OT-When did you know you were finished having kids?

[emmababy]

We just had our second baby 2 months ago. I always thought I would be done at 2, but lately I am considering having a 3rd. I'm not sure if I am on a baby high and I will change my mind later.

So, for those that families are complete, when did you know you were done? Was it before the birth of your last, right after the birth, or later on?

My hubby is a little older than me and we both have to work, so with the cost of childcare, I can't see having a third. But I don't want to regret it later!

Thanks for all of your input!

 

[mjkacmom]

When I accidently became pregnant with twins when #3 was only 1 year old. That was the only time I felt DONE.

 

[lurkernj]

We worked really hard to have #2 and didn't want to end on a bad note, so when he was born healthy, we thought we wouldn't push our luck and declared ourselves done. We have two boys 10 and 13years old and they have a very nice bond between them, I think a third child would have certainly changed the dynamic. It is also much easier to get a table for 4 than 5. Also, who would drive that third kid around, there are only two chauffeurs in my house (and one of them isn't always available!).

 

[coolbeans]

This is gonna sound awful!! DS is a handfull, mini monster, mess, rotten, demon child... need I say more. I'm done!!

His sister was a breeze, I'm sure I deserve him for something I have done in life but not quite sure what.

P.S. Love him beyond words and wouldn't trade him for a thing, I had a miscarrige before we got pregnant with him so I know how much of a blessing he is, plus I LOVED being pregnant, I am one of the wierd women that actually enjoy being pregnant...he just brought out the bag of his sisters Disney Pins and they are now scattered from her room to me at the computer.

 

[YellowMickeyPonchos]

I quit after pregnancy #2 - I was so incredibly sick, both during and after the pregnancy that I just couldn't go through it again! I had my two beautiful girls and was happy with that, so we decided it was enough. I figured having them 19 months apart at ages 38 and 40 was probably what did me in, but that was it for us.

My best friend quit after having her only child because of the same "spawn of satan" - her words not mine - syndrome the PP mentioned. Her daughter had the worst colic and then some - for 2 years - and just became intensely difficult to deal with. She's 6 now, and is much easier to deal with, but still is highly stubborn, very particular, and too smart for her own good. My friend is glad she quit at 1, and thinks her daughter will thrive in Law School.

 

[emmababy]

Thanks for your stories! Did you all absolutely know you were done, no regrets? At what stage did you know you were done?

 

[mlong2004]

You will know when you are done. I had twins and then 5 years later had another. When I was pregnant with her, I knew I was done and had a tubal ligation during my c-section. I just knew. I would say not to do anything permanent until you KNOW. Kind of like love, you'll just KNOW.

I have a neighbor who was 29 when she got pregnant with her 4th (accidentally). It was her husband's 5th. She said after her 3rd, she just didn't feel "done" at that point. We all called her crazy, but she stood by her choice not to do anything permanent. After she had her 4th, actually while she was prego with her 4th, she said she now knew that she was done. She looks back and says she was glad she did not make a decision based on what everyone else told her to do, however, now she is done. In fact, the baby is 6 months old, and her husband has a consultation with the urologist set up.

Don't let anyone else make your decision for you. Go with your gut. You can always use "temporary" protection, but it would be very hard to un-do a permanent fix if you want another. Good luck.

 

[DjdBrit]

Right now I am done. I know it... no more babies. I have 3 ages 2, 5 and 8. I know that we have it pretty good no one shares a room, we are comfortable. We can still fit in 1 hotel room at most Disney resorts. I really feel we are done... that being said.... I would never say never.

 

[emmababy]

You will know when you are done. I had twins and then 5 years later had another. When I was pregnant with her, I knew I was done and had a tubal ligation during my c-section. I just knew. I would say not to do anything permanent until you KNOW. Kind of like love, you'll just KNOW.

I have a neighbor who was 29 when she got pregnant with her 4th (accidentally). It was her husband's 5th. She said after her 3rd, she just didn't feel "done" at that point. We all called her crazy, but she stood by her choice not to do anything permanent. After she had her 4th, actually while she was prego with her 4th, she said she now knew that she was done. She looks back and says she was glad she did not make a decision based on what everyone else told her to do, however, now she is done. In fact, the baby is 6 months old, and her husband has a consultation with the urologist set up.

Don't let anyone else make your decision for you. Go with your gut. You can always use "temporary" protection, but it would be very hard to un-do a permanent fix if you want another. Good luck.

Thanks for that! During my pregnancy with ds, I knew I was done. Then I had him and the last 2 months have been a joy! I am just wondering if this is because he is a happy baby, and I will change my mind again once he is older and a handful. My dh is 42, so I hurried to have our 2nd so he wouldn't be in his 60's with kids at home. He comes from a big family, so wouldn't mind more. However, he is out of town a lot and I am home alone. I just don't want to regret something when I am older and can't do a thing about it. I never thought I would want 3 kids. I always thought everything was made for a family of 4, now I am second guessing it!

 

[CandCMommy]

I'm right there with you however my youngest is 16 months. When we got back from WDW in September we both said, I think we're done. Well, we didn't know it at the time but I was already pregnant. Got excited about having number 3 once the shock wore off and then miscarried at 7 weeks. Now I have this yearning for another one because I feel like we were meant to have another. I really really want a little girl and would love to have another for that reason. However, DH is about 80% sure he doesn't want any more. I thought that the "accident" was God's way of deciding for us about having a third child. I don't know if I want another now because of the loss I suffered two weeks ago or because I truly want another one. I see all the little babies around and have that pang of wanting another and to hear about all these people that are pregnant gives me that pang as well.

We have a few months to mull it over because we are going on a cruise in April and I want to do fun things there so if we did it wouldn't be until after that. I'll be 35 in December and that is somewhat scary to me since 35 is the magic number. I guess I just don't want to talk DH into another one and have him resent me for it but I don't want to give in and not have another and then resent DH for it. I don't know what to do! Good luck in whatever you decide.

 

[emmababy]

I'm right there with you however my youngest is 16 months. When we got back from WDW in September we both said, I think we're done. Well, we didn't know it at the time but I was already pregnant. Got excited about having number 3 once the shock wore off and then miscarried at 7 weeks. Now I have this yearning for another one because I feel like we were meant to have another. I really really want a little girl and would love to have another for that reason. However, DH is about 80% sure he doesn't want any more. I thought that the "accident" was God's way of deciding for us about having a third child. I don't know if I want another now because of the loss I suffered two weeks ago or because I truly want another one. I see all the little babies around and have that pang of wanting another and to hear about all these people that are pregnant gives me that pang as well.

We have a few months to mull it over because we are going on a cruise in April and I want to do fun things there so if we did it wouldn't be until after that. I'll be 35 in December and that is somewhat scary to me since 35 is the magic number. I guess I just don't want to talk DH into another one and have him resent me for it but I don't want to give in and not have another and then resent DH for it. I don't know what to do! Good luck in whatever you decide.

So sorry for your loss. How heartbreaking. My thoughts are with you.

What is so odd is that I NEVER wanted more than 2 kids. Now that I have two kids, I am yearning for one more. NOONE is more shocked then me about this. I am enjoying being a mother much more than I ever thought I would! However, I want to give it some time to see if will always feel this way. I don't know how we would provide for a 3rd with childcare!

 

[wrighter]

I can empathize with you! When we were pregnant with #2, we were so sure we were done that DH was already meeting with the "snip-snip" doc - making sure he jumped through all the hoops prior to her birth. When she turned around 6 months, and we knew she was healthy, "measures were taken" to ensure we only had two children. Biologically, anyway!

But even though I never wanted more than two, I felt that same longing feeling you're having. There was this quiet little voice in the back of my head saying, "Maybe . . ." For me, I came to the realization that it wasn't necessarily longing for another child, but knowing that this would be the last one. The last tiny little bundle sleeping on my chest, the last little coos, the last baby giggles. And after awhile I also cheered the fact that it was the last poopy diapers, the last up-all-night cries, the last morbid fear of SIDS. So I just enjoyed it - took it all in, knowing that four was the right number for us. Now I can relish in my girlfriends' new babies, hug them, love on them, and then give them back after they puke.

My suggestion, FWIW, is to just sit back and take it all in for now. Give yourself some time to sort through it all. You never know - in two more months you might be thinking, "No way could I do another one!"

Congrats on such a wonderful baby. (Just a warning, my DD was an ANGEL for her first few months of life, then became possessed by some unknown force that turned her into a beligerent, stubborn fit-thrower. Seriously, before she could even walk, she would literally crawl into her bedroom and slam the door!) Keep a good eye on your angel-baby - you never know if the tides are going to turn!

 

[Neesy228]

We had always figured we'd have two. I (thankfully) never had any problems getting pregnant, so we had our two boys spaced almost two years and half years apart. Then, when I got home from the hospital with my 2nd, I knew that we weren't done! It took us nearly two and a half years to both agree - we went back and forth about it all the time -- but we finally agreed for about two weeks, so we took that as a "GO!" Our daughter was born 9 months later...my DH (who took a lot of convincing) always tells me that she was the best idea he ever had!

We are definitely done now. I feel certain, so does my husband...not only are we tired, but we feel like we couldn't be good parents if we had to split our attention in a fourth direction. Practically speaking, we also know that it would be a strain on our finances to have another, and we'd be out of room in our home. Not to mention college costs and car insurance! We have three healthy, beautiful children and I think that is such a blessing. They keep me plenty busy.

I think that you instinctively know when you're done. If you take the time to listen to what your mind/heart and life are telling you - you'll answer the question for yourself. Best wishes.

 

[fortheluvofpooh]

Well, I don't know if I ever felt Done, but I am done. DS 1 it took 4 yrs to conceive and we were/are so thrilled to have him,then when he was 3 we hada miscarraige at 14 weeks and were really sad, I knew I wanted more children and along came DD 1 when DS was 5yrs old. We were complete but not ready to give up or really try for another so we just let nature decide, and when DD #1 was just 3 my dad died and I got pregnant with my son William, he was to complete our family, when I got pregnant with him I KNEW we were done, I was getting older and wanted to have time with my children. William died at 7 months into my pregnancy and I went numb. I wanted no more children I avoided DH at all costs. 4 1/2 months after William died and 2x of dtd I got pregnant with Hannah. When she was born healthy after a VERY scarey entrance into the world, she was born blue with the cord aroun her neck 3 times tightly, She took 3 VERY LONG minutes to let out her first scream. That night DH and I spoke to my OB and said we are done. My story is not the usual story though.

 

[Tricia819]

My husband and I have always wanted three. After the birth of our second we considered stopping because we had two healthy little girls and questioned whether we would be tempting fate by asking for a third. (I always thought my mother's fears were irrational, but now I get it.) Now we have a little boy and he completes our family. I'm not an overly religous person, but I think God was telling me I was done when I had to have a c-sect for him because I was able to have a tubal done at the same time. That and if we had anymore we would have to buy a full-size van to transport them anywhere and our house is really too small for the five of us as it is.

 

[momtomatthew]

DH and I discussed the number of kids long before we were ready to get pregnant and always agreed on ONE. I am an only child and loved it- he has a brother and sister, and they don't really get along. DS is 4 and we still feel that we only want one. Especially in the economy today! I'm hoping to be a SAHM come June (work freelance) and still continue our lifestyle. I don't think that would be possible with another. Plus, we enjoy where we are now- I couldn't imagine doing a newborn again, or dealing with diapers, bottles, etc. And being pregnant again- UGH!

There is no doubt for us that we're done...

 

[emmababy]

Thank you so much for all of your wonderful stories! I totally agree with the poster who told me to enjoy all of this now and that it could change. I have a very demanding, shedevil of a 2 year old!! It is inspirational to hear everyone's paths and tragedies. I know I should count my blessings now and decide a little later on if we want to try again!!

As a sidenote- were any of your or your hubby's over 40 when you were still having children? I think if he was my age we could wait a couple of years and try for the third. Because he is 42 I feel this huge rush to decide what to do!

 

[brockash]

I'm so glad you asked this. I've been questioning whether or not I really want to have another child as well. I have a DS-6 and DD 18 months. After we had our DD everyone said "oh good you have one of both and you're done." I do understand what they mean, and I do think a lot of things are made/easier for a family of 4 or at least an even # as oppose to 5 ect., but I'm just not sure that I'm done. On the one hand 2 is definetly finacially easier, and wouldn't have to deal with another set of diapers, plus the I have 2 hands for 2 kids, and daycare costs, and the scary part of them possibly getting sick at such a young age ect., but on the other hand I'm just not sure 2 is enough for me. I come from a family of 3 sisters and 1 step brother and my DH comes from a family of 4, so for me 2 kinda feels very small. I think if we did have anymore it would probably only be 1 more (I'm not sure I could handle 4, and the money issue.) I should also add that I HATE being pregnant. The only thing I like at all is when we get to see the baby on the ultrasound, but that only happens once, and I really really dislike everything else about being pregnant (and I haven't had difficult pregnancies, I just don't like it.) I've also really thought about adopting, but I'm not sure how DH would be with that. I don't know, I just wish I could know for sure one way or the other.

 

[G-Duck]

I only wanted 2 so after Number 2 was born had the big V with no regrets.

 

[emmababy]

I'm so glad you asked this. I've been questioning whether or not I really want to have another child as well. I have a DS-6 and DD 18 months. After we had our DD everyone said "oh good you have one of both and you're done." I do understand what they mean, and I do think a lot of things are made/easier for a family of 4 or at least an even # as oppose to 5 ect., but I'm just not sure that I'm done. On the one hand 2 is definetly finacially easier, and wouldn't have to deal with another set of diapers, plus the I have 2 hands for 2 kids, and daycare costs, and the scary part of them possibly getting sick at such a young age ect., but on the other hand I'm just not sure 2 is enough for me. I come from a family of 3 sisters and 1 step brother and my DH comes from a family of 4, so for me 2 kinda feels very small. I think if we did have anymore it would probably only be 1 more (I'm not sure I could handle 4, and the money issue.) I should also add that I HATE being pregnant. The only thing I like at all is when we get to see the baby on the ultrasound, but that only happens once, and I really really dislike everything else about being pregnant (and I haven't had difficult pregnancies, I just don't like it.) I've also really thought about adopting, but I'm not sure how DH would be with that. I don't know, I just wish I could know for sure one way or the other.

We are so similiar! Everyone said the same thing to me about having a girl then a boy. I also hated being pregnant and that's why I thought I would only have 2. We considered adopting but the cost is so crazy!