer coach charged with molestation of a girl during a rec team practice/game. In the past he had been a volunteer coach, but took time off from coaching while his son played sports. It was during one of his son's games, that he took the girl to his car and molested her. It's interesting that this is a man, that the rec dept had previosuly done background checks on.

I understand parents work, and some cannot make it to practice/games, etc. However, I think there always needs to be some adult around to keep an eye on things or be there when a child gets hurt. Asking a friend's mom is fine, but make sure that adult is responsible enough to watch out for things.

Background checks do not mean the person is not a molester, it just means they haven't been caught. I would not put blind faith in that coaches have had background checks.

 

[5lilfish]

I don't see what that has to do with anything.

I was saying that even if the child cannot ride a bike (thus not needing Mom or Dad), they are old enough to be responsible for arranging a ride if Mom/Dad cannot take them. That was in response to people saying that Mom/Dad have to drive them so why not stay (making the rule just fine) and if Mom/Dad cannot take them, they just shouldn't play.

In other words, a 12 yr old is capable of taking responsibility and does not need Mom/Dad to sit and watch them at every practice. They also do not need a coach to be a babysitter because they are old enough to babysit themselves (in reasonable situations). I do think that signing up to coach does mean that you are accepting a certain amount of responsibility when it comes to keeping an eye on the kids while at practice. I would be surprised if any of my kid's coaches expected us to stay. I'd almost say just the opposite...I think they'd prefer not to have a bunch of parents there. At least for kids above the age of 8. Maybe you can make a case for kids younger than 8. My youngest 2 are 4 yr old twins. So far they take a dance class and swim lessons. I stay at both of these activities. They are young. I am there if they need to go potty. Since they cannot pull out their cell phone and/or adequately communicate to me if they are uncomfortable with the situation (do to any number of reasons), I stay and make sure they are safe. My oldest 3 kids are 11, 13 and 14. They have cell phones. The coaches all have my house number, my husband;s cell # and my cell #. We are close enough that we can get back there very quickly if there is an emergency.. They are all perfectly fine being at practice alone. As I said before, this last fall season, my 11 yr old rode her bike to practice with a team mate. She looked forward to doing this every week.

Jess

 

[cari12]

No, I was saying that you can't lump everyone int a category of being ABLE to schedule so you kids don't conflict with each other. You said that YOU schedule, most places you can't do that. YOu sign up and then you are assigned a practice schedule, it has nothing to do with parents scheduling their kids so all can play at different times. that is the lumping I am talking about. Nothing to do with how many kids you have.

I didn't say everyone can do it that way, I was stating what occurs in my area.(a PP asked how I did it). However, once you get the schedules, you can pull the kid out if you cannot follow the league rules and also make it to all your kids' activities. All I am saying is that you choose the schedule by agreeing to have your child take the sport.

 

[cari12]

As other threads (like the grandparents as babysitters thread) state...

When you have kids, these are things you consider. It isn't up to any organization to have to worry that you have chosen to have multilpe children and then plan their activities so that the multiple children are in all different quadrants of the town at the same time.

While I am not a single mom, I have had roughly--2-3 years (can't calculate it at the moment) where my husband did not live with us. I'm one to not pull favors. So what I did was PLAN our activities accordingly. While my kids would have loved to learn to ice skate, it was simply too far away, too expensive, and it conflicted with other places we needed to be for the other things they liked to do.

It's funny how on one thread, we can't depend on grandma to bail us out--but here, we expect society to pander to our choices.

At least, that is how it comes across as me.

The "but I'm single, but I have 12 kids, but I do this or that" mentality is not the organizations responsibilty.

The OP-typically does not accept ANY place that demands him to observe his child because he is a free ranger. I would bet that he would have an issue that his 5 year old could not run around in Fantasyland at Disney by himself because he finds the 7yo rule too restrictive.

IT is far easier to call my opinion lacking in common sense than it is to see where I am coming from. For every excuse, there is a choice.

No, your child "doesn't have" to play football. He enjoys it and you may bend over backwards for it and LIKELY--if the league had such a rule and was unyielding, you would alter the rest of your children's schedules to accommodate it. That is what usually happens.

You cannot force an organization to accept more liability than they are willing to take.

I agree completely!

 

[dngnb8]

Obviously this rule was implemented because the Indianapolis Colts havent won a game yet.

 

[dngnb8]

Shouldn't it be up to ME if I choose to remain or not?

You do have a choice. Remain and let your kids participate, or leave and take your kid with you. You do have a choice.

Not everyone lives their life based on what ifs.

But everyone sues others based on what are's

Seriously you do realize that you are more like to get in a car wreck going there than something happening at soccer.

Wait, you say one cannot live life based on "what if's" yet your defense on something happening is based on the odds of "what if's"

Hook

 

[Mkrop]

Background checks do not mean the person is not a molester, it just means they haven't been caught. I would not put blind faith in that coaches have had background checks.

You can if the League requires them...every sport around here the coaches have to have rigorous background checks, just like teachers and staff at a school, so if you trust those people day in and day out with your kids, you should be trusting the coaches. Both areas coaches and schools can have people slip through the cracks even with a bakcground check.

First grade teacher around here got busted for child porn, and he ran a camp for kids...and he had background checks as a sub and a teacher, yet people send their kids to school everyday

Obviously this rule was implemented because the Indianapolis Colts havent won a game yet.

Thats because their parents could not stay at the practices so they had to pull all their players

 

[dngnb8]

Thats because their parents could not stay at the practices so they had to pull all their players

Well, after practice they shower together..... I guess OP is right....

 

[sam_gordon]

I didn't say everyone can do it that way, I was stating what occurs in my area.(a PP asked how I did it). However, once you get the schedules, you can pull the kid out if you cannot follow the league rules and also make it to all your kids' activities. All I am saying is that you choose the schedule by agreeing to have your child take the sport.

Around here, once your child is placed on a team, you can't get a refund for your fees (which you pay when you register). Granted, if they tell us at signups a parent MUST be in attendance for every practice, we might not sign up.

Again, for 4-6yos, I believe they need someone at practice (doesn't have to be a family member). Someone who's 10yo+, you should be able to "drop off". The 7-9yos are a case-by-case basis.

 

[5lilfish]

You can if the League requires them...every sport around here the coaches have to have rigorous background checks, just like teachers and staff at a school, so if you trust those people day in and day out with your kids, you should be trusting the coaches. Both areas coaches and schools can have people slip through the cracks even with a bakcground check.

First grade teacher around here got busted for child porn, and he ran a camp for kids...and he had background checks as a sub and a teacher, yet people send their kids to school everyday



Thats because their parents could not stay at the practices so they had to pull all their players

Yep..guarantees cannot be made. Teacher's are busted and we still send our kids to school.

It is not like I am sending an 8 yr old off to be alone with an adult male coach. I am sending an almost 12 yr old off , to be with 15 other kids and a coach on a soccer field in public view. Yes, I do tell her that she should not be going off alone with the coach, or any other adult/older kid for that matter, unless I have specifically OK'd it.

Now...my 13 yr old takes private pitching lessons. One of us stays with her. She is alone with 1 adult in a closed gym. My husband is a teacher and, honestly, I wouldn't want him to be alone in a room with a teenager. It is just asking for trouble. He would never do anything, of course, but what if someone made something up....there would be nobody there to back up my DH. We stay at pitching to protect our DD and the coach...plus we usually are catching for our DD while she pitches.

Jess

 

[Mkrop]

Yep..guarantees cannot be made. Teacher's are busted and we still send our kids to school.

It is not like I am sending an 8 yr old off to be alone with an adult male coach. I am sending an almost 12 yr old off , to be with 15 other kids and a coach on a soccer field in public view. Yes, I do tell her that she should not be going off alone with the coach, or any other adult/older kid for that matter, unless I have specifically OK'd it.

Now...my 13 yr old takes private pitching lessons. One of us stays with her. She is alone with 1 adult in a closed gym. My husband is a teacher and, honestly, I wouldn't want him to be alone in a room with a teenager. It is just asking for trouble. He would never do anything, of course, but what if someone made something up....there would be nobody there to back up my DH. We stay at pitching to protect our DD and the coach...plus we usually are catching for our DD while she pitches.

Jess

DH does the same for baseball, he makes sure he is never alone with a child for their safety and his own. He always makes sure our son at least is with him. Many of the games last spring had traveling involved. Many parents wanted us to give their sons a ride, no problem but we always made sure someone else was in the car. There was one game, I forget why, but DS14 had to leave early with me...DH made his asst coach (another dad) drive with him in the carpool.

Because of the Catholic Church scandal and regular sports, he has been cleared so many times, and has attended every kind of seminar under the sun on protecting kids and yet it still is just some papers on file, people have to ultimately trust him or they dont.

 

[cari12]

Around here, once your child is placed on a team, you can't get a refund for your fees (which you pay when you register). Granted, if they tell us at signups a parent MUST be in attendance for every practice, we might not sign up.

Again, for 4-6yos, I believe they need someone at practice (doesn't have to be a family member). Someone who's 10yo+, you should be able to "drop off". The 7-9yos are a case-by-case basis.

That seems a little ridiculous to not tell you the days/times but you have to sign up and then can't get a refund if the days/times don't work for you. Wow, they probably end up with a lot of people's money where the kid is not even playing because of scheduling conflicts. What if when you finally get the schedule, it happens to be on the same night as the kid's scouts or ballet? You lose the money and your child does not even play?

 

[Bonnie151]

If any of my children's activities had such a requirement we wouldn't take part. I use the time to have 1:1 time with my other child (and if that defines the activity as "babysitting" so be it) - e.g. at DD's swimming lesson, I go swimming with DS in the non-teaching pool and vice versa. When DS went to football, I took DD to the library etc.

I don't understand the whole - "but you should be there in case of an emergency". DS started summer day camp when he was 8 and was off sailing & canoeing and kayaking. I'll admit that made me a bit nervous the first year (what if he drowns!!! ) and he was slightly injured last summer when he was hit in the face by an arrow during archery . I still send him and he has a blast. Worrying about an emergency during football? Not so much. He's more likely to get injured falling out of one of the trees he's constantly trying to climb right to the very top and while he's not allowed to climb on his own, I'm generally not there either.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

I think it's sad how some people think that because they have the time and ability to work around sports scheduling, that everyone else does. And I think it's on the realm of discriminatory for there to be exclusion for people who cannot be there in some way.

I have said before, I would not have been able to participate in sports until I was 12 if this was the case. I would not have learn a lot of valuable life skills without these sports, I cheered and I was a gymnast, I played softball, football, soccer, tennis and basketball, I swam, all before I was 12. I was an extremely active kid and I tried out a lot of sports. I also went on community ski and snowboard excursions since I was 5, with only a few parents around. I would not have been the skier I am today and I don't know if I would have the passion for it, something I would never take back. I cheerleading and gymnastics, I learned most of my team values and most importantly, I learned to trust people. For anyone who has been involved with either, you know you put a lot of trust in your coaches and teammates. And that holds true for softball, football, soccer, tennis and basketball, but it's especially important in cheer and gymnastics because you rely on others so you aren't severely hurt or even killed.

I used to be a babysitter then nanny for these two girls. At one time when Hailey* was 12, Melissa* was 10 and I was 18, I was taking them all over. They too, were athletic like me and often had two activities going on. At this point, Hailey was involving with a very competitive softball team, she was also a swimmer and a mildly competitive cheerleader. She had softball year-round, cheerleading 9 months out of the year, and swim 3 months. Melissa was into tennis, cross country, skiing and her main passion was dance. For her, everything but skiing was year-round. Their mother passed when when they were 2 and 4 and their dad never re-married. He is also a big executive in an extremely world wide famous company so he was limited in time. (Side note: he went to events and practices any time he could, he just spent a lot of time out of the state/country.)

I was the person who usually took them places and I almost never got to be there because I was taking the other somewhere. All my evenings from 3-10PM were usually spent shuffling someone around. We (the other sister and I) were there if we could be, but we were often not. If this rule was in place for all these sports, these girls would not have played any of these sports.

Now, Hailey is 18 and is going to Stanford in the fall on a FULL scholarship to play softball. I have no doubt that without her starting out at 5, she wouldn't be in that position. She may have been OK, but there wouldn't be a full ride into one of the best schools in the nation for her. Melissa is doing really well in tennis, so much so that there are schools already looking at her. I have no doubt that if they're already looking at 16, she'll have great opportunities for her collegiate career. Especially because she is a very accomplished dancer. She goes to workshops and camps all over the country that are very selective and/or prestigious. Even if she didn't have tennis, she has dance, or the other way around. She's entertaining the thought of going to Juilliard even! Again, I am not sure she'd be in that position if she had to wait until 12 to do anything.

My point is, that doing this only stunts progression. Or rather, it gives an advantage to people who have parents that have the time/availability to always be there in person.

For crying out loud, as a child of a single parent who was always busy because we needed to eat and have shelter (my mom had to work because we did not have money), children who have parents that can always be there physically have an advantage already. It sucks when your mom can't be there. You have to find rides, you can't immediately celebrate with your parent, you have to relay the story that loses it's affect, etc. I was always envious of the kids with parents there. And my mom was there the most she could, but it was still only maybe 25% of the time. I would have loved if my mom could have been there after school everyday to pick me up, to take me to soccer, and to make us dinner. But I didn't. And a lot of people don't, or they don't have the ideal situation.

It sucked really bad, as evidence of my tears as I write this. And I certainly don't blame my mom for anything. In the end, I love her more for all the sacrifice she gave up to take care of us. But I would never take it back for anything because I love what I accomplished in my school life and I think: how dare people think they can take this away from kids today? It would be like a hole missing in my life. I learned SO much form everything about the entire situation.

Plus, it kind of goes against the anti-child obesity movement. It makes it harder to kids to play sports.

Ugh, this whole thing makes me so sick that a) so many are supportive to it b) of the supportive, most of them think everyone is like them in that they too, can schedule things so perfectly c) this only hurts the kids and d) that the people who can afford the time will have the opportunity and those who do not, will not.



* names changed because they're not my kids and I do not have the authority to use their real names.