OT-Wording of "no gifts please" ???'s

[PiperPizzaz]

Yeah...good luck with that one. We tried that for Ds's 1st Bday too. Worded very nicely (your presence is present sort of thing) and I was ridiculed and berated for being a cruel mother. Everyone brought gifts anyway it was ridiculous.

One year we asked family to do charity donations instead of presents for Dh and I. That went over like a lead balloon.

 

[waltskids]

We did this for DS's first birthday (we had around 100 guests at a hall- friends and family). We mentioned 'no gifts' on the invitation, but some of my family suggested donating to a local charity that my father strongly supported (he had passed away just prior to DS being born). This idea went over very well and most people loved to give to a charity, but some also chose to bring a gift, and some chose to simply attend the party, all of which were ok with us. Have a great party!

 

[Mcbruns]

I know I'll get slammed for this, but I don't like it. I really don't want invited to a party, especially for a child, then told no gifts. We have 3 dd's and LOVE books(my dh calls our family room the library!)but I feel its in bad test to tell guests what to bring. I know a lot of older people who actually look forward to buying gifts for little ones, as they don't often get to visit toy stores. I understand your house is small so my suggestion, why not allow people to choose what they bring, let your son pick a few favorites and donate whats left to a local shelter, salvation army(for Xmas), or a local hospital?? I used to return duplicate gifts my dd's got, but we now thank everyone, and donate the duplicates. Have a great party.

Agreed -- I have never heard of such a thing.

 

[rbork]

a simple 'no gifts please' would do.
I don't care for the But if you really want to give a gift -make it a book thing.
I feel like it's saying no gifts but if you must- we want a book.
Good Luck with whatever u decide and Happy Birthday to your wee one.

 

[princess momma]

I love the "no gifts, please" idea. We do the same thing for our kids at their friend parties and so do many of their classmates. We really don't need any more junk cluttering up the house, so it's great. My kids don't mind a bit. The family brings presents at that party.

The "no gift" parties seem to be the most well attended parties. My kids go to 10-ish birthday parties a year, each. I spend $15-$20 on a gift. That's a lot of money to spend. I think some parents just can't do it, so their kids rarely attend the parties.

I think the premise is fine. I do think it's a little awkward to request books, if attendees must bring a gift. I'd leave that out completely.

 

[dayzemair]

I like the idea of just not saying anything and picking a few favorite gifts and saving the rest to donate to toys for tots.
I always like to bring "consumable" gifts for my dd's friend's parties, like crayons, coloring books, etc. OR a book that we particularly like.

I would leave out the gift thing and just communicate through word of mouth that you would rather he get books or nothing or gift certificates for swimming lessons or parent child classes or zoo passes or children's museum passes or any other "experiences" in your area

If your family is like mine, we are very straight forward in our gift approach, we like to go in on things so someone will always call and ask what everyone can go in on so often we might say oh a membership to the children's museum or the zoo or whatever. works out nicely!!

Good luck!

 

[Mermaid4me]

Hi everyone,
A while back,my son was in Children's Hospital for an overnight stay. While I was there, I noticed there were several playrooms with a few toys. Unfortunately there were LOTS of children who were there with serious problems/medical conditions and had to stay for many, many days and even weeks. When my son's birthday came around, we put on the invite that all gifts would be donated to the Children's Hospital for their playrooms. It was a wonderful experience when we took the toys down there. So, to make a point, I love the idea of donating the gifts to those in need!!!!

 

[princess momma]

Hi everyone,
A while back,my son was in Children's Hospital for an overnight stay. While I was there, I noticed there were several playrooms with a few toys. Unfortunately there were LOTS of children who were there with serious problems/medical conditions and had to stay for many, many days and even weeks. When my son's birthday came around, we put on the invite that all gifts would be donated to the Children's Hospital for their playrooms. It was a wonderful experience when we took the toys down there. So, to make a point, I love the idea of donating the gifts to those in need!!!!

That's a really great idea.

 

[JaimeK]

I just made the invites for my son's 1st birthday party this week. I wrote "No gifts please" because cutesy wording annoys me. For both of my boys we've planned big 1st birthday parties with everyone including plenty of single and childless friends and then smaller parties for later years with only close family and friends with kids.
For my older son's 1st birthday, most people ignored the no gifts request but some brought US wine instead

 

[QueenGoblin]

I have tried all kinds of wordings between my two kids to try and discourage gifts. Nothing ever worked. Our circle of friends is pretty close and all it takes is one person mentioning they are bringing a gift anyway, and then everyone does.

One thing we did that sort of worked is we mentioned we would be making a scrapbook for our child and would appreciate cards, photos, drawings etc. to add to the book. People really got into bringing that kind of thing...of course the they also brought wrapped toy/gifts too

 

[Nennie]

I don't like to show up at any kind of party empty-handed. That's just the way I am. Even if someone said, "no gifts," I still bring a gift partly b/c I like to bring gifts, and partly b/c I'm afraid everyone else will still bring a gift, and I'll be the one looking like a dolt without a gift! LOL!!!

Now if it's an adult's b-day party, and the invite says, "no gifts" then I'll probably just bring a bottle of wine or something instead of a larger gift. Kids parties, graduation parties, etc, I still bring a regular gift.

Also, while I love the idea of donating gifts to a children's hopsital or something like that, I think it's best to just make the donation of one's choosing rather than asking guests to bring a donation. (Meaning if you want to donate my gift to the hospital that's great, but don't tell me ahead of time to bring something for the hospital). Just my 2 cents! LOL!!!

 

[kacaju]

Honestly, I do not like the no gift idea for a child. Sorry, it is their Birthday and it is a perfect time to give a gift!!
Adults (the *big ones*), couples anniversary parties I do like the no gift thing, but not for a child.
I'm not crazy about the whole *give to a charity* thing for kids either. it is their Birthday and the one day they get to themselves (unless they are a multiple or happen share a Birthday with a sibling)
If you want to throw a huge party then just do so, don't make it a Birthday party then. I understand not wanting to open 100 gifts, I do agree that would be crazy, then just throw a party. If you need to throw that big of a party, then do so and when it is dessert time, bring out a cake and ask everyone while they are here to wish your little one a Happy Birthday.

 

[calnmace]

I don't like the idea of not giving a child a gift for their b-day either. My daughter's friend had a bday recently and we were told to bring in a donation for a sponsor child instead of a gift. Well, it wasn't the little girl's idea, it was her moms and everytime someone came in the door she was looking hoping they brought her something. Of course we brought her something and donated, but to me a birthday includes presents cake and balloons, especially when you're little. Just my opinion Hope your little one has a great birthday!

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

for my mother in law's party last year on the invitations we put

"No gifts please your presence is gift enough"

I think this is a very simple and classy way to communicate your wishes. I think we'll be using that for our DS's birthday when he turns 1. We really really really don't need or want anything for him at this point. When he was born we literally received over 100 presents!

OP, I'm with the others about mentioning the book. I wouldn't. Just put a simple statement like the one above. There's really no need for further explanation on an invitation.

Honestly, I do not like the no gift idea for a child. Sorry, it is their Birthday and it is a perfect time to give a gift!!

I would assume that this child and most children will get gifts from their parents. I think that's plenty for the birthday of a 1 year old who likely has no idea what's going on anyway. If the child was older, I could see your point. It would be up to them to decide whether or not they wanted presents and what they were going to do with them. But this child is only 1! It's the same with people who fill a room full of Christmas gifts for infants. I think that's ridiculous. Our DS will be 7 months come Christmas time and one or two presents is fine.

 

[tjmw2727]

snip

Also, while I love the idea of donating gifts to a children's hopsital or something like that, I think it's best to just make the donation of one's choosing rather than asking guests to bring a donation. (Meaning if you want to donate my gift to the hospital that's great, but don't tell me ahead of time to bring something for the hospital). Just my 2 cents! LOL!!!

Interesting point - to which I have a question. My dd has a December birthday and believe me we get Christmas and Hanakkah overload!!

So for the past two years my 12yo has requested from the friends invited to her home party and from relatives who send gifts that they instead bring something that she will donate to MAW or make a donation to a charity of their choice in her name.

Do you feel differently when the child chooses this? My dd realized a couple years ago how fortunate she is while experiencing the battle with cancer of a dear friend. It was her choice to request donations - and she wanted to share with her friends how much satisfaction she got from helping/donating.

IMHO it would be rude to give away a gift intended for her, in addition her friends and some of our relatives may not be as involved in charities as they are if not for her requests.

As for the wording she usually does it herself, not always eloquent but always heartfelt!! I know that doesn't help a 1yo and sorry to go OT

TJ

 

[Scurvy]

Interesting point - to which I have a question. My dd has a December birthday and believe me we get Christmas and Hanakkah overload!!

So for the past two years my 12yo has requested from the friends invited to her home party and from relatives who send gifts that they instead bring something that she will donate to MAW or make a donation to a charity of their choice in her name.

Do you feel differently when the child chooses this? My dd realized a couple years ago how fortunate she is while experiencing the battle with cancer of a dear friend. It was her choice to request donations - and she wanted to share with her friends how much satisfaction she got from helping/donating.

IMHO it would be rude to give away a gift intended for her, in addition her friends and some of our relatives may not be as involved in charities as they are if not for her requests.

As for the wording she usually does it herself, not always eloquent but always heartfelt!! I know that doesn't help a 1yo and sorry to go OT

TJ

I can't speak for Nennie, but this topic came up on another forum and I was surprised by the number of people who were really opposed to this. It's amazing how controversial some charities can be, even the ones that most of us would think everyone would love. Many people didn't want to support the charities that they were asked to bring donations for but also felt bad coming to the party empty handed. Apparently it can lead to some hurt feelings on both sides. That's also a reason that the "etiquette experts" suggest that the trend of giving a donation in someones name is not a good thing unless you are certain it's a charity that they support.

It's different if you choose to throw a fundraiser for your chosen charity that is separate from any personal party - it feels less like you are imposing on your friends to support your charity. They can choose to contribute or not without feeling like they are choosing not to support you, if that makes sense.

The fact that your daughter asks people to donate to MAW or to their chosen charity is much better than what most people do, but some people would still be bothered by receiving the request unless it is a response when they ask her what she wants. If they are asking and that's her answer, then she's doing fine. If they aren't asking her and she's including the information on the invitation (or just offering it without being asked) then I'd have to say she's being well meaning but still a little rude. I do think it's really sweet that she would be so selfless and I don't mean to belittle that. But I do still consider it rude to try to dictate what someone will give you as a gift, or even to dictate that they should give you a gift at all.

Generally speaking it's frowned on to imply that someone is expected to bring a gift to the party (unless it's a shower), and that's partly why many people feel that dictating a particular gift is rude even if it's for a charity. That's also why it's still considered rude to say "No gifts" on the invitation, though it's considered fine to make sure that the info gets around via word of mouth. Most people do expect that a birthday party will be a gift giving occasion, but it's still more polite not to imply that your guests are expected to bring a gift.

For what it's worth, I certainly wouldn't be offended if I got an invitation that requested "No gifts" or suggested a charitable donation, but it would cross my mind that an etiquette book might be a good gift in the future. I do know a surprising number of people who would be somewhat offended by that sort of invitation.

 

[kacaju]

Interesting point - to which I have a question. My dd has a December birthday and believe me we get Christmas and Hanakkah overload!!

So for the past two years my 12yo has requested from the friends invited to her home party and from relatives who send gifts that they instead bring something that she will donate to MAW or make a donation to a charity of their choice in her name.

Do you feel differently when the child chooses this? My dd realized a couple years ago how fortunate she is while experiencing the battle with cancer of a dear friend. It was her choice to request donations - and she wanted to share with her friends how much satisfaction she got from helping/donating.

IMHO it would be rude to give away a gift intended for her, in addition her friends and some of our relatives may not be as involved in charities as they are if not for her requests.

As for the wording she usually does it herself, not always eloquent but always heartfelt!! I know that doesn't help a 1yo and sorry to go OT

TJ

I have no problems if the child him/herself chooses to forgo gifts and would rather have people donate to a charity.

My problem is parents who decide for the kid.

 

[tinkerlisa]

I was very blunt....

I said NO GIFTS PLEASE

at the bottom of the invite...


Guess blunt isn't an effective manner to go about it since my son still got gifts

 

[tjmw2727]

I

snipp a great post -

For what it's worth, I certainly wouldn't be offended if I got an invitation that requested "No gifts" or suggested a charitable donation, but it would cross my mind that an etiquette book might be a good gift in the future. I do know a surprising number of people who would be somewhat offended by that sort of invitation.

I agree with you and I had not thought much about some charaties being contraversial. I love hearing all the different perspectives.

However, IMHO I would find it rude if my dd was given an etiquette book as a gift simply because a 10,11 or 12yo tried to do something nice and got it a bit wrong.

I will definately take the opinions given if dd decides to do something for charity again this year.

TJ

 

[Scurvy]

I agree with you and I had not thought much about some charaties being contraversial. I love hearing all the different perspectives.

However, IMHO I would find it rude if my dd was given an etiquette book as a gift simply because a 10,11 or 12yo tried to do something nice and got it a bit wrong.

I will definately take the opinions given if dd decides to do something for charity again this year.

TJ

Yikes! No, no - I'm sorry, I definitely didn't say that the way I meant it to come across. I would never give someone an etiquette book because they got something wrong. I would never want to make a child feel badly about doing something a bit wrong, especially when it's something as sweet as donating their gifts to those less fortunate.

There was a big focus on "proper etiquette" in my family as I was growing up because my mom and grandmother were both dean's wives who had to entertain frequently. My grandmother gave me my first etiquette book when I was 12 and made a big deal of the fact that it would make my interactions with people much easier as I was growing up. I think those books make great gifts for teens/preteens because I really do think it makes social interactions much smoother. If you don't know all the "rules" then it's easy to offend someone without meaning to. Knowing the appropriate etiquette for a situation helps to prevent awkward situations. Which doesn't mean you always have to follow the "rules" to the letter, but at least you know they are there and you can choose whether or not you care about any particular one enough to follow it.

If a child did something that made me think they might not already have one (and I was fairly close to them) I would file the info away and give them an etiquette book sometime later. But I would make a big deal of the story of my grandmother giving me mine when I did it - I would want them to know it was something that I had appreciated and so I thought they might as well. I wouldn't want them to think it was aimed at them, specifically, but that it was something I always liked to give as a gift. (I hope that makes sense - I think I'm having trouble saying what I'm thinking today.)