OT: What bizarre / funny "rules" do you have in your house?

[Suellen]

No chinning your sister.

And really? How many times do I have to say "I don't CARE who took it out ~ I asked YOU to pick it up!"

My 5 year old is the QUEEN of the circumvent the rules.

I tuck her in... "don't yell for me, don't get our of bed and I don't want to hear a peep from this room until morning."

"Mama, what if I fall out of my bunk bed?"

"Yes you can call for me then"

"Mama, what if I spill my water in my bed?"

"Yes you can call for me then"

"Mama, what if someone is blooding? Then it is okay to call for you right?"

*Sigh* the what if queen.

 

[gregokdisney]

We had to institute a "No kicking the ball if it has a hamster in it." shortly after teaching my then 2 year old son to kick balls. He kicked every ball he saw for awhile.

 

[Acklander]

When DS was about 8 we created the "No new stitches until we've paid off the old stitches." rule. He didn't always follow it.

 

[rodeo65]

No chinning your sister.

And really? How many times do I have to say "I don't CARE who took it out ~ I asked YOU to pick it up!"

My 5 year old is the QUEEN of the circumvent the rules.

I tuck her in... "don't yell for me, don't get our of bed and I don't want to hear a peep from this room until morning."

"Mama, what if I fall out of my bunk bed?"

"Yes you can call for me then"

"Mama, what if I spill my water in my bed?"

"Yes you can call for me then"

"Mama, what if someone is blooding? Then it is okay to call for you right?"

*Sigh* the what if queen.

I have a "what if" king in my house. He's also the prince of the bedtime discussion. He will save up whatever disaster happened to him at school that day until lights out time. He makes sure he's had his story time, his cuddle time and anything else he thinks he needs, and THEN, only then as I'm leaving the room will tell me he has something important to tell me.

Now, I keep a piece of paper on his night table and make him write said catastrophe down for discussion AFTER school the next day, or AFTER karate or on the way to karate or whenever is not lights out time.

I also notice if it's truly something that he's upset about he spills as soon as he comes in the door, so the bedtime stuff is just the keep-mom-there hook.

Tinkh - I also want to hang with your kids and their grandma!!

 

[Akmayeli]

OMGosh and I thought my house was crazy. Hahaha! Thanks for the laughs y'all. It made my morning.

 

[miprender]

I have a new rule to add to my list after our trip to Walmart. DS3 wanted to ride in the cart, so I put him in the grocery part of the cart since his legs are getting too long to put him into the seat. At one point, I caught him holding his flip flop in his hand licking the entire bottom of it!

As I was explaining to him that he is not supposed to lick the bottom of his shoes because he has no idea what kinds of disgusting things are on the ground that could make him sick, a sympathetic lady looked at me and said "Dear, I've been there myself when my son was little. Hang in there."

So new rule is: Do not under any circumstances lick the bottom of your shoes.

I just don't get it. DS4 has to lick everything, so I feel your pain. When our oldest DS was 2 we went to Wendy's. Wiped everything down on the table only to turn around and find him licking the crevice on the seat. I swear after that we all got sick and had walking pnemonia being passed around our house for months. Maybe it was just a coincidence, but now I am so grossed out when he licks everything.

When I catch him with something near his mouth, he just tells me he is smelling it.

 

[starwatcher]

I've got an almost 2 year old got some interesting ones

1. Don't lick the computer. DD has just started this one drives me nuts
2. don't play in the kitty litter it is not a sandbox
3. Don't stuff stuff in your diaper it is not a pocket. We are trying to potty train DD and she still wears pull ups occasionally.
4. Do not put your hands in the toilet
5. poop is not paint and you are not a canvas
6. Do not climb mommy I am not a tree
7. Do not sit on the dryer door
8. Do not lay on the cats or dog they are not pillows

 

[AJRitz]

Found myself adding a new one for potty-training DS3 just yesterday:

It's called a urinal cake, but it's not for eating - so keep your hands OUT of the urinal!

(He'd reached in, grabbed the urinal cake, and said, "what's this?")

I think we spent 3x as long washing his hands as we'd spent going potty.

 

[schin4]

Licking -- DD5 does that too! I am not sure why. At McDonalds today, I turned around and saw her licking the back of her seat. WHY????
I am new to Dis and is loving it.

 

[Julia Says]

Baseball and hockey are only to be played in the formal dining room. I told that to DS and some friends one day, looked at their mom (my friend) and asked her, "Did I really just say that?"

 

[DisDr.]

For DS6 and DS3 we have:

Don't eat Legos! (Even if it is a Lego pizza)

Don't choke your brother while we're taking pictures.

You must wear pants at the dinner table.
You may not wear pants in the shower.

You are not a platypus, don't act like one.
Your brother is not evil, put him down.

 

[Pastamom]

We just had a new one yesterday -

Do not fight with your brother in church about who gets to go up to communion 1st - this was added to don't fight with brother during the Our Father (where they hold hands) or the sign of peace....

 

[Explodo]

A few from Our house (For the record let it be know that we have DD 6 and DS 3)

1. Don't bite the dog..nor lick, poke or brush with your popsicle)

2. If it isn't bleeding or pointing the wrong way, it's not hurt
- Subset...Band-Aid Clothing is a million dollar idea

3. Don't Poop in your Dump Truck

4. Just beacuse Princesses have to fart sometimes is not an excuse while we are at a nice Dinner with the pastor.

5. Clothes are to stay on while playing in the yard

6. We have figured out a nice way to tell if a child is lying in our house. I ask to squeeze their thumb after a particularly amazing story has escaped their lips. If they show me the thumb willingly and with vigor (The thumb is completely extended) They are telling the truth...if they won't let me squeeze the thumb...or it barely extends....they are lying. It works like magic...and has let to the following
- From DD, No Thumb Squeezing in public.
- Questions if thumbs can be removed and put back on at wil. I think she's convinced that her thumb can rat her out if it wasn't there for the event.

 

[GoofyIsAsGoofyDoes]

Our rules aren’t quite as funny (or specific) as some I’ve read here, but they’re a good general indication of the trials we all go through raising our kids. We use them more like proverbs that can be applied to numerous similar situations.

Rule 1: Don’t inhale liquids
Rule 2: Do not use your head as a battering ram
Rule 3: You don’t always win, and I can’t fix that.
Rule 4: If it’s you that wants it, then it’s YOU that ought to go get it.
Rule 5: If you want it, but you’ve been told no… Get over it… Quickly!
Rule 6: Food is not Playdoh
Rule 7: Playdoh is not FOOD
Rule 8: Animals have the right to bite back
Rule 9: Breaking something out of anger, guarantees that I won’t fix it
Rule 10: What the neighbors parents let their kids do means bupkus in our house.
Rule 11: If the last kid that did it got hurt, then you probably will too.
Rule 12: I am immune to guilt trips… Use that tactic at your own peril!
Rule 13: If you were told that the fence is electric, and the sign says that the fences is electric, but you piss on it anyway… We all get to laugh.

There are more, but I’ll stop here. We started implementing the “Rules of Life” as each one became relevant. To this day, anyone in our house (family, guest or otherwise) who gets chocked on food or drink will likely receive the concerned question: “What’d you do… Break Rule: 1”!

 

[twoglasslippers]

I have been laughing out loud reading this! What a great way to start a monday! I have a DS-10, DD-8, and DS-6. Our most unique rules are:

1. You may not put ANYTHING that is alive in your pockets. EVER.
(DS-6 has "forgotten" he had frogs in his pockets and put them in the hamper- twice)
2. Do not chase your sister with snakes. Dead or alive.

We also have the "no dancing in the kitchen" and "do not get out of bed unless you are bleeding, throwing up, or there is a fire" rules, as well.

 

[Capt. Barbosa]

Some of the house rules. My poor wife is in a house with me and 2 sons and 2 male cats, she grew up in house with her 3 sisters and no brothers.

Say Nah Nah Nah will earn you "the look" from your Mother (I swear the woman could melt steel)

Dispite what your Father(thats me) says "Nice One" is not what I mean when I ask what do you say after passing gas.

No giggling when she say we have to go to Dicks (sporting goods)

And don't say Whoa go back when your mother channels surfs past girls in Bikinis. (Honestly hon I don't know where they are learning these things)

 

[Missoutandabout]

Dispite what your Father(thats me) says "Nice One" is not what I mean when I ask what do you say after passing gas.

No giggling when she say we have to go to Dicks (sporting goods)

I'm glad to see other households employing Beavis & Butthead humor, just like ours. *high-five*

This thread has turned out some absolutely classic, hilarious rules -- thanks for sharing folks.

 

[PUZZLDY5]

I can add to this. We have 3 teenage boys in the house. So we have several rules but the most ridiculous are

1. NO you may not kill your brother! I don't care if he is driving you nuts.

2. No you can not go 120 miles per hour I don't care if the speedometer says you can!

3. If you insist on making 3 pizzas after school you better EAT the 3 pizzas that YOU cook!

4. loading the dishwasher and the washing machine is not a sport. You can not throw items into them or overflow either at any time.

5. Making any kind of liquid come out of you nose is GROSS! Stop it!

6. Football, baseball and wrestling are FORBIDDEN in the house. I don't care how good you think you are.

There are many many more and my DH and I reserve the right to change the rules as we see fit. They say there is a special place in Heaven for a mother of 3 boys. All I can say is by God there better be.

 

[rodeo65]

Some of the house rules. My poor wife is in a house with me and 2 sons and 2 male cats, she grew up in house with her 3 sisters and no brothers.

Say Nah Nah Nah will earn you "the look" from your Mother (I swear the woman could melt steel)

Dispite what your Father(thats me) says "Nice One" is not what I mean when I ask what do you say after passing gas.

No giggling when she say we have to go to Dicks (sporting goods)

And don't say Whoa go back when your mother channels surfs past girls in Bikinis. (Honestly hon I don't know where they are learning these things)

Funniest. Rules. Ever.

DH wanted to know what I was in hysterics about - gave him a good laugh too!

 

[DisneyCrazyMomma]

If you make an imaginary cupcake and pretend eat it in front of your siblings then you have to make an imaginary cupcake for your siblings also.

If your brother asks for an imaginary vanilla cupcake, then you can't pretend to make a chocolate one just to trick him

Hilarious! Thanks for the smile!