OT-Why is this so hard for me??

[sdoll]

I am breastfeeding my DS (5mos) but I think it is time to admit defeat. I love the bond it gives me, I love the fact it is better for his health. But I am having a hard time producing enough milk for him when I am at work. I get up 1 hour and a half before I leave so that I can pump get ready and then nurse him. I stick to a consistent schedule but I never get enough unless I take about 45 mins to pump. I feel like all I think about is getting enough milk. Its getting harder and harder at work to take that much time. My boss is ok with the time its taking me but its getting really frustrating for me. I nursed my older son for 3 months and then switched to formula and I was ok with that. So why do I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt? I am having a really hard time with this. I know its not the worst thing in the world but it feels like it right now. Oh Mommy guilt is a cruel thing.....

 

[hsmamato2]

I feel really bad for you....do you love to nurse before/after work? like, the times when you sit alone with baby and bond? If so, keep trying for this, it is worth it! (my kids are older,and the biggest thing I miss is that nursing baby feeling,there's nothing like those sweet moments)
Can you sit at night,after baby is asleep,and try to pump/freeze some? I know pumping is a whole set of skills that can be harder than just nursing....
Have you contacted your local La Leche League? I know they have chapters everywhere,and I so hope you'll try this- they can give you support and ideas when you feel too exhausted to think of any on your own!
In our culture, so many don't feel that extended breastfeeding is needed,but guessing from your struggle,I'll bet you do!
Another forum you should go to 'yesterday' and post on is www.mothering.com
head straight to their forums,sign up-you will find many many moms who are in your shoes,who can encourage you!
good luck mama, your baby is worth your efforts!

 

[Luckymomoftwo]

You shouldn't feel guilty at all! There are lots of moms (myself included) that just were not able to breast feed at all. My kids would not latch on from day one, so I had no choice but to formula feed them. There are also lots of moms out there that don't even try. Especially working moms. So, you have done very well by breast feeding your child for five months while returning to work. Are you taking that much time in the evenings trying to get enough milk, too? Isn't that taking away from the time you could be spending with your children? Just imagine how much extra time you will have if you decide to stop breast feeding? And how much less stress you'll have in your life!

Good luck to you...

 

[Juliet25]

Does your DS nurse just fine when you are together? If so, you probably just aren't responding well to the pump. If you're stressed about it, that impedes your pump production as well.

When I pumped at work for DD, it really helped for me to just pump once a day. This way, I was able to engorge and my let-down was pretty fast. I had no problem pumping 8 oz. in less than 15 minutes with my Isis hand pump. Now, this approach may not work for everyone. Engorgement can lead to mastitis. But it might be worth trying. Instead of pumping in the morning, just nurse DS and pump later in the day when you feel your breasts getting full.

If pumping just isn't working for you, no need to wean DS altogether. Why not nurse him when you're together and formula feed when he's in day care? Since he's used to getting bottles from his day care provider, this would have a very minimal impact on your nursing relationship. As you mentioned, you love the bond it creates, so why disrupt it? Nursing doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Good luck!

 

[Toot Sweet]

I was unable to BF my first, but did BF my second. I saw no difference in either child's health, or the mommy/child bond. I say do what is right for you. Maybe a combo of formula and BF is best for you, or maybe weaning all together. Nothing terrible is going to happen with either decision. Good luck!

 

[Elmo888]

Some of the previous posters have a great idea...just breastfeed when you are with him and quit pumping. And supplement with formula when you aren't with him. That way, he's still getting the benefits of breastmilk and breastfeeding (and so are you), and you can eliminate the part that isn't working.

I felt that pumping was really difficult. Breastfeeding was so much easier. I didn't have to pump often since I stay at home, but every time I did, I blessed women like you who pump regularly. And those women with premies who pump around the clock for their newborns, sometimes for months. I had to pump around the clock for one day while my newborn was in the NICU, and I'm not sure that I could have gone much longer.

That seems like a happy medium that would work for you - breastfeed when you are with him, and skip the pumping.

Good luck!

 

[tl_swift]

You need to do what works best for you. Try not to guilt yourself. Have you tried contacting a La Leche League in your area for tips?

http://www.llli.org/

 

[melomouse]

I am breastfeeding my DS (5mos) but I think it is time to admit defeat. I love the bond it gives me, I love the fact it is better for his health. But I am having a hard time producing enough milk for him when I am at work. I get up 1 hour and a half before I leave so that I can pump get ready and then nurse him. I stick to a consistent schedule but I never get enough unless I take about 45 mins to pump. I feel like all I think about is getting enough milk. Its getting harder and harder at work to take that much time. My boss is ok with the time its taking me but its getting really frustrating for me. I nursed my older son for 3 months and then switched to formula and I was ok with that. So why do I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt? I am having a really hard time with this. I know its not the worst thing in the world but it feels like it right now. Oh Mommy guilt is a cruel thing.....

First, I want to applaud you for putting in all the pumping efforts you have so far and working, pumping, nursing, etc. Very very stressful stuff.

Every nursing experience with every child can be different - or at least mine were! Pumping never worked for me too well, and I can so relate to the time and stress factor.

ITA with the other posters who suggested you supplement with formula and nurse when you get home from work and then maybe again at bedtime. You will still have the "snuggies" of nursing without the time and effort of pumping.

Try, try NOT to give yourself a hard time with the "guilts". Sounds like you've been doing an awesome job and it's just time to shift gears!

 

[bumbershoot]

Doesn't sound like your problem is *nursing*, but is *pumping*. If you are interested in helping out the pumping, I'm sure there are a million ideas out there to help you. Have you checked out kellymom.com?

Also, what do you mean you can't get *enough* milk? How are you determining what enough is?

How old is your baby? At a certain point, the makeup of milk changes a bit (actually happens often) and the amount might go down, but the good stuff in the milk gets more concentrated. If you're solely going by ounces, you might be flawed in how you're thinking about it...nursing is a whole different thing, b/c it changes dynamically, it isn't a set calories per ounce like formula is.

If baby is hungrier sometimes, then that can be addressed, of course.

If pumping just isn't working for you, no need to wean DS altogether. Why not nurse him when you're together and formula feed when he's in day care?

Definitely.

I'll tell you, if I had a job, I would have had a very hard time. I barely respond to pumping, though nursing is fabulously simple for me.



Sounds like you have a really good work situation. As long as your boss doesn't mind the extra time you're taking, TAKE IT! It's OK for you to have thoughts of your baby, and feeding your baby, on your mind. It's natural. It's what your body is supposed to be doing right now anyway, with a little one in your life! And since you are supremely lucky enough to have a boss who understands that, don't let weird feelings about only thinking about getting enough milk stop you, just find ways to make more, or be OK with the amount you are pumping, nurse when at home, and figure out the in between part.

 

[robinb]

You shouldn't feel guilty at all! I am a HUGE nursing advocate (I nursed my DD until she self weaned at 2 1/2) but I believe that nursing is a two-way relationship. I think that if either party is not happy, then the relationship needs to change. I agree with others who suggested that you supplement with formula while at work. You may or may not want to continue to pump occasionally to keep up your milk supply. But if that doesn't work, it's not the end of the world!

 

[Peg In The Pound]

I don't really have any good advice,
but just wanted to let you know that I went through the exact same thing.
I was fortunate enough to take 3 months from work when my DD was born, and breastfed exclusively.
I started pumping when she was abouth 2 months,
just to ensure that she would have enough when I went back to work.
My co-workers were wonderfully supportive,
but I just ended up pumping less and less and less,
although I tried to pump on a regular schedule.
It was taking longer and longer to get a few ounces.
Finally stopped at 6 months.
Of course I wish that we could have made it to the one year milestone,
but I refuse to let myself feel bad that we didn't make it.
I look at our 6 months as an acheivement,
rather than a failure to make it to one year.
Please don't beat yourself up.

 

[SarahKate]

Please do not feel guilty. You have done a HUGE service to your little one by nursing as long as you have. There are so many people who either can't or just choose not to, so you have done a great thing.

And don't let others make you feel guilty either.

I went through this same thing. I really could not produce enough for my DD and I think I gave up around 3-4 months. I am very small chested - I know the breastfeeding advocates will say that size doesn't matter, but I don't agree with that.

It wasn't long after her birth that I realized that I needed to supplement because she jus twasn't getting enough. I tried pumping, which helped a bit but still wasn't enough. I think it was the bonding thing for me that made it hard to give up. There was nothing more relaxing than sitting down at the end of a busy day and nursing her.....but it eventually got to be where she didn't seem to be interested so we just stopped.

As mothers, I think that we all feel guilt over something or other. I think it's just ingrained! Good luck to you!

 

[Clutterbug]

I totally agree with all those who pointed out that nursing doesn't have to be all or nothing. If pumping makes you stressed out, give that up and continue nursing when you are with your DS. With my DS I stopped pumping when he was a year old and I was nervous that I would lose my supply. He liked to nurse often on weekends so I'd get a tiny bit engorged on Mondays when I returned to work, but overall, it was fine. I went on to nurse him this way until he was almost 3. You've done a wonderful job so far and 5 months is a big achievement.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I'm one of those people who couldn't make it work at all. I nursed my first son for a week and my second for 2 1/2 weeks. Each time, I was told that they weren't gaining adequately and they needed to be put on formula. My body just couldn't produce enough milk. I felt very guilty both times because new moms are bombarded with the "breast is best" message. But, I learned to let go of the guilt. My boys started gaining weight on the formula and they did just fine.

Please don't feel guilty if you think you need to stop. Do what you think is best for both of you!

 

[Nicolepa]

My question is what kind of pump are you using? If you aren't using a heavy duty pump like a Medela Pump in Style, I would rent one and try it before I made any decision.

 

[sdoll]

My question is what kind of pump are you using? If you aren't using a heavy duty pump like a Medela Pump in Style, I would rent one and try it before I made any decision.

I am using the Medela Pump in Style. I was doing ok at first and had about 10(work) days worth of milk. But I now have 2 days of milk left. I was thinking about supplementing formula while I am at work. I did that with my older son but I found out I stopped producing milk with out even knowing it. I found out the hard way when I tried to nurse him for a day with out formula poor little guy was starving. So I think I will try that for as long as possible. I just wish I could understand why I am having such a hard time.

 

[sdoll]

My question is what kind of pump are you using? If you aren't using a heavy duty pump like a Medela Pump in Style, I would rent one and try it before I made any decision.

I am using the Medela Pump in Style. I was doing ok at first and had about 10(work) days worth of milk. But I now have 2 days of milk left. I was thinking about supplementing formula while I am at work. I did that with my older son but I found out I stopped producing milk with out even knowing it. I found out the hard way when I tried to nurse him for a day with out formula poor little guy was starving. So I think I will try that for as long as possible. I just wish I could understand why I am having such a hard time.

 

[saucymb]

I know how frustrated you are right now! I agree with the PP's, if the breastfeeding is working for you but pumping is not, then a combination of both seems like the best option.

Pumping is hard work. I know - I pumped for 10 months for my first son, and am now pumping for my second son. We had latch-on issues, most of it on my end. Please try to not be so hard on yourself. That's easier said than done, I know. I cried for days with my first son when we finally made the switch to exclusive pumping. I enjoyed the little bit of time my second son was able to nurse, but felt guilty again when it wasn't working. Thank goodness for my lactation consultant!

If you're worried it could be about supply and you think you're not producing enough, you can try to take Fenugreek and/or Blessed Thistle. With my first, Fenugreek helped me a bit, not enough so I switched to Reglan which made me into a milk-making machine, usually around 60 ounces a day! I haven't had to take anything with this baby. He's almost 4 weeks old and I'm back up to 60 ounces a day, and freezing plenty already.

I'll be thinking about you, and wish you the best of luck! Check out those sites mentioned earlier, there are lots of moms in YOUR shoes who have great advice to give.

 

[Juliet25]

I found out the hard way when I tried to nurse him for a day with out formula poor little guy was starving. So I think I will try that for as long as possible. I just wish I could understand why I am having such a hard time.

How were you determining that he was "starving"? The reason I ask is that breastfed babies who are away from mom tend to cluster feed or reverse cycle. Meaning, they will basically hang on to mom all they can while they're together. When I worked, my DD reversed cycled by drinking 8-10 oz of pumped milk during the day and nursed alot in the evenings. She was gaining weight just fine, had plenty of wet and yucky diapers, so I knew all was well with her intake -- she just prefered the real thing and was willing to wait for it!

 

[Princess Roo]

I agree with what the others have said about not feeling guilty, but I also have two other possible suggestions...

1) You could try switching one feeding per day over to formula and drop one pumping session per day (the same one each day). Your body will learn not to make milk then, and you'll get a little respite from the pump without stopping all together. I know some people are able to drop down to just nursing before and after work/at night, but a lot of people also completely lose their supply that way. Dropping just one feeding increases your chances of being able to still successfully nurse the rest of the time.

2) You might try renting a hospital grade pump. They're better than the Pump in Style, and I would guess ~$30/month.

FWIW, with my 1st child for some reason I was DETERMINED that he wouldn't get anything but breastmilk the 1st 6 months of his life and bit off anyone's head that dared suggest otherwise. I made myself MISERABLE pumping what felt like all the time to get enough milk. At 6 months, I did what I suggested in #1 and it made things so much more enjoyable. (Actually, I didn't even always get quite enough from the pumping that I did do, because I also stopped the extra sessions I was doing on the days I was home with him, so I ended up using ~1.5 bottles of formula per work day, but it was enough to keep my supply up.) My supply dropped again around 10 months and then I rented a hospital pump for a month, which also worked a lot better.

Good luck to you!