Parenting Issue Question (Teen Girl Category)

[Conkozan]

Well, there are a few issues with this:

About 2 years ago, we got a Jack Russell Terrier that has yet to be properly housebroken. As a result, our basement STINKS. At some point, I will be ripping up the carpet but, at any rate, our basement is also our "dog haven" when we are at work. The dogs are confined to one area, but they do stink up the basement. This is where my DD would go if she had friends over. So, for the last few years, we haven't really had any place for her and her friends to go.

Also, my DD is going to school "out of district". All of her friends (as well as this girl) live in this school district. The girl lives very close to a Starbucks (so they can walk there and feel "adult"), and many, many of their friends are just a block away. I am living out in a more rural area, no one knows anyone here, you can't walk anywhere. So, DD no longer wants to have friends over and most of these friends' parents don't even care to come by our way. My house has become the "unfun" place to be.

I am probably going to be flamed for this but here goes........

Train the dog, put it outside, or give it to someone who can train it. Change the carpet and make your home a place your kids WANT to bring friends. I would not want to have friends over if my house stunk like dog pee, I would be mortified.

Yes, you were railroaded. Yes, your daughter had you played like a fiddle.

 

[Christine]

Hmmmmm....just got off the phone with DD as the were on their way home from the commissary. I told her that she could spend the night one more night but that I did not appreciate being called by her friend's mother. I also told her that she KNEW we had the one sleepover a weekend rule and that if she was going to try to circumvent the rules that I had that she would not be going anywhere.

She then tells me that she had no idea that her friend's mother had called, didn't ask her to call, and was fairly "weirded out" that she did call.

What to think about this woman?

 

[Christine]

I am probably going to be flamed for this but here goes........

Train the dog, put it outside, or give it to someone who can train it. Change the carpet and make your home a place your kids WANT to bring friends. I would not want to have friends over if my house stunk like dog pee, I would be mortified.

Yes, you were railroaded. Yes, your daughter had you played like a fiddle. No

No flame, you are correct and I absolutely feel the way you do.

Have had the dog to training, have tried to train it, crate the dog when we're not home. I have had 6 dogs before this one and they have all been housetrained. This dog is, apparently, untrainable. The beagle we have is just fine. I'd love to change the carpet but right now I don't have the several thousand it would take, nor do I want to put it in. I am looking at laminate flooring for the basement (we have all hardwoods in the rest of the house) but right now we don't have the money for it. The best I can do is keep it cleaned every few months and keep the dog away from it.

 

[DVCLiz]

Well, as others have said, it's entirely your call. That's weird about your daughter just calling and not knowing the mom had called. I'd just let it go this time and make sure you have a pleasant conversation about it when your daughter returns.

For what it's worth, you're entering the "pick your battles" phase. I have lots of friends who have all sorts of rules, and they enforce each one. From what I can tell, they do no better in the raising a nice girl department than anyone else, but they sure do spend an awful lot of time and emotional energy making sure they keep control.

I guess some parents are more likely to find reasons to say no, and some are more about saying yes. I don't think either is good or bad, just different. I mean, there's no REAL reason why a child could or couldn't spend the night out twice, unless there were family obligations, homework, or tiredness issues to deal with.

I have found that a little bending in some of these gray areas sure does help when I have to be black and white about something else. I can say, "You know I almost always blah, blah, blah, but this time..." and my girls respect that because they know that most fo the time I DO let them do whatever it is they want.

Love parenting girls - it makes mud-wrestling with cobras seem like a safe job by comparison!!!!

 

[Christine]

For what it's worth, you're entering the "pick your battles" phase. I have lots of friends who have all sorts of rules, and they enforce each one. From what I can tell, they do no better in the raising a nice girl department than anyone else, but they sure do spend an awful lot of time and emotional energy making sure they keep control.

I guess some parents are more likely to find reasons to say no, and some are more about saying yes. I don't think either is good or bad, just different. I mean, there's no REAL reason why a child could or couldn't spend the night out twice, unless there were family obligations, homework, or tiredness issues to deal with.

I have found that a little bending in some of these gray areas sure does help when I have to be black and white about something else. I can say, "You know I almost always blah, blah, blah, but this time..." and my girls respect that because they know that most fo the time I DO let them do whatever it is they want.

Love parenting girls - it makes mud-wrestling with cobras seem like a safe job by comparison!!!!

Well, this was how I was thinking. I had no real good reason for her not to be out--just that I don't like it. I told her we would discuss it more when she got home and if she continued to push it, she would spend the night NEVER. But I can't wait to hear the more about the other mom calling. As I said in an earlier post, there are issues with the mom and this girl. I think the mom is in total "freak out" mode over her teenage daughter. She has an older child, who is a boy, a junior in high school, he is third ranked in his class, just got back from the "Physics Olympics"--well, you get the picture. And she's got this daughter, who is quite social, having "cheerleader/mean girls issues", LOTS of drama. I just don't think she knows how to handle it and, for some reason, views my DD as some type of good influence.

Well, I can't wait until tomorrow...

 

[princesspumpkin]

I don't really have any advice. Your post brought back memories of when i was a kid. I wanted to go outside to play on a Sunday, and my mom said no because I had "been outside enough already this weekend". I was angry then and 25 years later, I am still quite perplexed. Your comment about everyone needing to go home at some point to rest kind of reminded me of this incident. I stayed in that day, but if she wanted me there so that we could have "family" time, it didn't work. I was too angry

 

[KirstenB]

Christine, just food for thought, you don't have to reply. We have a small house (1800 sq ft for the 4 of us). DD1 just has friends hang out in her room when there's a sleepover. I don't blame you for not wanting anyone in the basement, our back porch was always "no-man's zone" til we were finally able to fix it up. But what I'm trying to say is, try to find a way for your dd to have friends over. I like having dd's friends over....I get to know them better, and I don't have to wonder if my dd is being a pest, etc.

 

[Christine]

Christine, just food for thought, you don't have to reply. We have a small house (1800 sq ft for the 4 of us). DD1 just has friends hang out in her room when there's a sleepover. I don't blame you for not wanting anyone in the basement, our back porch was always "no-man's zone" til we were finally able to fix it up. But what I'm trying to say is, try to find a way for your dd to have friends over. I like having dd's friends over....I get to know them better, and I don't have to wonder if my dd is being a pest, etc.

I've always encouraged her to have friends over and she did when she was younger. Now, I think that with the basement being the way it is and her room being very small, she just doesn't feel like it's fun. Also, she does have a pesky younger brother that would be around if she was in the family room. Plus, I think she much prefers going to others' houses because they are closer to where she goes to school and kids can pop in and out of the neighborhood over there. Right now, we are in no man's land!