OT: What bizarre / funny "rules" do you have in your house?

[riley2008]

I love this thread - not sure how I missed it the initial round.

Thought I'd add a few of our "clever" rules (two boys just turned 7)

1. Grass snakes stay outside
2. No jumping on the trampolene with the dog - I don't care if you think he likes it.
3. Going to the pool is not the same as taking a bath. If you didn't use soap, it doesn't count.
4. Splashing in the tub - doesn't count either; "Face, Feet, Pits and Privates" must get soaped
5. "I know you made the 'biggest poop in the world'; however we are not saving until dad gets home tomorrow morning" (Oh, the tears when the toilet flushed. And no Grandma, I didn't take a picture.)

 

[walkdmc]

1.No tipping chairs back. Tell your friends, or I will.
2. no phone calls during dinner
3. no electronics while seated at a meal
4. You cannot light the fireplace, period.

 

[kelleyrn2000]

Not too many funny rules here yet, but the ones I use the most:

No tattling unless someone is hurt or about to get hurt

No getting out of bed at bedtime unless you are peeing or puking

No changing your clothes at the front door where there are floor to ceiling windows (frequently ignored)

No climbing on the furniture (ignored on average of 10 times per day when I am not in the room)

No butter and mayo on your sandwiches, you get one or the other. Just because your daddy is gross and puts both doesn't mean you should.

Never buy breakfast at school, especially since you eat two helpings of oatmeal at home before you leave

If you want to play outside, then stay in or out. Don't be in and out, in and out, because you might find yourself locked in our out if I hear that door open and close one more time.

When you get off that bus (winter) you better have your coat and mittens on your body

For my toddler, no naked butt on the bed. No emptying the potty chair without mommy helping. No drawing on the walls, furniture, floor, or anything. no cheering at dinnertime (likes to do his big sister's cheerleading cheers).

 

[arihillfarm]

We had to institute a "No kicking the ball if it has a hamster in it." shortly after teaching my then 2 year old son to kick balls. He kicked every ball he saw for awhile.

We have a "your hamster does not need Kleenex" rule for my DD9 after I was wondering how she was going through a box a week and then the boxes were disappearing. She was giving them to the hamster as softer bedding and then using the boxes to create a hamster playground.

-Astrid

 

[Fantasmic23]

Our house rules mostly revolve around food odors because I am weird about certain foods and the way the smell.

1. If you must eat yogurt, please eat it far away from me. This goes for ALL yogurt flavors.

2. If you must chew gum and it is a flavor other than peppermint or spearmint, please chew it far away from me.

3. No guzzling milk (or any other beverage) directly from the carton. If you feel the need to break this rule (especially if you decide to guzzle MILK from the carton), please don't let me see you or I might vomit on the floor.

 

[snubie]

5. "I know you made the 'biggest poop in the world'; however we are not saving until dad gets home tomorrow morning" (Oh, the tears when the toilet flushed. And no Grandma, I didn't take a picture.)

I get this all the time with DD5. What is it with taking pictures of poop?

 

[Fantasmic23]

And a funny framed print I once saw in a bathroom:

If you sprinkle when you tinkle
Be a sweetie and wipe the seatie

 

[nmmom95]

No sitting on your brother's head.

 

[alaskanabbott]

My husband seriously just implemented this new rule...unfortunately for a reason..
"No wiping poop on the bathroom walls"

Eh, 6 kids, whatta you do?

 

[runinggirl78]

One of ours is....no sitting on your sisters head when I am putting her shoes on. Yes, this sometimes is a problem in my house

Sarah

 

[sl_underwood]

Here are a few of our rules
No flying or falling with style
No jumping off the roof (dd actually planned this one in an attempt to be buzz lightyear)
No poking each other or their food
You must be dressed to answer the door (13 year old dd actually answered the door in her undies recently)
Mom is not a jungle gym
You must stand at the line in front of the toilet to pee. There will be no peeing from the door or the hallway, just to see if you can. (Sadly, my son thought he was accomplishing something major by peeing several feet away and attempting to get it in the toilet. No clue what goes through a boys mind)

and our last rule a sign my husband found that says "Welcome to our OOL. There is no P in it and we would like to keep it that way."

 

[AJRitz]

Had to add a new one last week.
If you want to be on the furniture, you must SIT on your BOTTOM. (Standing on your head on the furniture is not allowed).

If it were up to our 3-year-old, he would be upside down anytime he had to be on a piece of furniture.

 

[alaskanabbott]

just remembered another one
"No telling me line for line everything about the book you are reading until the book is finished"

this way I only hear it once

 

[cheap traveler]

I am so glad I don't have boys after reading this.
Some of our rules:

-If you aren't hungry for dinner, you aren't hungry for dessert.

-DO NOT bend over naked in front of your sister and ask her if there is anything in your butt (DD4, where does she get this??)

-keep your entire body contained within your carseat space - too much touching going on. Started as keep your hands in your seat, but then they started using their feet.

-no dancing in the kitchen.

-if you act like an animal, you will be put outside because that is where animals belong. DD6 has spent a lot of time on the front deck because of bad behavior.

-if you are crying for no reason, I will give you a reason.

-if you tell me you are bored, I will find housework for you to do.

I could go on and on and on....

 

[Epcot Mom]

Believe it or not, we have the following:

Do not bend your brother's head back to kiss him.

If you want to kiss your sister, you have to let her kiss you back.

No licking when you kiss your sister.

Do we have to have the discussion about appropriate and inappropriate times to read? This is NOT an appropriate time. (Said while walking in a parking lot.)

 

[DisneyDorkORama]

No watering the grass! Especially the garden! (no peeing outside) I'm a Mom of boys do I need to say more?

 

[snow_white's_mom]

it's not my rule but, I was at wawa ordering my sandwich and the mom next to me says to her son, "there is no laying on the floor in wawa and playing air gutair" lol it was too funny

 

[pookybean]

Yay, Ive got one!

* No licking your sisters butt...

so we were at the science museum waiting in line for a train my dd 10 was the step above my dd 2 and I. I look down and my dd 2 is wagging her tongue at her sisters butt.

where did that come from?!?! we dont go around licking butts...? sigh

im sure we have more too...wish i could remember them! LOL

 

[TheDisneyGirl]

Our rules:
NO chewing with your mouth open like a washing machine


NO asking your baby sister to sit on your head
NO sitting on your big sisters head


NO breakdancing on the chair during dinnertime
NO laughing at your sister trying to breakdance on the chair during dinnertime


NO taking Play-Do in your fingers and making into tiny balls and then throwing them all over the tv room
NO asking your sister to make the Play-Do into the finest pieces